Mindquest Trilogy II: Dove's Dark Discovery
by Raven's secret-keeper
Summary: When Dove, OC, starts losing control of something more than her powers to the point of losing all control over her mind, and completely refuses to talk about it, even Raven can't help and things get way out of hand. Part II of the Mindquest Trilogy.
1. Vision

_A/N: This story is the second in the Toes Trilogy. Feel free to read the first (entitled "Toes Trilogy I: Missing: Raven), this one's not going anywhere.  
Dove may seem like an unlikely character to exist, but read her character bio – it explains everything._

_Read and review,_

_**Raven's secret-keeper**_

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_**Dove's Dark Discovery**_

**_Prologue_**

Dove sat down next to Raven in the living room to meditate and sighed. Raven had just gotten back from her long journey, and Dove was feeling amazingly contented. The others in the Tower were too, since Raven had been gone for more than two weeks and just revealed her return to them around an hour ago, but it was nothing compared to Dove's relief. She and Raven had an extremely unique bond – both of them having the same demon father and intricate soul, they had formed a form of sixth-sense empathy for each other, and Dove's soul had felt extremely empty and barren while Raven was gone. Now everything seemed right again.

Dove opened her violet eyes and looked at the comfortingly familiar reflection of her and Raven in the wall-sized window. No longer was it just her, helplessly trying to control her powers and calm down. She couldn't help thinking about how her own white outfit seemed to clash with Raven's dark black and blue, and she began wondering why they seemed so alike yet so different. Both were half-demon and a little dark, it was true, but she began thinking about their differences – Raven was so much more experienced with the whole "control your emotions" thing, and she barely had any idea how to keep her mind cleared to –

Suddenly Dove remembered that she needed to stay centered and keep her mind clear. She shook her head gently, throwing some of her purple-blonde iridescent hair over her face.

"Focus," Raven reminded her quietly without opening her eyes.

Dove nodded and pushed back her bangs. "Right… Sorry."

Dove took a soft breath and cleared her mind before she started chanting the words. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

As she repeated them a couple more times, her voice became increasingly monotonous and her mind eased into the relaxing emptiness of meditation. She couldn't help letting one last thought slip in -

"Raven, thank Azar you're home," she said softly and glanced Raven's way.

Raven opened one of her eyes and nodded before resuming her chants, and Dove smiled a bit before joining in, keeping perfect time with Raven's voice and letting the peaceful lack of sensations calm her and take away any of the stress and anxieties she had been feeling, tranquilizing her and soothing any possibilities of discontentment.

At least, so it seemed.

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_**Chapter 1: Vision**_

Dove was meditating in her mind, the "reflection" world – hence the fact that the portal there is a mirror – created by her own thoughts and feelings, the most centered and calm place imaginable. All was peaceful; at least, as peaceful as it could be for a daughter of Trigon.

Until she felt it.

A cold wind – _much_ colder than usual – tugged at her cape. She shivered and stopped her monotone chants, then pulled her cloak around herself and repositioned her hands on the folds, hoping it would stay. She refocused her mind and began chanting once more. The wind blew again more forcefully, and she reached behind her head and pulled up her hood with a sigh against it.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion – _ah!_" She felt the wind push her hood back and pull her cloak out again. Goosebumps sprang up all down her legs and she stepped to the ground. She pulled her cloak tightly around her body and put her hood up again.

The wind was making her uneasy. It didn't feel right, something here was wrong. She looked up into the indigo sky and blinked at the white stars as she walked along the rocky path. Just as she was about to pass under an arc-like structure with protrusions and engravings that made it look like wings, she began feeling disoriented. She tried transporting herself to the reasonable part of her soul so she could try and reason it out, but confusion clouded her thought and it quickly became impossible.

Suddenly everything began blurring together. The stars melted into the sky, the arcs faded into the background, the tall, vertical structures disappeared. All that remained was the rocky path and the infinite sky, which was now phasing to sections of many different colors, each part fading into the surrounding areas.

Dove panicked, knowing something was incredibly wrong, and ran forward. The sky became more and more red and she ran until there was nothing but endless crimson. She turned around and saw the red spreading over all the other colors like spilled paint. Terror cursed through her and she was breaking out in a cold and nervous sweat. She took a step backwards and looked over her shoulder. She gasped and jumped around with wide eyes. There were four red eyes in the sky. Dove gulped, and a deep, horrible laughter boomed across the space.

Raven was aroused from her reading by sensing something extremely strange going on inside Dove's soul. She closed her book and set it on the couch before going to Dove's room. She looked for Dove, but her thoughts changed as she almost immediately saw the mirror on Dove's bedside table glowing a faint outline of red. She ran to the table and glanced at the glass – she saw the four eyes on its surface before they vanished. She stared at her reflection with as much determination as concern and was pulled into the vortex of red and black energies, sending her into Dove's mind. To her, everything seemed normal. The sky was indigo, the arcs were there, everything was fine.

She closed her eyes and used her empathy to locate Dove. And she found her on her palms and knees, shaking and whimpering softly.

"Dove?" She helped her up and saw how terrified her eyes were. "Dove, what happened? I could sense... Everything was tumultuous and uneven. Are you - ?"

Dove's senses suddenly snapped back to reality, and she screamed.

"Dove!"

Dove spoke speedily and shakily, her voice soft and breathless. "I – I was walking – no, there was this cold – I tried to get to – but I couldn't – then the colors and the red and the eyes and – Raven, it was a vision!"

"What –?"

"I-I was meditating, and – "

"Dove, you need to calm down. Take a few deep breaths and slow down."

Dove nodded and closed her eyes and wiped a bit of sweat from her face before doing as Raven said. "Okay… I was meditating. Everything was fine until the wind blew, and it was really colder than normal. At least... I don't know if the vision started then or after I… Well, I went to try and get to my rational side so I could think about it, but when I tried to transport myself there, I couldn't. I was getting nervous and anxious for almost no reason, and then everything was just… It looked like everything was blurry. Everything but the infinity and the path was just… gone. And the sky had patches of all kinds of colors… then I began running. I was really getting scared. And the sky was just… red." Dove stopped and noticed that Raven's expression changed. "When I looked back, the red was going over all of the other colors, and I look around again and there were _his_ eyes in the sky… I got that feeling I – you – we get when we sense death for a really, really short moment, and there was this blinding flash and for some reason it felt... good. I don't know why – death usually makes me sick and confused and weak, or something…" She shuddered. "It was almost exhilarating. I felt energized and the excitement… I started laughing, a lot. Then I sort of gasped and collapsed, and everything seemed so numb and wrong and – it felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions at once, then the weird feelings were all replaced by fear. And then you came."

Raven blinked.

"Raven, what _was_ it?"

"You were right, it _was_ a vision, but... Dove, it looks like you're losing control. Are you sure - ?"

"No…! I can't – When you came home, everything fell back into place for me."

"But are you sure you were completely over it?"

"I am!" She sounded on the verge of tears.

"Dove, there's no other reason – I know it probably seems like everything fixed itself, but maybe everything that's been going on lately has been pushing your emotions too far."

Dove shook her head violently. "Everything was…" She blinked. "No, no, no…"

"Dove, I know you hate to think about it, but… Unless you want to give in, you need to be extremely careful. Make sure you meditate daily and - "

"I do!"

"And yelling like that won't help."

"I'm sorry! I just hate it when - !"

"_Dove!_ Listen. I know how much you don't want to give in. And that's exactly why you need to calm down."

Dove looked at Raven's face. Her even calmness – or at least apparent confidence and determination – was a little soothing, and the fact that her eyes had a steady expression made her feel more at ease. She sighed. "Okay…" She expelled a breath. "Do you really think that's why..? I'm losing control…?"

Raven nodded. "But we can stop it if we're careful."

Dove nodded. "Okay…"

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Raven began staying with her at all times, giving her a warning glance or telling her to calm down whenever she became even a bit upset or seemed to be even a bit emotional. She told her to see if she could avoid the others, it would probably help – the other Titans having the liberty of emotions and lacking the need for control over them, Dove's empathy and sensing their emotions might lead to her powers breaking out of control. She began training Dove more cautiously and yet more vigorously. She was very careful in what she told Dove to do, and she kept a much more watchful eye when Dove was practicing, which she did a lot more. If her powers were under control, it could only be a good thing if Dove _did_ start giving in. Raven also told her to meditate for a little longer than normal, just to be safe and to help her stay more centered.

Nothing seemed wrong with Dove since the vision, but Raven was still extremely cautious.

It seemed like they had it under control. The problem being that they were wrong.

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_**-Raven's secret-keeper**_


	2. The Beginning

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_**Dove's Dark Discovery**_

_**Chapter 2: The Beginning**_

It had been a week since the vision and something at all had yet to happen. After dinner, Dove was reading on the couch and Raven was meditating by the window. Everything was quiet until Beast Boy came in, Starfire trailing him as he entered the room.

"Beast Boy, I do not understand. Is it that the –?"

"Never mind, Star," he told her dejectedly and sounding slightly frustrated, and he plopped down on the couch and picked up the remote before flipping through the channels.

Dove laughed softly. "More jokes? And more lack of results?"

"There's more every day," Raven told her in her usual tone. "Dove, what are you - ?"

Dove's face had a small smile plastered over it and she was giggling. "He just does the same thing time after time, and nobody ever laughs. Well, until he messes up and trips over himself or something."

"Dove, are… you okay?" he asked uncertainly.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?" Raven asked. "You seem a bit... giddy."

Dove shrugged. "Eh, spur of the moment. This is pretty entertaining. Two of the biggest klutzes coming into the room at the same time. Usually BB's laughing at himself, and Star's usually following Robin around or asking something strange. Now they both just look unusually down, but you can tell – "

"Did you just call me BB?"

Dove looked straight up from her book. "Uh… Yeah, I did." She blinked as if thinking "and why in God's name did I do _that_?"

"Dove, maybe you should… meditate or something…" Raven looked at her, a bit of confused concern on her face.

"Yeah… I should…" She put in her bookmark and left for her room, Raven getting up after a moment and following her.

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_What in Azar's name got into me?_ Dove wondered as she headed for her room. _Am I relapsing into insanity or something?_

She sighed and closed her eyes, willing herself to not do it again as she turned into her room and heard the door click shut behind her.

It opened a few minutes later, and Raven entered to see Dove meditating above her bed.

"Dove, are you sure you're okay?" she asked softly.

Dove's head shot up. "I... I think… I guess I just forgot to watch myself for a minute or something… I mean, I used to just randomly laugh whenever I felt a little… joyous… I think the book may have something to do with it… You know, a partly happy ending to a suspenseful and sad story."

"I'm not – Dove, is it just me, or are you losing control again?"

"It's just you," Dove replied.

Raven raised her eyebrow. "Dove, this is serious and potentially dangerous. You can't just ignore it."

"I'm fine. I got myself back under control, right? And I _am_ serious."

"There's no way to be sure."

Dove sighed. "The stupid curse of being a half-demon…"

"Dove, I don't think I've ever heard you talk like that before."

"It's true. I mean, how often are things actually _predictable_? I hate all this uncertainty… And how is not knowing going to help me stay in control? If we don't know what's going on, then how are we going to help it? Especially if there _is_ something really bad happening – what if it is, Raven?! How are we - ?!" Dove's voice quickened with unusual anxiety as she spoke.

"_Dove!_"

A ray of energy flickered around before flitting into nonexistence and a few books shot off of the shelves. Dove stopped and blinked, realizing exactly how far she was letting her emotions stray. "Oh…"

"Something is definitely wrong with you."

Dove gulped and nodded. "I-I -"

"Maybe you should just meditate… We'll get this figured out when you're _not_ flying out of control."

Dove nodded uneasily, suddenly unable to speak.

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Raven watched Dove carefully, wondering exactly what could help Dove stay centered. There was always the possibility of more meditation… But would that really work? Dove had never been good at keeping her emotions even, and now she seemed to be paying the price.

"Raven, how long do I need to meditate?" Dove asked quietly.

"However long it takes to keep your emotions under reign. Trust me, you don't want them to get out."

"I do trust you. Do you think it's possible to get them under control?" Dove asked, her voice suddenly slow and cautious.

Raven hesitated. "I…"

"I'm hopeless, _aren't_ I…"

"It takes a long time to be able to control your emotions at all times."

"How long?"

"I'm not exactly sure… I grew up under the rule that I needed to stay in control, you had more freedom. You've felt much more than I have, and it's going to take a while. Give yourself a break."

"Maybe we don't have a while," Dove mumbled, too softly for Raven to hear.

"You need to be on guard during every single waking moment of your life. It's hard, but true."

"Great... More stress."

"Don't give up. I feel awkward telling you this, but you need to be patient."

"And that's awkward _why_?"

"Motivation isn't really my thing..."

Dove shrugged.

"Dove, even now you're feeling too much. You need to focus."

Dove sighed, then nodded and resumed her monotone chanting of "Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

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Dove had been meditating for awhile. The sun had just set a few minutes ago. After Raven knew that Dove was finally calm enough to be in a room without bursting into laughter, she told Dove it was enough and they went into the main room.

"Hi, Robin," Dove called. He was on the couch, and Beast Boy was playing the fighting game against Cyborg.

"Hi, Dove."

"Come on, come on – Yes!!!"

Dove rolled her eyes at Beast Boy's competition when it came to video games.

"Hey!" Cyborg had just crashed into him. "No fair!"

"Why not?"

"You can't do that!"

"I just did!"

"Why do you guys argue and fight so much?" Dove muttered.

Robin heard her. "Don't worry, it's just a game."

"Even when you're _not_ playing games… And you go on all those missions… Why? You pretty much destroy wherever you're battling. It's just so wrong…"

"I thought I explained that to you," Raven told her.

"It still makes no sense to me…"

"Why not? We protect the city. They want to take over, we stop them. What's so hard to get?"

"The violence. Why?"

"Dove, please don't start this," Raven said.

"I can't help it… I really want to know how it makes sense."

"Because there's no other way, Dove. They want to do something, and the only way to stop them is violence."

"Have you ever _tried_ asking them?"

"Have you ever tried asking Beast Boy to stop telling jokes? No, because you know it won't work."

"Only because _you've_ tried it."

"Actually, I pretty much yelled at him. And what makes you so sure that asking a villain not to steal or take over the city would work?"

"I don't know… I just really…" Dove bit her lip and swallowed. "It's just…" She closed her eyes and turned away.

"I know, Dove." Raven changed her tone, hoping that it might help Dove calm down.

"We _all_ do," Robin added.

"Did you tell them about what we said when Raven was gone?"

"Except Raven. I thought you would tell her."

"Tell me what?"

"Robin offered me a place on the team and... I wanted to, but... My pacifism…" She turned away to hide the tears coming on. "God, I feel like such an idiot…"

"Right," Raven said with a sigh. "Dove, try to calm down, please."

"Okay…" She sighed heavily and went over to the couch before she opened her book and began reading.

Raven still sensed pain – Dove was still upset about it, but it seemed to a greater extent than usual. She couldn't help wondering exactly _why_...

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_(A/N:) Raven "told her about it" in Unforeseen Surprises, chapter 9 (Pacifist Nightmares)._

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_**-Raven's secret-keeper**_


	3. Moving on?

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_**Dove's Dark Discovery**_

_**Chapter 3: Moving on…?**_

"Raven?" Dove asked as she tried to shape the wildly crackling white energies in front of her. Her eyes were crackling with the same white energy.

"You need to focus on the energies. You need to feel them – remember that they're part of you, and you need to be in total control. What is it?"

"I was wondering if you could start taking me on missions."

"What - ? Did you just - ?"

"I want to go. It could help me with my powers, being under the pressure - and it sounds like it could be fun."

"Fun?" Raven was simply appalled – though, being Raven, she didn't show it – yesterday she had nearly cried at the idea.

"Yeah. I mean, what's more exhilarating than knowing you're fighting to save the citizens?" A completely out of character gleam shined in her eyes and a strange smile grew on her face. The energies strayed away and nearly swiped all of Dove's statues off the shelf.

"Dove, you're letting yourself go again."

A blank look glazed over Dove's face, then she shook her head and blinked. The energies flared, then settled down a very little bit.

"Do you at least _feel_ normal?" Raven asked her.

"I – Well… yes."

"Do you really want to go on missions with us?"

"A little… I'm kind of nervous, but _any_thing new does that."

"If you want to go on missions, you're going to need to know how to fight without your powers. I'll need to train you _physically_."

Dove shrugged. "I can learn. And it's about time I start helping you guys out. I mean, when you took me in, you saved my life. It's the least I can do."

Raven inspected Dove carefully. She could sense that Dove was being completely honest. "If you're sure…"

Dove nodded eagerly.

"Uh, okay - "

"I know what you're thinking," Dove said as she held out her hands and focused more on controlling the white electricity. "What got into me? Why the sudden change? Raven, I just really want to help. I just really think it's time I stop being so cowardly. I mean it all."

"I thought you were still pacifist."

Dove shrugged. "I got over it."

Raven was extremely hesitant to believe it – with the passion Dove had, her dead-set philosophies couldn't have changed that quickly. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely positive." Dove closed her eyes and chanted Azarath Metrion Zinthos and focused on the energies again and opened her eyes. They were glowing evenly with a soft white light, and the bolts in front of her evened out to look more like one. She moved her hand slightly to the left and the energies whip-lashed to the side, then Dove regained control over them and they fizzled back to the single form.

Raven was amazed. She was displaying much more control than Raven thought she had. "Dove, how did you - ?"

"I don't really know… I've been practicing a lot, and I think something just snapped."

"How are you doing with telekinesis?"

"Better, I guess… I'm still trying to get used to the whole 'put part of your soul into the inanimate object' thing."

"You'll get it eventually."

"How exactly are you going to need to physically train me?"

"If you're that eager, then let's go."

"Okay." She let her hands fall and the white faded away and her eyes became violet once more.

"Come on," Raven told her.

Dove got Sieara on her shoulder so the charmed - and therefor more intellectual - dove would know what was going on and followed Raven excitedly into the gym.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Raven asked as she walked to the center.

"Oh, yeah. I'm more than sure."

"I guess it's time for you to move on."

Dove nodded and took a stance ready for battle, though it looked a little silly and awkward. "So, what do we do now?"

"We're going to practice, but first you need to know what to do and _how_ to practice."

Dove resumed her normal posture.

"That punching bag is for practicing your hits, both in strength and accuracy."

Dove sighed and followed Raven's gaze. "Go on."

"The treadmill is for –"

"Obviously. I see you guys –" Sieara fluttered on top of the punching bag and watched Dove with her head tilted. "Doves like higher places," she explained with a shrug. "What were you saying? What else is here?"

"If you see us training, don't you already know what everything is for?"

"I was waiting for you."

Raven nodded. "Just remember that meditation is more important than physical control."

"Okay. Where do we start?"

"Simple." She backed up a few steps and told her, "This isn't a martial art. There aren't any rules or codes of conduct – except to never fight to kill. Beyond that, when you're fighting villains, anything goes."

Dove nodded, then yelped and ducked as Raven ran her way and threw a punch.

"You have pretty good reflexes, you just need to know how to retaliate."

"You mean fight back?"

"Exactly."

Dove stood up warily.

"You can't always move out of the way and throw things from a distance. Sometimes you have no choice, but you need to know hand-to-hand combat skills as well. Don't be shy. It's okay to be violent every once in a while, as long as you stay in control."

Dove tilted her head, then nodded and blinked.

"You can feel a bit of aggression, but only to a certain extent." She took a few more steps back. Dove tensed. "Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you - but that's not always the case. Usually, the villains _want_ to hurt you. This time, try to block me. Dove, don't be afraid. Let go of the Azarathean inhibitions – you're not going to kill anyone or disappoint me." Raven hesitated. She was waiting for Dove to be ready and calm enough to not cringe when she took the smallest step forward.

Dove took a deep breath and nodded.

"_Fight back._"

"Okay…"

Raven could sense Dove's fear and kindling pacifist beliefs melting away – slowly, but fading nonetheless. Then she let out a small noise as she ran and brought up her leg in a gentle high kick – and to her relief, Dove put up her arms in an x-like cross.

She nodded. "Nice work."

Dove opened her tightened eyes and they widened immediately. "Really?"

"Yes. But you need to work on that last-minute fear."

"Sorry…"

"It's okay, Dove. You need to relax, and still not let everything go. Try to not be nervous, but don't completely let your guard down."

"Um… Okay…"

"We need to work on your offensive attacks."

"Huh? Like…?"

"Punching, hitting, kicking, and so on."

"Oh."

Raven could easily hear her anxiety. "You won't have to hurt me, and you won't have to be hurt. Calm down. You're not going to have to be perfect the first time you even try it."

Dove sighed. "I know... I'm just nervous…"

"Don't be."

"Right…" She closed her eyes and muttered "Azarath Metrion Zinthos" a couple of times to calm her nerves before nodding to herself and opening her eyes with a soft breath. "So, what are we going to do?"

"Ready?"

Dove nodded. "How are we going to do this? I mean…"

"We're going to take it slowly. Like this." She held up her arm as if she had freeze-framed a chopping motion.

Dove mimicked it, but Raven told her to hold her arm at more of an angle and closer to her body.

"Like this?" She readjusted her arm.

"Close enough. Try… this." She thought for a moment, then she angled herself and kicked the air, slow enough for Dove to see.

"Um, okay…" Dove turned a bit and lifted her leg and kicked it out. She nearly lost her balance, but then she regained herself and tried again.

"Better…Keep you weight centered."

"Like when we're using our powers?"

"Centering our minds? Almost. Try again." Raven demonstrated even slower, and Dove copied with more success.

"You're doing better." She looked at Dove's face and she was smiling. "What is it?"

"I'm… triumphant, I guess…"

"For what?"

"Conquering my life-long fears of violence. And the successful training."

"Don't be too confident."

Dove shrugged and kicked again. "I think there's hope for me yet."

"Probably. Do you know how good your hand-eye coordination is?"

"Pretty good. Why?"

"It will probably help you when you're aiming."

"Aiming what?"

"Any hits."

"So, like punching and things?"

"Right. And your balance?"

"_Really_ good."

"That'll definitely help."

"I can see why. It's pretty obvious."

Raven nodded. "Back to the training. There are a lot of ways to block something. Obviously, we can use a force field or a wall of energy, but you can use your hands just as easily. Like this." She held up her hands with her palms facing outwards and Dove copied all the positions. Raven moved her hands so they were in the cross the way Dove blocked her hit before - only she held her hands in fists, she held her arm out horizontally, then she angled it more vertically, and last she held both her arms vertically.

"I'm going to go very slow, but see if you can block my hits."

Dove nodded and held her arms crossed over her chest. "Ready when you are."

Raven couldn't help thinking that Dove seemed much more confident than usual, but she pushed that thought aside and began moving her arms in a measured rhythm to mimic the many hits an enemy might use, and Dove blocked them with her hands. Raven went a little faster and Dove kept up, seemingly without working at all. She actually seemed to be enjoying herself.

"Good work, Dove."

"Thanks."

"You seem a bit… unlike yourself."

Dove shrugged again. "This is a huge step for me. I'm just glad it's all working out so far."

"You're sure you feel fine?"

"Yes! Probably even better than ever. It feels great to not be so insecure and fearful. I feel so confident. Is it always like this?"

"Like what?"

"Fighting. Is it always so easy and…fun?"

"Nowhere close."

"Oh. So, this is like…?"

"What?"

"What is this like?"

"Me training you." Raven looked into Dove's eyes and couldn't help thinking how odd it was to see confidence and a fire in her eyes – neither of the two ever seemed to be there before.

"What's it like on a mission?"

"A lot harder." She jumped up and aimed a kick at Dove, but she jumped out of the way and, when Raven landed, she tried her own. Raven barely managed to move to the side.

"You're a little off," Raven told her before throwing a few more hits Dove's way, and Dove dodged the first couple and blocked the last one before letting out a soft noise and tossing a few hits at Raven. The first connected, and Raven blocked the next and dodged the rest before returning the favor. Dove avoided it and immediately kicked Raven to the ground.

Raven sat up, a little dazed and surprised. This was the first time training her to use her body instead of her powers, and she caught on immediately.

"Raven?" Dove's face changed right to concerned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Raven replied as she sat up.

Dove came over and kneeled by Raven's side. "Sure?"

"Yeah…" She began rubbing her head where it hit the floor and blinked at Dove. "You?"

"I'm okay. Why?"

"Just… It seems really unnatural for you."

"Well, I'm not hurt or anything. Are you sure I didn't hurt you?"

"Positive. Why are you suddenly so…"

"I'm just worried, that's all… Maybe we should stop here… You guys have combat practice in two days, right…?"

"Three." She looked at Dove again, and she immediately noticed how Dove's personality seemed to change so swiftly, and it was now anxious and nervous.

"I kicked you harder than I meant to… We should probably get you some ice or something…"

"Probably…" She couldn't help glancing at her hand for a moment before rubbing her head again. It was really starting to pain her.

"I… didn't know you were that strong."

"Neither did I. Sieara!"

The dove fluttered down onto Dove's shoulder, and Raven blinked – Sieara seemed whiter than Dove's robe – usually, they matched exactly, but now it looked a little grey.

"Raven?"

"It's… nothing."

"Come on." Dove helped Raven up and they left the gym.

Raven kept glancing at Dove and Sieara, just to be sure she wasn't seeing things, and every time, it looked the same.

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_**-Raven's secret-keeper**_


	4. Make Up Your Mind!

_I am so sorry this took so long! I've just been busy, and I didn't have it fully written out like I usually do… But it's the longest chapter I've ever written - it's almost 5,800 words long, so I hope it makes up for it at least a bit... Future updates shouldn't be so long in between._

_Read and review,_

_**Raven's secret-keeper**_

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_**Dove's Dark Discovery**_

_**Chapter 4: Make Up Your Mind!**_

Raven told Dove not to worry, she was fine, and that her anxiety could be destructive, and Dove blinked uneasily. "I-I just…"

"Dove, _calm down._ You're not going to do anyone any good if you lose control."

Dove sighed and blinked desolately, and Raven just looked at Dove curiously. "Are... you okay?"

"Just concerned…"

_You're not the only one,_ Raven couldn't help thinking.

"Raven? What - ?"

"Nothing," she cut in firmly, realizing again that Dove had said she felt fine, and hoping that she really was.

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It was movie night again. Everyone on the team argued about which one to watch this time, with the usual choices of action, sci-fi, horror, and comedy. Only this time, Dove actually decided to stay up with everyone for the first time ever and voted for horror with Raven.

The others seemed slightly surprised – she usually wanted to get as much sleep as possible – training with Raven had been extremely stressful and exhausting until recently – and she had never seemed like the kind to like horror. On the rare occasion she _did_ watch something, it was something about animals or cooking or traveling, or maybe wilderness survival. Sometimes she just sat down and watched whatever was on when Raven let her have a break, but she didn't seem to have a favorite genre.

"Again?" Cyborg asked.

"The last time we watched a creepy movie was like, two weeks ago," Beast Boy told him. "And besides, look what I picked up," he added with a grin as he pulled a DVD case from the bag on the table. Everyone looked his way. "Wicked Scary 3! Special edition," he added impressively with his eyebrows raised.

"No way!" Cyborg exclaimed. "The second Wicked Scary just hit the rental stores a month ago. _That_ movie's not even in theaters!"

"I have my sources," Beast Boy replied slyly.

"What's Wicked Scary?" Dove asked.

"Only the best horror movie in existence!" Beast Boy told her.

"It sounds redundant… but it looks cool."

"Oh, believe me, you won't be saying that once you've seen this."

Dove grinned. "We'll see," she replied bravely. "I don't scare _that_ – "

He raised an eyebrow – she was probably the most nervous and insecure one in the tower. "Dude, even Raven was creeped out by these."

"Only the first," Raven reminded him.

"Right, like the second one wasn't as great as the first! Raven, admit it!"

"It was. But the first was more… surprising."

"For your information, it's just a moving picture on a screen. It's not that scary," Dove interrupted. "And what are you guys talking about? I have a feeling there's more to that movie than you're letting on."

"Well, the movie's supposed to be _cursed_!!!" he told her eagerly. "And when Raven saw it the first time, she was all 'I'm not afraid,' and she was _totally_ freaked out, and she still kept saying that she wasn't scared, but she was lying, and there was this huge monster that chased us all down and practically pulled us apart and then – "

"Careful, B, you're scaring her," Cyborg said with a teasing grin shot Dove's way.

"Come on, I'm not a baby," Dove insisted. "So, what happened? It looks to me like you guys weren't devoured by a monster that came from another universe or something."

Robin spoke up as he settled into his position on the couch. "When Raven wouldn't talk about her fear, it used her powers to manifest itself into the things that were chasing us down. It turned that she was making all the monsters herself."

Dove looked Raven's way with surprise. "Really, Raven?"

She nodded.

"Nice. So, are we watching this thing or not?"

"Sit down," Raven told her as Beast Boy all too readily set up the DVD and pressed play.

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THE END

The letters flashed across the screen in a big, eerie, red message. The Titans sat there for a few moments, silently trying to bring themselves out of their trance. Dove kept her knees up with the pillow held tightly in her shaking arms, Starfire held her head buried in the back cushions of the couch, and the others stared blankly at the screen as the credits began rolling in small white letters.

"Wow," Robin finally spoke up, startling the others. They looked at each other and Dove glanced away, suddenly ashamed of herself – she let her emotions slip, eerie fear seemed to haunt her mind, and she shivered as she tried to remember exactly where her bravery had left her – somewhere in the first part, there was no doubt. _I can't believe it... It's just a movie… I got that afraid of a stupid __**movie**__…? Pictures on a screen, that's all it was!_ She closed her eyes, trying to convince herself it was true.

"That was _awesome!_" Beast Boy shouted.

"Just like the first two," Robin added.

"Raven?" Beast Boy probed. "Come on, just say something!"

"Fine. It was... _eerie_. Happy?"

"Scared ya, _didn't_ it?"

"Don't push it," Raven warned him.

"I still wanna know how you got a copy," Cyborg said.

"Dude, look at Dove." He pointed a green finger at her. "Is it just me, or is she still shaking?"

Dove turned to the others. "I'm fine," she said, a bit too quickly.

"Now do you believe me?"

"Huh?"

"You can't say that wasn't one of the creepiest things you've ever seen!"

"Well… I've seen worse," she said meekly with a small shrug.

"Oh, come on!"

Dove sighed and uncoiled her legs before standing up. "See? Not shaking."

"But you were before!"

"Maybe it was just the shadows on the screen or something," Dove said, trying to sound more confident than she felt.

"Right…" He looked at her with a shine in his eyes and an expression that Dove had yet to experience from him.

He got up and ducked behind the couch. The others watched Dove as she peered over the edge and he didn't seem to be there. She looked more closely, and a couple of the others had to stop themselves from laughing. "Beast Boy?" she asked nervously. "A-Are you okay…?" She bit her lip, then she looked up with a small gasp as something moved in the shadows by the window and she put her chin on the back of the sofa. Terrifying images flooded her mind – scenes from the movie, her own imagination of the scene they had described before when Raven had refused to acknowledge her fear, the monster springing from the shadows like when –

Dove yelped and jumped back as something tall and green with tentacles writhing from its sides came out at her with a roar, and she turned and tried to hide beneath her pillow.

The others burst into laughter. When she willed herself to look back up, having not felt herself being dragged off, she saw Beast Boy standing there laughing too hard to be natural, and she stood up and crossed her arms. "Oh, real mature," she scolded with a glare.

"But you should have seen your face!" he told her, and then his voice was lost to his laughter.

"That was pathetic!" she shouted. "I mean, really! You couldn't think of something more - ?!" He kept laughing, and she let out a noise of frustration and rolled her eyes. "There's no point in talking to you," she muttered as she watched him curl up on the ground, holding his sides and laughing uncontrollably.

"That _was_ pretty funny," Cyborg told her jovially.

Dove looked his way. "It was cliché," she told him. "And besides, it's not like I don't have reason!" She glared at the green Titan now shaking with laughter once more.

"It-That movie was-was pretty great, huh?" Beast Boy managed to say through his fit.

"No. I mean what you guys said about Raven's fear and everything."

"Then just admit to yours," he told her and stood up, finally able to control his breathing. "By the way, Robin, thanks for the idea. You really should have seen your face, though," he told her. "You were _so_ afraid!"

"I was startled," Dove said icily and defensively.

"But you were _scared_! And don't even _try_ saying you weren't."

Dove looked away. "Well, I wasn't exactly scared," Dove said indignantly.

"Suuuuuure," Cyborg taunted, holding out the word for more effect.

"I wasn't!"

"What about during the movie?" Robin asked, part out of curiosity of her reaction and part to get her to admit to it.

"Well…"

Raven looked at the others hoping to catch their eyes and send them a warning to not push her, but she was distracted by noticing that Dove's cloak seemed to fade a bit.

"I-I was…" She bowed her head and blushed a bit.

"So you admit it?" Beast Boy asked.

"No!" Dove said, her voice suddenly taking on a stronger and much more hurried tone. "I'm just saying that I wasn't _afraid._ I was just… nervous."

"It is obvious you are denying the truth," Starfire told her.

"No, I'm just _telling_ the truth."

"No you're not," Beast Boy chided.

"Yes I am! I'm not a chicken!"

Beast Boy transformed into a two-toned green chicken and bawked a couple of times.

"Okay, now you're just being cruel," Dove said. "I was _not _that _scared._"

Beast Boy reverted to his human form and raised his eyebrow – her voice cracked a bit as she spoke and she bit her lip for a second before she caught herself and shook her head. "I was fine the whole time."

"Dude, you _screamed!_"

Dove tilted her head from shoulder to shoulder. "Well, once…"

"More like four times," Robin told her.

Dove blushed a bit. "Well, those other times were more like yelps…" The others couldn't help noticing that her cloak seemed to change shades, but decided that it must have been the light – the credits were over and it had gone back to the main menu.

"Don't think we didn't see you trying to hide in the couch," Cyborg told her. "And you kinda squealed a couple of times, come to think of it..."

Dove rolled her eyes again. "It was scary – like, startling," she bit back.

"Alright, Dove," Robin said, not wanting to have another incident caused by denial. "Just confess. We're your friends, Dove – What's the worst that could happen?"

"We will not mock you for feeling fear," Starfire assured her. "I find it quite impossible to not be fearful when the Wicked Scary is on."

"_He_ will," Dove replied with a nod towards the green cat now arching its back on the back of the couch, and he immediately transformed back to Beast Boy and feigned innocence. "Come on, Dove, it's just a little fun."

"I don't appreciate being…"

"Don't make history repeat itself," Raven told her sternly.

Dove shrugged weakly and turned to face the kitchen. "Okay, so… maybe I was a little scared… So what?" She sighed, sounding frustrated, and stood there for a few more moments before announcing, "I'm going to bed…"

The others glanced at each other as she turned swiftly and left the room with steps much more swift and determined than the situation called for.

Raven blinked uneasily, noticing that Dove's cloak seemed to have taken on a small tinge of red as she walked out the door and into the hall.

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Two days later, Dove walked into the main room and immediately noticed Robin looking over parts of the crime scanner. The internal parts were visible – the screen had been removed and was now lying on the ground on Robin's right.

Dove walked over to his side and tilted her head thoughtfully. She looked at his face, and he had his hand on his chin, the other supporting it at the elbow. "What are you doing?" she asked curiously. She had never seen the screen taken apart, and usually things that needed fixed were taken into the workshop in the basement or the garage instead of repaired on the spot.

"Trying to see what's wrong with the crime scanner."

"How -? What's wrong with it?"

If Robin had looked up, he would have seen that her cloak had taken on a tint of a very, very pale yellow, but he was too focused on the machinery to notice. "That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out."

"Oh! Can I help you?"

"I doubt it… I called for Cyborg a few moments ago… He's on his way now to – "

"Is this supposed to be there?" Dove asked, pointing to a small and red circle embedded in the circuit board. "I've never seen one before…"

"Yes."

"So, how exactly does this work?"

Robin tried to put it in terms that she would understand. "It basically… It's connected to every informational database in the city – "

"Why?"

"So we have as much to go by as possible when we're trying to figure something out."

"Cool. There's something in here that scans energy signatures, right?"

"Uh, yeah… How'd you - ?"

"I was once reading Raven's memories and they were about you guys searching the city for someone… What else does it do? DNA scans or something?"

"Actually, yeah."

"Oh… Hey, that looks like it's – "

Cyborg came into the room and walked over. "So what's the problem?"

"The crime scanner's not working," Dove replied.

He looked at it for a moment, then walked over. "Uh-huh," he said, then he put it back together and flipped a switch on the side.

The computer came right to life.

Dove looked at Robin with an eyebrow raised. "Not working, you said?"

"I... didn't know there was a switch," Robin explained, caught completely off-guard.

"You should," Dove said with another glance at where Cyborg was. "Though, I have to admit, it's pretty small…"

"But… it's never supposed to be off," Robin told her.

Dove tilted her head. "Maybe Beast Boy is behind this one…"

"Maybe…" Robin finally looked up at her and noticed her new fashion statement. "Dove, are you - ?"

"Huh - ? Oh, no, I'm fine. Why?"

"You're acting a little more interested in technology than you normally are, and your clothes are..."

Dove pulled her robe farther forward and inspected it. "Hm... I don't feel as if there's anything _wrong_..."

"So, you're okay, right?" Cyborg asked.

"I swear it. If somethnig was wrong, I would know."

Robin couldn't help thinknig that Raven doesn't exactly think so...

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Raven walked into the main room reading a book and immediately noticed the scents wafting from the kitchen. She looked over her book and saw Dove standing by the stove humming while she stirred a skillet of eggs, along with a few other ingredients.

"Dove?"

"Hm?" She looked up with a smile and waved. "Hi, Raven!"

"Dove, are you…. making breakfast…?"

"M-hm! BB got a paper cut from the cook book, so I took over."

"It's pretty good actually," Robin said through a mouthful of pancakes.

"Guess there's one other thing we don't have in common," Dove nearly sang. "Robin told me about your pancakes," she explained, almost laughing as she spoke.

"Uh, yeah…" Raven couldn't help looking close as Dove refocused on the food and poured in a bowl of chopped tomatoes and sweet peppers, putting some aside for Beast Boy, and she immediately noticed that Dove's robe was a bright, purplish shade of pink.

"Besides, it's fun cooking for others," she said jovially as she put the eggs on four plates.

"Right… Why are you - ?"

"I couldn't let BB have all the fun!" she said with a small giggle. "Want some?" She put three of the plates on the table and put the other on a tray and brought it over to Raven. "There's a whole meal here. There's the eggs and the ham and cheese, and there's bacon in here - I could make up some tea if you want!"

"Uh, sure," Raven replied, a bit startled by Dove's newfound character.

"I got some oriental spiced green tea yesterday at the store, and it's really relaxing. You'll love it."

"You could use some yourself."

"Huh? Oh, the… yeah, I can't help it," she explained as she put some water in the teakettle and went to the cupboard and pulled some tea off the shelf.

"Are you okay?" Raven asked. Dove's robe began fading, losing a bit of the pink and starting to look gray, and her tone had definitely softened .

"Huh? Oh, I'm okay," she replied, putting the tea into the heating water. "Just wondering why I'm getting like this…"

"You're not alone," Raven replied, sounding a bit confused as Dove got two mugs from the dish cupboard and stood over the tea.

Raven glanced at Robin, who was also watching Dove's oddly hyper activity fade to her looking a bit upset, and it wasn't hard to notice the fact that her robe was changing too.

Unable to stop herself from thinking that it would help, Raven told Dove, "Maybe you should go meditate…"

"Hm?" Dove looked up from the water. "It's only…"

"It looks to me like you really need it."

"Dove shrugged. "I don't know… My powers are fine, right…?"

"It's not always about your powers."

"Then what is it about?"

"Your emotions."

Dove sighed as she put the bags in the now-boiling water and seeped them. "Are you sure it'll help?"

"Positive."

Dove sighed heavily. "Okay…" She left the room and did as Raven suggested.

"She should be fine after she calms down and gets herself evened out," Raven told the others at the table, who were curiously watching and listening to their conversation.

About forty-five minutes later, Dove came back into the main room with her robe as white as the thin, wispy clouds in the sky, and she managed to stay neutral for the rest of that day.

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The next day started as Raven predicted, just fine and without any odd happenings. Then after lunch, Dove reverted to her exuberant, extremely-light-pink-robed self and gave Beast Boy's nearly clean plate an inquisitive look over Robin's shoulders as he did the dishes. Then her eyes lit up with energy and enthusiasm and she grabbed a few things from the cupboard, listing each ingredient out loud as she did so. "Sugar, flour, hm-hm-hm, chocolate chips, vanilla, eggs. Eggs… Duh!" She smacked herself and giggled. "They're in the fridge!" She bounced over and kneeled in front of it with everything in her hands and grabbed three eggs from the carton and put everything on the counter.

Robin watched her odd display of cheerful activity. "Dove…"

"Yeah Robin?" She hummed to herself as she got a bowl and grabbed a spatula and ice-cream scoop from the drawer.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

"Makin' cookies," she replied, joy thicker in her voice than he could ever remember hearing as she turned on the oven to preheat. "BB could really use some, especially after all that tofu he had, he could really use something to wash it down!" Robin had to rerun it in his mind - every time she spoke, her voice seemed swifter and harder to understand.

"Dove, he's a vegetarian. He won't eat anything with eggs."

Dove looked up. "Oh. I forgot. More for us then!" She laughed and practically fluttered around and retrieved the measuring cups and the mixer.

"Us?" Robin repeated, eyes following her around as she moved around the counter and began mixing everything together.

"Well, I can't just make some for me and not for the rest of you guys now can I?"

"Uh, I… guess not…"

"Of course not, silly! That would just be mean. Do we have any cookie sheets?" She looked in one of the cupboards, then Robin said, "Over here, Dove."

"Oh. Hm-hm!" She followed his gaze and pulled two out. "I think this place should be more organized. You know, it would be so much easier to find things. Do you think we could maybe - ?"

"Wait, what?" Her voice had finally become too fast for him to comprehend.

"I'm just thinking that it would be easier if – "

"Don't you think you should calm down?"

Dove shrugged. "Maybe, but I don't think – "

"Dove, I thought you're not supposed to let this happen…"

"Hm? Oh, the individual sides showing and all… Yeah, Raven said that too – "

"Then don't you think you're letting it go overboard?"

"No. I'm – Oops! Got it!" She had almost dropped one of the eggs. "Nah, everything's fine, Robin!" She hummed as she mixed the ingredients together and took a bit on her finger and tasted it. "Mmm! Just right. We haven't had cookies in forever, does anyone here know that?" she asked as she began scooping the dough out and plopping it onto the first cookie sheet. "Am I the only one who can cook? We all know Raven can't," she said before laughing at it. "And BB's food is just – ugh, ew, doesn't he know he's the only one who likes it? Poor Starfire, her food is just too strange and weird and – You know what? Maybe tonight I could try to find a recipe for homemade pizza, that would be really fun to try!"

"Uh, right…"

Dove picked up the cookie sheet and put it in the oven carefully. "One down, one to go!" she announced. "They really shouldn't take too long to cook, only a few minutes, I'll be out of you way soon enough." She filled the other tray and put it in below the first and swiped her hands together. "There. Do you guys even have any idea how to make the little tasty things? You know, cake, brownies - I've never seen any macaroni and cheese lying around. It'd be a good alternative to tofu for BB. Oh, nope, there's milk in the cheese!" She turned around and looked at Robin. "So, how much can you guys all cook together?"

"It depends," Robin replied. "Cy's good with a grill - "

"Hm, I never knew that. When do you guys grill?"

"Sometimes when we go to the park."

"Oh! I've never been to the park. How big is it?"

"It's pretty big if you count the - "

"I wonder... How big is the city? You guys act like it's just a block both ways!"

"A lot bigger than that, Dove."

"Cuz you never make it seem like it's that big, cuz you know where everything is and - " Dove stopped her hyper-sped chatting and looked to the door as Cyborg and Beast Boy came in.

"Here comes the cavalry," she said playfully, then she laughed at her own joke.

The boys looked her way. "Ooookay," Cyborg muttered.

"Dove, are you okay?" Beast Boy asked cautiously.

"No, I'm Dove!" she replied, her voice once more giving way to her laughter.

All three boys looked at each other.

Raven walked in, distracting them from Dove's current unnaturally giggly personality. "Dove," she called. "I could sense you from my room. What're you - ?"

"Hey Raven!" Dove called. "I'm not doing anything right now." With the huge smile still plastered over her face, she put her elbows on the counter and let her head rest on her hands.

"You need to calm down before you lose control. It can happen with joy as much as any other emotion."

"I won't lose control!" Dove reassured her. "Look, see? Nothing's broken!"

"Yet."

"Oh, Raven, calm down for once! Please? Look, see? Everything's okay!" She bounded over to the counter and began cleaning up the ingredients.

"Come on, Ray, don't get this wound-up over a little giddiness!"

"A little?" Raven replied, half-interested eyes watching as Dove shut the cupboards.

"Yeah - Mmmm… Cookies smell good so far," Dove commented, pausing to taking a few nosefuls of the air.

Beast Boy sniffed and smiled. "Yeah, they do!"

"Cookies?" Raven asked.

"M-hm! Homemade. Just the usual chocolate chip, but – They're gonna be great! Fresh from the oven! I thought we could use a little snack!" She shrugged happily.

"Dude, is it just me or is she acting like the pink version of you?" Beast Boy asked Raven.

"I think she _is _the pink version of herself," Robin replied, drawing attention to Dove's colored robe and blissful air.

Raven told them, "Not exactly… She only has her new fashion statement because she's letting her emotions run rampant."

Dove giggled. "No, then there's be like seven different colored me's all over the tower - "

"If it's really you," Cyborg asked, "why aren't your powers going insane?"

Dove shrugged. "Who knows. All I know is that I'm fine now - "

"I doubt that," Raven said bluntly.

Beast Boy added, "Yeah, if you're fine, why are you changing colors to match your mood like you're one of those mood rings or something?"

Dove shrugged again. "I - "

"Dove, this isn't right. _You need to calm down_." Raven put stress on the last few words hoping it would make Dove focus once she realized that it was a serious matter. "I'm not joking."

"I'm not either. I just don't think - "

"Maybe you should go meditate," Raven told her. "Your personality has completely changed."

"Didn't I do that yesterday…?"

"And it worked."

"Until now," Robin corrected.

Dove blinked. Her robe faded a bit, her happiness starting to fail her as they pressured her to calm down and her mind struggled to remain optimistic. "I-I…" She closed her eyes and shook her head. She felt something inside her mind click, and reason suddenly seemed possible. She began desperately clinging to whatever calm sanity remained in her mind, then she forced the soothing words into her head and repeated them until she felt calm enough to look up. _Azarath Metrion Zinthos… Azarath Metrion Zinthos… Azarath Metrion Zinthos… Azarath Metrion Zinthos... Azarath Metrion Zinthos... Azarath Metrion Zinthos._ She took in a breath and opened her eyes.

Dove looked at the others, suddenly realizing and sensing how much confusion and curiosity she had caused. With her joy clouding her mind, she hadn't been able to keep her powers on one track and couldn't have sensed their souls until she had her mind clear enough to allow their thoughts and emotions in, as if she had wiped a large amount of dust off of a window and could now see clearly through it. The sudden empathy was a little startling, but she quickly recovered herself.

"Yeah, I think I'd better go meditate…"

Beast Boy and Cyborg watched her as she exited, her now-white cloak trailing behind her. Raven and Robin glanced at each other – they both knew something about this situation was strange and very unusual.

"So, uh, anyone know when the cookies'll be done?" Beast Boy asked.

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Robin called the Titans to the main room over the intercom, and Raven told Dove it was a meeting for the original five. Dove nodded and stayed back in the hall, then when Raven turned the corner, she followed using the stealth she had learned from sneaking around in her childhood and put her ear to the door.

"Have you guys noticed something strange about Dove?" Robin asked.

"Yeah, she's acting like a completely different person," Cyborg said.

"_Every hour_," Beast Boy elaborated with emphasis. "It's kind of like when we went into Raven's mind, only she's every side in one, but she keeps changing to a new person every time."

"Something tells me her mood-swings aren't normal," Raven told them. "And not just because her robes change color to match her mood."

Beast Boy looked at her in amazement at the understatement. "She's not just having mood-swings, she's an emotional _roller coaster!!!"_ He waved his hands elaborately as he spoke. "It's like, she keeps changing, and I just want to yell at her - She's so confusing! It's like, **_make up your mind!_**"

"Which is why I'm worried. She's not controlling her emotions well enough, and she's losing far too much control."

Robin's reply was muffled – Dove had turned away from the door feeling disappointed. Didn't they trust her at least a bit? She'd get this under control, why did they need to worry? She had lost control before, and she had always been able to regain it. Then another thought came to her mind…

_Why is Raven worried...? She shouldn't be… She know more than any of the others how difficult this whole thing is for me… She should know that I'll be fine in a couple of days! And why don't they want me to hear this…?_

Dove glanced at the ground and couldn't help noticing the fact that her cloak had become a bit gray.

_I guess they just don't really trust me… Shows how much I know…_ She sighed softly to herself, then left the others to converse in secret as she left for her room.

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"Dove?"

Dove looked up from the book she was reading. "Yes?"

"Are… you okay?"

Dove shrugged.

"I… sensed you… You heard what we were saying…"

Dove shrugged again.

"We're concerned. These sudden changes aren't normal. And with all the confusion and different emotions, you're only making it harder for yourself to keep calm."

"Why should you be concerned? I told you, I'm fine."

"You told me, but you never proved it."

"Well, I'd know if something was wrong, right?"

"You can't always be sure. Sometimes things happen without warning, especially to us. You should know that by now."

"Yeah, but… Nothing feels strange or wrong inside. You know, you can usually tell… I'm really sure I'm fine, Raven."

"Explain how this is fine."

Dove blinked, then tilted her head and blinked thoughtfully. Raven couldn't help noticing the fact that her robe took on a tint of yellow, making it a pale cream color. "Hm… Well, if it's not wrong, then it's obviously right…"

Raven waited impatiently, her gaze taking on an expression of sternness. She opened her mouth to speak, but Dove jumped in.

"I think I'm fixing myself."

"How - ?"

"Simple. Remember what you told me, about all my emotions being taken in too many directions? I think I'm just fixing myself, realigning everything so that I can stay centered when it's all over."

"Are you sure that's what it is?"

Dove nodded. "I'm absolutely sure."

Raven considered it for a moment – it seemed like a very unlikely reason she was changing so much, to become more like one - before looking at Dove again and remembering exactly what the color yellow stood for – intellect, reasonable, logical – and decided she wasn't just playing around. She meant it – and Dove took things that could get out of hand very seriously.

"Just… be careful," Raven told her. "If certain traits become too strong…"

Dove nodded. "I will, believe me."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Review please - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**-Raven's secret-keeper**_


	5. Training or Toiling?

_A/N: (First: -woot- RSK is back in action!!) Okay... I've been reading the Raven comic series (Marv Wolfman, back in action!) since the day it was released, and this story has suddenly become so much more vivid, so much FULLER… especially when it comes to Raven and Dove training, things with their powers and energies and feelings__… __I hope you guys can see the difference, I feel it's obvious – especially in the later chapters. (End A/N.)  
_

_**Dove's Dark Discovery**_

_**Chapter 5: Training or Toiling?**_

"Dove, do you really think you're… ready?"

Raven, having glanced at the clock, interrupted Dove as she tried tying a knot with her telekinesis – not that she could get the strings to do anything beyond the cross just yet…

Dove let the strings fall to the bed. "Ready for what?"

"Combat practice."

Dove's eyes lit up and a smile appeared on her face. "More than ready," she replied.

Raven nodded. "It's time to meet the others in the gym."

Dove's step had a light, impatient air as Raven led them through the halls. She stopped at the threshold to savor an unfamiliar sense of excitement…

"Dove," Raven called, trying to ignore the uneasiness arising within herself as walked towards the center of the gym, where all the others were standing.

"Coming!" Dove yelped, trotting to catch up.

"Dove's actually coming to _combat practice?"_ Beast Boy asked, seeming puzzled and a bit amazed.

"Let's just say I had a change of heart," Dove replied with a shrug as she and Raven joined the rest of the team.

"So what's the plan for today?" Cyborg asked.

"How is it we are to split into the teams?" Starfire elaborated.

"How 'bout boys versus girls?" Dove offered.

"Yeah!" Beast boy said.

"We have not been able to use such regulations in quite some time," Starfire agreed.

"Okay, boys vs. girls it is."

The others nodded their understanding and split up.

Once they had divided into their teams and were all facing each other, Robin called, "Ready… Set……"

Dove could sense their excitement as they waited for their leader's cry… Starfire's hands began glowing with green spheres, Beast Boy crouched readily, Raven began focusing her mind, something in Cyborg's arm clicked into place, Robin grabbed a small disc from his belt…Everyone was so tense, so ready, they were all gathering their energies in their own way, and it was so exciting, the tension seemed to tickle her empathetic soul, she felt like she would burst into laughter, the tension was just so – so energizing… It _exhilarated _her. And she let a smile slip onto her face, savoring the warm feelings for just a moment more before Robin gave the command.

"Titans, GO!"

And they all leapt into action.

Robin immediately tossed his disc onto the ground, and a huge cloud of smoke erupted from it. Everyone instinctively rose above it – Beast Boy morphed into a pterodactyl and carried Cyborg upwards, Starfire and Raven both shot towards the ceiling, and Robin's grappling hook shot onto one of the rafters and lifted him with it, shrouding him in shadows.

Dove glanced around thoughtfully, sensing the urgency that every single one of their moves contained, and she realized that there was some kind of strategy involved, but it was an improvised strategy. She glanced around, taking note of where her teammates and temporary enemies were, and then she chanted "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" and lifted herself into the air, nearly jumping quickly above the smoke, feeling herself sway in the air instead of gliding steadily, gasping as she realized how close she was to the ceiling, and forcing herself to a halt right in front of the light fixture. She decided that an aerial battle would probably leave her powers flying wildly – she could barely get herself into the air, let alone control where she went – and so she glanced around the gym as the others' battle began, and she changed course and headed into the one small corner of the room that hadn't been clouded with smoke, hoping there could be some kind of tactical value in being there… Maybe some kind of sneak attack…?

She landed and glanced upwards, watching inquisitively as the combat unfolded. There were rules, there had to be, and maybe she could pick a few things up by watching them…

Raven fired beams of dark energies towards the pterodactyl, and Beast Boy evaded it, Cyborg shooting back his own beams of light as his mount swerved upwards, and Starfire swooped directly in front of them, her eyes glowing brightly enough for even Dove to see before she shot her own energies at them, nearly knocking Beast Boy to the ground. The blur of green managed to catch himself before he lost his place in the air, barely, but Cyborg slipped off his back and called something – Beast Boy screeched and veered downwards, morphing into another dinosaur the moment before he hit the ground, and he caught his teammate on his back.

Raven and Starfire both dove towards the duo, alternately firing their attacks and spiraling around each other in the air as they descended, causing Cyborg's retaliating shots to miss. Once there was only a few feet between them, Raven put up a wall of energy, and she used it as a shield as Starfire began powering up for a big blast. The Tamaranian emerged above the shied, and with break-neck speed, she fired the huge sphere at the opponents.

The sudden attack startled a yelp out of both boys, but they reacted just in time – Cyborg jumped off of his perch and landed on the ground, safely out of the projectile's path, and Beast Boy shifted into a cheetah and evaded with plenty of speed to spare.

Dove blinked, almost fascinated by the battle. Every single move they made was so instinctual, they reacted without having to think about it, it all happened so fast… Dove's robe darkened a bit, becoming a dull shade of gray. They knew exactly what they were doing, and their minds seemed to work as one, as if they knew exactly what their teammates were going to do, and then they were able to work off of it so easily… _I don't know if I could ever do that… _Dove blinked, a desolate realization crossing her mind.

_Maybe I don't really fit in with these guys as well as I thought… Maybe…_ "Maybe I'm not really a part of them…"

Dove was jerked away from her thoughts by a flying streak of red and green that she barely managed to dodge. Somehow, through all her observing of the others' battling, she had managed to forget that there was one more opponent missing from the action.

"Nice of you to join me, Robin," Dove called, her tone still startled and her robe flashing a light brown – she said it mostly to stop the yelp from escaping; she didn't want him to know how impeccable his timing was.

"Nice of you to stand by," he replied, and then he launched into another jump-kick attack.

This time Dove was ready. Though she was still recovering from the shock, she managed to pull herself to the side and duck before his foot made contact.

Robin landed, and Dove let out a breath, trying to rush the shock away -

Her next breath came in a swift gasp as he ran at her and tried a hand-coordinated move, striking first with his left hand – and as he anticipated, Dove moved to the side – and then he came down with his other hand.

Dove ducked and jumped backwards to avoid it.

"You know, Dove, there's a reason we call this _combat_ practice."

"Uh – Right…" She thought back to her training session with Raven… _"Fight back." That's what Raven said, right…?_

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I'm sure." His skepticism on that note suddenly made her wonder herself.

Dove mentally reran everything Raven had said that day, about her nerves, and the inhibitions, and retaliating… She dodged another blow, but this time, she ducked and swung her leg out – uncertainly, but she pulled it back towards herself around the path that brought his legs forward.

Dove nearly laughed in her excitement as he struggled to regain his balance – he didn't quite fall over, but if she had put more power behind that strike, it might have _worked!_ "I read that one in a book," she explained, her robe suddenly shifting to a green. And she jumped in the air and threw a kick – Robin grabbed it and tried to pull her leg out from under her –

Dove knew better than to let him trick her like that, and she let her leg relax for just a split second, just enough time for his grip to relax – she was playing on the fact that he knew she wasn't too experienced so he wouldn't use more force than necessary on her – and then she pulled her leg back, using the momentum as she jerked back to land a stiff-handed swipe on his shoulder. She knew it wasn't the best place to aim, but still the excitement welled inside her – she was getting somewhere, she actually _hit_ him this time!

Dove let her focus slip for a second too long – Robin took her wrist and began to flip her over, guessing that he had underestimated her –

As soon as he had his hand on her and he began to flick his arm, Dove closed her eyes tightly and forced a shield of white energies into existence, causing her body to land on them instead of the floor as he let her go. She let those energies go, dropped her control of them and caused them to evaporate into nonexistence, and then she landed on the floor, nearly jerked herself to stand, and she pulled another strand of energies forward and them at Robin as he turned around –

_visualize what you want them to do_ –

– and sent them straight at his chest.

He stepped backwards, but the weak ray didn't seem to faze him at all. He simply ran forward, threw a punch, and when Dove ducked, he tried the same trick she used on him – only he was successful.

Dove yelped as she fell backwards, her head's hit on the floor dazing her for a fraction of a second. It faded almost immediately and left her mind a little misty as she got up, but she shook that away swiftly and slid left to avoid a punch, her expression only becoming more determined.

He went in for another strike, and she avoided and retaliated with her own punch. He dodged it easily, and he had to bend backwards in a way that honestly astonished Dove to evade her second strike.

"You know, you're not the _only _one who picked things up from childhood!" she called, her eyes gleaming amusedly as she stepped back to dodge a swift strike and kicked out with her own leg and making contact, and she jumped aside as he returned the favor. She felt his heavy shoe make contact, but it barely skimmed her side, and she jumped, used the thrust to spin herself around, and tried a fancier kind of kick that had more power behind it, and he actually let out a small noise as it hit its mark.

Dove couldn't help smiling, despite the fact that her breaths were coming a bit faster and her heart was beating harder and harder. This was all happening so fast, and that only made it more… _fun!_ She was really starting to enjoy this – and every single combatant in the gym was giving off such exhilaration in her empathy, the aggression and determination made it so much easier to keep up with Robin, the emotions were so _energizing!_ She felt every one of her movements with such vividness, actually sensing their determination made her feel so _alive!_ She was too busy basking in the empathy's wake to even consider using her powers, it had totally slipped her mind…

Raven would have told her it was a mistake to use the energies that the empathy gave her to battle, or to even let the emotions fully enter her mind like that, but she was preoccupied with trying to get Beast Boy off her back – he had flown down to her as a sugar glider, and he was now clinging to her shoulders in a way that would have diverted _anyone's_ attention immediately.

Robin ran her way yet again. Suddenly realizing exactly _how_ tired she was becoming, Dove tossed up a weak semi-spherical shield of energy. She knew it wouldn't hold long, she could actually feel that it was ready to collapse… but still she pushed on, she wouldn't show weakness, wouldn't give up… A bead of sweat slipped down her face, and she suddenly became aware that her arms were shaking as she held them out, and her breaths were coming in deep gulps. And she realized that she had to stop this, she couldn't go on… and in a desperate attempt to get away from the sparring, she pulled what she could from herself and forced more energies out from her body and into the sphere, extending the shield and forcing Robin backwards – but the energies went way out of her control, and the sphere nearly exploded, the flash of white so large it covered the entire gym, and everyone felt the colossal release of static, chilling energy.

The lights snapped out, Raven and Starfire dropped out of the air from the force, and Beast Boy and Cyborg ducked on the ground as everyone yelped at the flash.

Once their eyes were cleared from the blinding flare, they stood up and looked around into the darkness. Their eyes all settled near the corner, where the ground was in pieces in a wide circle around Dove, the circle that marked where the energies had exploded.

Another round of yelps was emitted as a piece of the broken lights shattered on the ground.

Beast Boy blinked around the gym with wide eyes, sharing everyone's startled expression. "Dude…"

Cyborg elaborated. "Whoa… I didn't know you had that kind of power."

Dove's eyes were just as wide-eyed as everyone else's – she barely even realized they had spoken, she was still entirely stunned by the power she had unleashed. She looked at her hands in amazement, as if trying to make herself believe that they were the two hands that had basically destroyed the gym. "Neither did I…" Then she moaned and put a hand on her head. "I… I don't feel so good…" She walked to the wall and leaned against it, suddenly feeling as if she was about to collapse.

Raven explained as she walked towards her. "It's because you released too much energy at once… Maybe we'll just stick to meditation," she added, helping Dove stand up and allowing her to lean against her shoulder. "We'll be in Dove's room if you need us."

The others watched them leave in confusion; they were still trying to comprehend how Dove, the helpless one, the one that refused to go on missions, the desperate _pacifist,_ had that much _power_...

* * *

The door opened with its usual mechanical swish.

"You need to stay in control of your powers as well as your emotions," Raven told Dove. "You can't let the emotions take control and lead your powers wherever they will. "

Dove sighed as they entered the threshold, her head bowed and her expression confused. "I got carried away… It felt so… so _free_… to be able to use my powers without watching every single – "

"And that can be a deadly mistake. Today it was only our gym… but if you don't monitor every single emotion, every _thought_ that every enters your mind, then it can become something – "

Dove shuddered and broke in hurriedly. "I know, I know…"

"I don't think you do."

"Raven, who _doesn't _know how bad it could get…?"

"Then why aren't you keeping yourself calm?" Raven asked, her tone stern as she led Dove to the bed. "You obviously can't even control your emotions yet… We're going to have to put your ability to see into others' memories on hold."

Dove blinked uneasily. "But what if it happens again - ?"

"You need to know how to stay calm before you know how to work with your powers. If you try using them and any kind of emotion enters your mind… Your powers will _not_ work, but more importantly, you won't be able to keep them restrained, and - "

"Right… I understand." Dove sighed, collapsing onto her bed. "Raven, why does this hurt so much…?"

"I told you."

Dove moaned softly. "Will it go away?"

"If you keep yourself calm and don't allow any more energies to be released, then yes. But you need to _calm down_. Take a breath and try to ignore the pain, keep your mind calm and centered, and let yourself heal."

"How long is it going to take?"

"I can't say for sure, but it's not going to be an instant process. Just be patient, Dove, and stop worrying."

Raven watched as Dove sighed, whimpered, and put a hand over her eyes. "The light's giving me a headache…"

"Is it the light?" Raven prompted, still standing up and pulling the thick black curtains over Dove's windows.

Dove sighed. "I don't know…" She opened her eyes and blinked up at Raven, her expression now only _mostly_ confused – there was a look in her eyes that was more along the lines of fear. She blinked once, and her eyes suddenly became more inquisitive – weakly, but curious nonetheless. "This means I'm not going to another combat practice for awhile, _doesn't_ it…"

"I don't think _anyone _is going to combat practice anytime soon."

Dove blushed lightly. "Sorry…I didn't know that there was that much… that much, um…"

"Power?"

"Right…"

"And that's why you're confused."

Dove nodded, her eyes betraying nervous anticipation. "Uh-huh."

"Have you _ever_ been exposed to the idea of actually _controlling_ your powers, not just containing them?"

Dove shook her head.

"That might be the problem. You said your mother had no idea how to train you… that might be it. I think you have the wrong idea about what control really is…"

"So what _is_ the real control?"

"Knowing how to deal with the energies that are there. You shouldn't just hold them in…"

"But… I thought – You said…"

Raven blinked. "These things are… sort of complicated. Maybe we should wait to deal with all of that until you know the basics – and you know how to keep your emotions in check. That's more important than anything you could be learning right now…"

Dove nodded. "Okay… I understand…" She sighed and closed her eyes, rubbing her head with one of her hands.

"Try… breathing."

"What?" Dove turned back to Raven with a look of utter confusion.

"If you keep your breathing deep, steady, and slow, it might help make the pain less… painful."

Dove nodded, and she began controlling her breaths consciously. It did help with the physical pain, but there was… something else… some kind of unfamiliar and painful confusion that simple breathing exercises wouldn't quite heal… She sighed, remembering that Raven had told her to stay calm and centered, and those were meditation words…She lifted herself off the pillow and crossed her legs, cleared her mind, and forced the thoughts away, not letting any more to enter… and the breathing, Raven said that would help, so she followed her suggestion. It seemed unlikely to help, but Raven did know what she was talking about…

Once Dove had managed to keep the breaths deep yet slow at the same time, nearly twenty minutes later, Raven nodded her hesitant satisfaction – she could still sense lingering tension, and Dove wasn't completely relaxed, but Dove wasn't used to that kind of stress, it would take a bit of getting used to for her… "Feeling better?"

Dove nodded. "I think I'll be okay…" She smiled up at Raven, her demeanor suddenly playful.

"Focus."

"Right…" She shut her eyelids once more, hastily pushing away the urges to giggle uncontrollably. "Focus… Azarath Metrion Zinthos…" It seemed those words were the missing plank of the bridge between her returning anxiety and the soothing emptiness of meditation. As she let the chant leave her lips, she felt her breathing regulate itself, the repetition soothed her mind, and it wasn't long before Raven joined in.

* * *

"Remember that your hands are the projectors of the energies. Keep your hands steady and the energies will be much more stable."

Dove nodded, her hood casting a shadow that hid most of her face away as she attempted to carry the teacup from the living room to the counter with her mind, her eyes crackling with the same white energies that encased the cup.

Following Raven's instructions, she held her hands flat, palms towards the ceiling –

Dove winced as the energies flared, the cup tilted just a bit too far, and yet another splash of water spilled out.

"Keep the energies reined in, and don't let the movements release what hold you do have on the energies. Envision the form of the energies as a solid shape, and don't allow your slip-ups to distract your focus."

Dove nodded again. She felt a bolt of energy stray away, and she flicked her left hand towards the cup, trying to force it to rejoin the group – but it simply strayed away stubbornly.

"Every thought that enters your mind affects how the energies move," Raven explained as Dove groaned softly in frustration. "Relax."

Dove exhaled softly, forcing the energies and the cup within to halt. They hovered shakily in the air as she took a few breaths to calm herself, get her thoughts straight… focus on keeping it balanced… "Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she muttered, moving her right hand forward ever so delicately and watching intently as the cup hovered forward, it tilted a bit and she tilted her hand to balance it out… lowered it carefully, carefully…

The cup landed on the counter with a small tinkling noise, and Dove closed her hands in a fist to release the energies.

"Nice work," Raven complimented, walking over to the kitchen counter and glancing in. "You kept half the cup in this time."

"Really?" Dove asked, pulling back her hood and jogging over to see for herself. A smile spread slowly across her face as she realized that Raven was right, she had done so much better than last time –

"Dove – "

Raven's call went unheard. A wave of joy and relief crashed down over Dove's mind, and she suddenly jumped in the air excitedly. "I actually did it!" Her robe suddenly flared a vivid pink.

"Not quite - "

Raven choked out a small, startled note as Dove threw her arms around her waist, and a flicker of energy sent the teacup flying into the air and smashing to pieces on the floor.

"So much for progress," Raven muttered, her voice annoyed with an underlying tone of disappointment.

Dove's smile suddenly vanished at her words. She looked up at her face –

"I would _really_ appreciate it if you _get off _me…"

Dove let go hurriedly, putting her arms behind her back and biting her lip. Her expression shifted to something that looked almost embarrassed, and she avoided Raven's gaze. Her robe snapped to brown almost as swiftly as it had just colored itself pink. "I'm sorry, I, uh…"

"And don't do that again." She was still massaging her arm. She looked up at Dove, her expression conveying exactly how serious she was and making it final that the triumphant mood was long gone.

"Raven, I'm really, really sorry about that… It's just… I-I kinda got excited…" She swallowed uneasily and glanced around. "Azar, that felt out of character…"

"Talk about understatement." Usually Dove had _some_ kind of respect for the idea of personal space…

Dove blushed and bowed her head, her robe fading to a desolate gray as her startledness faded to something closer to shame. Raven crossed her arms. "I'm sorry, Raven, really… I should stay in better control…" She lifted her eyes for just a second, hesitantly awaiting Raven's reply.

"You should."

Dove swallowed, feeling Raven's irritation radiating off her soul in faded yet distinct waves. "I know," she sighed, dropping her gaze again – Raven's eyes were so serious, so intense…

"Calm yourself down, and maybe we can continue." She turned, and she tossed one last comment over her shoulder: "You might want to clean that up."

Dove's eyes widened as she turned to the porcelain pieces scattered around the floor. "Raven - "

"Be careful not to cut yourself." And with that, she exited the room.


	6. More Than Meets the Eye

_A/N: Just something I wanted to play around with… nothing of supreme importance or anything… until near the end. …. I've been gravitating towards suspenseful endings a lot lately._

_Another A/N: I can testify that Dove's way of swimming works – I used to pretend I was a bird that lived in the water, and flapping works as nicely as the doggy-paddle. I'm living proof of that - living, as in not drowned. _

_Yeah, I couldn't resist putting in a little Starfire/Robin moment there! It's tiny, but I couldn't figure out how to play out the romantic moment, so I tried my best…_

_FYI, the "ajna gem" is the gemstone on Raven/Dove's forehead. It's set in the location of the ajna chakra, hence the name…_

* * *

_**Chapter 6: More than Meets the Eye**_

"C'mon guys, I'm _dying_ in here!"

"Well maybe if you hadn't broken the air conditioning system, it wouldn't be so hot in here!"

Dove sighed, putting the glass under the faucet for the fifth time in a minute. "Can't you just get along for one day?" she asked miserably, flipping on the faucet for the cold water and wiping a bit of sweat from her forehead. "It's too hot for that…"

"It's too hot for anything," Beast Boy replied, bending down to open the mini-fridge and smiling, enjoying the cold air.

"Apparently not for that," Dove mumbled, sipping the water and sitting down at the table with a motion that was more like a flop. "Hey, if Beast Boy broke it, why is _he_ the one enjoying that…?" She put the glass up to her lips again – the water wasn't even that cold, but it was at least a little refreshing…

"Girl's got a point," Cyborg added. "We're all dyin' in here."

"How did he even manage to break something that works on vents, circuits, and a fan?" Dove asked, her head tilted to one side.

"He decided to use it as a _hairdryer_," Raven replied, shooting a glare over her shoulders.

"What?" Dove blinked, her expression confused. "You know what, I'm not even going to ask, I'll probably regret it anyway…" She closed her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh as Beast Boy and Cyborg began bickering again… Something about Beast Boy being a danger to anything electronic and 'if Robin wasn't in the bathroom'…

"Just go get it fixed," Dove called out hopefully, sensing the tension rising between them and starting to feel uncomfortable…

Both of them looked at her with an expression that made her feel like she had interrupted something.

"Uhhh…" She smile sheepishly and shrugged. "Well, you know, it might help…"

The boys glanced at each other again. "That just might work," Cyborg told her before turning and leaving the room.

Dove let out a sigh of relief. Then she got up and crossed to the freezer, pulling open the door with one hand and taking out the ice tray in the other. She didn't even bother sitting down before she took one of the cube from the tray and rubbing it on her hands, then her face.

The remaining Titans watched her with some odd cross between confusion and a hesitation to tell her that that's not exactly… well…

Dove froze, suddenly sensing their gaze. Her robe faded to a barely visible, very, very light gray and she blushed, realizing that _they _weren't doing this… She turned to them and said defensively, "Guys, what can you expect me to do? It's just so _hot_…"

"Understatement of the century."

Dove closed the freezer door and grabbed a Ziplock bag to put the ice in. "But what about you guys, training and things like that?"

"I guess we have to put it on hold," Robin told her, grabbing a cold energy drink from the fridge.

"It's not like we have anywhere in the entire tower to cool off in thanks to the genius over here."

Starfire offered, "But what about the pool of swimming? Is it not a technique for the chilling off?"

Beast Boy's ears perked up. "Dude, why didn't I think of that?"

"When do you _ever_ think?" Raven asked dryly.

Dove interrupted as he opened his mouth to reply. "Is it a good idea to have him near any more water?"

"I think it would be good idea for _all_ of us to have a chance to cool down," Robin broke in – Beast Boy being interrupted yet again. "We'll change and meet back here in fifteen minutes."

"Change?" Dove turned to Raven inquiringly.

"Change outfits," she clarified as she turned.

Dove tilted her head curiously, missing a beat and being the only one who didn't head for the door.

"Wait - !" she nearly yelped, and jogged after her with her robe a pale and inquisitive yellow.

In the hall, Dove blinked and tilted her head. "Why would you change?"

"We have different clothes for swimming," Raven explained.

"Swimming?"

"Submerging your body in water."

"So, it's like taking a bath. Right…?"

"A _cold_ bath, with enough water to drown you if you don't hold your breath."

Dove's eyes widened. "Uuummmm…" She blinked a few times, trying to sort it out. How could _any_one stay submerged for long enough to cool off and yet _not_ drown…? Was the water really that cold? "How is that possible..?" she muttered, more to herself than to Raven.

Raven still answered. "You're not supposed to stay completely submerged – usually you hold your head _above _the water – not under."

"Oh…" Dove let her expression sink to one of relief. "Swimming sounded kinda suicidal for a minute…" Dove spent the rest of the journey through the maze known as the halls of Titans' Tower imagining exactly what it would feel like…

Once they arrived in front of the door marked RAVEN, she tore her attention away from her watery mental images and asked, "Do you mind if I - ?"

"Stay out here," Raven told her, and Dove nodded – and waited.

When she reemerged, it seemed as if she hadn't changed at all, as if she had only taken off the cloak.

"So is _that_ what you wear in the water?" Somehow she had expected "change outfits" to mean wear completely different clothes.

"I refuse to be that… revealing."

Dove blinked at Raven's attire, then she told her sister, "I feel self-conscious without my clothes on… Even taking off the cloak before I sleep makes me feel airy…"

"But you should try to take off as much as you can – if the cloak becomes waterlogged, it will weigh you down, and since I'm guessing you have no experience swimming – "

Dove shook her head.

" – then it would become dangerous. And try to take off as many of the gems as you can."

"Um…" Dove experimentally fingered the gem set on her forehead.

"Not that one."

"Wouldn't that be… painful? I mean, it's kinda... embedded." She barely managed to stop herself from wincing at the image.

"Maybe deadly," Raven corrected, her laconic words surprisingly monotone.

Dove's eyes widened as they set off. "Heh… You learn something new every day…"

Raven began making her way back to the living room, nearly leaving Dove alone for the second time that day.

"Wait!" Dove cried, suddenly confused and her robe showing the slightest tint of yellow. "So, what exactly _can_ I take off then…?" She was fidgeting with the fastener on her cloak as she jogged to catch up yet again. "Should I take these off too…?"

"Probably," Raven replied, glancing down and watching as Dove began untying the tassel around her waist – then leading them down the hall that changed their course for Dove's room.

"I… think that's about it," Dove muttered, glancing at her arms and weighing the chances of whether or not there were any removable gems that she missed… She shrugged and contented herself with folding the cloak the rest of the way there.

Once the clothes were safely in her room, they left and met with the others.

"And what is it you plan upon wearing to the pool of swimming?" Starfire asked, a purple bikini strapped around her.

Dove spread her arms out, just a bit. "This." She realized that the cuffs were still on, and fingered the gems on back of her hand. "It's not exactly waterproof, but it's all I have…" She couldn't help noticing, upon glancing around, that Robin and Beast Boy seemed to be wearing the same thing, only each with a different design… and not that it surprised her, but Robin still had that mask on. (Was it really that efficient, it's even _waterproof?_) "So, where exactly _is_ the pool? I don't think I've ever…"

"Just this way," the team leader said, and they left the room for a more favorable room in these temperatures.

The first thing noticeable when Robin opened the glass doors was the overpowering scent of… something that vaguely reminded Dove of… formaldehyde…

Her small choking noise turned the others' heads.

"You okay?" Robin asked; Dove was suddenly taking in soft and uneven breaths, and she looked almost nervous.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, "it just… what _is _that, the smell…?"

"That would be the chlorine."

"Chlorine…?" The only time she had ever seen that word before was on the Table of Elements.

"They put it in the water to make it safer and stuff," Beast Boy replied, much to Dove's confusion.

She shook her head and shrugged off the rising questions, deciding it probably wasn't important anyways, the smell already seemed fainter… so she glanced around uncertainly. "Isn't this like where the T-Sub launches…?"

"Almost exactly," Robin informed her. "But it's completely confined."

"I thought we were going to the _river_… When you said water…"

"Being outside would be a bad idea if something goes wrong," Raven said bluntly.

Dove bowed her head in embarrassment, her outfit's sheen suddenly shifting to a dull gray.

Robin noticed her change almost instantly. "With _anything_." He wasn't sure if Raven was referring to Dove's loss of control during their last combat practice or not, but he guessed that the new shade on Dove's clothes wasn't a good thing.

"Oh…" She grabbed the cuffs on her wrist and gripped the silky fabric as if it would be some sort of comfort; a sudden unease was rising within her, and her expression became a resigned hesitation.

"I'm gonna be the first one in!" a voice behind them cried.

Dove blinked up at him as he rushed past in a blur of green, his ears pricked excitedly.

"I don't know if this is such a good idea…"

"Come on, Dove, have a little confidence!" Beast Boy said, facing her and walking backwards towards the water. "Swimming's easy!"

As if taking his words for a challenge, Raven brought forth a swift beam of black energy and swatted him into the water.

Dove chuckled, her robe lightening to its usual neutral color. "Well _that _made me feel better."

The green Titan stuck his head out of the water, his hair blocking his face as he squirted a small stream of water out of his mouth. When he pushed his hair aside, a look of annoyance was plastered across his face.

"Come on, Beast Boy, have a little fun," Dove taunted.

His only reply was a sound of indignity.

Following his unwillful lead, Raven stepped in, taking extra care to do so slowly, more for Dove's sake than her own, she knew Dove was watching her intently…

Dove held up an arm and turned away as Robin dove in, sending up a wave of water, and BB turned into a sea otter and began slicing his way through the water.

Starfire simply took to the air and dove in, giggling as she turned and called out to Dove. "Do join us, Dove! The water is quite enjoyable."

Dove blinked, wondering if it was as much like a cold bath as she was imagining… She watched half-interestedly as Sieara fluttered off and made a perch of the ladder leading into the pool, her head tilted sideways so that one of her amber-gold eyes could have full view of the waving surface.

_Nice to know I'm not the only one who's uncertain… _Following Raven's 'demonstration,' Dove walked over to the ladder, climbed onto the top rung, and experimentally stuck her foot in.

The chill was the first thing she noticed – oh yes, it was definitely cold, but it was so wonderfully relieving after the heat in the air…

She smiled a bit and let herself slip into the water.

A small yelp escaped her lips as the cold met her waist, arms, chest, but once she got over the initial tension and allowed herself to relax, it really wasn't so bad… "This feels nice," she noted. Then a small movement in the water nearly pulled her feet out from under her – having never been in a pool before, she was nowhere near used to the small, barely noticeable changes in current that most people can ignore – and Dove gasped and began clinging to the wall in hopes of stability.

"So are you gonna come out here or just stand there like a stork?" Beast Boy had reverted to his human form, and then he switched to a sea lion and swam away, gliding effortlessly through the water.

"Do you - ?" Dove glanced down at her feet. She was still gripping the wall for balance – there were so many pushes and pulls coming from every direction at once… "You honestly expect me to _walk_ in this?" she called out, her clothes obtaining a barely visible amount of brown – the only color could be seen in the light reflecting off what was above the water.

"Just walk in the water like you walk on the ground," Robin instructed.

"Uh… That's not going to work so well… I don't know if I can keep my balance." A bit of her nerves made their way into her voice.

"Use your arms to aid in the balancing aspect," Starfire called, holding her arms out enthusiastically.

"You make it look so – " A current of water lowered the water level for half a second, time Dove used to try and gain her balance. Then the water replaced itself a moment later, and water flooded into Dove's mouth and nearly knocked her over.

Coughing and struggling to regain her balance against the wall, Dove closed her eyes and tried to keep her feet in one place. "So easy…"

"Do not fight the current," the Tamaranian advised, "but allow it to control your motion." She smiled and lifted her feet, somehow causing herself to float on her back.

"Swim lessons from an alien," Dove muttered, glancing down at her feet again – and having to look back up again; the shifting waters made her dizzy… "I'm not used to sitting back and letting things take over," she told Starfire, her expression slightly worried for a fraction of a second.

She chuckled, regaining her standing posture. "Raven once told me something similar."

"Why would Raven need to…?"

"Long story short, we switched bodies," Raven told her.

"And therefore we had powers that were not our own. It was quite an experience."

Dove tilted her head, wondering what it would be like to suddenly have to deal with having powers unleashed by emotion…

"What's the point of you just standing there?" Beast Boy cut in.

"Well, I don't know how to… swim. We didn't exactly have pools in… back there." She couldn't bring herself to name the world she had once called home – simply mentioning Azarath's name would cause a pang of longing to pass, and for now she had enough to worry about with trying to gain her balance in the water – having to balance her mental self as well could only lead to disaster.

"Try to think of it as… levitating underwater."

"Levitating underwater…" Dove repeated Raven's words to herself and blinked, trying to imagine it… Then she smiled. Her attire became reflective of a yellowish color, and she blinked at the water. "Okay, I can see that…"

"It is most comparable to flying," Starfire agreed, and Dove hesitantly lifted her feet up.

At first she felt herself sinking and nearly panicked, the accompanied flash of brown making that obvious, but her clothes' reflection flickered right back to the creamy yellow when she remembered the alien's words about balance. _Use your arms, _she told herself mentally, _it's like flying…_ The first thing that came to her mind was the large, sweeping motions of a dove in flight… the way they use their wings to push the air around them to go under themselves and keep them lying straight…

Her mind diverted from the anxious path and following the trail of logic, she spread out her arms and cupped her hands, visualizing the way a bird's wing traps air for the downstroke – and she pulled her arm down as extended as it would go. The current following her hands' path was satisfying – especially since it did actually lift her a bit, along with the shoulder motions. On the stroke back up, she was careful to spread her fingers apart and not be so tense as the downstroke – that would allow the water to pass through her fingers more easily and therefore it would take less energy… which would save more energy for the downstroke… She smiled and lifted her head. "Something like this?"

"Uhhh…" Raven seemed indecisive.

Starfire giggled.

"That's not exactly how…" Robin began to correct her, but her method seemed to _partly_ work…

"Use your legs," Raven told her, and Dove nodded.

"So…" Dove thought for a moment, nearly letting her feet touch the ground and being pulled an inch to the left. "Kick them?" She was watching Beast Boy propel his way underwater, noticing how smoothly he moved…

So she decided to try it. She spread out her "wings," brought them down, and experimented; she lifted her legs and kicked out.

She ended up with a mouthful of water and watery eyes. "That didn't work," she choked out, sputtering and trying to force the water out of her ears.

"Don't get too excited," Raven told her, one of her eyebrows raised.

"I don't get this," Dove admitted simply, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Drowning won't gain you anything as far as training goes."

"I know, Raven, no need to be so blunt."

Robin suggested, "Maybe you should stay on the sidelines this time." Dove was starting to seem a little frustrated…

"No, I want to learn," Dove responded, stepping away from the wall and bracing her feet against the ground. She slipped and nearly fell face-first into the water, but her garment took on a bit of green as the recently discovered expression of determination crossed her face, and the green melded seamlessly with the yellow. "I'm going to get this eventually. Look, see? Already getting better. Isn't water one of the elements?"

Raven hesitated. "It is… But…"

"Just thinking laterally," Dove replied, lifting her feet and kicking her legs out experimentally. "It's easier to do this if I think about something that _doesn't _involve the possibility of drowning." She spread her arms out again, then took a breath, held it in, and she lifted herself at the waist and attempted to dive under as Beast Boy had done in his animal form.

It felt surprisingly smooth, and she reached her arms out and pulled them back, forcing herself to the surface.

"You can hold your breath pretty well," Robin observed.

"It's a learned habit," Dove shrugged, pushing her hair back out of her face and wiping her eyes free of water. "There were so many times when I needed to be in absolute silence – I couldn't breathe or someone would notice me."

Sensing a bit of curiosity rise in their minds, Dove hurriedly bent her knees and submerged herself again.

And then she had an idea.

Opening her eyes for a split second, she bit her tongue and exhaled, letting out the air and being careful to not breathe in any water – it was basic physics, the less air inside her the better she'd stay under – and she crossed her legs and closed her eyes once more.

She reemerged laughing.

"What's so funny?" Beast Boy asked, his voice shaking as he slapped water from his ears – in the thirty seconds Dove had been down there, Raven had managed to dunk him for a smart-aleck comment. She was still eyeing him angrily.

"Well nothing really, it's just…" She sighed contentedly, letting herself sway gently with the currents. "It's so quiet underwater… physically _and _mentally… All your empathies feel diluted, if only a little, and there's nearly no sound… If I could breathe in the water, I'd meditate here every day."

Raven turned to Dove, and she tilted her head. Dove's outfit had taken on a color completely unfamiliar to her – a very, _very_ bright shade of blue that was almost white. "Dove," Raven asked, "what are you feeling right now?"

"At peace," she replied, her tone making it obvious. Then she smiled at Raven and dove under again, flying as she had tried before but bringing her arms in front of her and to her sides.

"She catches on quickly," Raven noted.

"I guess she found her water wings," Beast Boy added, following everyone's gaze and watching as she skimmed the ground.

When she popped up yet again, she turned immediately to Raven and asked, "You said it was like levitating, right?"

Raven nodded. "Where are you going with this?"

"I'm going to try something…" She chanted Azarath Metrion Zinthos, closed her eyes with a deep breath, and went under. This time she took Raven's words literally. She actually used her powers to propel her through the water.

The water became a bit colder as she exerted the mental energies, but not quite as cold as a room would have grown. It was nothing new, or bothersome – with the heat, it actually made the water even more enjoyable. It wouldn't have been so pleasant if the Titans weren't used to the feeling of dark mental energy being released, but by now they hardly noticed.

Dove smiled, feeling the way the water pulled back on her hair, her arms, wondering if this was what a bird felt like, so weightless and yet needing to propel itself onwards… She lifted her eyelids curiously – and she closed them tightly, letting out a strangled yelp, and returned to the surface. "Ow…"

"What happened?" Raven asked, a bit urgently – Dove was rubbing her eyes, and a bit of the contentedness seemed to have drained from her mood.

"I opened my eyes," Dove replied, her voice a bit tense from the water she nearly swallowed, and she began blinking, hoping it would help. "And it kinda burns…"

"Duh," Beast Boy replied.

Dove would have been offended and responded, but she was too busy trying to figure out if there was a way to see what it's like… She rubbed her eyes once more, then blinked herself back to normal. No solutions arose within her mind… She just shrugged it off and decided that it's okay, not like she's never been surrounded in pitch-blackness before… and she dove right back under.

The smile spread across her face once more as she sent out another burst of energy and sent herself forward. The way the water flowed over her skin as she moved was almost magical… She felt at absolute peace, as if this was the physical manifestation of meditating – so separated from the world… it was as if she has transported herself to an entirely _different_ world, all the signs of awareness from the surface world had simply slipped away… each individual current pulled at her hair as if it wanted her to go the opposite way, and yet the water seemed to give in so easily when she turned, as if it wanted to play tag with her… She giggled to herself. _I wonder if this is what a dolphin feels like… it's so amazing down here…_

Her smile flickered from one of playfulness to a grin of serenity. Flying – or at least levitating with something close to control – had always been one of her dreams, but she couldn't get it right… but now none of that mattered.

_I really am flying!_

Dove broke the surface, respired naturally a few times, and reentered the fantasy.

She spread out her arms a bit, holding them loosely at her sides as she turned and dove a bit deeper. The water seemed to hold her back more the farther down she went, but that only made the rewards even more rewarding. She was nearly melding with the water – her legs weren't her legs, her arms weren't her arms, it was just _her,_ one form traveling through the water like a living dream… The water caressed her as she soared through it, and her movements felt so smooth down here – not the twitching, uncontrollable movements she had in the air… She smiled the entire time she was down there.

As much as she regretted it, the tension in her lungs couldn't be avoided any longer. She had to go back up, but she let one last thought slip through before she emerged from the watery trance.

_It feels like I can actually control myself._

As she pushed her hair out of her face and blinked, allowing her eyes to readjust to the light, she heard Robin address the others in his briefing tone.

" – once they're all in the – "

"I'm joining in!" she called eagerly, stepping her way towards the group on her toes. "So, what's happening now? I know that voice, _something_ is happening."

"He is giving us the instructions for a game we are to engage in," Starfire told her.

"What kind of game?" Her clothes reflected with a green iridescence, the color of confidence. They weren't entirely green, the way her robe would have displayed her emotions, but the light shimmered off them with a green hue.

"A search and retrieve game." Robin explained further, "I'm going to throw these into the water, and the objective is to find them and bring them back."

"_Those?"_ Dove was a little surprised – he was holding up three two-inch long sticks with a blinking yellow light at the top. "That looks too easy," she mumbled.

"What's the catch?" Raven asked.

"If the time runs out, they'll cause a small explosion, just like in a real-life situation."

"Isn't that kinda dangerous?" the green Titan asked.

"Our entire life is dealing with the dangerous."

"There is… some form of safety device within these water objects, yes?" Starfire asked uncertainly.

Robin nodded at the alien. "The only thing we have to worry about is getting them as quickly as possible. There's a pressure sensor that will deactivate the timer built into every one of these – but it can only be deactivated when it's above the surface."

"So how much time do we have?" Dove asked.

Robin replied, "Two minutes. Besides that, no restrictions." He took each of the three objects and tossed them into the water. There was the smallest splash imaginable for each, and just when they thought they knew where they were going to go, small whirling propellers sprouted from the sides and they began zipping around underwater, blinking like aquatic fireflies.

"Titans,_ go!"_

Dove glanced around hurriedly, suddenly at a loss for ideas, watching as Robin dove under, Starfire followed suite, Beast Boy morphed into a sea lion, and Raven shot out of the water for an aerial view.

"What do I do?" Dove asked, sensing urgency flaring up in every one of their souls, such necessity that made her confusion become faint frustration.

"Locate them," Raven replied simply, her eyes occupied with the water.

Dove mentally wondered how something so obvious evaded her… Then she shook off the slight indignity and focused on the task at hand. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" And she took off, propelling herself forward with the expelling of energy, taking care to keep her eyes open and alert. And she spotted the tiny light almost immediately.

"I found one!" she cried, her sudden triumph giving her a jolt of energy and causing a bit of white energy to fizzle down her body.

"Dove, focus!" Raven called out, arcing downwards and flying nearly level with the water as she reached her hand into the water, extended her fingers –

Dove yelped as her target changed course with absolutely no warning, and Raven pulled back to a neutral position – both girls' plan were scratched by the elusion.

"Dudes!" Beast Boy cried, and all five others turned their heads as he shifted into some kind of lithe fish, streaking towards it as fast as his fins would allow, and Starfire began making her way across the pool –

It evaded the team yet again.

"How in Azar's name do you expect us to _catch _these things?" Dove asked, catching only a quick glimpse of yellow on the far side of the pool before it disappeared.

Robin was too busy chasing another zigzagging propeller to answer. He was watching the pattern, memorizing its motions, and he was calculating where it was going to go next, all in the same half-second. He reached his hand out, plotted the path with his mind - He let out a noise of frustration as it changed direction and eluded his grasp.

And Dove yelped as she realized that it was heading right for her, almost too fast to watch. She began gathering energies to shoot away –

"Don't run," Raven called, the only emotion emanating from her soul determination as she streamed towards it.

A sudden confusion arose in Dove's mind, only for a split second, conflicting instincts to follow Raven's instructions and to avoid being hurt, but the energies were built up, she had to expel them… She shouted "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" and sent the force into the nearest inanimate object out of sheer desperation. And then the spark of an idea flared in her mind, and she used those energies to open the connection and, in a sense, become one with it – taking advantage of that connection, she closed her eyes, grit her teeth, white static flared around the propeller as she strained to take control, the telekinesis was so much harder to maintain at this speed – !

Dove lifted her right hand, and she flicked her wrist towards herself, letting out only a soft groan as she pushed against it as much as her mind would allow, almost instinctively releasing just a bit more energy the closer it came, straining to control it –

An electric feeling jolted through her body, and something in her mind clicked into place. So suddenly it confused her for a moment, the object hovered in one place, and she blinked uncertainly, watching the white energies crackle under the water around the beacon, its light still blinking away – right in front of her. She plucked it from the water, released her hold on the energies, and she smiled at the small whirring noise it made as the timer dimmed and stilled. Who would have known that kind of desperation would lead to victory? Maybe just _maybe_ the emotions weren't _always_ so bad…

"One down," Robin scored, "and I think I just found number two." He dove under the surface yet again and began swimming after the light so swiftly that Dove was a bit surprised.

Starfire, Beast Boy, and Raven, having searched the waters and being unable to find the final target, gathered around the leader and waited for their moment.

When Robin finally emerged with empty hands, Raven took that as her cue to go. She swooped in and created a claw-like hand out of her shadow energies, extending the form into the water towards the small light –

Suddenly it vanished, leaving her makeshift hand to close around nothing solid.

"Where'd it go!" Beast Boy asked, becoming a hawk and lifting out of the water, flapping thrice as hard to compensate for the weight of his waterlogged wings.

"Over there!" Dove cried, pointing her hand excitedly and nearly letting the smooth object slip from her grip.

"I got it!" Beast Boy cried, following her direction and spotting the beaconing light almost immediately, then going into a dive. He transformed into a pelican just before hitting the surface, arcing into a horizontal flight and dipping his beak deep into the water.

He lifted himself to the water's edge and deposited what he managed to collect onto the floor, transforming back into himself…

The small object let out one last weakening bleep before succumbing to the change in pressure, and the timer stopped.

"I so got it!"

Dove smiled as she sensed his flare of triumph –

"We're not finished yet," Raven called, scanning the waters and pulling Dove out of her fascination and bringing her green teammate back down to earth.

"We must locate the final detonation device!" Starfire called. "There is not much time left!" She began darting through the water, her gaze trained on the water's surface, such concentration…

Dove shook her head, trying to pull her mind away from all the empathetic distractions – it took quite a bit of willpower, it was no small task, every single one of their emotions struck her so vividly…

"There!" the Tamaranian cried, and Dove gasped at the sharp rise of mental energies. It was startling and her outfit flashed brown – then she forced herself to focus and stop relying on the emotions, recalling with a shiver how insistently Raven had told her to _not_ succumb to the emotions…

Starfire arced steeply into the air, diving with breakneck speed towards the object whizzing near the surface, her determination multiplying every second, the timer flashed four seconds, three…

She grabbed at the water –

The object slipped through her fingers and whirred away, and she crashed into the water with only two seconds left, nowhere near enough time to spare, one more second –

Robin swung down and grabbed it from beneath the surface just as** 0:00.1** flashed across the timer. And the two shared a glance of appreciation – two different kinds.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief and regrouped.

"And we have victory!" Beast Boy called out, jumping upwards in the water with a triumphant hand gesture.

"Mission accomplished. Great work, Titans," Robin said, taking the sensors from the other two. "Dove, you seem to have a lot more control over your powers than when we went through the obstacle course."

Dove beamed at the compliment from the team leader. "Well, I've been doing better with my powers in training with Raven, and the water makes it less frightening to use them…"

"Many congratulations for your triumph over your inhibitions!" Starfire cried out cheerfully.

"Thanks," Dove said, her outfit fading to a pinkish lavender color and her face breaking into a wider smile.

"Dove," Raven called, alerting her to the colors.

Dove's excited smile slowly faded to dawning realization… She glanced at Raven, her expression suddenly a bit ashamed and her robe suddenly shifting to gray. "Maybe my powers are working a little better, but my emotions are still all over the place…"

Robin, Beast Boy, and Starfire traded a glance, unsure how to react to the sudden change in mood.

Dove sighed. "I… I think I should leave now," she said with an uneasy glance at Raven, at her slightly stern face… She suddenly found herself struggling with a fierce desolation as she stepped to the wall and pulled herself out, thanks to the realization that all her life she had smiled when her mother smiled, bowed her head when Alerina cried, shared her emotions like they were something special…That rare feeling of connectedness had always been one of the ways she showed her mother that she cared… Every single one of the other four was feeling so triumphant… but she wasn't supposed to even enjoy that… Happiness was an emotion too…and it felt horrible to know that she wasn't supposed to share their joy… but she wanted to, so desperately…

"Dove," Raven called softly, receiving only a shrug in response as Dove headed for the exit.

"What's wrong with her?" Beast Boy asked quietly as the door clicked shut.

"I… don't know," Raven muttered, suddenly realizing that something in those last moments' empathy felt uneven, erratic, strange… A bit of concern rose in her mind. She couldn't help wondering exactly what that was…

And she wouldn't have begun to imagine it. Nor would she have believed it if she did.


	7. Unfamiliar Faces

_**Chapter 7: Unfamiliar Faces**_

Raven blinked thoughtfully, watching from across the room as Dove read. She could still sense something odd within her… It was completely unfamiliar. And it concerned her. With how susceptible Dove was to anxiety, the sudden recognition would send her fear beyond the bounds of what she could handle as far as emotions go…

The tea kettle had been whistling for awhile now, but Raven was too busy observing her sister to notice, and the loud sound effects of the boys' video game didn't help any.

Dove faintly sensed Raven's gaze, and she couldn't help wondering why she was – She blinked and told herself not to worry about it, brushing the thought aside hurriedly as she returned her focus to the story.

_It was getting close, so close… but they were hidden, too well for it to possibly find them._

_And then, just when they thought they were safe – _

Dove gasped as a sudden spear of pain erupted in her leg and a loud THUMP resounded by the kitchen, followed by a loud yelp, and she turned with wide eyes to the source, her robe slightly tinted brown.

Beast Boy was lying on the kitchen floor, his expression half dazed and half pained.

Everyone in the room turned, Starfire emitting a gasp of concern.

"What happened this time?" Raven asked.

Beast Boy sat up as he replied. "I tripped over Silkie and landed on a toothpick…"

Robin crossed the room and came to his aid. "That's a big splinter…" He grabbed the wood and plucked it out in one smooth motion, and Beast Boy let out a loud _"Yipe!"_

Dove sensed the sharp pain, felt the sensation shooting up her leg as if it was her own, and… and it _tickled_ her. It was… actually amusing! She felt an odd energy arise within her, almost an exhilaration… and she smiled. Smiled at the pain.

She had to bite her lip to keep from giggling, her robe ever so slightly shaded a color it's never been before – Dove caught the color out of the corner of her eye and gasped. Her hands flew to her mouth, her robe flared brown, and the tea kettle shot into the air –

Raven barely had time to toss up the umbrella of energy before Beast Boy was scalded. She turned to scold her sister, or at least ask her why her emotions had suddenly spiked that high, but Dove had already leapt up and ran out of the room. Raven only managed to see the door closing upon her exit.

Dove's eyes were still wide and her robe still brown as she sat on her bed and put her head in her hands.

_That color – It – I-I can't… no, no…_

"What was that?" she wondered aloud, glancing around her room as if looking for an answer._ Why did it feel…__** good?**_

Usually, if she sensed another's pain, she would at least flinch, or yelp, or even have to leave the room if the pain was too great. It would _hurt_. But that… it hurt, but the pain was –

Her thoughts were broken off by the smallest voice playing in the back of her mind.

_**Emotions are power.**_

The voice wasn't her own.

"What…?" She lifted her head, turned around the room. "What did you say?"

The only response was silence.

* * *

Dove sighed as her chanting wavered, realizing that this wasn't helping… "Raven?"

Raven's voice stilled and she lifted an eyelid.

Dove unwound her legs and sat on her bed. "I… I don't think meditation is the answer… I – I need some time to think…"

Raven stood up and nodded understandingly.

"Um… You know how it's kind of hard for me to focus around everyone else…?"

Another nod. "Where are you going with this?"

"Well, I was thinking that it might be better if I go… you know, outside the tower…"

Raven blinked, considering and weighing the recent incidents against her own inhibitions with the very idea… "Dove, there are so many more people in the city - "

"I know," Dove said, shrugging weakly, "but… I don't know, it's just… I can't really be alone here, I keep thinking about everyone else in the tower and I wonder what you guys are thinking about me, being… so uncontrolled, I-I guess I'm just being paranoid," she muttered, turning her head away sheepishly.

"It would be even worse in the city," Raven told her. "I don't think you'd be able to think out there at all."

"Why not?" Dove blinked, her expression conveying more confusion than anything else.

"There would be so many people to sense, so many emotions, undiluted and pure and completely unfiltered… Dove, if you can't even focus around us, how do you expect to stay calm around all those emotions?"

Dove shrugged. "You guys have said that there are places where no one goes, abandoned alleyways and – and there's always the library." For the first time since her realization at the pool, a spark of hope danced in her eyes. "It's always quiet and calm when people are reading, right?"

Raven inspected Dove, thinking back to the many times when Dove's powers had left her control… but she _did_ have a point… "If you can keep yourself calm…"

"I'm sure I can," Dove said, a smile itching at the edges of her mouth.

Raven still didn't seem convinced. "If you lose control around the people in the city…"

"I only lose control when my emotions stray too far," Dove reminded her. "And I only lost control those last two times because I tried using an ability I'm still not too comfortable with…"

"Maybe it would be better if I go with you," Raven suggested carefully.

Dove tilted her head thoughtfully. "I don't know… Whenever you watch me too carefully, I feel like I'm going to do something wrong," she admitted. "I really think it would be better if I go alone… I don't even think I'll be bringing Sieara…"

The bird on the shelf tilted her head inquisitively.

Raven sighed. "Just don't let yourself get carried away."

Dove's eyes began sparkling. "It shouldn't be too hard to find a way to avoid too much empathy."

"I wouldn't rest my hopes on that one," Raven replied bluntly.

Dove shrugged. "Well, I could always stay in the back alleyways…" Her eyes became a bit distant as she remembered walking through the city, desperately seeking out whichever path would keep her farthest away from people… "I think I can… _sort_ of remember how I made it through the first time… And it's not like I'm going to be wandering aimlessly, you told me where the library was awhile ago."

Raven nodded. "Just… be careful."

Dove nodded, letting the smile she held in check escape for just a moment. "And maybe I can check out some books, too?"

Raven blinked. "You're going to need a library card."

The smile on Dove's face resounded in her eyes, echoing the anticipating excitement and honor flaring within her – she knew that Raven was trying to keep her within reach, and she knew how much of an honor it was to be able to go out into the city alone.

* * *

It didn't take her long to find the same alleys she had used on her journey to the tower. The fear and desperation she had been feeling then had burned the memories into her mind, branding in memories so vivid that it was almost painful to be walking down the same pathways once again.

But with a slow, soft breath, she managed to let the emotions go, focus on the present, not let them enter her mind…_ It's actually pretty quiet here,_ she realized, _the rest of the city feels so far off…_

She couldn't help wondering what the rest of the city looked like, everyone else in Titans' Tower seemed to have such a loyalty to the city that there had to be something special about it… or maybe it was pure instinct…?

_I kinda doubt it's the same reasons I loved my home so much,_ she thought, a sad smile turning up just the ends of her mouth. She sighed, thinking back to – _No,_ she told herself, _just keep yourself calm, don't let the memories –_

A soft fluttering noise pulled her out of her thoughts, and she instinctively turned towards it with a startled gasp, sensing another presence and her robe flaring brown for just a second –

A pigeon blinked up at her, tilting its head for just a moment before walking on.

Dove smiled, a sudden relief crashing down on her. "You startled me," she muttered, watching the bird curiously. She couldn't help wondering what a pigeon was doing alone, she had never seen only one at a time…

Unable to keep herself from wondering if something was wrong, she stepped lightly, slowly after it. He did seem to have a limp in his step…

Gray-lavender concern began to glisten on her robe as she followed, calling out softly to get his attention. She could sense the slightest bit of anxiety radiating from him…

"Come on," she crooned, quickly and lightly trotting to catch up. He blinked at her, began stepping unevenly closer towards the end of the alley…

"Don't worry," Dove muttered, stopping and giving him a chance to calm down, "I want to help." She crept towards him, closer to the wall that signaled the end of the path, and she made eye contact.

There was a momentary feeling of static, and then Dove felt the pull of the telepathetic connection. "I'm not here to hurt you," she murmured, sending him warm and gentle thoughts as she bent down and picked him up.

Instincts flaring, the bird immediately tensed and his pupils dilated, his wings tensed in the action of trying to worm his way out of her grasp –

"Hey, hey, take it easy," Dove muttered, startled by the sudden movement and barely able to keep her voice calm. "It's okay…" She gazed into his eyes, opening the bond just a bit more, intensifying the thoughts, the warm emotions, soothing his mind from the inside…

"There," she said once he stilled and he tilted his head up at her. He was still wary, but at least he wasn't going to fall from her hand and hurt himself…

"Stay still," she whispered, lifting him just above her head and looking at his feet, shifting him into one hand and using her other to gently run a finger over his legs, feeling for tension, swelling, pain –

He jolted when she applied the pressure to the bottom of his foot, the fleshy area where the toes met his leg. And thanks to the connection, Dove felt tension rush through herself as well.

_Calm down!_ she scolded herself, biting her lip to keep from yelping…

"You really are hurt," she mused, the lavender color deepening in her robe. It was a little saddening; he reminded her so much of the doves in Azarath, but he was so much more anxious, it took her so much longer than usual to gain the bird's trust… "Please don't be afraid," she pleaded, tilting her head up at him as she held him higher for a better viewpoint. "Oh, I know it hurts, but just give me a chance…" She brought him back down, held him against her chest as she stroked his back comfortingly. "Trust me." Slow and steady strokes, soft and friendly voice… she was doing everything she could to keep him unafraid… and after a few more moments, it seemed to pay off. He was definitely calming down now…

"Okay," she muttered softly, taking in a soft breath, closing her eyes, and shifting him so that he was standing on her palm. And she held the other hand above his foot. "Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos." Taking only a bit more effort to deepen their connection so it was no longer mind to mind, but soul to soul, she began drawing his pain away… into herself. A faded aura surrounded her hand, engulfed the area of pain around the bird's foot… It hurt, it was tense and she stiffened as she felt all too vividly exactly what he had been enduring, but she tightened her eyes, grit her teeth, and pressed on.

Slowly but surely, she could feel the pain ebbing away from him…

"There," she gasped, sending the pain away from herself. "There we are." She held him up and smiled into his eyes. It took a bit of effort, but she had managed to heal him; she could sense his relief as he tilted his head, blinked slowly at her. And then he settled into her hands. It was almost as if he was thanking her. She smiled tenderly, stroking his back reassuringly. "Good thing I found you, something could've hurt you in this crazy world…"

And then, for a moment, only a moment, she felt something odd, uneven, surge through her. He was… susceptible…

An odd, not-so-tender smile pricked the corners of her mouth. He was so _weak_… and he trusted her.

"Silly bird," Dove chuckled. The pigeon tilted his head as her hand stilled. The smile in Dove's eyes only glowed even brighter as she realized he was a bit, only a_ bit_, nervous. Her robe's shade began dulling, shifting, as her mind began wandering down a new path.

It would be so easy to simply… _so_ easy… a dark humor crept into her. And her robe was no longer even remotely lavender. It was… _red._

She began stroking his neck, and he looked up at her, his expression confused and fearful. His instincts were telling him to fly away _now_, he probably sensed her change, but she had _healed_ him, she didn't hurt him…

Dove stilled her finger. One by one, she laid her other fingers beside it. And she curled her fingers around his neck.

The fear elevated in the pigeon, and Dove couldn't help laughing. "You silly, silly bird." She tightened her grip, lifted him off her hand. The bird's fear raised, he suddenly began flapping frantically – Dove only laughed as she took his body in her other hand, the fear was so delectably _vivid_ and _energizing!_ – and she twisted her wrists with only the slightest effort.

There was a moment of empathy, an electric current jolted through her, and she laughed – but then she sensed something that forced a yelp out of her and she stumbled backwards into the wall. It felt like something inside her soul snapped, she felt it, something ripped away, the fabric of reality was being torn at the seams, oh Azar, she felt it! And a sudden dizziness fell into her. A sudden emptiness erupted within her soul, the slicing sensation of the soul, the _life_ being torn away from the body, and it sliced straight through her cruel pleasure. She had never felt anything_ like_ it, it was so strong and vivid and – and then thought became impossible. A dull aching numbness spread through her, and she felt like a heavy veil of darkness had settled over her mind. Weakness, nausea, lightheadedness, it felt impossible to breathe… She wanted to moan, felt it in her throat, but she didn't have enough strength even for that. She was frozen, rendered painfully numb and helpless by the empathetic sensation of death…

_It hurts,_ she thought miserably, gasping in pain as she became aware of an electric burn at the back of her neck… She opened her eyes, and the world spun horribly.. and she saw the limp bird in her hands… "Oh-Azar-no," she gasped, suddenly dropping him and staring at the murder she had just committed. "Oh no, no, nonononono… I couldn't – I _did_ – I didn't mean – I _killed_ him…" She choked on her words, and before she could stop herself, she broke down, her head in her hands and her tears flooding out. Energies began manifesting around her, crackling wildly, but she couldn't stop it, didn't care. The realization was just too much. She collapsed to her knees, sighing in a soft voice that was more of a sob, her legs suddenly too weak to hold her any longer. The sensation of his death left her soul feeling fragmented and shattered, and she had absolutely no energy left, let alone enough to hold her emotions back.

"Azar help me," she prayed desperately, her voice a soft whisper just barely escaping through her tight throat. Maybe he was just a bird, maybe he _was_ just a pigeon… but he was _alive._

* * *

Nearly an hour had passed before she was able to gather enough energy to stand up. The tears had stopped long ago, but the weakening numb empathetic sensation lingered on. Even now she felt a little dizzy as she stood, and had to lean her back against the wall – but a sudden underlying, subtle thought sent enough desperation through her mind to make her move on: _Raven._

She sighed, closing her eyes and breathing softly, inhaling and exhaling with an unnaturally controlled pace to calm herself and help speed the process of healing over – not that it would ever completely go away…

And then another thought caught her breath in her throat.

_What if she sensed that?!_

A thousand worrying, fearful thoughts shot through her mind in the next few moments – scoldings, empathy, disappointment, hopelessness… But then a realization allowed her to cling to what calmness remained in her mind and exploit it – _But I'm so far away…_

Reassurance began to slowly ease her mind, her following thoughts of times when their connective empathy seemed null and void; it was barely active when they were in their own rooms, it only flared when their emotions opened each others' minds.

Dove expelled a sigh of relief, shifting her weight to her own feet. _Thank Azar we're not __**that**__ close,_ she elaborated, remembering with a dull pain of grief how close she was to her mother, and therefore how connected they were. Alerina could have stubbed her toe in the middle of the temple, halfway across Azarath, and Dove would feel it.

The smallest bit of regret mixed in – Raven had said many times that she rarely ever _saw_ Arella, and Dove being so close to her mother was a mistake – but Dove shook her head at it. Not knowing her mother and being unable to be with her probably would have sent her spiraling into depressed insanity. Maybe Raven was able to bear that pain, but _she_ wouldn't have been able to…_ I'm just not as strong as you are, Raven, _she thought, wondering if she had ever actually told her that, or if Raven just guessed it herself. Raven seemed to have figured that out long ago…

Her mind finally distracted from the pigeon incident, Dove contented herself with warm memories of her childhood as she chanted the words and lifted off the ground, her levitation energized by the sentiments as she made her way to the library.

* * *

"Dove, you were gone for _two hours,_" Raven urged.

Dove, sitting on the couch reading one of the seven books she had checked out, shrugged. "I was distracted," she replied peacefully. And, since it wasn't technically a lie, she added, "I sat down to start reading this one, and I just got caught up in the story."

"I… can't say I blame you…" She would be a complete hypocrite if she told Dove not to let herself fall into a good book.

"I kinda enjoy hanging out at the library," Dove elaborated. "There's just something so familiar there…"

Raven tensed, wondering if Dove knew anything about what once lay below the ancient library's floor.

"Raven?" She pulled her eyes up from the book and met Raven's, feeling the momentary static of the empathy deepening, making the psychic sensations easier to home in on. "You're so…"

"Don't," Raven told her sternly, closing her eyes and forcing Dove's soul away from her own.

"Sorry," Dove replied sincerely. "It's just so unusual to see you… like that. I could sense you were... uneasy…"

"It had to do with the memory," Raven told her, her eyes still closed as she referred to Dove's accidental viewing into her mind a couple of days before Christmas.

"Really? How?" Dove asked, her tone betraying only a fraction of her eager curiosity. Sensing Raven's own skepticism – and vague curiosity, she added, "Raven, even _I_ knew about that prophecy."

"How? If your mother kept you inside all your life, and if _she_ didn't even really grow up in – "

Dove glanced around, being sure that no one besides Raven would know. She didn't exactly trust them yet… "Well, my grandmother was still a full-blood Azarathean, even though she was banished…"

"For _what?_"

"She had a fighting spirit. She had too many beliefs that clashed horribly with the others'. At least, that's what my – Alerina told me…"

"They actually - ?"

"Yeah…" Dove sighed and laid the book at her side. "Alerina said she wasn't even born when it happened, but she was so _afraid,_ I could sense it in her voice every time she talked about leaving Azarath…" Dove's eyes found their way to the window. "Azar, Raven, could you even imagine…?"

"I don't have to," Raven told her softly.

Dove sighed, her robe shaded slightly with a brown-gray color. Then she turned. "Raven?"

Her sister met her gaze.

"Have you ever been… afraid?"

So many responses passed through Raven's mind. She weighed each option against her trust of Dove. Yes, she had guarded the few small secrets learned so far, but… "Yes," Raven replied simply.

Dove blinked hopefully.

After Raven seemed unwilling to go on, Dove prompted her further. "Have you ever been afraid for your life?"

"Yes."

Dove's eyes brightened. There were so many questions she wanted to ask, so many things she wanted to know. But she understood Raven's vagueness, knew what it meant, and she respected it. Instead of prying, she nodded with a smile, and she picked up her book.

As her eyes traveled over the words, she could sense Raven's soul slowly simmering down, relaxing, letting her guard down. Relaxed, and grateful.

Dove's robe took on the lightest shade of lavender, and it slowly faded away as she let herself become enveloped in the book's imaginary world, slowly faded back to the normal neutral white.

It was almost like it never happened.

* * *

_Maybe it really was a bad idea to go alone…_

Dove shuddered, involuntarily recalling the sensations all too vividly. Now that she was alone, away from everyone else's empathies, and her mind was nearly empty with how close she was to dreaming, she realized that there was a faint ache within her, something so vague she wouldn't have noticed it otherwise.. she was still feeling the aftereffects of the death… She bit her lip, opening her eyes and bringing her arms closer to her face uneasily. A sudden fear was dissolving the darkness in her own room, she was remembering…

_No, no, don't - _

She couldn't help herself. In the peace of her own room, every little detail had come flooding back… She had been walking, seen him, _healed_ him… and then… then _what?_

_How did that happen…?_ She blinked, rolled over…_ I didn't even know I had that side, I've never acted that way before! _

The sudden realization left her close to tears. Desperately searching for logic, what had set off the completely unfamiliar sentiments, she reran over and over what she was thinking after she healed him… she remembered, too vaguely for her comfort, realizing he was weak…

_Was it the power…? I remember… I sensed that he was weak… he wasn't afraid… I could do just about anything right then and he wouldn't fly away… I knew I could __**hurt **__him. ….and then it turned red…_

A sudden thought arose in the back of her mind…_ Red… Doesn't red stand for - ? Oh Azar, no…! How…? I-I can't… Where did it even__** come**__ from?! Maybe I should ask Raven – _

Her eyes widened as she imagined exactly what _that _would bring.

_Right, ask Raven and have to endure thrice as much 'training,' tell her that I just killed something only because I could, explain that it just came and I didn't stop it…. I didn't even __**think**__ to stop it…_

She felt an uneasy shiver cascade down her spine as she realized that she had enjoyed the idea of taking his life. And another wave of memories crashed over her. But this time, she wasn't combing the mental scenes looking for logic. It was all so vivid, every single detail came back, she remembered every bit of shock and fear and terror that she felt when -

Luckily she was just aware enough to feel the surge of energy curse through her – she had barely gotten it under control in time, barely jolted her mind to a halt before they got out, she had to wrestle vigorously with the emotions to keep the energies contained within her…

_Calm down,_ she told herself sternly. _Getting upset's probably not going to help anything…_

She sighed and blinked outside, watching the rest of the world go by even as she prepared to sleep… A pair of seagulls soared over the water, probably the last of the day…

_I didn't even know I __**had**__ that personality… even at the worst of times, I wouldn't have believed it…_ Throughout all her life, simply imagining becoming even the slightest bit like – like _him_ would strike up enormous amounts of anxiety, and she would shy away from the idea altogether…

_Why didn't I see that coming…?_ She warily brought the memories to mind again, fighting to keep herself distanced, not let even the slightest amount of emotion enter her mind… _All I did was realize that he was weak… and then it... it just happened… It was like it was a subconscious switch – These emotional shifts are going even to the deepest part of my mind, and I can't monitor it… Is __**this**__ why Raven keeps telling me to watch myself, because it can just… slip in…? What if it starts happening in my dreams? What if I can't let my guard down for two seconds…? How long is it before I can't even sleep, or meditate, or even go back to normal…?!_

Her robe began fading, deeper and deeper brown with every thought, and she watched anxiously as the sky began fading to the black emptiness of a clouded and moonless night.

It was impossible to know when, but eventually the sky took her with it. She slept.

And that's when the nightmares began.

* * *

_I can't remember who I was, where I was, or how I got there._

_But I do remember the darkness. It was pressing in on me… no, arms. Mother's embrace… she was running. And she set me down in the hidden chamber, and then she locked out the light. She was afraid. I could sense it. Desperately afraid…_

_She ran across the room, I heard her footsteps through the floor… and then she stopped, too suddenly – and she screamed. Something fell down… something heavy. I heard it on the floor, right over the secret door… and I sensed nothing. Nothing…_

_I stood, placed my hand on the wall for balance – it slipped. Something wet, but not the water-wet, it was… warm. And sticky. And… and I touched it again. It confused me. And then I smelled it. It was… it was __**blood.**_


	8. Awakening

_**Chapter 8: Awakening**_

Dove woke up gasping. Though her dream-self hadn't been very terrified of anything, she found herself glancing around the room uneasily, slowly realizing exactly what had happened in the dream.

A rush of horror poured through her, and nerves became panic. _No, no, __**no**__, that can't be __**happening!**_

She gulped, placed her pale face in her hands. Her stomach knotted itself as she recalled the sensations – the fear, the scream, the silence… and then the…

"Oh-Azar-no," she gasped, her words blurring together as realized what her dream self never had… The blood, it was – it was _Alerina's…_

"_Mother,"_ Dove choked out, tears welling in her eyes. She crossed her arms, lay her hands on her shoulders, she was suddenly cold…

She opened her eyes as much as her fear and half-awakedness would allow, and she shuddered. Too many terrifying images passed through her mind, images of what had let the blood run into the chamber, exactly what had hurt her mother, why she had cried out so awfully…

_How was she hurt..? _she wondered, half desperate and half afraid to know. She recalled the sound of the scream all too vividly… and she remembered that she had heard that scream before, a scream of helpless terror and fear, a sound which held a place in her memory that she grappled desperately for but couldn't remember. It was just too long ago…

A small whimper of helpless confusion escaped her lips as she remembered the _thump, _and she realized that… the sound was probably Alerina falling…

And that would mean that the emptiness and silence she felt within her soul after Alerina fell was… death.

A gasp came with that realization, and a sudden feeling of terrified dizziness overcame her; what if the dream had some sort of significance…?

_But she's already… gone, _she reminded herself, forcing herself to remember the day when Azarath had fallen and taken her mother with it.

Her eyes closed once more, she pulled her blanket around her shoulders, hoping its warmth could comfort her, she felt so cold… cold and afraid. And then she realized… it wasn't just the dream. Something deep within her felt unsettled, out of place… and it felt closer to the surface every time she awoke.

But then she remembered that the sensation had faded away. She could only feel that unfamiliar facet of herself when she was calm, or numb… whenever she had been joyous or desolate, she hadn't felt anything out of the ordinary… It was as if the emotions were… _protecting_ her.

And it always went away.

_It's a-a phase, _she rationalized, remembering how she had been terrified after the pigeon incident, but when she let herself feel the warmth of the memories, that terror had swiftly faded away.

She inhaled softly, let out the breath, and let her head fall to her chest.

_It's going to go away, nothing to worry about… _Though that attempt to convince herself would have worked much better if she actually _believed _it. She still felt a bit nervous, anxious, she could feel the unusual awareness lurking somewhere within her… but she told herself again that it would fade, it wasn't going to stay… And with that she put her head back onto the pillow and slipped back into the blackness of sleep. Maybe now she could actually get some decent rest…

* * *

Actually, she hadn't slept well at all.

When she woke up, about three hours later than usual, it felt as if she hadn't rested for any more than two minutes, and she realized that sensations she was so worried about had in fact faded. But she still felt lingering tension from the dream with every step, and the fact that the tiredness sapped her patience didn't help any. She was used to running without much sleep, Azar knows she had done it quite a bit in her childhood, but she couldn't help wondering what had disturbed her sleep this time...

Trying to avoid thoughts that would irritate her nerves, she simply brought a book downstairs and sat on the couch, staring out the window – without even eating breakfast or opening the book.

"Dove," Robin called, noticing her unusually weak posture and the details of her expression – she seemed anxious. "Are you okay?"

Dove turned to him and nodded faintly. "I-I just… didn't sleep well, and I kinda have a headache…"

"Tea helps," Raven told her simply.

Dove shrugged. "Sometimes…"

"It would help you relax," Raven prompted, sensing her tension.

Dove shrugged again, this time with a nod of agreement –

"You ready for that rematch?" Cyborg asked tauntingly as he walked into the main room, Beast Boy at his heels.

"Dude, I am _so _ready!"

"I'm gonna _need _that tea," Dove muttered, pulling herself up from the couch and readying the teapot. She couldn't help feeling a tension arise within her as the boys' competitive energies rose, and she recognized _those_ feelings, the ones that usually meant oncoming argument for them and discomfort for the pacifist empath.

She tried to ignore the ache that amplified when the race began, pain arising half because of the sound effects and half because of the boys' intense focus, a tension within her that only grew greater and greater as their games went on…

Cyborg won that first race, and Beast Boy's competitive urges only flared brighter, making Dove close her eyes to help block out the feelings, keep herself from getting too nervous…

"Best two outta three?" Beast Boy challenged, determined to not let this one defeat be his total loss.

So much for hoping it was over.

"You're on!"

This time Beast Boy claimed the victory.

"Tie breaker!" they both cried in unison.

_They're so loud, _Dove thought with a sigh, realizing that it would be impossible to relax or meditate here with them playing… maybe she'd come back in about five hours and find them gone… but for the moment she didn't have enough energy to stand again.

"How do you like that?" Beast Boy called victoriously, bowing after his second victory.

Dove just blinked up at him and shrugged.

"Aww, you're no fun. You need to cheer up a little!"

"No thanks," Dove muttered, closing her eyes and taking another slow sip of her tea.

"Aright, time to crack out the jokes!"

"Oh joy," Dove sighed listlessly.

"Okay. What did one corncob say to the other? I'm all ears!"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, how about… What is a duck's favorite snack?"

Silence.

"Cheese and quackers!"

Dove groaned and slapped her forehead.

"Okay, okay, why did the orange stop rolling? It ran outta juice!"

"I'm running out of patience," Dove mumbled.

"Aw, come on, you know you wanna laugh!"

"Give it up," Raven told him in her usual monotone.

The green Titan let out a noise of indignity, then he put his finger to his chin in a pose of thoughtfulness. And then he snapped his fingers. "I know! What if I gave you a place on the Stankball team?"

"I don't play sports - "

"It's not a sport, it's just a game!"

"I don't really like anything competitive – "

"But it's all for fun!"

Dove shook her head, her expression beginning to show her annoyance.

"Why not? Dude, even Raven joins in every once in awhile."

She tried ignoring him, trying to keep her thinning patience from the breaking point – "No, _please, _I just - !"

"Come _on, _Dove, take a break from your weird pacifist-thing or whatever it is and play! Just one round."

"_No." _Dove put her head in her hands and groaned tensely, she could feel the anger rising within her, and though she was trying to fight it –

"Dove, come on, it'll be fun! And you could use a little fun right about now – "

"_Just leave me __**alone!**__"_ Dove yelled forcefully, suddenly standing up and walking stiffly out the door with her fists clenched.

Raven's eyes widened slightly at the outburst as she looked over her book, her expression conveying just a small amount of her startledness and inquisition – there was definitely something in that moment's empathy that was reason for concern…

"What's _her_ problem?"

"When will you ever learn, B?" Cyborg asked.

"Dude, I was just _trying_ to cheer her up! Why couldn't she just join in, just for one round? She's no better than Raven!" He pointed his thumb over his shoulder.

Raven shot him a glare, but she was too preoccupied to respond. Dove's robe had _definitely _flared red when she yelled at him – a deep, vivid red.

"Now you're running off too?" Beast Boy asked as she got up.

"I need to talk to Dove," Raven replied simply, her steps hurried and deliberate as she left the room. "Dove!" She quickened her pace to a jog and called out for her sister again. There was no response. Honestly, she wasn't surprised. Giving up on calling out, she sorted her thoughts as she made her way to Dove's room, her gait a swift walk the entire way.

Dove was leaning against her wall, just aside the doorway as she tilted her head back and tried desperately to regain her breath – she was still breathing swiftly and heavily; she had broken into a full-no run once the frustration cleared and she realized exactly what she had done, what had surfaced in her mind.

Then the door opened with its usual mechanical SWISH, and Dove jumped and yelped – and the shock didn't help her breathing.

"Dove?" Raven asked.

Dove swallowed, then she nodded once and collapsed to her knees, suddenly almost sobbing. "Raven, _help me!" _she croaked, her voice tight and desperate.

"Dove, what's going on?" Raven asked, her voice losing nearly all of the patience and gentleness at the sudden outburst, and it was almost a command.

Dove flinched, and her robe darkened to gray. "I don't know!" she confessed, and her tears broke through the mental floodgates.

"_You __**need **__to __**get ahold **__of yourself!" _Raven told her, striking up a small shield just before a bolt of white energy knocked her to the ground.

"I'm sorry," Dove muttered, he eyes wide as she blinked up at Raven. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Her voice softened, and she put her hands on her temples and closed her eyes tightly in concentration. It took a lot of will power, but after a few breathless chants of "Azarath Metrion Zinthos," her robe slowly began fading back to its neutral color.

Dove blinked up at Raven hesitantly, expectantly.

"Meditate," Raven told her sternly. "You're going to hurt someone if you don't learn to keep yourself _in control._"

Dove shuddered.

"It takes more focus than an hour of meditation – you need to _stay_ focused."

"Right," Dove breathed, still unable to even her respiration as she recentered herself and resumed the chanting.

Raven kept a careful eye on her for a few endless and tense minutes, then she nodded, reminded Dove once more to focus, and left, a small hint of frustration seeping into Dove's empathy.

Dove couldn't help feeling a bit of resentment rise deep in her mind, the smallest bit imaginable, but the thought was there. She pushed it aside hurriedly, but she unwittingly let it simmer in her subconscious, waiting, contemplating…

* * *

Finally, a chance for quiet.

Dove and Raven were the only ones in the main room, neither doing anything even potentially obnoxious. Raven was reading, Dove was watching a nature program on the television, and everyone else had gone to combat practice in the obstacle course. Raven had chosen to stay out today and keep an eye on Dove; with how viciously her powers had been lashing out lately, Dove needed someone to keep an eye on her.

Dove's tilted her head as one of the fish sprang up from the water, and the bear, standing so patiently at the riverside, caught it so easily in its mouth. It seemed oodly natural for the animal, Dove was fascinated – the animal world of this dimension never ceased to surprise her… She smiled, tilting her head in wonder as the predator began enjoying its catch, and the camera revealed an artful shot of the blood dripping into the water, sifting with the currents and spreading –

Dove winced, suddenly finding herself a bit nauseous.

Not wanting to irritate her squeamishness, Dove stood up and hurried out the door.

Raven began to ask, "Dove, where - ?" But the door had already closed.

She glanced at the television quizzically; Dove had seen much worse and not been bothered at all, so why was she suddenly so sensitive…? And then she realized that just about every other part of her mind had been easily brought to the surface lately… this was probably just another one of Dove's facets showing… hopefully…

* * *

Raven sighed, trying to blockade the frustration as Dove struggled to lift the pile of books from the floor.

Dove let out a groan as the stack fell to the floor for the thousandth time. "Raven, I'm sorry, I just can't…"

"You need to put more energy into it," Raven advised. "And stop letting the frustration influence the energies, all that will ever accomplish is distraction."

Dove nodded, setting her eyes on the books once more and aiming, releasing the energies, getting a feel for the inanimate objects for just a moment before lifting her hands and bringing – _trying _to get the books to follow. She gasped and let her hands drop, the energies dissipating as soon as her focus strayed. "Raven, I'm not strong enough for this," she muttered.

Raven sighed. "You've been able to lift rocks, carry plates, tear a stack of papers – "

"But those were precision exercises, not strength," Dove replied, her eyes betraying a quiet shame.

"And you carried the chest to the island - "

"With your help," Dove reminded her.

"When you release the energies when you lose control, those energies are more than strong enough to lift those books. If you learn to harness and control _that_ power, you'll find that you have more than enough strength to lift the entire bookshelf."

Dove's eyes widened. "Really…?" _Emotions…? _A small idea arose in the back of her mind…

Raven nodded. "The key is focus and control. Keep yourself calm, and monitor the energies, but don't necessarily restrain them unless you know that you're exerting too much. Keep track of the energies, and let them flow into the object, not around it."

Dove nodded, taking mental notes of it –

"Try again."

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos." Dove held out her hand, sent out the energies, searched out the books with her soul until she felt the slight pull of the telekinetic connection…

And she only felt strained when she tried to lift the books yet again.

"Are you thinking about where you want them to go?"

Dove nodded, grunting softly as she lifted her hands yet again, trying to bring the books up… at least an inch…

Raven shook her head, not having the slightest idea of what else she could say. "Dove…"

"Gravity's not cooperating," Dove sighed, her robe lightly shaded with a faint gray-brown.

"Do _you _have any other ideas?" Raven asked.

Dove shrugged. "Maybe I'm just not ready for this…"

"With the strength your energy bolts have when you lose control of your emotions, it's more necessity than anything. You need to know how to give the energies that power, and you need to know how to control that power, or you will lose control if it ever comes and catches you off guard."

Dove sighed. "Okay…"

"One more time…"

Dove nodded, turning back to the books. She went through every single bit of knowledge Raven had given her, trying to find exactly what she was doing wrong… or at least how she could do this _right…_

And then she remembered the voice.

It had vanished the moment it had spoken, leaving her wondering exactly what had happened or what it meant, and it had never returned, but now the three simple words had so much meaning, maybe… _maybe…_

_Emotions are power, _it said. And right now, power seemed to be what she was lacking most desperately. So she chanted the mantra once more, sent out the energies… but this time, she felt the connection and let her frustration fuel the mass of electricity. Maybe if she let her emotions in, just a bit, just enough to accomplish the task, maybe _then_ she'd actually be able to get something done…

They were crackling much more than her previous bolts and they were more stubborn as far as obeying her will, but they were fuller, more powerful, and they felt more… _right…_

This time, the energies, strengthened by Dove's emotion, clung closer to the books, Dove lifted, envisioned, exerted… had to put more willpower behind it to get them to move… and this time the stack actually followed her hand. She only managed to lift the stack a couple inches, but this success was far more than she had accomplished all day. Dove felt the smile pricking at the sides of her mouth, but she reminded herself to focus and concentrated on holding the books where they were.

Shaky as it was, the pile actually hovered as she willed it.

Raven felt the static feeling in the air magnify as Dove sent out the new round of energies, noticed the energies crackling viciously, and it confused her… at first it seemed like Dove's frustration was the cause, Dove was losing focus. She opened her mouth to remind her that it would take a time to adjust to this kind of energy work – but then she stopped. Her empathies weren't picking up any frustration, Dove actually seemed… _confident. _No, focus wasn't the problem… It only took a moment of investigation for Raven to find what was happening. Dove was using her emotions to grant her energies the strength she needed.

"_Dove!"_

She gasped, her robe flared brown, and the books fell to the floor with a loud THUMP, the energies vanishing immediately. Dove looked up to Raven's face, her startled eyes a bit wider than usual. "What?"

"Dove, you can't keep unleashing energies like that," she scolded. "You can't allow the emotions to fuel your powers. It's going to break free from your control, especially if you don't maintain a stronger control of your emotions."

Dove suddenly shrunk into herself nervously, her robe fading to a timid gray. "But… I-I can't use that much energy without something to power it…"

"It doesn't matter," Raven told her. "The amount power is near the end of the list, right now the only thing you should be worried about is controlling yourself."

Dove bit her lip anxiously, feeling her nerves growing as her sister's frustration became more and more apparent. "Raven, I can't do it that way, there's just not enough – "

"You need to learn that it's not going to be simple, and it's not going to be easy."

Dove gulped, feeling a familiar sensation arise and trying to push it down, not let it come back; Raven was letting a bit of frustration show, and the empathy made Dove feel hot, it seared her almost as much as her tone –

"You need constant control, and you must always be able to suppress whatever emotions even threaten to arise – "

Dove finally felt her barrier break down and anger flared inside her. "You have no idea how _hard_ this is for me!" she snapped.

Raven's voice rose ever so slightly at the outburst. "You have no idea how important it is that you stay in control. Stop being so stubborn and let me show you the right way to control yourself. You can't afford to experiment with your own methods and see what works, and simply shrugging it off when your powers get loose - "

Dove crossed her arms, the smallest hints of a glare crossing her face. "_Your_ method obviously isn't working any better." And she left the room, her teeth clenched with the efforts of holding back the thousand and one thoughts that were flying through her mind.

* * *

Raven waited for at least an hour to pass before she dared to talk to Dove about what had happened; Dove's emotions had flared so vividly, it was a wonder she didn't lose control the moment they hit… and if she spoke to Dove before she had time to calm down, the emotions just might rise past the boiling point. When she opened the unlocked and unmarked door, she found Dove sitting on her bed, stroking Sieara with a confused and almost fearful expression.

Dove gasped, started, jostling Sieara as she jumped to her feet – And the she recognized her sister and her nerves simmered down.

Raven passed through the threshold. "Dove…"

The first thing out of Dove's mouth was a desperate apology. "Raven, I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry! I don't know what happened, I _never_ felt like that towards _any_one before!"

Raven nodded, not needing to be told that the vicious explosion was out of character. "Sometimes emotions have no pattern, no reason for being the way they are…" She inspected Dove warily, unable to keep from thinking that something was really wrong with her… maybe more than she originally thought…

"Raven, I don't know what happened. I really don't… I-It just feels like… Raven, it's not me!"

Raven nodded. "I know. The question is, what _is_ it?"

Dove shrugged, her robe fading to a deeper and deeper gray. "I don't know…"

"Then we're going to have to find out."

* * *

Dove glanced uneasily at her reflection, being incredibly careful not to look into the glass, and she shifted the mirror to her other hand. The dove on her shoulder tilted her head, sensing Dove's unease…

"Raven, I don't know, what if I can't find what's wrong…?"

"Trust me, you will. These mirrors act as portals into our minds, physical manifestations of abstract ideas, thoughts, emotions… Any and everything that happens within our minds is just beyond the portal. If there really is something wrong, the mirror is the best way to confront it and eliminate it before it gets out of hand."

Dove bit her lip, knowing too well that there was something odd within her mind, but not wanting to know what it was. "I-I'm kind of afraid," she admitted, as if she forgot that the light shade of brown in her cloak made it obvious.

"You shouldn't be afraid to go into your own mind," Raven told her, a bit of suspicion showing on her face as she realized that if Dove didn't want to confront her problem, she had to know that there was something wrong within… "If you want to get rid of the problem, you have to confront it and at least try to conquer it."

Dove sighed, stroking the bird on her shoulder uneasily. "Okay… Should I… do anything…? I mean if I find something… _if_…"

"What you should do depends on what you find."

Dove sighed, fingering the wooden edge of her mirror. "Raven…"

"You know your mind better than I do," Raven explained, knowing Dove's question before she even asked. "I can't go with you."

Dove sighed, nodding her comprehension. "Okay… But, Sieara…" She turned to the bird. "I want you to stay here."

The bird tilted her head quizzically.

"I don't want you to get hurt if something bad happens…"

The bird blinked, then she obediently fluttered onto the bed, still watching Dove with alert eyes.

Dove closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Okay…"

Raven stepped back as she opened her eyes, gazed deeply into the reflection, bit back the fear as the portal appeared, and willed the journey to not be too painful…

The vortex brought her through the glass, into the portal, and expelled her on the ground. She landed on her palms and knees.

Dove sighed, brushing herself off as she stood, looked around… and had to brace her feet against the ground as a chilling gale of wind gusted past.

Dove blinked worriedly; winds like that were never good signs here… She glanced up at the sky uneasily, wondering what else was changing. The stars held their many different colors, but the sky was a uniform black. No longer the deep blue she had always known… The stars usually undulated at a steady pace, but now they were seeming to explode in bursts of light, their cadence as uneven as the gales nearly knocking Dove off her feet. The odd thing about the air currents though… once a gust was gone, the air was dead silent.

She took in a breath to calm herself and began. The moment she took the first step, it was as if everything changed. The sense of familiarity left her, and was replaced by a sense of fear. She realized that was no longer in the parts of her mind that she had always contemplated and sorted out, she wasn't anywhere near the happiness, the peace, that she had let herself wallow in for so long (_too_ long, Raven told her), but she was in that part of her mind that she had always avoided, always feared.

And the air seemed… _calm…_

The stillness only sent shivers cascading down Dove's spine. _It's just the calm before the storm…_

It seems that _nothing_ is as it seems when all's chaos.

A single strong but short breeze gusted through the air, and Dove jumped and yelped, emitting a high-pitched noise of anxiety. Her face was beginning to glisten with a nervous sweat, and she glanced upwards at the sky in hopes of reassurance.

Dove blinked – there was a crimson cloud in the emerald-green sky. It was a beautiful contrast, but… the meaning…

Dove whimpered softly and forced herself to move on. Her robe began to take on an earthy brown – the color of fear – and it deepened with every step she took.

Once she stepped through the arc, she fought back the burst of emotion and closed her eyes. She let her feet carry her through the thick, unkempt grass; she could imagine every inch of this section, she usually avoided this part of herself both inside this mental world _and_ outside… mostly because of how close it is to where she knew she had to go…

Had she opened her eyes, she would have noticed that the sky was becoming more and more crowded with the crimson smoke – it wasn't even _clouds_ anymore – as she neared the next gateway.

She felt the atmosphere change once more, back to the semi-neutrality that she entered upon, and she stopped, opened her eyes.

The first thing she saw was the black sky – blacker than the darkest shadow, and the vivid, flaring red stars… She blinked up at them –

A strangled, raspy cry resounded in the silence enveloping the space.

Dove glanced up at the arc ahead and immediately saw the black dove perched there. Its four red eyes seemed to be watching her inquisitively, expectantly…

She shivered and took in a deep, deep breath, letting it out slowly and hoping it took some of her nerves with it, and she began numbly making her way to the thorned entrance.

More and more of the demonic birds flocked on that one particular perch as she approached, never any more than two at a time, fluttering down with wingbeats as smooth and silent as the darkest of shadows, and always watching her with unrelentingly still eyes.

Dove realized that her breaths were quickening and began forcing herself to calm down and even her respiration, she couldn't let her emotions take hold of her, especially not _here,_ not _now,_ she couldn't lose control… though to lose control was what she so desperately wanted to do… She took in another swift breath and forced away the thoughts and the emotions that came with them, making one last attempt to clear her mind as she stepped through the gate.

Out of the safe neutrality and into the back of her mind, into the thoughts she had always hidden away – and even hidden _from,_ the one part of herself that she feared.

And as soon as she felt the atmosphere change and the small, barely detectable spike of emotions hit, she broke out in a cold sweat and she began struggling with a frantic anxiety, shivering slightly as she grabbed her robe in tight fists and forced her feet to move on.

Her breath shallowed yet again, her eyes didn't want to stay open to observe the hard and rocky atmosphere shrouded in a scarlet mist, every single thread of her screamed to get out before she went too far in.

"A-Azar," Dove muttered airily, feeling faint and dizzy and light-headed, she could hardly keep her balance –

Yet she walked on.

There were the birds again, sitting as silently as ever on the protrusion of a vertical rock formation.

Dove glanced involuntarily at the eyes and shuddered, on the verge of collapsing. The silence only seemed to echo in her ears, it was as if the still wind was screaming some kind of message that –

A distant rumble echoed, and Dove turned around with a sharp gasp, her eyes wide with both fear and desperation.

The mist was thickening by the gateway…

The doves suddenly screeched a completely unnatural note, and the entire flock shot towards the sky.

Dove's breaths suddenly weren't coming fast enough. She fidgeted with her robe as she backed away. The fear was rising, really _rising_ now, and her senses were needle-sharp – every star's light seemed brighter, every breeze felt like a monsoon, every single molecule of the mist shimmered so much more brightly than it should –

Dove yelped and jumped back, tripping on the uneven ground and collapsing, nearly sobbing before she could even comprehend what she had seen: the flash of red and the four glowing, glaring eyes.

Dove heard the laughter all too clearly, and she screamed and jumped around, shooting straight towards the exitway and not stopping until she had passed through.

The vortex ejected her into her room. She stumbled forward as soon as her feet hit the ground, and she tried to regain her balance, but she was too dizzy, too weak, and she collapsed to her knees.

"Dove…" Raven, who had been standing near the threshold until she reappeared, stepped over and kneeled next to her.

"No, no, no… Raven…" Dove shuddered, her eyes closed in a desperate – and failing – attempt to hold back tears.

"Dove?" Raven made sure she held her voice low and even; the last thing Dove needed was more stress, it was all too obvious.

Dove put her head in her hands and shuddered yet again, but it was more of a sob than anything.

"What happened?"

"Raven, it's gone, it's all gone…"

A thousand and one questions surfaced in Raven's mind, but she set them aside, knowing that it wouldn't do either of them any good to make her recount the events before she had a chance to calm down.

"All gone…" She exhaled shakily, letting her hands fall to her sides, and bowed her head.

Raven sighed, then she put her arms around Dove's side and pulled her to her feet, almost immediately recognizing how tense and moist her skin was.

Dove shivered, leaning against Raven's body for support as her sister began leading her to the bed – she could barely stand alone, let alone walk across the room.

"Dove, you need to calm down," Raven told her as they sat on the bed – Dove did something more along the lines of collapsing.

Dove whimpered softly. Beneath all the frantic desolation, she _knew _she had to, but… she couldn't, and she couldn't scrape up enough willpower to try. "I'm sorry," she apologized in a soft whisper, opening her eyes just enough to see the pale-blue blanket, too numb and too mentally weak to raise her eyes and meet Raven's.

Raven watched her, silent, for a few moments, then she spoke again. "When we fear something, sometimes we react to it more… fear can be stronger than hatred, and from what I can sense in you, usually… it is."

Dove nodded, still grappling for comprehension through the fog that had settled over her mind. But she understood.

"Maybe… Maybe that's why you have so much trouble controlling your powers. You're afraid."

Dove nodded again and closed her eyes, exhaling a shuddering breath.

"The only emotion I've ever felt towards that – that part of myself is _hatred._ Maybe that's why we react to the times when we _do_ lose control so differently, and I'm willing to bet that it's why you can't control your powers, because the fear _is_ so much stronger."

Dove opened her eyes and blinked, her eyes a bit wider than usual as she turned Raven's words over in her head a few times – she was still having trouble understanding exactly what she said… "Really?" she finally managed to whisper.

Raven nodded. "Really. Stronger, or at least more desperate. Fear tends to lead to illogical thoughts, rational thinking is usually overcome by desperation… Dove, you need to be more careful."

Dove was mystified. "Why…?"

"Because fear is something that can take control in an instant, and fear can arise from _anything_… The unknown or knowing something overwhelming, nerves, anxiety, concern… and once that fear takes control, it's hard to recover."

Dove swallowed uneasily, knowing from experience that Raven's words were all too true. "Right…"


	9. Here, kitty kitty

**Chapter 9: Here kitty, kitty…**

"Raven? What's it like being a cat?"

"What?" Raven blinked and looked at her sister with an eyebrow arched. "As if I know."

"Well, you know, with you being able to read minds and all…" Dove shrugged jovially, a grin twitching at the ends of her mouth. "Cuz I was just thinking… you know how they say that you can't really know someone until you walk around with their shoes or whatever? What about some_thing?_ You know, like animals."

Raven blinked, then she turned back to her book. "Ask Beast Boy."

Dove giggled. "Has he ever been a cat before?"

"His name is _Beast_ Boy."

"Beast means cat?" Dove tilted her head.

Raven seemed too preoccupied to bother answering.

Dove shrugged, and she inched over on the couch until she was next to the green Titan. "Beast Boy?"

"Huh?" He looked up from the list of cheat codes he printed out earlier.

"What's it like being a cat?"

"It's… catty."

Dove giggled. "Ooh, you must feel so smart. But really!" She blinked excitedly.

"Uhh…" He inspected her pink-robed self, wondering if she was really serious. And even if she was, how do you _answer_ something like that? And why did she choose cat, of all animals? Wouldn't a cheetah be so much cooler, or a rhino? Or a dinosaur? "Well it gets really furry… and it's cool… you can see in the dark and stuff…"

Dove's eyes brightened, and her smile widened. "Can you hear through walls?"

"If it's loud enough. The best part is, you can sneak around really quietly and hear everyone else, and no one can hear you." A mischievous smile emerged on his face.

Dove tilted her head, imagining… "No change there. No one ever hears me. Or Raven."

Beast Boy shrugged. "You're quiet."

Dove giggled. "And you're _not._ Maybe you should be a cat more often so no one can hear you," she joked energetically, flicking his ear playfully.

"Ow!"

"Sorry. So I guess your ears are sensitive anyways? Cat or not?"

He opened his mouth to reply, but before he had a chance to let out a single syllable, Raven tapped Dove on the shoulder.

She looked up, slightly startled, but then she met Raven's eyes and sensed exactly how serious she was, and the joviality gave way to a momentary confusion before she realized that she had loosened her grip again.

Raven waited a moment, making sure she had found neutrality, then she led her into the hall and began walking her to her room.

Dove shook her head. "I swear, Raven, I'm going mad…"

"Has this ever happened to you before?" Raven asked, as if she hadn't heard about Dove's threatened sanity.

Dove shook her head, trying to work out how it happened. "This is seriously the first time in my life. My robe's usually all white."

"So you have no idea what to do."

Dove shook her head again.

"What about when you were younger? What did you do to keep your emotions under control then?"

"Just go somewhere quiet and calm down," Dove shrugged. "Never anything fancy…"

"Quiet as in…?"

Dove held up a hand and gestured in mock indifference. "Not noisy, away from everything… away from everyone so the empathy doesn't bother me or distract me or send my emotions spiraling out of control… the usual."

"Maybe you should use that method from now on," Raven said, looking almost defeated. "Running isn't the best way to deal with it, but for now it's all we've got."

* * *

It seemed too dark to be noon. There were no shadows cast, no sunrays filtering through the windows, no warm breeze stirring up the city dust… the stillness was almost unnerving.

Dove tilted her head to the sky, her worried expression deepening at the heavy clouds looming there, threatening rain – and not the gentle kind.

_Maybe I should've stuck to meditation – _

The sudden tension of empathy broke her thoughts. She felt the tingling sensation run down her back, and she shivered. Then she shook herself out of it, though it left an odd anticipation, almost a feeling of emptiness…

Wondering what had caused the flare, she glanced around the corner –

A flash of pale orange darted through her view of the alley, fear struck her senses like a bolt of lightning, and she staggered back just in time to see the pigeons fluttering away, an orange tomcat sitting where the birds had been only a split second ago, with tail feathers under his paw but no bird attached.

Dove blinked at the scene, then she shook her head to clear the daze.

The cat was still watching the birds even in their escape, his tail twitching in frustration and scheming tension…

"So close," Dove mumbled, and she sighed; this was probably why Raven didn't want her to go into the city alone, sensing unfamiliar things too suddenly for her comfort… and it just wouldn't go away… She was still struggling to push away the empathy, her eyes closed in a weak attempt at concentration. Then the fog in her mind lifted, too suddenly – yet the uncomfortable tension lingered, only it was clearer now, more vivid…

She put a hand to her head and blinked at the cat curiously. Sensing the cat's mind working for a solution put her in an inquisitive mood. For those next few moments, all she felt was pure empathy, any and every thought of her own had left… and then…

Something within her mind seemed to take advantage of the near-emptiness and took hold.

It was rising again.

An unfamiliar line of thought arose, and she felt an odd desire, a lust, and she glanced around, the stiffness from the cat was really growing bothersome…

Boxes. Lots of boxes. And then a smile pricked the edge of her lips, an idea making its presence known.

She stepped to the edge of the alley behind her and picked one up, judging its size… it would work. Nodding, satisfied, she stepped around the corner stealthily, walked around it, and a flock of nearly a dozen pigeons met her eyes, picking grit and barely paying any attention to her. Good.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she muttered, quiet and clear and focused. One of the birds looked up –

Then the whole flock scattered, obscuring the view in a flurry of slate-gray feathers for just a moment – and when they were gone, Dove let her smile widen just a bit.

_Raven was right, this telekinesis stuff **does** have its uses._

She chuckled as she felt the anxiety shoot through her. The box was overturned on the pavement, and trapped beneath it was a pigeon fluttering against the cardboard sides in a frantic attempt to escape.

The fear through the empathy was causing such a stimulating rush of energy to jolt through her, she felt so exhilarated!

…but still the tension clung to her and simply wouldn't let her go.

Dove let out a noise of irritation. Keeping the box under her powers' control, she stepped hurriedly back to where the cat had been, and she found him padding towards her.

The moment he saw her, he froze and began to bound away, but Dove released a jolt of energy in his path, and he leapt high in surprise and bolted straight towards her.

She reached out and grabbed his waist and ran towards the trapped bird, suffering a few scratches on the way but unable to care, only able to think about the lingering tension in her soul that had to be broken. Fear just wouldn't cut it.

With all the carefulness and speed she had, Dove tilted the box upwards, tossed the cat in, and slammed three of the four flaps closed, holding the fourth open to satisfy a sudden morbid curiosity – she could simply create a wall of energy and watch through the jagged window.

The cat ran around the box once, twice, searching for a way out as the bird fluttered around madly –

Then Dove felt the fear break and the cat's ears pricked, the bird continued to panic, and the cast's nerves turned to a primal instinct, hunger of the hunter.

Finally the tension could break.

Dove smiled as the cat pounced, her robes darkened a few shades of red, and she began laughing as the cat attacked. The pain severed the ties of tension with clean cuts, forcing the annoyance away as the vivid and pure-energy senses of fear and pain brought sensation back, she found herself savoring the pain – it felt so good to be relieved of the numbness - !

The cat pinned its prey against the ground with one paw, the other swatted the pigeon as it tried to flutter away, desperately afraid, its other wing flapping madly.

Dove felt a dark triumph arise as she could sense the bird weakening, exhausted, hopeless… A feeling of power and victory swept through her as the bird finally ceased its wild wingbeats, and she threw back her head and laughed, a cruel, vicious, merciless laugh.

Lightning sliced through the clouds, and its companion wasn't far behind – a loud clap of thunder resounded through the sky, its voice thrice as deep between the walls of the alley.

And that single sound was all it took to trigger her fear.

Dove yelped sharply, involuntarily recoiling as the terror took hold and flared freely, erasing every other thought and emotion and sense of empathy inside her, and her robe snapped to a deep shadowy gray.

And that's when she realized exactly what she was doing.

A gasp of horror escaped, and she grabbed the cat with wide eyes, putting him to the ground in a jerky motion as the first few drops of rain splattered to the ground. Then Dove reached in and held the pigeon with shaking hands, barely understanding what was going on. A wave of pain swept through her the moment she touched him and her breath hitched in her throat. Pain, and such terrible fear and exhaustion… She shuddered, realizing that _she_ had done this…

While the unpleasant sensation had lingered in her mind, all she could think about was getting rid of it… she didn't realize what it would do to him… but now… now she knew all too well… She let out a soft, choked note, half voicing the empathetic pain and half exhaling her remorse. Tears were welling in her eyes and she felt a sob escape her, and she bowed her head and closed her eyes; the guilt was heavy on her mind, heavy and almost completely foreign.

"I'm sorry…"

The light amount of rain doubled, tripled, and it wasn't long before it became a downpour. Thunder echoed again, somewhere in the distance, and Dove felt herself shiver. She opened her eyes and hesitated to look at the bird… but she lifted her eyes from the ground and saw its pain as much as felt it. There was blood, too much of it, but the rain was washing away what would mat his feathers, it was on her hands –

She felt her stomach churn, and she swallowed the dull feeling of nausea. Recognizing how hard the rain was falling, she brought her arms closer to her body and bent over him, sheltering him from the rain. A bit of courage, maybe even hope, came into her with that slight motion, and she forced herself to close her eyes and try to calm down, at least a little bit, please, _please… _

Dove blinked at him, and she closed her eyes, not wanting to be distracted by her squeamishness. He was definitely still alive, she could sense it, maybe, maybe she could help him… Desperately hoping it would work, she summoned the energies and shifted the bird to one hand, holding the other above his back and brought her mind to something she knew she was to inexperienced to do. But she had to try. She took a breath, hoping to stabilize her mind, and she chanted "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." She focused, tried to open a connection between them… the empathy of the pain deepened, and Dove felt herself wince. So it was going to hurt. Didn't she _know_ that…? She shook her head and tried to steel herself, tried to open a connection again… it wouldn't come, she closed her eyes and tried to push harder… she felt the pull, just for a moment, and again the pain grew more vivid. But she grit her teeth and tightened her closed eyes, trying to pull the pain away, trying to help him…

It wasn't working. Dove let out a breath of resignation. "I can't," she whispered, as if he knew that she was trying to help him and couldn't. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" She shook her head, a deep helplessness taking hold of her mind, bringing with it a new tightness in her throat. She could sense that he was… almost resigned, like he had given up…

"Don't die, please," she pleaded, choking out the words and trying to organize her thoughts. She stood up, her mind racing for solutions. She couldn't heal him. She just couldn't.

But maybe… maybe Raven _could._

That thought sent a jolt of new energy through her, and she looked to the sky and nearly shouted the incantation. Her desperation wouldn't allow her to focus and keep from wavering precariously as she took to the air, but the determination wouldn't let her stay on the ground and take the long way home. She shuddered as she found herself praying that she wouldn't find an odd desire to hurt him even more, but she shook her head and focused on gaining altitude and making it to the door without her powers failing her.

She was almost to the bay when a streak of lightning flared off to her right, and Dove bit her lip, wanting to close her eyes, but she couldn't lose sight and balance, she couldn't crash, but she knew –

Dove screamed and flinched as a terrifyingly loud thunderclap erupted, and she felt the static release of energy – a thick, white bolt of her powers manifesting themselves slashed through the air. Dove yelped, and she whimpered as she struggled for control over it, wrestling her emotions… It came back to her slowly but surely, and she managed to dull the terror to anxiety and reign the energies back in. But she still exerted a bit more force with the levitation and propelled herself faster, even knowing how dangerous it was, with all the emotions flaring inside her, she was just barely able to contain them; but she was far more worried about getting home than staying in control.

The skies let out another flare of light, and a muffled sound of thunder followed. Dove whimpered, feeling the fear mount again, biting her lip and feeling every part of her tense but begging herself not to give in to the fear, no, she had to get home… The closest she got to losing control was a small fizzling streak wrapping itself around her, but she forced that away and channeled the energy to her flight, she needed the extra energy, the rain was weighing down her clothes and plastering it to her skin…

By the time she stumbled into the tower shivering and dripping everywhere, she was swallowing sobs – there were probably tears on her face, but with the rain it was impossible to tell; she couldn't have felt them even if they were there.

Dove clutched the pigeon close as she ran through the halls, and she stroked his back with her fingers anxiously – he was fading… "No, no, please," she begged breathlessly, quickening her pace as swiftly as her near exhaustion would allow.

Raven wasn't in her room. Dove felt a new wave of frustration mounting – he was slipping, slipping…

"Please," she whimpered as she took off again, her legs barely willing to run anymore. She nearly collapsed when the doors to the living room opened, and she stayed by the threshold to catch her breath.

"Dove - ?" Raven began, but when she looked up, her mind veered onto another path.

"He's hurt," Dove whispered through her tears.

"That explains the empathy," Raven responded, setting her book on the couch and rising to meet her.

"I tried healing him, but I-I can't…" She bowed her head and inhaled shakily. "Raven - "

"I can help," Raven told Dove, reassurance in her words but not her tone; the empathy was so painful, her entire body felt stiff – she had to shift to total monotony to keep herself from giving in to the pain. "Dove, you need to calm down… and I can't heal him entirely… but I might not even be able to save him, do you understand that?"

Dove shook her head. "Please, try… I-I don't want to feel him dying…" She refused to tell Raven that the guilt would be as bad as the empathy…

Raven nodded. "I will."

Dove closed her eyes and handed Raven the bird. She swallowed, feeling how weak his heartbeat was against her palm…

Raven held her hands over him, each glowing with a white-blue energy as she began drawing his pain into herself. She closed her eyes, bracing herself against the pain. It hurt. It always hurt. But she could deal with it, the relief would come soon enough. She tensed, having to pull just a bit harder as she felt more injuries, under his wing, over his back, there was the faint ache of having at least three of his left wing feathers pulled out… but it was tolerable. Barely, but she could process it…

Finally the pain was gone. Raven tightened her eyes, forcing the pain away from herself, away from her soul…

Dove even shivered as the temperature in the room dropped.

Raven gasped softly as she opened her eyes, her breathing just a bit heavier than normal. "Azar, Dove… What _happened…?"_

"He was attacked by a cat," Dove replied softly, bowing her head and holding her eyes to the ground, desperately avoiding the specifics.

Raven was barely listening, remembered healing a dying dove in Azarath… the life-energy had been so similarly faint, but this one had been in so much more pain…

Dove sensed her distance and hesitated, She lifted her head, faintly wondering what – Her eyes met Raven's, and the pull of the contact opened her soul to Raven's. She was suddenly watching her sister's memory as if it was her own, her mind lost to Raven's feelings of the remembered scene…

_"Raven, the bird is **dying**."_

_The Azarathean man knelt in front of young Raven, holding a pillow carefully in his hands, and on top of that cushion lay a white dove, wings limp at its sides._

_"I know, Theron. I sensed its pain **before** you brought it to me." For the young empath, the pain had been hard to miss. Taking the bird in her hands, and under the watchful eye of her mentor, she began the process. "Its **agonies** flow into me, and into my **soul…**" And before long, she could sense the relief, "I feel it **healing.**" She sent the pain from herself and watched as the bird flew away, light and effortless as a bird should be…_

Entranced by the memory, Dove felt a call for her to go deeper, see more vividly exactly what –

She closed her eyes and shook her head, breaking the connection. The sensation had brought with it a sense of self-consciousness… What if Raven didn't want her to see that…? She didn't mean to… to… But no, Raven was still sifting the memory in her own mind, apparently she hadn't noticed Dove's accidental intrusion. Dove blinked and sighed, a little ashamed that she could barely heal the most basic pains… She couldn't help wondering how long it would take her to be able to learn to heal like that as she stepped over to the sink, lost in thought as she washed the blood off her hands.

If only she had watched a little longer, maybe she wouldn't have felt so ashamed...

_"Is there **no one** I cannot cure?" Raven asked, still watching the bird as she directed the question to Azar._

_"My dear Raven, there are only a very few you **can** whose pains and agonies are too great are beyond even **your** redeeming."_

Raven blinked herself back to the present and found herself sensing… disappointment.

"Would you like to watch over him?" she asked Dove, her tone so subtly hinting at the desire to comfort her.

Dove blinked, hesitated. If she hurt him again, even not meaning to… "Well… yeah, I guess…"

Raven nodded, handing him to Dove. "He's still sore," she said.

Dove nodded in response, holding the pigeon with her hands cupped, the same way she held Sieara. He shifted in her hands, and she felt a weak smile emerge. At least he was okay…

Raven could still sense a slight unease within Dove… but she didn't dwell on the thought for too long; Dove had tendency to worry about something until a positive outcome was absolutely ensured. Then again, so much anxiety probably wouldn't help with her recent control issues…

"You shouldn't worry so much," she told her as they turned down the hall that led to Dove's room.

Dove shrugged. "I guess not…" She stroked the pigeon's back softly with her thumb, whispering a soft phrase of comfort and trying to send him warming thoughts as her door slid open.

Rain was pelting hard against the window, drowning out the sound of Sieara pecking at her food bowl. Dove glanced at the glass a bit nervously, hoping that the storm would end soon… She held the pigeon in her hands as gently as possible, and she brought out an extra food and water dish for the newcomer. Sieara wasn't very territorial, but it would be easier to avoid any conflict between the birds if she could just keep them apart… She let the pigeon step onto her bed, and she moved a couple of papers from the top shelf – she wasn't sure if he would roost next to Sieara or not, she wasn't very sure about how pigeons reacted to doves. But they were both at least semi-social by nature, so it can't be that bad…

Sieara fluttered down, landing on the side of the bed opposite of the pigeon. She tilted her head curiously, the intelligence gleaming in her eyes as she inspected him. She stepped towards him, and the pigeon crouched closer to the ground, almost as if prepared for flight. Sieara simply tilted her head the other way and stopped; this one seemed nervous… She stepped to him casually, and before he had a chance to flutter away, she nibbled her beak on his back and groomed him.

Dove smiled softly in spite of herself. "Good girl, Sieara…"

"I think he's going to be okay."

Dove turned questioningly, and Raven clarified. "I know you'll take good care of him."

Dove nodded her thanks, and her gratitude. She might not have trusted _herself_ to take care of him… but it was reassuring to know that Raven believed she would…

Raven turned and left.

Dove sighed, watching as the pigeon still crouched, his breast to the bed. He was nervous.

Sieara groomed him all the more delicately. Then she simply sat next to him, watching the window.

Dove began wondering how long it would take the pigeon to adjust to the –

Her thoughts were cut short as the deafening sound of thunder crashed, not losing a bit of its intensity through the glass.

And Dove screamed.

Raven stopped where she was and wheeled, hearing the sound and knowing that Dove was in a vulnerable state –

She ran through the threshold before the door was fully open. Dove was on the floor shivering, huddled against the bed and gripping her hair, and Sieara had abandoned the pigeon to rest on her companion's shoulder.

Raven sighed, stepping over and glancing around the room – nothing seemed to be broken, yet, but Dove's fear was reaching a dangerous height…

Dove gulped as Raven sat next to her, and she shook her head. "The-the thunderstorm's not even here yet, and – and… Raven, i-it's going to be _horrible…"_

Raven' first thought was when Dove had first come to the tower. She had completely lost control when she was in her room and she heard the thunder, nearly destroying the room in the process. The only thing keeping Dove's energies from lashing out against anything was Raven's own sphere of energies. It seemed like they were coming to that point again.

Raven waved her hand and formed the semi-sphere around them – smaller than the first time, but still a necessary precaution. "Dove, you'll need to get over this eventually…"

Dove shuddered. "I-I can't," she said, her voice more like a gasp. "It's-it's just – Raven, it always reminds me about… about _him…"_ She shuddered again, putting her head in her hands. She hadn't meant to say that, but it came out before she could help herself.

Raven blinked, wondering if Dove had just now figured that out, or if Dove's 'not knowing why' on that first day was just an unwillingness to tell Raven about herself… either way, it was understandable. And Dove actually seemed to have a slight control over her fear. She told Dove her observation.

"Don't get your hopes up," Dove said softly. She winced as another flash of lightning blanketed the room in its white light, and she whimpered as the thunder followed. She could feel the fear pulsing inside her, her control wasn't very far from the breaking point, and the only thing keeping her fear from running rampant was the sorrow dampening it.

Maybe she had been able to get him to Raven, and he was okay now… but… this was the second time she had completely lost control of her mind… and this time she actually _enjoyed_ sensing his pain… the first time, the electric sensation had severed whatever ties that – that 'side' of her – she whimpered at the thought – had on her mind. But this time… if that thunder hadn't sounded…

Dove shuddered visibly. Raven, sensing every bit of Dove's fear, couldn't help wanting to help Dove, somehow… she knew she could, but… what good would it do anyone if she took away the emotions and Dove never learned to deal with them herself? "You really need to find some way to keep yourself calm," she advised, her tone slightly stern.

Dove let out a choked noise, something like a sob. "I know," she whispered tensely – Raven didn't know it, but what she had just said had at least two different meanings. If she hadn't started letting herself slip into the emotions, none of this would be happening…

A distant, soft echo of thunder was heard, and Dove bit her lip as the small streak of white energy left her control. Her defenses against the fear were breaking down, it was just getting to be too much…

She groaned, wondering if there was any way to stop the fear from taking hold, and if she'd be able to stop _that_ side from taking hold next time she felt it…

Almost afraid of herself at that thought, she turned and huddled against Raven desperately –

Raven tensed, and Dove looked up at her pleadingly, knowing that she wanted space, but – but she really needed comfort…

Raven blinked, relaxing only slightly.

Dove shivered, and she closed her eyes and swallowed. She took a shaky breath, and she put her head on Raven's shoulder. She felt… almost secure. Raven was so calm, and it was such a relief, she let the empathy of that calm wash over her, the cool near-peace taking away the burn of the raging fear, it felt so soothing… even more soothing than her own mother's comfort… If Dove had grown this afraid in her childhood, Alerina would have been so afraid, and she's try to hide it, but there was no way anyone could hide from the empathy…

* * *

Dove glanced up at Raven once she noticed the rain had stopped. "Is it over…?" she asked, a bit sheepishly.

Raven nodded.

Dove's eyes flickered towards the window, and she let out a sigh. "Raven, I really need a chance to clear my head…"

Raven nodded understandingly. "Just try to not pick up any dying birds this time."

Dove felt the half-smile cross her face. "I'll try," she promised, and she stood and left the room, Raven at her side.

* * *

_Note to self: City has its own empathetic dangers._

She had thought leaving the tower, visiting the quieter parts of the city, would have left her alone with peace. But apparently she was wrong…

_What about that forest…?_

Her eyes drifted towards the trees on the horizon. When she had first arrived in this dimension, she had ended up in a meadow on the other side of the forest flanking the southern side of the city, and she ended up traveling through the forest for at least the first year she had been here.

A faint sensation of fear drifted towards her as she thought back… Fear was the only thing she had felt for more than the time she spent in the forest, save a terrible homesickness, and that meadow was where she had discovered her ceraunophobia… She blinked herself away from the memories, and she reminded herself that she couldn't let herself dwell on those times until she had more experience – and she especially couldn't dwell on _that _memory_._

_Maybe if I'm not around as many living things, and they're not within my reach, I won't be tempted to do anything… cruel…_

She felt a nervous half-chuckle escape her throat at that thought.

She shook her head to clear the thoughts, and then she chanted, "Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

_Focus, up at the sky, focus, imagine, try to focus…_

A gust of wind wrapped itself around her as she rose into the air, her eyes set in front of her and a determined expression set in her face. Rising, rising, she kept her mind trained on height, balance, stability… She was still shaky and her cloak was tugging at her shoulders as the wind she forged herself passed her by, but she was managing to get off the ground for once!

Once satisfied with her height – meaning she was high enough to be clear of any buildings – she set her eyes in front of her and set her thoughts in motion.

_Don't fall down this time, don't fall down, don't fall down._

Again, the memories threatened her temporary peace. She pushed them aside, knowing that painful memories were no better for her control than fearful.

For once, her powers were following her will.

_Focus…_

She could actually keep her thoughts straight. So high, so far away from any others, any sources of empathy and distraction, she could actually think clearly, keep herself in control… but it was exhausting…

_Not used to releasing this much energy…_

She heard her own breathing grow more rapid, her heartbeat steadily increasing…

_Just make it there,_ she thought, _just get to the edge of the city…_

But even that was too much. Even levitating, the journey across the city was so much longer than she thought it would be…

_Come on, come on, just a little more – _

She felt a small yelp escape as her sudden nerves let loose a small bolt of static.

_Focus!_ she scolded herself. Energy reigned in, but fading swiftly, she tried to send herself forward, hurrying towards…

She couldn't even focus anymore.

_That's not a good sign…_

Panting slightly, she took one last measuring glance around before she looked towards the ground and – faltered, but she hurriedly arced and landed on the ground.

_Didn't know it was that exhausting,_ she thought, leaning against a wall to catch her breath, and then organize her thoughts…

It wasn't long before she could go on once more. She glanced at her robe, and it was still white. That meant she could still hold her powers together, as long as she kept herself even…

She repeated the process. Focus, chanting, rising, imagining… Halfway there…

She had almost made it to the forest when a wave of fatigue met her.

_Okay, okay… I give. Don't wanna take any chances… especially with how uneven things have been lately._

Dove looked towards the ground and landed once more. She spent a few moments with her eyes closed, gathering what energy remained in her and being sure it would stay under her control. It didn't seem like she'd collapse…

She decided to walk, just in case.

Breathing deeply, calmly, she walked on. Relief showed itself so faintly in her mind, she was almost at the edge of the city, away from where there would be anything to –

A small sound reached her ears, and she stopped. She turned towards the source of the noise, glancing around the alley...

There was a kitten. A tiny, fuzzy kitten, with the mother nowhere in sight.

Dove tilted her head, wondering how he had gotten here, how long he had _been_ here... "You shouldn't be all alone," she muttered, a bit concerned. He was so small, so young... She closed her eyes and took a small breath, calling forth the energies and opening her mind, focusing on reception and trying to locate the mother through empathetic sensation... but there were hardly any other beings to be sensed, let alone another cat...

_I can't find her,_ she thought after a moment more, and she opened her eyes and looked to the kitten again.

Stepping lightly to not scare him, she leaned over and picked him up slowly, gently, and her robe faded to a sympathetic lavender.

The kitten huddled away in her hand. The poor thing was afraid.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she crooned. She lifted her hands to her face, making eye-contact with him for just a moment. The static pull of the connection fell in place, and she used that bridge to send him warm energies.

Stroking his back, gently scratching his head, she stood, and she walked in a light, even, soothing rhythm to find where he had come from. This poor kitten couldn't have been alone...

She expanded her empathy, drew on the energies to give it just a bit more power and hopefully sharpen her ability to locate the mother...

The kitten shifted in her hands and mewled weakly.

"Don't worry," Dove reassured him in a tender tone, "you'll be home soon."

The kitten blinked as she let a bit more thoughts, feelings flow into his mind. He needed to know she really meant no harm...

The kitten's tabby-striped fur felt so warm in her hands, so soft... She fingered his back and neck gently, hoping to mimic the feel of his mother's tongue. "There you go, just relax." She smiled as he blinked, then lay his head down in her hands; it seemed like he was finally trusting her.

A feeling of affection brushed through her, as soft and warm as his fur, and the maternal emotions amplified -

Dove suddenly caught herself allowing them to grow, and she dampened them, just a bit. Opening her soul to reception once more, she eased her thoughts off the kitten in her hands and onto seeking the others. Just a little more focus... a little more expansion... She finally found the sensation of the other creatures.

Dove smiled, keeping her empathy trained on the rest of the litter. "It's okay, little one, we're gonna get you home." She shifted the kitten to one cupped hand, carefully cradling it against her chest, and brought up her cloak and draped it over her other arm, holding it close to her body. She put the kitten in the fabric - he'd need to stay warm, after all - and after a moment, he snuggled into her, triggering a flood of warm affection that deepened her robe's shade threefold.

Feeling how close they were to the litter, Dove looked up just as they turned the corner. There against the building, boxed in by a pile of wood and a rusted dumpster, were four other kittens, just as small and fuzzy as the one in her arms.

She stepped lightly and kneeled in front of the litter before letting the kitten down to rejoin its siblings. He readily snuggled in with the rest of the tiny bodies. Surrounded in familiar smells, sights, and sounds, he took his place and lay down easily. He was home.

But Dove still sensed fear. She looked at the rest, and she noticed them huddling against the wall, looking up at her with wide eyes and fur bushed up in all directions.

"Oh..." Their nerves were unpleasant, she wouldn't want to hurt them, so young... She met eyes with a pair of golden orbs set in a gray body, and she sent the kittens gentle and warm thoughts, opening herself to each one of them at a time and easing their fear. She picked up a little brown and black cat with faint stripes on its back, and she pet it gently, snuggling it against her chest and being nuzzled in return.

_These poor kittens,_ she thought. So weak, so helpless... the mother was nowhere near... _Nothing's here to protect these little guys._

She blinked, looking into the kitten's eyes. He seemed curious, expectant...

Then a faint, misty dizziness settled itself over her mind. She shook her head, trying to blink away the dizziness, think _clearly_... There was an odd sensation inhibiting her thought - and suddenly making her feel unstable physically, she was trying to catch her breath... She still felt a bit shaky when she felt she could open her eyes -

Still dizzy. Dove closed her eyes and reached for strength in her mind, something to clear away the unnatural sensation... She grasped for whatever she found in her mind that was stable, and she held onto it. After a moment the dizziness faded, and stability returned. She looked down at the kitten, noticing that her robe wasn't lavender anymore. He had one of his paws braced against her... but even his brace was... It felt so delicate, so... so...

An odd curiosity overwhelmed her.

_So fragile..._

She took the kitten in her hands, contemplated for a moment more... and then she jerked the head and shoulders sharply, breaking its neck.

She felt the electric burn shoot through her body: it would usually be horrible, but now, in this mind, the sensation jerked every thread of her existence, body, mind, soul to awareness, and all that energy - it was so exciting! It left a tingling sensation where the burn faded, and she felt a pleasant shiver cascade through her.

She picked up the second, a tawny piebald furball, and she took this one slowly, working up the anticipation.

The kitten looked up at her in confusion - the motherly affection had faded, so suddenly...

She put a finger on the place where she could break it, fingering it and observing every vertebrae like an insane scientist collecting data.

And then she broke its neck.

She closed her eyes, she savored the waves of electric, tension, relief that came with the death... She was completely oblivious to the fact that her robe was slowly deepening in color, drained of white and filled by shades of red.

The kittens were now looking up at her anxiously, their little bodies growing tense...

Dove plucked the gray one from the group and snapped it immediately, giggling at the sensation. Her robe was now like red velvet. A bit of the pleasure faded - but, oh!, she felt _entranced,_ feeding off the energies released by the death and her hands tickled by the jolt and immediate limpness that followed.

There were just two kittens left, and she picked up the ginger tabby - the cat was squealing for help and squirming in her hands to be released. The fact that Dove had opened a connection between them, and the kitten could now sense her dark intentions, didn't help the fact that animals had a way of sensing Dove's true emotions anyways, and this one was _afraid_ of what she sensed.

And Dove found that fear entertaining.

She flicked her wrists in that fatal turn -

And then her soul seemed to collapse beneath her.

Dove yelped as the moment of death sent a wave of terribly painful waves pouring through her, her entire body jolted with it and she stumbled backwards. A horrible, sickening dizziness sprung into her, she felt weak, sick – she gulped back a retch. She had been completely oblivious to it until now, but she sensed it so vividly, the kittens had such a will to live…

She let out a sob and collapsed to her back, desperately trying to regain control over her breathing, trying to blink away the tears…

Another presence stabbed its way into her senses, and she winced. She forced herself up – collapsed to her palms and knees, strained to lift her head, opened her eyes… the presence wasn't human, faintest relief…

A fuzzy gray shape padded over to the corner, warily, cautiously, it glanced up at Dove, darted past…

Dove shook her head and focused on clearing her vision, focus on focusing…

Her remorse suddenly doubled when she realized that the shape was a cat – and judging by the way she was eying the kittens, sniffing them, it was the mother…

A faint touch of loss welled in her empathy. The dizziness doubled.

A small mewl erupted, calling the mother's attention… There was a survivor. He was the runt of the litter, Dove realized…

The mother cat's ears pricked up and she shot in front of the kitten, shielding him as she turned to Dove and arched her back, the hairs raised and a deep growl radiating from her throat.

The ferocity of the mother's defense was too much for Dove to handle. She swayed where she was, moaning weakly as she let her head hang and closed her eyes against the sudden vertigo, weakly trying to ease the pain, the aches, just wanting the torment to end…

She sobbed, whimpered just once. And then she collapsed, the numb blackness of unconsciousness acting as a merciful blanket as it settled over her eyes, her mind, blacking out the world and the horrible things she had done.


	10. Warning

_**Chapter 10: Warning**_

Pounding… There was a slow rhythm, a steady beat… felt so close, but sounded so distant… in her chest… Dove groaned softly, slowly registering the dull aches in her body, realizing the sound was her own heart… She shifted in hopes of finding a position to ease the pain, and the sound of rustling blankets met her ears.

Faintly confused, she lifted her eyelids, just a bit…

The fading golden light of the sunset was casting its glow over the room – _her _room… "How…?"

"Dove?"

That was Raven's voice.

Dove tested her arms, then lifted herself up, rubbing her head softly. Then she turned to her sister.

"Are you okay?"

Dove nodded, just once.

"I found you after _four hours. _What happened?"

Dove blinked, still trying to get a hold of what was happening _now…_ "I…" Exhaustion. She felt exhaustion. And… weak… but she could speak. "I don't know…" She took a soft breath, clearing the confusion, another breath to make it easier to think… now she remembered… "I – I was walking, and –" She closed her eyes and shook her head. The faintest anxiety arose in her mind, what exactly had happened, what did she _do…?_ And why…? She shivered, and she decided to skip the details. She didn't feel any threat now, it was probably just – just a phase… and she couldn't bear Raven's disapproval, not now… "I felt their deaths… Raven, it still hurts…" She lifted her eyes to Raven's, confused and hoping for understanding.

Raven was silent for a moment. "Death is a complicated sensation," she explained. "When the soul breaks away from a weak body, or sick, or pained, in empathy death can feel like… peace. It's almost blissful, relief… It feels like a chilling quiet, but there is a sense of pleasure, a sense of freedom… but when the death comes too suddenly, when the soul is forced to break away before its time, there is pain, a moment of shock and fear…"

Dove blinked, then she nodded.

"Either way, death is a strong empathetic sensation. The way your mother sheltered you, I'm guessing you've never been exposed to it, and it might take some getting used to."

Dove nodded. "I understand…" She looked down at her hands, lying on her legs, the hands that – She clasped them uneasily and forced those thoughts away. "Does it hurt less when you're used to it?"

"Not necessarily, but it's less shocking. Are you sure you're okay?"

Dove was slightly startled, only for a moment. Then she shrugged. Raven _would_ know if she was lying, or at least hiding something… "I'm… confused. All the emotions – I-I don't know what to do about them…"

Raven blinked, and Dove held her gaze on Raven's uneasily. Her eyes were piercing, so steady, like she was looking into Dove's soul… "Are you sure that's all?" she asked, her tone so gentle it startled Dove.

"I'm just afraid of what will happen when I completely lose control of myself," Dove admitted, her voice so quiet she could barely hear herself. She opened her mouth - then quickly shut it. She would stop there… that way she wouldn't have to lie… she didn't _want_ to lie, especially to Raven…

After a moment, Raven nodded. "You _should_ be afraid of that."

Her tone was still so much softer than she expected…

Dove just nodded weakly.

Raven's eyes were held still, almost waiting for Dove to go on… She waited for another moment. Then she began, her tone back to its normal self, "You may be letting your control slip, but at least you're looking ahead."

Dove faked a small embarrassed smile. Truthfully, she didn't even feel like she _could_ smile, it sort of surprised her…

"You should probably get some rest," Raven told her, her tone suggesting that it was more than a suggestion.

Dove nodded. "Yeah…"

* * *

It seemed today's earlier storm hadn't quite worn itself out.

Though the rain had stopped, the twilight skies were still overcast, the air still heavy with the threat of rain.

Dove blinked up worriedly, her robe just faintly tinged with a fearful brown. Once Raven had left her room, she began trying to sort it out… Now she was standing on the island. Raven had told her to rest, but she could only toss and turn in her bed, unable to ease the slight nerves and keep her body _or_ her mind still. She couldn't have slept; she was too anxious. So she had crept through the tower, sneaking out so no one was sure where she was. That way she couldn't be interrupted as she thought…

Twice. It happened _twice_ today. And as desperately as she tried, she couldn't figure out _how_. It just snuck up on her, taken her by surprise. There was no warning, no reason, no - Wait. It happened because she was… curious…? She wanted to know… what was it…? She threaded her hand through her hair and bowed her head. It was all so unclear… she couldn't really remember…

She closed her eyes, desperately sifting her memories for what had happened. The memory was… hardly there. That could just be her exhaustion… Thinking wasn't easy, even with deep breathing and a weak attempt to focus her mind. But she had to figure out what was going on. Or else… She shuddered, remembering the sound of her own laughter as she reveled in what she was doing.

…it was giving her a headache…

She sighed in resignment and began rubbing her temples, shifting her weight uneasily. For now she would just have to lie down, recover, and keep a careful watch on her emotions. For now, she would have to _forget_ what had happened… It was the only way she could heal.

* * *

Thunder echoed in the distance, and Dove groaned.

_Great… just what I need._

She had stayed in bed all day yesterday, on Raven's command, and she had spent most of that time sleeping - or unconscious, she wasn't sure which. But she knew that today around noon, Raven had come in, coached her through meditation, and told her that she seemed strong enough to get up. Dove certainly _felt_ strong enough, and she readily agreed - besides a restlessness from being in bed all day, hunger was gnawing at her and she was more than ready for lunch. Food sounded like a great idea.

But an even greater relief was found when she realized she could keep her robe from straying from white - or at least mostly. Regardless, she felt better knowing she was in control of her mind. That way she was less likely to fall into an unexpected turn of mood. Though she still distantly wondered how and why she had switched moods so suddenly in those few incidents…

But now that streak of control was definitely threatened.

The thunder brought on an uneasy and faded gray in her cloak. Though the sound was low and distant, it was still there, and its signal was clear: the storm was finally coming back. She watched the skies, looking up from her dinner uneasily. The clouds were dark, heavy… and judging by the way the seagulls wavered in the air, a strong wind was present as well.

Dove's anxiety didn't go unnoticed.

"Dove, are you okay?" Robin asked.

"Yes, you appear quite ill of ease," Starfire added, concern thick in her voice.

"I don't like thunder," Dove replied softly, her eyes held still on the clouds.

"It sounds like the storm's still pretty far away," Cyborg tried comforting her, and Dove bowed her head with her eyes closed, setting down her fork.

"But it's still coming," she sighed. "I… I think I lost my appetite." She stood and glanced at the window once more, then turned towards the door.

"Are you going to be okay?" Raven asked, knowing that look in Dove's eyes. She was afraid.

Dove nodded. "Yeah… Yes, I-I think…"

Lightning flickered between the clouds, and Dove winced, trying to brace herself against the coming thunder. She swallowed, the thunder sounded, and she closed her eyes with a shaky breath. "I'm going to my room," she announced, and she left, her steps light and nervous.

Once she made it there, she sat on the bed with her head in her hands. _Deep breaths,_ she reminded herself, _deep breaths…_ She straightened her back. Her heart rate was just a little bit higher than normal, barely noticeable, and the nerves were fragile, light… easy enough to ease with her breathing…

_In, in… out… In… out…_ She took in as much air as she could and still be comfortable, conscious enough of the fact that her nerves wanted to restrict her diaphragm -

Soft thunder met her ears, but she choked off the nerves, they were so small, the thunder was so soft… She held her breath for a second, clearing her mind, and exhaled, returning to the even, gentle, rhythmatic breath.

_It's only thunder,_ she tried comforting herself - then she bit her lip. _Just breathe, in, out, in, out, stop thinking, stop worrying…_

Well, at least there was _one_ thing she completely mastered in her training.

_In… … out… …_ It was nearly meditation, but she wasn't trying to slip away, her only goal now was to calm down… It was amazing what something so simple as breathing could do…

Feeling a bit more stable, she took a few more breaths before opening her eyes and standing.

_I have to be logical about this,_ she thought, not from her logical side's influence but because she knew that giving in to her emotions could only lead to disaster. She walked over to her bedside table, opened the cabinet beneath, and pulled out the wooden hand mirror. The edges were decorated to look like wings and the handle flared out at the bottom, giving it the shape of a tail. It felt smooth and even to her hand, a good sign.

Being careful not to gaze into her reflection, she set it on the table and propped it up with an extra pillow so the reflective surface could be seen from her bed. Then she nodded.

_A little extra warning couldn't hurt…_

Now if something unusual began happening, she could see it in the mirror before it got out of hand.

A flash of light brightened her room, and she looked towards the window. The thunder made her wince. She sighed, feeling the nerves come back, only this time they were fuller, more slippery. She couldn't get a hold of them, let alone stop them…

Rain began pattering softly against the glass, and she actually heard a gust of wind blow past. She sat on the bed and glanced around the room, her robe showing the faintest darkening.

_So that plan didn't work,_ she thought, wishing it was otherwise. She closed her eyes and tried breathing again, trying to breathe slow and deep despite the fear –

The rain thickened, the wind hurling it against the window as thunder crossed the sky yet again.

Dove tightened her eyes and bent a bit into herself – she couldn't help it, couldn't breathe deeply enough to stop to fear…

_Calm down, __**please,**_ she begged herself, and she looked around her room… Hoping to distract her mind, Dove took the book from beside the bed and began reading. It helped, a little…

The rain was almost soothing when the wind faded, a gentle rhythm, soft, nothing like the sounds she feared so much…

She felt the nerves ebb just a bit, down, but still not as calm as she was when she tried to breathe before… her heart was still beating stronger than it should, and she couldn't really relax…

_Come on, come __**on,**_ she pleaded, grappling for control –

Lightning lit the room again, and she jumped before the thunder even began. And when it did, she felt her fear rise and spike.

_NO,_ she nearly cried out. She knew she really needed the fear to lessen, she closed her eyes and tried breathing as deeply as her anxiety would allow, and she knew she really should distract her mind before she loses control, if she couldn't control the fear itself…

She turned back to the book and read each word carefully, not eagerly and absent-mindedly as she usually would, now really trying to focus and fall into the pages… imagine it vividly, distract her mind, "see" what was happening in the story…

The wind was hammering the rain against the window again, making it hard for her to imagine much at all.

Then she saw the flicker of lightning reflected on the mirror, and she glanced at the object nervously. Thunder crashed, sooner and sounding much closer than she thought it would.

Shaking, Dove swallowed and stood up, crossed her room to the shelf, then she took a lamp, set it on her bedside table, and turned it on. She found comfort in its soft golden glow, it reminded her so much of Azarath, of sweeter times…

She sighed and sat down on the bed, pulling her blanket up a bit higher and picking up her book –

Another flash of lightning flared in the clouds, bright enough to brighten her room even with the lamp for just a second, and thunder took its place. The sound was immensely loud, sending hot terror cursing through Dove's body as it seemed to threatened to tear the very skies apart.

Then she gasped; the light from the lamp was replaced by a near-total darkness that engulfed the entire space of the room.

Dove turned to the window, suddenly desperate – the only light out there was Jump City's tiny fireflies, the lights on the widows and signs and traffic lights – none of which even pinpricked their way into her room. And this darkness was just completely unnatural.

_Where in Azar's name are those generators? _she wondered, her fear spiraling into panic and out of control.

She swallowed and closed her eyes as she pulled her knees up to her chest and clasped her arms around them, wondering where the part of her mind that _embraced _darkness had disappeared to. And then she suddenly remembered the lights going out during dinner, before she left… they _had _been running – the _generators _just went out.

"Oh Azar…" Her voice came out small, tense, and timid, very much reflecting the fact that she was near tears. Then she felt the electric release of energy, and the lamp crashed against the floor right beside her.

Dove yelped and jumped, her eyes wide open as she blinked into the blackness. She couldn't see _anything, _it was as if a black curtain had settled over her eyes. She leaned over hesitantly and glanced downward –

She immediately resumed her position on the bed; when she tried seeing anywhere into the darkness an overwhelming vertigo fell into her, and she felt a sudden lightheadedness. So she closed her eyes against it, muttering prayers for it to all just fade away, get the lights on, she needed someone to come in with a candle –

"_Raven!"_ Her eyes shot open, and, trying to ignore the dizziness, she stepped gingerly off the bed. Once her feet were on the solid ground, a wave of calm suddenly settled over her. Balance suddenly seemed _possible_.

She stepped lightly, carefully forward, holding a hand against the wall to guide her and the other held in front of her. When she met the wall, she had to pry the automatic door open, groaning slightly with the effort – reinforced titanium was _heavy._ But finally she managed to get it open far enough for her to pass through. She looked through the threshold.

And then she whimpered softly. With no windows, the hallway seemed twice as dark as her room. She sighed, and holding her hands in front of her, she stepped warily and timidly past the door. She was glad that the thunder wasn't audible behind the thick walls, but she couldn't see anything at all… the darkness seemed too deep to be hiding anything solid, it was dizzying… she had to close her eyes and walk slowly with a shoulder against the wall.

Though she knew the way to Raven's room, she had certainly gone there for help enough times, she still had to stop at each wall and ponder, remind herself where she was and which way to go… Titans' Tower was ten times as confusing when it was impossible to see where you were.

After one final turn, she took a few more careful steps, imagining the distance, and when she felt the door she ran her fingers lightly over the letters inscribed. Finally she found the door she was looking for. She carefully pushed the door open, trying to keep it as silent as possible.

Raven meditating above her bed, about a dozen candles flickering gently around the room.

Dove bit her lip. She felt a bit guilty about interrupting; she knew that whenever Raven sensed her, it wasn't pleasant…

Raven opened one eye halfway and looked up at her, keeping her head leveled and only moving her eye to acknowledge Dove's presence.

"Uh… the lights went out…" Dove told her, her voice timid and her robe slightly shaded gray.

Raven closed her eye. "I hadn't noticed."

Dove stayed in the threshold and nodded uncomfortably. She blinked around the room, noticing that the window was covered up – she wondered if Raven liked the rain or not but didn't want to bother her again… and yet she had to. She swallowed. "I'm getting too afraid again…"

Raven sighed. "What – "

A crash of thunder cut her off.

Dove winced. "That," she replied, fidgeting with her now-brownish robe.

"Have you tried meditating?"

"Raven, you _know_ I can't meditate when I get this afraid!" Her voice was airy, breathless, and her heart was thudding against her ribs as she shivered where she was, looking out the window with a sudden sense of terror...

And Raven could sense exactly how afraid Dove was getting. She couldn't help wondering why the storms couldn't _wait_... it would have been so much better if they waited until Dove had a better - _much_ better control over her emotions.

"Raven...?" Dove asked softly, looking towards her sister but her eyes kept flickering to the window nervously. "Can you help me...?" Her voice was small, timid... she didn't want Raven to think she relied entirely on her... she didn't want Raven to think she was _completely_ helpless... even though, when it came to thunder, she really _was_... "I-I don't know if I can control my powers with this going on..." Her voice came out rough, tight, like she could barely speak past her fear.

Dove's tension was all too obvious, in her body language if not her empathy. And with how fragile Dove's mind was, it seemed all too obvious to Raven that confronting the fear wasn't going to help Dove… and if that was the case, their only option was to turn her mind away from it, _distract_ her.

She stood and met her sister at the threshold - and she couldn't help noticing how darkly colored Dove's robe was. "There's more to your powers than just energies."

Dove tore her eyes from the window and hesitantly met Raven's gaze. Though fear still showed clearly on her face, a slight fascination found its way into her mind. All her life, that had been the one thing her mother worried about with her powers, the energies and what they could do. But if there was more… "How… how much…?"

"A lot more than you know."

"What do you mean…? It's not – I don't… I mean, I know about the telepathy and levitation, but…"

"That might not be all you can do," Raven told her, piecing together each phrase carefully, not wanting to trigger any more fear in Dove's mind, that was the last thing they needed… She narrowly avoided mentioning how great the potential power was, but that would only frighten her. No, she would have to tread lightly with her words…

Dove blinked up at Raven, and waited for her to go on…

"You've been able to glimpse another's memories…" She had to keep switching subjects if she wanted to keep Dove's mind from the fear. "Maybe you have the ability to project your soul-self as well."

The slight fading in her robe's color assured her it was working. It was still a murky brown, but at least she was a little distracted.

As Raven led the pair to her bed, Dove told her, her voice still soft and a little tense but no longer sounding like she was choking on her own words, "My mother mentioned it once, she asked Arella something about a black mass of energy and she told her what it was..."

"How long ago did that happen?"

Dove shrugged, then closed her eyes and thought... "I think I was... almost seven...?"

Raven nodded; that would mean she was about nine...

"But I thought you said your soul-self had a form." Dove blinked up at Raven again.

"I had trouble forming my soul-self when I was young."

"When did it first work...?" Her eyes were still fearful but her tone hinted at interest.

Knowing the question Dove was side-stepping, Raven replied, "Younger than you are now."

Dove felt a slight blush come over her. "Um... okay. But... still...?"

"I was... about thirteen, and the first time was when I had first met my – our _father_ face-to-face."

Dove's eyes suddenly widened. "You mean you - you actually _met_ him?" she squeaked, totally overtaken by the story.

Raven's expression showed a bit of uncertainty. "I told you before, didn't I?"

Dove's expression revealed confusion. "Huh...?"

"After I healed from that… sickness."

Dove blinked, her face blank for only a moment - then her memory returned and she let out a small noise of recognition. "Oh." She shifted uneasily. How could she have forgotten such an amazing and rare moment, when Raven actually told her a bit about her _past_...? "I... don't know how I forgot..." She bowed her head, suddenly desolate, and... almost _ashamed_...

A loud resonance of thunder tore her from her reverie, and she whimpered as a white bolt of energy flashed through the air.

As she had done so many times in the past, Raven let loose a bolt of her own energy, leading it to collide with Dove's, overtake it, and send both energies to nonexistence.

"Do I have to put up the shield again?" Raven asked, her tone a bit impatient.

"I hope not," Dove replied softly, knowing that Raven was growing annoyed with her inability to control her fear...

A softer round of thunder sounded, and still Dove felt another bit of energy stray away from her. Every moment her control grew weaker, she felt it slipping from her grasp every time she heard it...

Raven watched that bolt fade on its own. "Holding up a shield is exhausting."

"I'm sorry," Dove whimpered, not knowing what else to say.

Raven watched her for a moment, and then she turned her head to the window. Whenever lightning lit the sky, she would ready herself, and if Dove let any energies loose, she would strike up a small wall of energy and intercept the energy before it did any damage. She really did wish Dove hadn't chosen _her_ room to lose control in...

Raven's method worked, until a flare of lightning came, and the thunder came _with_ it. Caught off guard by the light _and_ the sound at once, Dove yelped, and a few of the candles shot away from her, each encased in a wild cocoon of white energy.

Raven tensed as Dove threw herself against her body in a desperate motion of fear. Almost as if Raven could protect her from herself.

Raven let out a breath. She wanted to pry Dove from her body - she didn't like being touched, let alone held onto - but the fear, the desperation she sensed... Dove was huddling against her like a frightened child. And once the shock faded, Raven could hear... She was sobbing.

"Dove..."

"Raven, that hurt," she whimpered helplessly.

"Think about it as another reason you need to keep yourself under control," Raven advised softly.

"But... why did it _hurt_...?"

"The strength of your emotions. The more you feel, the more energy you release."

Dove moaned softly, weakly, completely unsure of herself. If the energies kept going the way they were, getting stronger and stronger each time they got away from her - and her fear slipping through her fingers faster and faster... how long until she _really_ hurt herself...? "Raven, this is getting really really bad," she murmured, her voice hardly more than a quiet whimper.

Raven nodded. "I know."

Dove looked up at her, her expression begging, pleading... "Please don't make me stay here... Raven, I-I can't handle it anymore!" The fear of her own powers rose with the already existing fear of the thunder, and she cried out and huddled against Raven as yet another ray of energy crackled around her.

Raven bit back the urge to tell Dove she hadn't had a handle on her powers since the moment she walked in. Then she let out a sigh of frustration, trying to make it take her nerves with it. Then she stood, telling Dove to stand as well.

Dove felt faintly confused but didn't bother asking. She simply followed her sister's lead, and once they were standing, Raven kept Dove steady with a hand on her shoulders and led them to the door, Dove caught in a shaky daze.

Dove huddled against Raven and whimpered, hiding her face in her arms as one last crash of thunder sounded, just before they turned into the hall, and then the storm was behind them.

Dove was still feeling a numb exhaustion from the level of her fear as they walked down the final flight of stairs into the basement.

And Raven could still sense it. The fear still hadn't let her go, she should have been able to calm down once they were away from the window, away from the storm…

"You should meditate."

Dove nodded weakly. She let out a breath, taking the position where she was and trying to clear her mind, ground herself, let all the feeling go… She tried to open her mouth, to chant the words, but the remnants of the fear held her body in a tense trance, and she couldn't persuade her throat to relax anyways… She focused on her breathing.

Raven stood, waiting with something akin to impatience for Dove's body to relax. "Make sure you're _letting _yourself be calm."

Dove swallowed. "I'll try…" Her voice was soft, hardly there…

With all the energy she had involuntarily sent out, it was no wonder she could hardly hold her head up… _She's exhausted,_ Raven told herself. "Relax, Dove."

Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Dove nodded and embraced the calm emptiness that was slowly but surely coming over her mind.

"I'm going to leave, see how you handle it alone… I can't watch you forever."

Dove nodded silently, then resumed position and continued the breathing.

"And make sure you meditate tomorrow as well."

Dove nodded. "And the day after that, and so on..." Her voice trailed off.

Raven nodded her approval; that tone meant she had managed to get the fear to back off. She was getting back to neutrality.

Dove only managed to keep that neutrality for two days.

* * *

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

It was always so calm here, nothing around but the peacefulness… calm, empty, black… all she needed…

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

…in meditation, her only way to escape the fears of what her emotions could do if she ever let them go…

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

She was alone, in the only place where she knew no one could hurt her and she could hurt no one.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

Mother wasn't here to protect her anymore… she had to protect herself…

Mother… A familiar image began forming in her mind, obscuring the neutral darkness, an image of Alerina stepping into the room, her hood raised, her eyes closed, her empathy aching and miserable…

Dove's mind absorbed in the meditation and her most conscious self sleeping, she let herself slip into the memory, a smooth gentle transition that her stilled mind barely noticed.

"Mother, what's wrong?"

Alerina lifted her eyes just a bit, raising them to look into her daughter's eyes… she tried to smile but she couldn't. She simply couldn't.

Dove blinked, old enough to understand that Alerina was upset. Without a word, she blinked again, her young concerned eyes searching her mother for just a moment more before she made eye contact and looked into her mother's soul. The static flared, the bridge fell into place, and though they were uneven, faded, Dove could see glimpses of images from her mother's mind. She gave in to the pull, and she lost herself in her mother's memory.

Walking out of a gathered meditation, Alerina stepped through another arched threshold with light, gentle steps, holding herself with the calmly alert expression that she always carried when in Azarathean commonplaces. She always felt much safer to know when someone was coming her way; if someone were to startle her, a thousand and one worrying thoughts would arise and she would not be able to calm herself enough to keep the other from suspicion.

She heard the faintest echo of a voice, and she felt a vague curiosity overcome her. The echo was soft, quiet, not clear and sharp as even an echo of normal conversation would be. She lightened her step even more than before, and following the source, she stepped through the temple with her hood lowered.

When the whispers grew clear enough to make out words, Alerina slowed and stepped more cautiously. She stood as close to the wall as possible and tilted her head, listening…

There was a man's voice, and a woman's reply. Not voices she knew - but that wasn't surprising. She barely knew anyone else by name, let alone their voices.

One of the words jerked her to listen intently.

" - and Raven can…"

Raven! She angled herself against the golden wall, and with alert eyes and an intent posture, she listened.

The man's voice was quiet, indistinct. But the woman's reply was rushed, anxious, and her voice came out much louder than she intended. "But it simply isn't natural! There is always threat around her, danger, and power that we could not even hope to stop. I tell you, she is _terrifying_!"

A quiet need to defend the child, and her own daughter as well, arose in Alerina's mind. She turned the corner and walked into the hall, cautiously leaving a couple of feet between herself and the pair.

They both turned her way, the man's open mouth revealing his surprise in subtlety and the woman's gasp making hers obvious.

"Raven was not sired by an angel," she reminded them in a soft voice.

"Surely you are not _defending_ the demon," the woman asked, her tone almost accusing.

"Not the demon, but the child."

"The child _is_ the demon."

"She is _not_ a demon! Half demon, perhaps, but she is human as well. You must forgive her for her heritage. It was never her choice."

"Her choice or not, she _destroyed_ the Temple," the monk stated firmly.

"But that was not Raven's doing!" Alerina urged, almost pleaded, suddenly feeling a desperation choking her throat, her voice coming strained and her eyes showing something akin to fear. "Surely _you_ are not shunning a _child._"

"She is no ordinary child," he replied icily, his eyes cold and hard. "Her mother may have been human, but her soul is nothing more than eternal darkness."

"That is not true!" Alerina cried, her voice cracking and her vision blurred as a wave of hopeless desire fell over her. "Raven is – "

"Simply not like us," the woman cut in, and Alerina let her words die off. "Raven is far too different for us to embrace her."

"You can't hold her accountable - " Alerina whispered –

"But if she was never born, our beloved Azarath would still be as glorious as Azar's initial vision!" He tossed his hand out, gesturing towards the cracks in the marble columns, the darkened skies, the pieces of architecture lost in the quaking on the day of Raven's birth.

"There were repairs – " Alerina countered, and her words were smothered yet again.

"Nothing can repair what she will bring."

His words sliced right through the mother's conscious, a sudden uncertainty that cut deep into her heart and lay a heavy burden upon her chest… would her own daughter bring destruction as well…? "She has the ability to heal," she reminded them, the tension in her voice thickening with her oncoming tears, "and she knows of your true feelings. Every bit of hate you feel, she is subjected to. She can feel your fears, your pain, and she is expected to counter not only her own emotions, but yours as well. Can you feel no remorse for placing such a burden upon her shoulders? Azar, she is so _young…_" She bowed her head and placed her hand over her mouth, and she tried to swallow a sob. "You are all so cold to her," she whispered. "You lose sight of her humanity to the shadow of her heritage." A shudder cascaded down her spine, and she was barely able to hide the fluttering fear arising within her as she realized that her own daughter would meet the same fate if ever they knew… "We should protect her and bring her into our arms, not cast her away… Even Azar said…"

"Perhaps Azar is strong enough to stand living with the death of us all," the man further argued, "but I am none too fond of the notion."

"But she is not the reason – Tr – her _father…_" Suddenly fighting to lock out vivid and painful memories, she snapped her eyes closed and bit her lip. "She is still a child, still _human_, and she has done nothing to deserve such _hate_, only existing. And you hold her life _against _her?"

The other two hesitated, all three recalling a single incident…

"I… feel Juris may have been right, that we may have been safer without her," the woman mused, almost nervous.

Alerina gasped and stepped back in disbelief. "You would feel that it is right to kill a child, simply for being different?"

"No!" the woman defended hurriedly, "but we are not safe in her presence!"

"How can you be so accepting of a hellbringer among harmony?" the man asked, and Alerina gripped the edge of her robe in fisted hands as he continued. "She is _never _going to be able to become one of us. And she will _never_ belong here."

"How can you be so cruel?" the mother asked softly as she took another step back, desperately wanting to but somehow afraid to leave the conversation, evade the desolate frustration and painful sympathy she felt for both sisters… and the man's hard stare only amplified that ache… She closed her eyes, tossed her hood over her head, and gulped back a sob as she turned and ran from the temple with such a heaviness in her heart…

Her eyes. The man suddenly recognized those eyes, the deep blue shade of Azarath's twilit sky. "Magena." He had heard that the exiled woman's daughter had come back to her birthplace, but he had never seen the young woman himself, until now. His gaze held firm as he spoke, his voice echoing to his companion, "She has her mother's…"

"Strength?" the woman offered.

"No. Something more like… rebellion. Stubbornness. She is a… fighter."

_Is it such a sin, to want to reach out to one so pained and embrace her? _Alerina wondered sincerely as she turned from the halls and exited the great emblazoned doors, her gait not slowing to a walk until she passed through the threshold. _They don't understand, _she told herself, _they have no sympathy… People once so caring have turned bitter in the presence of Raven, their hearts soured and changed, and so __**afraid**__… _

It was nowhere near the first time she had heard such accusations shot towards Raven like poisonous darts of venomous fear. All across the monolith, Azaratheans chattered uneasily about the child held within the temple, under Azar's care. Raven was the end of peace, the end of Azarath, the end of their lives. Even the few she did meet who embraced Raven as another member of their society and not an outsider always seemed to have either an edginess about them or a tired smile upon their face. Raven was an enigma, the very definition of the word. Such confusion she aroused… and people tended to transpose confusion into fear. And there is little room for sympathy in a fearful heart.

Dove coughed, choking on a tiny sob.

Her emotions made her hold on the connection too slippery, and she lost contact. For a moment her mind was lost, and a sense of panic flared - then jerked her back to her own soul.

She blinked herself back to her home, her vision still blurry – but this time, it was her own tears.

"Dove…" Alerina looked down at her daughter, her pained affection showing through on her face though she tried to hide it from the little empath. She didn't want her to be hurt by this… but Dove still had tears in her eyes and she was still looking up at her mother with a pleading expression. Alerina gave in to both of their desires, and she kneeled in front of her and wrapped her arms around her daughter, holding her close ever so gently and laying her head on Dove's shoulder, making their cheeks touch.

Dove fell into the embrace eagerly, and she nestled herself in her mother's arms, her mind spinning weakly with pain. "Why do we have to be so different?" she asked softly, referring to herself _and_ Raven. "They never talk about anyone else in Azarath like that…"

Alerina had asked herself the same question many, many times, but she knew the answer all too well. "They are afraid. They fear your powers, because they know how strong they are." _And they hate you, _Alerina thought, nearly sobbing as the words crossed her mind. Alerina forced herself to skip the reason for that, Dove was too young, too fragile to sear her with the truth about her heritage just yet… the child knew who her father was, and the fear of her own powers was enough for her to bear without the pain of knowing _why_ she would be so hated… "They are afraid you are going to hurt them. Well, they fear that of Raven, but they would be so afraid of you too if they ever found out…"

Dove's eyes went wide with fear. "I'm not really going to hurt people, am I?" Her horror at the thought made her voice high and squeaky at the end, and she buried her head in her mother's robe.

"No, Dove, no," Alerina told her, sealing the promise with a squeeze...

And then a new voice echoed through the memory, deep, resounding, distant and echoing as if far-off but confident in tone. _"The woman was not a prophet."_

Dove's eyes tightened in confusion for just a moment; the memory faded, was replaced by a sheer blackness that enveloped her mind. Silently, Dove wondered to herself…

The voice began again, the voice of her father – suddenly it was so much closer, sounding as if spoken past a barricade but it was there, so close nonetheless. _"Your mother's influence is thinning."_

A quiet need took hold of her mind, and Dove tightened her eyes in concentration.

"_I am gaining strength. You fight me, but you cannot deny the inevitable - "_

Dove began pushing against the voice, setting up mental blockades and forcing herself to ignore it, she felt it pulsing against her mental barriers but persisted, determined -

"_- and the moment you let your guard down, your control will go with it!"_

- and telling herself that he was trying to tear away her confidence. No, maybe she had fallen into that state of mind before, but there was no way she would let herself be taken over. No, no, she simply wouldn't believe it.

_Ignore him._

She grit her teeth and shut away the voice, bringing her mind to forcing the voice and all else within her mind to be silent. She told herself to focus on meditation… fall back into the silence… back into the peace… the peace that was so hard to attain anywhere else.

* * *

It was happening again. Only this time, it was different.

It wasn't like she was asleep, the world seen through the foggy filter of an emotion as she watched calmly in a dream-like state – it was more like _spikes_ of emotion, piercing the unclear filter and suddenly making everything seem so vivid, so _real._

Dove was in the living room watching everyone go about their daily routines, and every single one of their sensed emanations was seeping into her. Thoughtful focus from Robin's investigation sent her mind into a curious and logical state; her robe became such a vivid yellow it seemed to glow. Victory and determined will from Beast Boy caused a smile to erupt on her face, her robe altered to deep emerald green, and with Cyborg's annoyance it flickered to orange. Even the subtlest sense of tension emanating from Raven's reading sent her mind off on its tangent; her robe flared a dull and eager form of pink. Dull but distinct excitement flooded through her.

Every time she turned her eyes to one of the Titans, a new wave of empathy washed over her, changing her mindset each second and her robe changing to match.

It felt chaotic.

And Dove suddenly realized how unstable she felt. _Incredibly_ unstable. It felt like she could fall into an emotion, any emotion that came at any time – A sudden sense of nervousness shot her robe to a deep brown.

Raven glanced up from the pages, sensing the violent eruption of emotions within her mind. "Dove," she called, her voice urgent –

Her call barely met Dove's ears; she was caught up in the flood of empathy, and realizing what could happen if she didn't get away, she jumped up and began striding across the room.

"Dove, what's going on?" Raven asked sharply, her voice so serious it was almost threatening.

Dove turned to her, laughed nervously and backed towards the door. "Nothing, nothing – I-I just need to meditate."

When the automatic doors swished open, she turned and hurried through them, crossing into the hallway as quickly as she could. "What in Azar's name is _wrong_ with me?"

The minute she arrived in her room, she stepped with swift determination to her bedside table and picked up the mirror – and she immediately knew something was wrong. The frame no longer looked polished and smooth; when she held it, the handle felt wild, electric, chaotic.

She focused on the glass, looked into her own eyes and looked _into_ her reflection… Three seconds' wait, and then the black, red, and blue vortex tore open on the glass, and she closed her eyes as she willed herself to be transitioned smoothly.

The vortex took her in and she focused her mind on arriving safely. She ignored the sensation of being pulled in a million directions at once just before the portal dropped her to the ground.

She stood. And she was nearly knocked off her feet by a gust of wind rushing past.

The winds were blowing from every direction, one gust left, another right, and left again, then a gust strong enough to send her stumbling forward , caught completely off guard and still trying to recover her footing.

Dove yelped. A softer current rolled against her right side, and Dove took advantage of the semi-stability and braced her feet against the ground. She leaned forward into the gales and closed her eyes tightly, her expression determined as she plowed onward. It was chaos here, and she had to get to the bottom of it. And she had a feeling she knew just where to look.

The winds lurched against her back, suddenly jerking her forward and forcing her hood over her eyes. She let out a note of surprise, then stopped to grab her cloak so it wouldn't catch the wind and send her toppling forward, or offer resistance when she was walking headlong into the wind. Another shift in current, and she put her foot out and began again, watching the ground in front of her with focused determination –

Dove was caught completely off-guard when she suddenly felt a spike of joy and her robe flared pink – She hastily shoved it aside and forced herself calm, realizing she must have stepped through –

When she looked up, the arc was still in the distance, and the scenery hadn't changed at all. She was still in the part of her that was – or at least _should _have been – neutral.

Her uncertainty gave rise to a feeling of confusion, which quickly became a sense of anxiety. Her robe darkened to brown and she began frantically wondering how bad it was –

She shook her head, grabbing control of her mind and wrestling the emotions down. The determined expression set on her face once more, she glanced ahead in the path and began debating how far she was from where all this should be happening… the emotions were everywhere, she suddenly felt them within her and she fought to keep them down, tried to figure out why – but then she realized that this wasn't a normal change in mental state. She could sense something disturbed, something changing… some unfamiliar energies –

Dove gasped softly as Trigon's voice echoed on a gust of wind, making the gust sound rough and gravelly, and a chuckle somehow resounded in the current as it wrapped its way around her body.

"Where are you?" Dove demanded, her robe pulsating between green, brown, yellow, brown again… She could feel all the emotions pounding, fighting to be free, like birds in a cage…

His voice echoed through the air, this time in actual words: "Let them be free! After all…" The four eyes appeared in the sky and the air becomes tense with dark energy. "What's the worst that can happen?"

His image formed in around the eyes, dark and terrible and almost overpowering.

Dove gasped sharply and fought the urge to run; _I have to stand my ground_, she couldn't give up, not now! Fighting back the streak of fear, she met his gaze and stared up at him with her expression showing nothing more than her fierce defiance, her stance steady on the ground and her hands clutched in ready fists.

"You know you want to let them go. Your pacifist desires are telling you to give up the fight. Let yourself relax. It would be so much easier to just let me take control…"

"That's not gonna happen," Dove growled, her stance making it obvious that she wasn't letting up. "I _won't _let you take me."

The demon seemed unaffected by her tone and the threat she tried to pour into her every word. "You have evaded me thrice, but you will never overcome my influence. I will never surrender, I will claim you as my own… I have much more power than you do, more than you can conceive. I have brought countless dimensions to their knees, and you shall be no different."

"Bow down and stare in wonder." The sarcasm dripped from her voice in sharp, unfamiliarly icy shards.

The demon chuckled. "You are confident. _Feisty._ Just like _your sister._"

Dove gasped, taking to the air and firing a ray towards him in a desperate attempt to stop this before it went too far. Every time he spoke, the threat of her fear had become so much clearer, she had to struggle within herself to keep his voice from eroding her control and letting herself wince… but suddenly the fear won out. The one thing she had always feared was him knowing, knowing that she was Raven's sister, and if he truly found out he could exploit his influence over her and take her as her own, she wouldn't stand a chance - ! She let out a note of exertion and fired a beam of energies towards his chest. "I won't let you take me, I'll knock you out of your miserable existence!"

"Who will knock _who_ out of existence?" Trigon took his hand and flicked his wrist, effortlessly taking her colorless energy and turning it black laced with red. And then he turned it against her.

As she dodged the rays desperately, he asked her, "Did you honestly think that your mother's weak spells could protect you forever? Such weak, pathetic magic. That woman was barely strong enough to protect herself." Another beam shot towards his daughter, this time his own.

Dove blocked it with a confident, determined expression. "To the pits of Aziamoth with you!" She fired, her robe flaring a deep, emerald green.

"I see you still have little control over your emotions."

Dove's eyes widened a bit, she knew he could exploit that…!

"How much longer do you think you can hold it back, daughter? I am a part of you, a part that you can never run away from." He fired, his beams becoming less frivolous and more aimed.

"No – NO! I _won't_ let you take over! This is _my_ mind, _my_ life, and I'm not going to let you tear it apart like I'm some sort of plaything!"

"You seem to think you have some sort of _choice_ in the matter."

"Haven't you tormented me enough? You already destroyed my home, you killed my mother and my best friend, what more could you take away from me?" Dove was nearing tears as she evaded his blast yet again.

"It's not what _I _can take away. It's what _you_ will destroy _yourself."_

"Myself…?" She turned back to him and stopped, hovering in place quite a distance from his mouth.

And yet, when he spoke with such final, quiet seriousness, she heard his words all too clearly. "You can't even hold your own mind together. What hope do you have against me? Continue to struggle and everything you know will fall apart."

Though she felt a bit of unease rise within her, Dove was able to keep both her reply and her gaze steady as she spoke. "You can't know that for sure. You think you have all the power but it's not true – it's unjustified vanity, most humans didn't even know what you are."

He replied simply, "Earth's inhabitants are ignorant and naïve – as are you to believe you can overpower me."

"I don't believe, I _know."_ Her voice came out cold and hard, her confidence actually managing to mask the smallest bit of pure fear rising within her.

Trigon fired another ray, meeting her unspoken challenge without a thought.

Fierce determination siding with her fear, Dove shot upward in the air to dodge it and fired her own rays, two dozen at a time and all aimed in their wild course towards his body.

And Trigon blocked it too easily with his wristbands, hardly having to think of the motion.

Dove blinked her wide eyes, hatred and desperation welling inside of her as she watched every single beam be deflected, her energies were too weak… but no, she wouldn't give up, she would _never_ give up, _I will NOT let him take me!_ And she gathered her energies in a frantic attempt to make it stop, groaning with exertion as she felt the hatred pulsing inside her, felt the nerves giving rise to total fear as she realized exactly how much hate she was carrying in her soul, but she used the emotions as fuel for the impossible – she gathered the energies, forcing them to retrace themselves within her soul and not be released, not allowing them to escape, and she projected the one form of energy that she had been totally unable to use through all her training with Raven.

It was a crackling mass of black electricity, it had a wild form about it, its eyes glowing red with energies and the air in the space dropped at least five degrees as it manifested, but it was her soul-self. And she let out a primal yell as she sent it charging forward –

"_Who are you to defy me?"_

And then he fired the rays from his eyes, the energies striking the astral form like a bolt of lightning.

And there was a pain like no other.

"_Azar help me, NOOOOOO!"_

Her cry echoed through the silent infinity, accompanied only by the cruel, thunderous laughter as her father tore her soul apart at the seams, ripping it to shreds at the most sensitive parts of her mind he could find, exploiting her guilt and regret, taking advantage of her fear, using her helpless desolation for his own gain.

He was forcing her to feel the emotions.

"No, no - ! _AGH!" _

Tears were building in her eyes, the pain was too terrible!, and as frantically as she tried, she couldn't stop them, cut the flow of emotions – She was straining against the red energies but could barely even breathe, incoherently begging for him to let her go, the emotions were too strong – She tried summoning any kind of energy she could, but the help wouldn't come, she couldn't reign in any energy –

Her powers began destroying things, jerky electric pulses of emotion escaping with every desperate breath, and she began to gasp but a sob overtook her, and energies enveloped four of the vertical structures at a time and left them crumbling to the ground. She tried weakly to stop it, but another bolt of electricity charged through her, and she let out another gasp of pain as it struck the ground in front of the arch and sent a fracture streaking through the rock, tearing the ground in two. Energies began flickering in every direction, left, right, towards the sky and towards the ground, leaving destruction everywhere they came and destroying everything in their path. And there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop it.

"It is your own emotions that are tearing your mind apart."

Dove sobbed helplessly, she knew he was right – She could feel the pain stinging and the powers rippling violently inside her, a monsoon of wild and unkempt energies lashing out every possible moment, their presence was searing her and leaving a sharp and horribly empty feeling every time they manifested…

Triumph thick and clear in his voice, Trigon called out, **"You cannot stop me!"**

Suddenly Dove remembered something Raven once told her and the fear jolted through her like white-hot electricity, forcing her to cry out in one last desperate attempt to save herself, "Let me go, please, _stop the feelings,_ _**they're going to tear me apart - !"**_

"As you wish." And he let her fall to the ground, smiling his cruel smile as she yelped and landed on her back, making painful contact with the ground.

Dove was left shivering with pain and gasping as she breathed, every single time she tried to take in a breath, it pierced her lungs like a flaming sword… Her entire body ached, and a sharp pain echoed through her back from the landing… she couldn't even open her eyes and look around, she didn't want to, didn't want to see… she could sense him, feel the ground shaking violently as he approached… She shuddered as she felt him, she actually _felt_ him…

"Your arrogance will not be tolerated. You will learn your place, even if I must nearly destroy you in the process."

"Please… _don't…_"

Her voice was saturated in fear as she frantically fought for a way to ease the pain – …

That was exactly what he wanted to hear. The fear in her voice meant he was finally getting through to her. He smiled, speaking quietly as if he was sharing some deep, dark secret. "I am nothing more than a part of _you._"

"NO!"

She screamed as he hit her with another beam, it seared her but it somehow gave her an electric feeling that transformed the numb fear to frantic desperation, and she stumbled backwards at the surge of energies suddenly tearing through her. She gathered her strength, screamed "AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!" and she fled for her life.

"You cannot hide!" he called after her as she ran away…


	11. Second Chances

_**Chapter 11: Second Chances**_

Terrified. She was _terrified_. Terrified, and horrified, and lost and confused and unable to sort out her thoughts as she stumbled to her bed.

The searing pains were still burning into her. She couldn't close her eyes tightly enough to stop the tears and she couldn't keep herself from gasping as she sobbed, fumbling for control but giving up the fight a second later. He had left her; for now she was alone in her mind, but there was no relief from the pain he had caused. She still felt it, _so deeply!_ Every time she breathed, she wanted to burst into tears yet again, the pain was everywhere, in her body, mind, soul – The electric numbness kept her from soothing her mind, made thought impossible. She could barely stand, she was shivering violently, no, no, she couldn't –

What was she DOING?! She let out a sharp exhale of frustration, leaning forward on her palms and letting her head hang limply. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't ease the pain, couldn't will it away, and she couldn't stop the astral burn from resonating in each and every sob. Helpless, she collapsed to her side and closed her eyes, sobbing hollowly as she gripped the blanket in a weak fist.

Whether it was a second or an hour later, she couldn't tell, time all blended together, but she fainted, and everything shot black in the same moment.

* * *

All the rest of the day, Dove stayed in her room, too weak to get up and too nervous to be able to face Raven. When she woke, she realized the pain had faded, mostly; somehow she had managed to rest and heal, maybe it was the lack of emotion while she was unconscious. The pain was still there, but faded, indistinct… She let out a tense breath and closed her eyes again, inhaling as she sat up and tested her arms. Aching, but so distantly… she would probably be able to get up by tomorrow morning, no need to – to overreact… He hadn't hurt her that badly… He was just trying to frighten her. That was the way he worked. She had gotten away… as long as she kept his influence at bay, she wouldn't need to worry… she was mostly uninjured, and she just needed to hold her will together and fight it out, until he backed down.

But she couldn't gather the will to face the others. Her mind still felt unclear, she still needed rest… She didn't bother trying to suppress that need, and she let her head fall back to the pillow.

And that night she slept.

* * *

Dove's finger twitched in bed… soft, indistinct sounds fell from her lips; she was muttering things in her sleep, and her eyelids tightened just a bit…

_Dove cried out, her voice high and strong with her fear as she stopped her feet, it took such an effort!, and she lifted her head up, taking in each and every horror pouring into her view._

_The black sky was being bled through, a deep, dark red suffocating the emptiness and thickening the air with its presence, so thick it pressed in on her, pressed in on her lungs – A wave of panic crashed down on her as she realized she could hardly breathe - !_

"_NO!" she gasped, clutching her throat and spinning in wild terror before she fled the opposite direction._

_Every shadow she passed seeped further from its place, towards the path, clutching at her feet, clawing at her cloak and making it impossible for her to pass through – _

_She let out a jerking near-sob as something shot from the shadow right in front of her and flew towards her head, she ducked and it skimmed the back of her head, claws raking the skin and tearing a bit of her hair from its place with a bone-chilling screech._

_Barely up again, she gasped sharply and bolted to the side; one of the shadows suddenly struck out from the ground and lashed out. It barely missed._

_Dove could feel the heat emanating from the black form, heat that threatened to burn her flesh from her bone if she wasn't careful, it hurt even just looking at it!_

_Dove bolted to the path, panting desperately as she ran, watching in horror as more and more of the lithe streaks rose from their shadow-like origins, only they were so much deeper, such a darker black! The shapes tore any surrounding light away._

_Suddenly a crushing dread pressed into her mind. Dove glanced back, hoping through her ragged fear that it wasn't –_

_The breath was knocked out of her as she slammed into something in front of her, and she yelped and turned without even looking to see, somehow she knew, and a searing horror tore through her._

_A fork in the path – She turned to run the other way, but the black shapes loomed everywhere on the path, in front of her, she wheeled and cried out in fear as she saw that every possible direction was covered by the shadows, lithe forms slithering towards her like black snakes, only so much faster – She scanned every direction, desperately looking for an escape, there had to be some path that could lead her – no, no, every inch of ground was covered with the light-absorbing darkness, and there was nowhere she could run._

_They struck, the fiery tendrils brushed against her skin –_

Dove screamed.

She shot up in her bed with her eyes open so far it hurt, her hands shaking, her entire body covered in sweat as she panted desperately, her breaths every bit as heavy and panicky as her heartbeat.

Her robe was such a deep brown it looked black in the night-darkened room.

Something entangled her arm and in a spasm of terror she flung it away, her eyes darted around the room, for a moment she panicked in the blackness; had they taken her-?!

And then she saw a blur of color flash through her vision. So startled she gasped, Dove turned to the brightness, panting wildly –

Recognition suddenly washed over her.

The light, the colors, it was all the _window – _

The window, the wall, her bed, she wasn't trapped in some horrifying prison – no… no, she was in her room… She glanced around with wide eyes, still convincing herself, it felt too real, too vivid…

"It was just a nightmare," she told herself, her voice high and soft and fragile with her fear, and she put her head in her still-shaking hands, "it was just a dream…"

Recognizing the electric tension of energy building inside her, Dove shuddered and told herself to calm down. She had to put the fear away, or…

"Stop it!" she nearly yelped to herself, lifting her head from her hands and looking around the room, her eyes still uneasy and her heart still thudding a dull rhythm in her chest.

_I'm really here,_ she tried to promise herself – the fear wouldn't let her go…

She focused on the bed – noticed that she blanket was on the floor… She leaned over, pulled it back up and closed her eyes with a soft breath, trying to put the nightmare from her thoughts, but the fear still clung to her stubbornly, she couldn't push it away…

Another shiver fell through her when she realized that it was just too vivid, the memory too fresh… maybe it – She suddenly had to straighten her back and close her eyes with a deep, shuddering breath as she realized that… maybe it was more than a nightmare… maybe it was –

_Don't think that! _she pleaded her thoughts, but the word stuck to her as relentlessly as the fear that just wouldn't let go, no matter how chilling the thought of losing control again was.

A vision.

She let out a soft, barely-there whimper as the inevitable thoughts came to her – what did it _mean_…? It was so vivid, so terrifying, there had to be – Trapped. She couldn't escape.

A wave of fear poured through her as the sudden and achingly chilling memory surfaced in her mind.

He said she couldn't hide.

That vision, that meeting, what if he was _right…?_

No, no, she couldn't let him get to her, she had to keep her confidence… she _had_ to keep it away…

Still shivering, she laid herself back down, her breaths still coming more heavily than usual… and she tried to get back to sleep, but she couldn't; every time she imagined letting herself go, fears of the nightmares kept her from sleeping, and the even chillier thought of losing control kept her awake.

So she lay in her bed with her eyes closed, fighting her own fear and struggling to keep it from taking control of her mind. She was still just barely managing to keep it below the surface… and even the mental battle was draining her energy… but slowly, slowly, the fear receded from her mind.

…but she felt so tired…

It took at least two hours, but eventually the fear was gone. The energies were gone, or at least dulled back down to the numb entities she had always lived with. And after a time, even the will to sleep was gone. It was all gone… and… she felt so exhausted… she _wanted _to sleep, but…

After a while, Dove closed her eyes. Weak and resigned to the fact that she couldn't fall asleep, she told herself that she at least needed to rest. She would need her strength for training with Raven tomorrow…

* * *

By the time morning sunlight began glowing softly around her curtain, Dove felt nothing more than weak numbness, and when she lifted herself up a few hours later, sleep was just a distant desire. She could do without it.

She managed to get through the day without anything going wrong – in her childhood, she had spent many nights laying awake worrying, and she was used to running without much sleep. It was almost an old habit.

The day want by without anything unusual happening. Except… along with letting herself not sleep, she altered one little detail…

* * *

After three nights without any sleep at all, she finally began feeling the effects. Three nights with no sleep was a stretch even for her, she had tried so willfully to sleep, but the nightmares had kept her awake; she was tired to say the least.

And as hard as she tried, she just couldn't concentrate on Raven's explanation. Or keep her eyes open… As if the lack of sleep wasn't enough, distant fears kept nipping at the edges of her mind, keeping her in a constant state of unease.

Though Dove tried to at least appear normal, Raven could sense her discomfort, the tension in her mind – and the faded gray color of her cloak gave the rest away. "You seem upset."

"Just having trouble keeping my mind clear," Dove replied, somehow managing to keep herself from yawning.

Raven nodded. "You should relax. Let go of the frustrations; those negative emotions aren't going to help your powers any – or your overall control."

Dove nodded her comprehension before she followed Raven's instructions, taking in a soft breath and attempting to reason herself out of the nerves.

_There's nothing to worry about. I'm going to be okay…_

Though deep down, she wasn't so sure…

Both Dove's posture and the empathy told Raven that there was still something bothering her. She could feel the faint traces of nerves in Dove's mind… but if past experience held any value, Dove would tell her if it was anything too terrible. Besides, she was nearly always a bit anxious during these training sessions, so insecure about her abilities, especially when it came to trying something new. The small bit of fear could be overlooked.

"Ready?"

Dove nodded.

"Alright. You seem to have a handle on forming your energies around inanimate objects…"

Another nod – any other day, Dove would have grinned, knowing that was a compliment. But today she could barely understand what Raven was saying, and she couldn't find the energy to smile…

"Now let's see if you can form them without the physical guide."

Dove fought to keep her eyes from widening. That would require far too much focus, there'd be no way she could do that now… "Raven, I… I don't think this is such a good idea…" She was nervous and trying not to show it, but her robe took on a tinge of anxious brown.

"Why not?" Raven asked, her tone suddenly concerned – _mostly._ Besides the concern, it was… almost _suspicious._

Raven's tone made Dove flinch within herself – not that she would let Raven see it on her face. "I… just haven't been doing too well with my powers lately."

"Your moodswings aren't helping."

Dove winced; she knew all too well that she wasn't supposed to be allowing it to happen… "I know."

"But we still need to train. Try creating a sphere between your hands."

Dove whimpered softly at Raven's lack of sympathy, but still she nodded and began gathering the energies.

"Visualize the way you want it to form, what you want it to be."

Dove nodded, holding her hands with the palms facing each other, about a foot apart in the air and crackling with energy, and then she released a bit into the air.

It shot between her hands, veered towards the ceiling with a streak of white and a blinding flash, and Dove yelped and clapped her hands to her head, the energies dissipating the moment she moved.

Raven sighed, trying to fight back a streak of frustration. "Actually _believe _that the energies are going to do what you tell them to. Have some confidence in your powers."

Dove blinked, a dull weakness beginning to grip her. But still she tried again. There was a spark of white – then Dove groaned, collapsing onto the bed behind her with her hands cradling her head. "Raven, I don't feel too good…"

"What is it?" She could sense a faint dizziness, but nothing too vivid…

"My head hurts, and my stomach's kinda upset, and everything's spinning… Raven, I think I'm gonna faint…" Her voice was soft, and she had to choke out the last sentence.

Once Dove voiced exactly what the dull discomforts in her empathy were, Raven suddenly felt a strange familiarity in it – and she also suddenly recognized another discomfort, a mental sensation that was almost like pressure building on a table as more and more books are stacked upon it, or more like the silent tension building in the air just before a huge storm. "Have you been having trouble meditating?"

Dove tensed. "Um… actually…" Her voice plummeted to a timid whisper. "I… kinda haven't even _been_ meditating…"

"Why not?" Raven asked, her tone sharp as an Arctic wind in its suddenness, and the sudden urgency flaring in the empathy was just as sharp, and Dove winced.

"I've been too exhausted!" she cried breathlessly, mindfully neglecting to mention the rising fear and the memories of the recent vision – she was most vulnerable when she was dwelling in the darkest and emptiest part of herself, and _he _had been making his way into her mind more and more… his words, his voice resounding like a hollow echo… She refused to tell Raven about it, but what she _did _tell her sister reflected a side of the truth that was so painful, frustration flared in Dove's mind, her robe becoming a brown with red shading and the slightest bit of nearly transparent gray – the other colors showed through the neutrality as if in its shadow. But the resulting feeling from the tri-coloration was definitely frustration.

"Dove, you can't let your grip on your emotions slip, even for one day!"

"You haven't exactly been making it any easier…"

"Maybe if you would stop being so stubborn and actually _listen - _"

"Or maybe, if you would let up every so often, I could actually do something _right!_ You're always pressuring me, always forgetting that I _do_ have _limits._ You could at least _pretend_ to care. Because you know what? You haven't exactly been the best tutor in the world. You're not Azar, Raven – and you're definitely not a gentle, patient guide either."

Raven's eyes narrowed, ever so slightly. "No, I'm _not _Azar. But I was able to meditate, daily and without guidance, when I was _ten_ – _without _my mentor."

Dove winced, sensing that she had touched a soft spot… "But I'm not you," she whispered, the irritability in her voice fading the moment Raven spoke and being replaced by desolate resignation. "I can't really do most of the things you say I need to… I really try to keep up, but… lately I've been more and more confused…"

Raven blinked, her expression a bit annoyed – but truly, she was torn between frustration and sympathy. With the frustration came annoyance and a sense of impatience, but the sympathy came from her empathetic abilities – and Dove's expression. She looked so defeated, and she had winced when she realized how deeply her mentioning of Azar had stricken…

"Raven, _please!"_ Dove's eyes were begging for understanding. "You've been pushing me too hard." Her expression was much louder than her soft, almost fragile voice. She couldn't believe that she had lashed out like that, she didn't want to _hurt_ her sister – though there was a small corner of her mind that was becoming more and more annoyed with Raven… She forced that thought away. "I feel like… like I'm going to crash and burn, and take the rest of the world with me if I can't do something right, and you're always so…" She swallowed, knowing that this was going to sting… "…so cold…"

Raven kept her expression stern, refusing to let it show that Dove was right. "Dove, that's part of the training. I can't let myself become excited or depressed by any failure or victory, mine or not. And with the way your empathy has been leading you to lose control, anything else could be dangerous."

"It just… makes me wonder if you really care about me…" Dove bowed her head, her voice still soft, almost distant. "You're always so cold, so hard, so impatient… I just… thought we were… _closer_…"

"I thought you were ready for all those things, the _control_ that you really didn't have any control over… My mistake."

Dove could hear the unease, so faint in Raven's voice, and sense something along the lines of remorse… but she just couldn't convince herself to let it go, this really disappointed her… All her life, she had hoped that someone could understand her, someone could _help_… And then Raven came in. Raven had saved her from herself so many more times than once, Raven had convinced her not to leave her new home, _Raven_ had helped her feel that there _was _hope on the horizon. Raven had become her teacher, her trusted guide. Raven knew how to control her powers, how to keep herself calm, and Raven was actually an empathetic sanctuary – all Dove could usually sense was even, calm, and an indescribable relief from the painful spikes of emotion the others caused in her empathy. Raven was her sanctuary, her secret-keeper, and the one person in the tower that she trusted with her past, her secrets, or even her emotions. Raven was her role-model, and she thought Raven was her friend… but now she wasn't sure. Not anymore.

"I looked up to you. Maybe _that_ was the mistake."

Dove gulped back a sob, stood up, and left the room, her eyes sparkling with tears and an aching desolation piercing her far too deeply to ignore.

* * *

_He was right, the bond between Raven and I just collapsed…_

Dove shivered and gripped her cloak in uneasy fists. It felt like she was losing her grip on the world around her, everything she cared about was slipping through her fingers…

…_just like he said it would…_

She let out a small noise of horrible realization and buried her head in her arms. She didn't want to believe it, didn't want to let it be true…

She stayed huddled on her bed for a few minutes, her mind uneasily replaying the scene… Raven's frustration nearly burned to think of now; she hadn't wanted to upset Raven, not at all… and she hadn't meant to let that much frustration show… Remorse began welling inside her, mixing with the nerves and fear and taking them over, and an ache began forming in her chest. So many thoughts ran through her mind, tripping over each other and blurring together, and the near argument played just beneath it all.

Dove looked up as the swish of the door lifted her out of her thoughts.

Raven crossed the threshold. And her expression was… concerned.

"Are you okay?" she asked, sitting on the bed but keeping a fair distance from her sister.

Dove just shrugged silently. Her mind suddenly felt blank. But the pain…

"Dove, I'm… I'm sorry. I should have paid more attention…"

Dove bowed her head. Her voice came out tight and raspy with her tears and she couldn't stop the words from tumbling from her mouth. "No, it's my fault - It's exactly what he said would happen – I didn't mean to, Raven, I never wanted - … I'm so afraid! Raven, I don't want to lose you!" The final phrase spilled the tears from her eyes. "What have I _done…?_" she whispered, and a sob overtook her throat.

Raven tensed, startled, as Dove let herself fall forward and nearly ended up in her lap… but after a moment of hesitation, she urged her to sit up and wrapped an arm around Dove's shoulder. It was awkward for her to do, but she didn't want to push Dove away and tell her to _not _be afraid… She could sense something that she had felt herself from the day she was born. Fear.

"No, Dove, it's… It's not your fault. Maybe you were right. Maybe I _have _been training you too hard."

Dove nodded hesitantly as she gratefully leaned against Raven's body – suddenly realizing how uncomfortable it must have been for Raven, being this close…

"I… guess I just don't know how else to train you. For as long as I can remember, that was the way they trained _me_. The training sessions were thorough, almost vigorous… and none of the others were allowed to show any emotion towards me, no matter how much I disliked it. I remember what that felt like, and… I guess that's the way you feel too. I don't _want_ to be cold to you, but…"

Dove lifted her head, looking up at Raven's nearly distant eyes and blinking, her gaze letting Raven know she was listening.

"They always told me it was for the best. That terrible things would happen if I wasn't drained of absolutely every emotion. I'm just worried about what might happen if I fail… and we can't afford to find out."

Dove blinked again, her mind weakly grasping the meaning despite her tiredness. The remorse within her flipped, turned to a whole new reason… "Raven, I-I didn't know… I thought it was just…"

"It's okay," Raven told her quietly. "I never _let_ you know."

"I'm sorry," Dove murmured again, "I-I know it hurt you when I said…"

"It probably needed to be said."

Dove nodded uneasily. And then she added, softly, struggling to control her voice, "Raven, I really, really don't want to lose you…"

Raven looked at her intently, almost quizzically. "Even though I'm… cold?"

Dove nodded, a sheepish smile emerging on her face. "It kind of doesn't bother me so much… Especially if there's a good reason."

Then a look of realization crossed her face, and she shook her head at it before turning her eyes back to her sister. "Raven, what I did before – I-I was overreacting. I… I let my emotions go again, and it… I acted a lot more upset than I really am," she finished quietly.

"But it still bothers you."

Her voice had such a note of finality in it… Dove shrugged weakly. "Well… Yeah… but… It's not something to lose a mentor over or anything," she added, the faint smile returning to her face.

"That's good to know," Raven told her, "and I'll try to cut down on the impatience."

Dove nodded.

"And I'll try not to overwork you."

"That's good to know too." Dove felt the remorse and anxiety be replaced by a warm, light relief –

And then she yawned.

"Dove," Raven called, her tone one that Dove had come to recognize as one that needed an explanation.

Dove shrugged. "Just… I haven't slept well."

"Any particular reason?" Last time Dove had stopped sleeping, it was because she was having nightmares so terrible, she was _afraid_ of falling asleep.

"Pretty much just nerves…"

"Will you be able to sleep tonight?"

Dove nodded. "I think…"

And sleep she did…

* * *

She tilted her head in the darkness, listening…

The door to the room above closed, swiftly but softly.

For Dove, that was the signal.

She reached up, felt around for the crack, and she gently pushed against the ceiling, opening the trapdoor. "Who was it?" she asked, blinking in the light. She was smiling a bit; whenever she had to go into hiding, she had to force herself to relax so her breathing would become softer and more controllable. Not that she minded, she liked the relaxation – but then her smile faded. Alerina looked… stressed… Dove could sense the tightness of fighting back tears, she could sense something weighing down incredibly upon her mother's heart…

"It was Coman."

Dove's eyes lit up in hope – then faded to confusion. "Why wasn't Srentha with him?"

Alerina blinked, her eyes conveying such a deep sadness, such… resignation… "They forbid him from coming here…"

"Mother - ?" Dove asked, suddenly afraid.

"Dove, I'm sorry." Her tone was so soft, and she bowed her head and turned away…

"Mother…" Dove swallowed, the fear welling inside her grew every moment – "Mother, no," Dove gasped, her eyes widening with realization. "No, no, you _told _them?!"

"Dove, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"No, no, no, you couldn't have - ! They'll never let me _see _you again!"

Alerina turned back to her daughter and looked into her eyes, the exact reflections of her own… only such a different shade… "Your powers have grown uncontrollable. There is nothing more I can do…"

Dove took a step back, shaking her head in disbelief. "No, no, no…"

"Dove, please, try to understand – your emotions nearly led to the destruction of our home!" Alerina's voice was tight with desperation. "Please do not hate me for this…"

"How could I hate you…?" Dove asked softly, her voice cracking with the presence of oncoming tears. "I don't want to leave," Dove whimpered, and the door flew open. "Don't let them take me!" she cried, suddenly huddling up to her mother and burying her head in the silken fabric on her chest.

"I love you, Dove," her mother said softly, almost whispered, setting her head on her daughter's and wrapping her arms gently around her.

White bolts of static began crackling around Dove's body, and she felt a shiver's icy touch finger down her spine. "I love you too," Dove choked out, the tears dropping out of her eyes and cascading down her cheeks.

Somewhere far-off, a bottle exploded and the sound of shattering glass filled the air.

Dove sobbed helplessly, suddenly feeling more like a frightened child than ever.

Alerina began stroking her hair in hopes of comforting her. "Please try to understand," she whispered, her voice soft, fragile, _comforting. _"I can no longer protect you. It is growing far too difficult for you to control your powers, as they are gaining strength every day. If your emotions become too strong, you may attract attention… and not just the attention of the Azaratheans. You may bring… _him._"

Dove's shudder was so vivid that Alerina felt it. "Mother…"

"I can no longer help you, train you… and if you _do _bring his presence, the Temple would be a far safer place, where Azarath's magicks are more powerful, where there are council members who may be trained to handle the situation…" She sighed, continuing the strokes, and she kissed Dove on the forehead. "Remember that we are not separate. No matter how far they hold you from me, we will always be together."

Dove let another sob escape her lips. "No, mother, we will _never _be together! They're going to lock me up in the temple and hide me away, just like they did with Raven!"

The candle burner shot across the room, clanging into the wall, sending bits of melted wax around the entire room, and a chorus of yelps erupted near the door.

"But you will be safe," Alerina whispered. "Please, dear child, calm yourself… You know how to contact me if ever you must."

"But must I go?" Dove whispered, shivering with anxiety. "If-if he _does _come, I won't be able to – "

"You need not worry," the stranger heading the group said, his voice gentle but confident.

"But I can't control myself," Dove whimpered.

"And that is why we are here. You _need_ to control yourself. You need to calm down. And for now you need to - "

"Wake up!"

"What…?" Dove whimpered, the last words were sharp and commanding –

"Dove, _wake up."_

Dove swallowed at a tightness in her throat and turned over.

Raven's violet eyes almost glowed in the darkness above her.

"Dove, are you okay?" Her voice was a concerned whisper.

Dove sniffed, wiped her eyes, and looked around the dark room. "It was just a dream," she muttered, still bowing her head and feeling another tear slip down her cheek. "Just a dream…"

"Dove, what happened?"

Dove shuddered as she sat up, the sharp pain still echoing through her. "She told them," she whispered, pulling her knees up to her chest and bowing her head. "And they were…" She bit her lip, closing her eyes against the hot, new wave of tears.

"Who - ?"

"My _mother," _Dove choked out. "She told the council, and…" She whimpered softly, then gasped and jolted as three different books shot from her shelf and thumped to the floor.

Raven sighed and looked into Dove's wide and tearful eyes. "You need to calm down. You're letting the energies go, this is the third time – "

"How did you know I was having a nightmare?" Dove asked softly, taking in a deep, shivering breath and wiping her eyes. "_Azar, _Raven, I was _terrified…"_

"I could sense your fear," Raven told her, picking up the books, "and then I heard something explode."

Dove felt a light blush rise in her cheeks. "So that wasn't just the dream then," she mumbled, half startled and half ashamed.

"What…?"

"I lost control in my dream too."

Raven set the books on the shelf, then she sat on the bed in front of Dove. "Are you okay?" she asked, sensing the dull pain Dove was still struggling with.

Dove nodded. "Just… I-I've always been _afraid_ of what they'd do to me… and they were going to-to take me away." She shivered yet again, swallowing to hold back the sob and trying to keep her emotions under reign. "And in my dream, they really _were_ going to keep me in the temple… Mother told them…" Another shiver. "She said I was getting too uncontrollable for her to handle. But… Raven, the scariest thing is that she really did say that, in real life… only two days before I had to leave… Azar help me, it felt so _real…" _By now the shivering was constant.

"But it wasn't," Raven reassured her softly, her expression concerned. She could sense how desperate, how _afraid _Dove was… "It wasn't real, and they're not going to take you away. You're here. You're safe."

Dove blinked, rerunning Raven's words through her mind, trying to let them ease the fear… "Right," she said softly, finally managing to turn her lips up in a small, grateful smile. "Thanks."

Another shiver fell through her, and she bowed her head.

Raven held her gaze still, her eyes intent, piercing, that look that always led Dove to feel that Raven knew more than she let on… "Dove, have you been having nightmares again?"

Dove blinked up at Raven almost sheepishly. Then she shrugged. "Well… yeah…" she replied hesitantly.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

Dove shrugged again. "I didn't think it was _too_ bad… I mean… I used to have nightmares all the time."

She was still uneasy. It was obvious; the way she kept her head bowed, she was still gripping the blanket in a light fist, her hesitating on every word… "Dove, is there anything wrong?" Raven knew that the occasional nightmare wasn't something to dwell on, hardly something to think about. But earlier that day hadn't been the first time Dove showed signs of unease, and it definitely wasn't the only time Raven had sensed the anxiety concealed in her mind. Something had to have been triggering the nightmares.

Dove shook her head, just twice, and she lifted her head. "I'm fine." She flashed a small grin to enforce the point; she suddenly found herself feeling slightly optimistic about the fact that at least her mother was the only parent who had appeared in that dream. Maybe that meant he was backing off… and even if that was only Raven had just managed to wake her up before he had the chance, she had managed to get herself under control, she hadn't given in. Even though she still felt the dull buzzing of excess emotional energies within her, she was managing to keep them contained. …besides, there was no reason to tell Raven yet… She was fine. She could handle it.

Raven kept her gaze as investigative and piercing as ever. "If there _is_ anything wrong, don't hesitate to tell me."

Dove nodded, without a moment of hesitation.

…maybe it was _too _quickly…

Raven kept her gaze focused on Dove for just a moment more, almost as if she was trying to make absolutely sure that Dove was telling her the truth.

Dove's moment of optimism wilted under her expression. "Raven, I'm fine," she promised, her voice soft.

Another moment of silence. Raven's expression made it feel like a lifetime.

Then she nodded, reminding Dove to not be afraid to talk to her before she stood and left the room.

Even after the door was closed, Dove couldn't help still feeling the tension lingering inside her. The tension from the dream doubled against the stiffness that had arisen from Raven's expression…

…had she ever _looked_ at her like that before…?

It didn't feel right to lie to Raven. …well it wasn't really a _lie_, exactly… and Raven hadn't been angry at her… she was just… concerned. But somehow she still felt uneasy…

She sighed, pulling herself out of the trance and pulling the covers up. She closed her eyes, reminding herself to let go of the fear, easing her mind away from the remnants of anxiety, calming and centering herself…

Raven's reassurances replayed in her mind.

"_You're here. You're safe."_

Safe.

That was… good. And if Raven had said it… it had to be at least _mostly _true.

She exhaled, feeling the last of the tension leave her body and her mind.

She could handle it.

She was asleep after a short time of peace… and mercifully, she didn't dream.


	12. The Second Stage

_**Chapter 12 : The Second Stage**_

Dove felt her expression sinking to one of intent determination (_Focus, focus_) and she sent out the energies yet again, gathering the will she had left, focusing all her awareness on the sensations of the energies… The smallest bit of nerves came to her mind; she hadn't been successful all day, why would the hundred and eighth time - ? She quickly pushed that thought away. She had to focus everything she had into -

The brief moment of distraction was all it took, and the energies waned and faltered, and Dove's flare of frustration sent them scattering around the room - _Not again! _She hurriedly recentered herself and reigned the energies back in, letting out a soft groan.

She turned to Raven, panting slightly as her eyes showed her apology, and even more of her resignation. "Raven, I can't do this…" She had hardly managed to keep the energies stable all month; why Raven thought she would be ready to _shape_ those energies was entirely beyond her comprehension. She could barely even hold them in the air… She sighed, her breaths still slightly rough - all this energy work was exhausting… "Raven, it's starting to ache…"

"You shouldn't - " Raven stopped herself. Dove's expression was… almost pleading… and she reminded herself that Dove hadn't built up enough strength yet to push her past this point; she was obviously tired… and she still wasn't used to this kind of exertion.f

Raven nodded, and then she answered Dove's unasked question. "You can take a break."

"Thanks." Dove's voice was airy with relief, and she nodded gratefully. Her eyes were reflecting the thanks more clearly than her voice as she began rubbing her arms in hopes of soothing the pain. The energies always started out making her feel alive, more conscious, and it was exciting, but it was never long before she found she was draining herself… She glanced down at her arms, absentmindedly wondering if it was supposed to hurt after only that much… "Raven, I don't even think I'm _ready _for this."

"You might be right," Raven responded, sifting through her memories… "But it would be better for all of us if you at least know how to control the energies."

"Well I can _control _them… just not shape them."

Raven lifted an eyebrow.

Sensing her gaze, Dove looked up at her and blinked - then she sheepishly corrected herself, "Sort of." And she added, "When I release them on purpose at least…" She sighed, putting together - not for the first time - that there had never been one training session when the energy lessons came easily… "Maybe I'm just not good at all this energy work…"

Raven nodded her understanding. "It can be complicated… It's possible that you're just not ready for this."

Dove nodded, lowering her eyes.

Her expression led Raven to add, "And there's no shame in not understanding." Her voice was slightly softer, almost gentle now, and her expression sank to one of sympathy. Something was wrong, she could sense it; Dove was… "You're in pain." And reviewing what 'progress' Dove had made in the past few months, she added, "I noticed you've been having more trouble with lessons lately."

Dove blinked, looking up at Raven from under her eyebrows - pushing aside the thoughts of things that kept her distracted since the second vision. "The energy stuff's not easy," she admitted. "And I hardly even understand the basics…" Hard as she tried, she couldn't hide the unease… She knew that Raven was trying to be more understanding, trying to be _patient_, but she still felt ashamed of _herself. _She couldn't shed the feeling that the aching was a sign of weakness… of her inability… and she knew her inabilities were disappointing.

Raven hesitated for just a moment, remembering what Dove had said earlier - she was having trouble keeping up… And now that she thought about it… "I might have rushed you into it."

Dove only nodded, holding back the comments about how obvious that was (though the fact that Raven gave her almost no time to catch up was a big part of it). "You know, the fact that I've never done this before training with you probably has something to do with it too… I mean, my mother pretty much ignored the energies…"

An almost thoughtful look came into Raven's eyes. "What exactly _did _your mother do to 'train' you?"

Dove lifted her head and shrugged. "We kind of mostly focused on the less-energetic things. The things you couldn't _see _happening." She sighed. "Wow, things were easier then…"

"Maybe that's where we should start," Raven mused experimentally. She couldn't keep herself from thinking that… maybe…

Dove tilted her head, half intrigued, the other half confused.

"If it was easier for you, maybe that's the route we should take. No, training with these abilities is _not _supposed to be easy, but all this stress can't be helping… and it would be much less stressful for you if we could ease into this from the abilities you're more familiar with…"

"Rather than just throwing me into it?" Dove couldn't resist clarifying. Though hesitantly.

Raven's expression was almost indignant - then she blinked, and nodded. Reminded herself to be honest - realistically, that was… pretty much what happened. And it was taking its toll on Dove… She suddenly realized that she really _was _pushing her too hard… "Right. And… exactly what abilities _are _you more comfortable with?"

"It's pretty much the telepathy stuff…"

So that was her 'specialty,' Raven thought.

And that made almost instant sense to her. She held still for a moment, thinking back to the times when Dove had used telepathy of her own accord, when she had wanted to and not because Raven's training dictated it… It was never clear even when she _did _mean to transmit her thoughts; especially when it happened on accident, her mental words were cloudy, soft, sometimes even impossible to understand. And that telepathy was her _strong _point?

…they had a looong way to go…

Raven began debating as she considered each training method she knew; by now it was pretty obvious that the way she herself had been trained was either too vigorous or too customized for her individually to work with Dove. With Raven being an empath first and foremost, her empathic abilities were what her own lessons had focused on, but if Dove was more of a telepath than an empath, and if telepathy was as much a part of her as the empathy was Raven, then maybe that should be the focus of Dove's training… Though she was sensitive as an empath as well, telepathy seemed to be a greater part of her. Less emotion-oriented, more towards words.

Raven made a mental note of it - she realized exactly how different their abilities might be for the fist time, and she didn't want to forget it. "The first step is forging the connection. It's best if it's strong, and reliable - things you can manage with focus and practice…"

She conducted this lesson through mostly lecture. Dove needed rest and was obviously stressed, and Raven didn't want it to be any more than she could handle - which didn't seem to be much.

* * *

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

It felt so good to be free of the nightmares…

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

The chant fell from the lips of both sisters, each with their own tone of quiet peace; not similar enough to be one voice, but not different in a way that created an unpleasant dissonance. The sounds of the others' activities played around them, but never pierced the quiet barrier of their meditation.

Dove found herself wallowing in the peace. Without the emotions, it was easier to… think.

Her thoughts were distant yet clear, not exactly conscious but not subconscious, hovering between her own and her instincts…

Naturally, her mind wandered to the biggest issue: how to control her powers?

_So weak, so uncertain… _

…_They worked a couple of times…_

…_How did I lift those books again…?_

…_"Emotions are power."_

_Of course…_

…_Maybe if I can channel all these emotional energies, I can…_

"Stop thinking," Raven reminded her softly.

Dove was pleasantly startled for a moment, how did she know…?

"Right." She nodded as Raven resumed chanting, and then she quietly followed suite.

* * *

"Aaaaand… Done." The final panel resecured, Cyborg put down the soldering gun and swiped his hands in satisfaction.

"Nice work, Cyborg," Robin smiled, his hand on his chin as he surveyed the work. Sleek, sparkling titanium lined the wall, the concrete foundation was relaid and the floor itself repaired, and the light fixtures had been reinforced last week. "Raven, what's the status on the monitor system?"

"Monitor systems standing by," she replied from the control room.

"Soo… I'm guessing I'm not going to join in on this one," Dove asked sheepishly as Beast Boy muttered something excitedly in the other room (something about trying this baby out). She was standing next to her sister, watching as Raven adjusted some setting.… Embarrassment from what had happened last time she had tried combat practice was still arising faintly in her expression, and in her robe as the palest gray.

"No," Raven replied evenly, "you're not. This is another one of those things you're not ready for."

Dove nodded, her gaze drifting to the room just beyond the plexiglass. "Do you think I ever _will _be…?"

Raven was silent for a moment. "Give it time. When you're ready you can join us. But until then, you should stand on the sidelines. Stick to meditation."

Dove nodded.

"But for now, I want you to try reading us. Close your eyes, and… just let yourself know - "

Dove turned to her, her eyes almost confused. "Raven, I can't 'read' people without eye-contact."

"You can. Whether you realize it or not, every moment you're around us is 'reading people.' Maybe not for specific thoughts - but the empathy will always lead you to feel others, and all _their_ feelings, without eye-contact, or even any other kind of contact. When you _do _make eye-contact, all of those feelings deepen, become less distanced, and are even more vivid than before. Before we can work on your ability to see into others' minds _clearly_, you need to be able to fight off the sensations from a distance."

Dove nodded again as Raven entered the final security code and began leading them out of the room, with the door closing behind them.

"So, how am I going to do this…?"

Raven spoke slightly slowly, carefully putting together the words as she went… "It's… basically meditation. Keep your eyes closed, your mind clear, and keep yourself… calm. But keep the others' emanations in your conscious awareness - "

"So I can understand it?"

" - right, and don't ignore it. The point is for you to learn to fight the emotions. Not hide from them."

"Getting acclimated…?"

A nod.

Dove stood where she was as Raven crossed the floor to join the others, her head tilted, her expression thoughtful, and her robe a slightly yellow color. As they spoke, Dove put together a jigsaw puzzle of past training sessions, things Raven had said before, what caused her to fail in the past and what to avoid… meditation - calm. Staying calm. Not letting herself fall into the current of emotions… or, at least _trying_ not to… …but she was still supposed to know - _feel_ them…?

…Raven had said 'reading,' _twice. _So apparently she was supposed to feel _out_ the emotions, read that they _meant._ …well according to what Raven said ("the empathy will _always _lead you to feel…"), she couldn't _not _feel them… She blinked herself back to awareness once she noticed the group nodding to each other, breaking into teams and readying themselves for pseudo-battle.

She closed her eyes, took a soft breath… and emptied her mind.… She felt tension, that was certain…

Robin gave the signal, and the Titans took off.

Focus. Determination. So_ alive!_

Dove fought back a wave of excitement. The sounds of battle instantly met her ears but she let them roll right over her, far more focused on 'seeing' with her soul and understanding what was happening. Every miss, every triumph touched her so suddenly, so - It was so energetic she found herself barely suppressing a smile.

It was just so _alive!_

Well, if she was supposed to 'read' them, her mission was _definitely _accomplished. She could feel them all so completely, so vividly, and it tickled her, the excitement… She savored it, knew she could wallow, but reminded herself to not -

_Ah - !_

She winced; that was pain, but she tilted her head, her eyes closed but faintly confused as she wondered whose it was, and how they managed to recover so - ?

_Fight it, fight it, fight it, _she reminded herself quickly, forcing her own thoughts through the mist of the excitement.

…oh, but it was so hard… She didn't _want _to…

_You __**need**__ to,_ a subtle voice of conscious reminded her, sounding too much like Raven.

_Fight it back…_

Slightly disappointed but reminding herself what had happened last time (and nearly shuddering), she took a breath and -

…and suddenly realized that she had no idea what to do…

She thought for a moment, wondering, and felt another spike of excitement, brushing into her and sending another wave of sensational energies through her soul.

…well, they were _emotions_…

She had to keep them from affecting her. Or stop herself from feeling them, like she did with her own. But how was that even _possible…? _When the feelings came from her _own_ mind, she was able to counter them, erase them, push them away and stop them on her own. But how could she do that with others'…? As long as the others were feeling them, wouldn't she be forced to feel them as well?

…well, there was _one _way, if she stopped the emotions at their source - but she didn't know exactly how to do it, and manipulating another's mind was one of the things she had promised herself never to do.

Someone shouted something near the ceiling, and suddenly the sensations of triumph and frustration switched sides - she had to pull her mind out of the curious investigation to keep herself from giving in to the lure of the feelings.

It was a mental struggle, suddenly - Dove wanted to savor it, revel in it, take it all in and let herself feel the emotions that were so forbidden from herself but were radiating so generously from the others… it was so tantalizing…

She held up a weak mental guard, and she reminded herself yet again that she was supposed to be fighting them.

…but it was so much harder than Raven made it seem…

And she hardly had the will to turn her back on the feelings. It was nice, it felt alive, and she couldn't keep from thinking about how rare these feelings were; energetic and strong but not overwhelming; it was rare for such energies to not end up exhausting her… For most of her life, she had only sensed the calm and hardly existent emotions of her mother and occasionally Srentha; they had both been raised to be anything but energetic. And after that, she had only been able to feel overwhelmed; the people in the city felt things so suddenly and viciously while she was among them, staying as distanced as she could but still forced to pick up the occasional burst of emotions that always sent her powers out of control… and here in the tower, it always felt like a much smaller-scale version of both kinds. But this… she found herself fascinated by the energies in the atmosphere of their competition…

…the sense of defeat was slightly abrasive to her; energetic, but unpleasant.

Somebody was trapped. She didn't know who, but she felt it, sensed their minds working furiously for a solution, and -

The tides changed yet again, and startledness and triumph erupted around her.

The thoughts in her mind came slightly unfocused, blurred by the empathies, and she knew she should probably be focusing, but she had to figure this out… She read them, understood them, did all Raven had told her to do. But what to do after she understood the emotions seemed completely up to her to figure out…

…or maybe it was up to her to decide what she _wanted _to do -

No, thinking like that was dangerous.

….dangerous, maybe. But… appealing all the same…

She tilted her head upwards a bit, feeling the sense of triumph escalate while the levels of determination to snatch victory from the fangs of defeat stayed the same, sighing lightly as she told herself to just stop _enjoying_ this -

And she suddenly realized that her _powers_ hadn't gotten loose!

It felt like some kind of wall, damming her confidence, had broken down and suddenly released the river of self-trust onto her - she reigned in the stronger feelings of joy, but she couldn't help feeling the new sensation of security - feeling it, and liking it.

She was strong enough to handle this, she realized. Maybe the only reason her powers had gone insane that last time was because she was so desperate to escape… so afraid of the violence, even…

And maybe if she could stop being so nervous about all this, maybe she would be able to actually process these feelings without giving in to them. Figure out… how…

She smiled, the ends of her mouth just barely tilting upwards at the thoughts suddenly passing through her mind. Confidence. No fear.

And she had managed to make it _this _far…

Her robe was now a color as deep-green as jade, and every bit as rare. She actually felt strong. She was actually _smiling!_ Any other day, she would have been too timid to consider the possibilities… Oh no, those thoughts were off-limits. It would usually feel too _bold_ for her; even considering treading in uncertain territory would drive her from the idea. But now, today, she wondered: How far could she let herself go? She didn't want to smother this, not being fearful for once, and it felt so _good_ to be brave!

The energies were surging through her body, so powerful, so _ready… _but they didn't burn. And that fascinated her, intrigued her, it felt like a miracle.

…a miracle she could take advantage of…

The boldness in her mind deepened, and her robe reflected her intimority in its deepening shade, and she curiously embraced the energies. There was no pain. She was smiling, so consciously now, savoring the throb of life within her, fueled by the emotions, and her confidence raised with every ounce of control she had. This felt good. This felt _right._

And there was absolutely no fear in her mind whatsoever. It was so _freeing!_

Usually by now her fear would have overcome her. Her anxiety. Or she would have shied away from the energies and hurriedly hidden them away.

Not today. Her grip on the emotions, the energies, was actually _strong!_

Feelings of victory swept through her, doubling against the triumph she picked up from whoever had won the game. Oh, this energy felt so comfortable… She was so enraptured in the far-too-rare sensation of her own confidence that she had completely forgotten about Raven's task; she still felt the emotions but they were so distant she barely noticed them. She was wallowing in her own mind.

And she was completely startled when Raven called her name.

"Hm - What?"

Dove opened her eyes, dulling her smile just a bit but keeping the parts of the grin that emerged from her confidence - which was most of it. "What's going on, Raven?"

"Do you realize how far your emotions are straying?"

Dove shrugged, her eyes sparkling and her expression proud. "Sort of - But, Raven, look! I'm completely in _control_ for once!" She waved one of her hands for emphasis. "Nothing's getting loose!"

"You need to calm down," Raven told her, cutting to the chase. "If you don't, things _will _get loose."

"But - I'm actually feeling _confident _for once - "

"And that's great, but you're far too excited. I'm sorry, Dove, but you need to let it go."

Dove blinked, her robe's color fading. Then she sighed and closed her eyes, nodding as her robe came the rest of the way to white. "Okay…" She was calm. But she still felt the triumph bubbling inside her… the revelation, the wonderful feeling…

Raven glanced around quickly, then said in a slightly less-dark tone, "This is progress. Your joy was a setback - I understand that it was a victory but you should always maintain control… But the gym's still intact."

Dove smiled - reigned it in to a small grin. "Told you I was in control…"

"That outburst wasn't control."

Her head tilted and her grin almost sheepish, Dove shrugged after a moment of thought. "Well, it was a pretty big accomplishment for me," she said, following as Raven began trailing the others out the door.

"Next time you accomplish something, try not to get so excited."

Dove nodded, hearing Raven's words, but her mind was elsewhere.

Maybe Raven was right, maybe she did need to tone it down a bit… but the tension… With the flare of confidence had come so much relief… and now, back in control - or at least to _Raven's _standards, she felt… vulnerable again. Weak. Anxious…

But…

Why should she keep the hold on her mind so taunt? All that was doing was making her tense, nervous, unable to control her powers.

If she could lighten the hold, it would be so much easier…

…but…

Something inside her felt vaguely uneasy, but she manage to ignore it, liking the flavor of this new reasoning, and she coaxed herself to relax.

* * *

Dove's eyes widened ever so slightly, she turned the page swiftly and barely managed to keep her hands from trembling, the last chapter, so exciting!, she eagerly read on, the tension building… and then - TRIUMPH!

Dove felt a wide smile prick her lips – and then she felt the static shock of the white electricity manifesting on her left, colliding with Robin and causing both to emit a noise of surprise.

Dove closed the book hurriedly, jarred from being torn from her literary trance so suddenly, and she scrambled over the back of the couch and began pacing, her first fingers on her temples and her eyes shut tight in nervous concentration as she breathed deeply and swiftly.

_Focus focus focus…_

Her heart was still pounding, she realized she could still feel the energies' tension…

_Focus…_

"Sorry," she muttered breathlessly to Robin, then she resumed her breathing.

_In, out, in, out, focus, deep breaths… reign in the energies… breathe… calm down, calm down, push it away…_

Slowly but surely the emotions were ebbing away.

"Dove," Raven called.

"I know, I know, I'm working on it…"

But Raven could still sense something like guilt… "You're being too hard on yourself," she told her, a bit awkwardly, trying to recall, and soften, what her trainers had done… "You need to remember, it's going to take _time. _Be patient."

Dove sighed softly, her breathing almost back to normal now. "Yeah… Yes, I know…" She lifted her head, a worried expression on her face as she let her hands fall to her side; her robe was still mostly white, but tinted so faintly with a light lavender… "I'm sorry… Is Robin okay?"

"It's alright, Dove, I'm fine," he replied. "Just a little disoriented."

Dove let out a breath, ran her hand through her hair, and she nodded. "Because… If I hurt you…"

"Luckily you didn't," Raven told her, her expression unreadable.

And Dove prepared herself for the typical 'but you always have to be on guard' scolding - but it didn't come.

Slowly, the last ebbs of color faded from her robe with another breath. Dove finally managed to stop the nervous pacing, and then she blinked at Raven, almost unwilling to believe it.

But it still didn't come.

With the energies gone, Dove let the last bits of tension fall away from her mind.

Raven was staying silent. Watchful, but silent.

Honestly, Dove was caught off-guard by that. It wasn't her choice to wonder if Raven really would try to be more patient, but since the promise was made, she couldn't help herself. She kind of doubted it, actually. But… now…

No, Raven really _was _holding to her promise…

That moment of realization brought a small and quiet smile to tilt up one end of her lips. She hurriedly tucked the rest away, not wanting to disappoint her, and not wanting to lose control after only regaining it two seconds ago… but now it felt more concrete, more fact than just an idea, that Raven really would try to be more patient with her. And it felt good.

* * *

"You really _do _have a better handle on telepathy. Honestly I hadn't expected you to be so experienced…"

Dove nodded, choosing to interpret Raven's observation as a compliment. With how little she had accomplished with all her other powers, she couldn't blame her for being surprised… She opened her eyes, then cleared her mind and focused on her intention. She locked her eyes onto Raven's and looked into them, the static-energies rose in her mind, and she opened the connection yet again, opening herself to Raven's thoughts and at the same time gathering and preparing to project her own.

_"More focus on the thoughts, less on the energies this time. Make sure they're clear in your own mind before you try sending them to mine." _Raven communicated the instructions to Dove soundlessly and without moving her mouth at all; though she kept the rest of her mind guarded, she thought those words very consciously and deliberately so Dove would be able to pick them up more easily, and not have to search her mind to find them. Dove had already stumbled upon the wrong thoughts once, and her confusion and surprise nearly led to another energy storm.

Dove nodded once again. Following her sister's instructions, she let her mental ear 'hear' the words as clearly as she could make them, and then she sent the thoughts across the bridge and into Raven's mind. Her carefulness cost her some of the speed, but Raven had said that her words were easier to understand that way and much more distinct. That had been almost an hour ago and they had plenty of mental conversations since then; by now the brief pauses between sentences were a subconscious habit.

_"It was the only power I really had any idea how to work in my childhood… I was even able to read my mother's memories. That's probably why I'm so good at telepathy now, because I practiced all the time… My mother's eyes were my windows to the outside world."_

The moment her last word was finished, she focused on reading Raven's thoughts for the reply.

_"Wait, you read your mother's memories? So it __**wasn't **__the first time when you looked into mine?"_

A faint but unexpected flare of discomfort slicked her hold on the connection and Dove blinked herself out of the telepathic bond, remembering that accidental intrusion a few months ago and being glad she hadn't seen the memories too vividly… "It was the first time I'd ever seen memories like _that_…"

Raven nodded, understanding why she reacted the way she did then; with the way Dove's mother had sheltered her for the first fourteen years of her life, it was no wonder she was thrown into a state of shock when she saw Raven's memories - and some of the most emotionally intense ones, too. "They can't have been very pleasant…"

Dove shook her head. "The fact that my mother never taught me to stay kind of distanced with memories didn't help any."

"Speaking of staying distanced, that's something you need to be more focused on. You remembered to hold back my emotions, but you forgot to do so with your own."

Dove sighed, and then she nodded the acknowledgement. Though she was definitely making more progress with this than she had with the energy work, and despite the fact that she had been practicing with this ability all her life, she _still _couldn't manage to get it right. She pushed most of it away, but the smallest bit of desolation was able to seep past her barriers and arose in her mind, shading her cloak with a light, hardly-existent gray. It was obvious to her, kind of pathetic how weak she was with her powers, how weak she had _always _been…

"It comes in time," Raven reassured her, sensing her desolation.

But how much time did she have…? Dove wasn't comforted. With everything that had been slipping out of her control lately… How long was it until the telepathy escaped her as well? Would she have to stand by and watch as she gave up on her own abilities one by one and each of them fell to…?

She nearly shuddered - shook her head swiftly and reminded herself that giving up was the worst thing she could possibly do. No, there had to be another way…

And then she remembered, remembered how strong she had felt when she had drifted on the current of the emotions the other day, she remembered how much stronger, more stable even the energies had been when she was lifting the books so long ago… Maybe… _maybe, _if she could…

Raven watched her, waiting patiently for Dove to regather herself as her robe took on a pale, yellow-green tint. Dove barely felt her gaze, too occupied with her own thoughts, hesitantly toying with possible ways to help solve the problems…

Her eyes refocused, and she nodded, letting Raven know she was ready for another round. Before making the eye-contact, she experimentally brought forth some of the desolation and confidence she had held back in the past few days, thinking maybe she could put it to good use as she carefully controlled the energies' release… When the static flared it came with more force than usual, but once Dove placed the bridge the connection felt stronger, the pull more definitive and ready for transfer.

It made her vaguely uneasy, not completely following Raven's instructions… As she opened the connection once more, she remembered that Raven was doing the best she could to train her, and Dove knew she wasn't exactly the best pupil, she knew her lack of ability always tested Raven's patience… but at least this way it was working, and she didn't feel so helpless… It was forged on supposedly unstable energies, but it was less exhausting to hold onto it this way. And it was working, she reminded herself. That was a victory. But before she allowed herself to smile, she projected the question, _"Better?"_

And read Raven's reply; it felt easier than before -

_"Better, but there's room for improvement. Keep yourself centered - let go of the emotions."_

Apparently her use of the energies wasn't as stealthy as she guessed it had been.

Dove sighed; she had really hoped Raven wouldn't - … almost wistfully, she followed Raven's instructions.

It felt weak again. But this was the right way, according to her trainer… and wouldn't she know…? But… it didn't _feel _right… Dove bit back the wave of frustration. It felt too restrained, too subtle, too faded once she took the emotions away. And the connection almost immediately collapsed.

The frustration came right back.

Raven watched silently as Dove let her head fall and let out a soft groan, leaning forward on her palms with her robe shadowed in a faint red-grey. "Dove, your emotions…" She held her voice even, not letting it sound too stern. Dove seemed frustrated enough as it was. More frustration was the last thing she needed.

Dove shook her head, letting out a tense sigh. "Raven, I can't do it."

"You can. You just need more time to practice."

"But how _much?" _

"More time than you're giving yourself. It takes a long time to learn how to use these abilities - learning how to _control_ them isn't any easier. That's why we're practicing so much, so often and for so long. To help you _gain _that control."

Dove blinked, twice, and she sighed yet again. She nodded, lifting her head and repositioning herself as she convinced herself to let go of most of the frustration. _Most _of it. There wasn't enough left to shade her cloak, consciously anyway, but she wasn't convinced. Maybe it would take a long time. Probably _too_ long. But she didn't feel any better knowing that. She didn't feel strong enough to be successful with this. She felt weak. As if there wasn't any more strength within for her to use. To let her improve. Would she _always_ be this weak…? This pathetic? Would she ever be able to actually use her powers without her own energies getting in the way?

Raven's eyes were steady, waiting, and Dove tried to open the connection yet again, tucking away the frustration and praying she'd find an answer before she placed the bridge, and they continued training.

* * *

Everything was dark, foggy, distant, like a dream…

Dove lifted her head, taking in the dark night sky punctured only by the sliver of a moon. Few stars were visible; too little building formed the horizon. This was an alleyway, blanketed in shadow and lit only by the frailest beams of moonlight at the opposite end. At her back. The far-off sound of buzzing neon lights had faded, the ever-present cars were absent. For a city like this, it seemed too quiet. The silence was thick. Pressing. Tense. …or was that feeling fear…?

It wasn't clear. _Nothing _was clear.

She watched it happening; she was there but not herself… It was as if she was some anonymous entity, watching the scene play before her with nothing more than a detached interest.

A dark form hovered through the alley, slithering forth like a smooth shadow, its edges bleeding into the darkness. Where the figure ended and the blackness began, it was impossible to tell.

Suddenly she felt the static shoot through her, a flash of energy streaked around her – but she made no move to stop it, she felt it as… power. Just what she needed.

She reigned in the energies, forced those to dissipate, but she embraced the sensation of strength, of _power_.

She had no idea exactly _what _power she had just released from her mental control. She had just courted the darkness within herself, the darkness instilled in her soul by her heritage, her father, and that facet of herself that she usually cast into the darkest corners of her mind was suddenly out in the open. And it took control of her without the slightest hesitation or resistance, the cloak on her shoulders darkening to a crimson red.

Dove, completely immersed in the power and sudden freedom, didn't even _think_ to stop it. Any fear, any anxiety, any hesitation was gone, lost to her change in mind, they were all foreign to _this_ side of her. The side with the power. Too much power to just let simmer… Power over energies, but… not just that. No, there was definitely more, abilities she had yet to explore… abilities she _wanted _to explore. Without Raven's oppressive scrutiny, she was free to toy with her powers however she wanted, and no one would – no, no one _could_ stop her.

That thought brought an unfamiliar grin to her face – a cruel, plotting grin.

She began sifting the empathies.

Her senses led her to a man, looking nearly thirty years of age. Guilt was emanating from him in rolling waves – she had to grit her teeth to keep from laughing at him. Still, the ends of her lips turned up. He was so _weak!_ And his mind was unguarded. How unbelievably perfect.

Closing her eyes for just a moment of focus, she formed the words clearly in her mind and, using the empathetic sense as a guide, she projected them towards him.

There it was again – the power. Without this emotional fuel, she _never _could have done this in training. No eye contact. No direct soul-link. But he heard her thoughts, she knew; she sensed him startled.

_The time has come._

Why not toy with her prey a bit before she satisfied this dark lust?

"Time? What time? Who are you?"

He looked around wildly, but couldn't find the source of the voice in his mind – Dove kept herself hidden behind a nearby building, her deep-red cloak hiding her in the shadows better than her old white ever could have.

_Oh, nothing, _Dove replied casually. _Just for a little -_

She thought for a moment – and suddenly a smile burst forth.

_- experiment._

It finally happened. Animals couldn't satisfy that dark desire - she needed more than pain, more than instinct. She needed _emotion_, constant thought. She needed to feel _fear._

"Wh-what do you mean?"

The man was nervous. Growing terrified. Dove savored these feelings, so bitter it was sweet. She knew what fear felt like, in herself and empathetically. She knew the taste of triumph, and she had explored the sensation of animal death. Now it was time to tread in different territory.

Dove grinned, lifted her hand -

Then a wave of blackness was cast over her eyes, and a sudden sharp, electric pain erupted throughout her body. Burning, searing, it wiped her mind blank, consciousness suddenly seemed essential –

And just before Dove jolted awake in her bed, one last sound penetrated the darkness – laughter; loud, dark, and excited.

And then her eyes were open.

She lifted herself up, a soft moan escaping her lips… The electric feeling faded swiftly, and it left her feeling a bit… tired… drained…

She blinked her eyes into focus, glanced around… and faintly, through the mist of her tiredness, she managed to realize she was on the floor, with the bed looming as just a dark shape above her… She was in her room again…

She sighed, pushing a piece of hair out of her face before she stood, slowly…

_It was only a dream…_

…and she looked to the window for reassurance.

_Just another nightmare._

She blinked, and dragged herself to the bed. The electric feeling was gone… but it left her… aching…?

Why…? How…

It was hardly possible to think a straight sentence… let alone make any sense of… whatever _that _was…

Pulling the covers up to her waist, over her shoulders, she wondered, _What was it…? _But she was far too tired to sort through it, she felt absolutely _exhausted…_

…so completely, totally exhausted…

No way she could handle this now… She sighed, laid back down, and decided she'd figure it out tomorrow.

* * *

Dove woke up the next morning feeling as if she had just come out of a trance. She had slept easily. But it was dull, black, empty… Dreamless. The kind of sleep that didn't feel like sleeping.

But she woke feeling rested, and confusion from the series of images lingered on. She stretched, briefly wondered if the aches had only been a result of ending up on the floor, however _that_ happened, and she stood at the window, her gaze distant and her eyes thoughtful.

What did it mean….?

It had been so strange… watching it as a neutral bystander instead of as herself. It had never happened before…

…and it made her uneasy.

It had to mean _something. _But what it could have been… Her eyes betrayed the slightest worry as she sorted through the images, remembering what she - or whoever had possessed her body - had been thinking… every minute…

She carefully held the worry at a distance, not wanting her thoughts to escape her calm control, spurred on by the emotions. No, she had to think… logically…

But she could only remember it so vaguely. It was confusing. Maybe she should… No, she discarded the thought almost as soon as it came to her. She could find the meaning herself, she didn't need Raven's help. And she didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to it. It was just a dream. And nothing… _too _terrible had happened… It was probably just a warning.

A shiver of cold realization coursed through her as she felt her thoughts fall into place: A warning. She had been experimenting, testing the limits… Raven hadn't seemed happy about that at all. If it was really that dangerous…

Maybe it was warning to _not _let her mind relax, not loosen her hold. Or bad things, like… _that _could happen.

She didn't know exactly what 'that' was, but it didn't seem good. In fact, it had _hurt _- and she wondered if the pain was from whatever was about to happen right before the dream cut off. But… whatever it was from, it had felt okay until she had… felt strong enough to actually accomplish something.

Well, if it really was that bad of an idea, she couldn't keep letting her guard down like this… she couldn't let herself relax when it came to her mental hold.

And as vague as it was, the memories from the dream left her slightly anxious. No, she didn't want that to happen… She had to stop it, even if it meant putting extra stress on herself.

Dove sighed, resigning herself to the constant battle that was to wage itself within her mind. Her plans of being able to make it any easier on herself evanesced, leaving her with a desolate realization that there seemed to be no relief from the pressure.

Not that she hadn't been warned; Raven had told her numerous times that the kind of control she needed wouldn't be pleasant… but it was for the best.

Already missing the almost-freeing feeling of being able to relax, she regretfully braced herself, putting the guard back up around her emotions and taking the mental watch yet again.

* * *

Raven watched as Dove blinked away the static, trying to erase the gnawing energies she felt from the half-formed connection. This felt like the thousandth time Dove's hold on the connection had slipped, cutting her off in mid-sentence and leaving the static lingering in the air before she realized the bridge was broken and recalled them into herself. Dove had never been perfect at using telepathy, but this was the first time in a few days that she had become so… _clumsy _with it. "Are you okay?" Raven asked in a neutral tone, watching Dove rub her eyes as if they were somehow sore. They hadn't been training for that long today…

"Tired," Dove replied, blinking up at Raven once to refocus her eyes. "Exhausted, aching… I barely slept."

"What's wrong?" Raven asked carefully.

"I had a nightmare - "

A suspicious look came into Raven's eyes, and Dove suddenly tripped over her words, stuttering and nervous under Raven's gaze. "I-I mean, I _think - _it wasn't my own; or, it didn't _feel _like it was… I think I-I sensed it from someone else… probably… probably Starfire… something about a… a _war, _and a… um… citadel…? Or, something… uhhm… My powers kind of got away from me last night," she admitted, sheepishly shrugging her shoulders. "Um… a lot. And the emotions…" She closed her eyes for just a moment and shuddered. "…so vivid they _hurt… _and the violence - " She cut herself off. When she spoke a half-moment later, her voice was so weak it was almost a whisper. "Oh, Raven, it was _terrifying…"_

Raven nodded, and Dove was relieved to see that she seemed understanding and not scolding. "Is this the first time that has happened?"

"Uh…" Dove blinked. "Umm, second… actually." She dropped her head in embarrassment yet again, looking up at Raven from under her eyebrows as she added quietly, "Not counting all the times with my mother."

"It's hard to keep yourself in control when you're sleeping," Raven told her, her tone flat but her words meant to be reassuring. "You can't exactly control your subconscious."

Dove actually found comfort in the words. She lifted her head just a little. "Really…?" She hadn't looked at it that way…

Raven nodded. Dove's nerves seeming eased, she refocused on the training. "If you're too tired, we can work on finding surfacing thoughts… Something general, to keep this session from becoming too tiring and to avoid exhausting you more than you've already been."

Dove nodded, slightly smiling her appreciation. A one-way connection would be so much easier to hold onto then the two-way conversational version… She lifted her head, took a moment to focus her mind on her intention, and she locked eye-contact.

Once the bridge fell into place and the static-feeling settled down, Raven let down just a small bit of her mental guard - carefully, almost warily, but she lightened it just enough for Dove to see her filtered thoughts as she debated on how to help with the empathy…

Dove's eyes seemed to grow distant yet more intent at the same time as she read the thoughts, her mind decoding them as the soul-connection transferred them: apparently, though Raven had decided to _focus _on Dove's telepathy, she still needed to be trained in the empathic abilities… it seemed like she was helpless when it came to placing barriers to keep herself from becoming overwhelmed so easily… and she was far too tender empathetically, she needs experience. But how could she get that…?

As Dove read, she tilted her head, privately agreeing with Raven's thoughts and almost wondering herself… then fumbled to regain the connection and drove her mind back to focusing, momentarily relieved that she had caught her mind wandering before she lost it.

* * *

"Dove, do you want to go on patrol with us today?"

Dove, with Sieara preening on her shoulder, turned to Robin with eager eyes, but then the smile faded from her face. "You mean… like the watching-the-city-and-defending-it-if-need-be type patrol…?"

Robin nodded.

"I dunno… I-I'm not… My powers…"

"You'll be fine," Raven told her. "Just keep whatever hold you've had on your emotions lately intact and we'll survive."

Dove glanced between them anxiously, then she shrugged. The nervous reluctance in her eyes showed itself in her tone as well. "So what do you do if you _do _see a villain…?"

"Get out and get them," Cyborg responded readily.

"What about the T-car?"

"It's already been rebuilt at least seven times," Beast Boy replied with a smile.

"So it doesn't bother you if it gets totally destroyed?" Dove asked Cyborg, her eyebrow raised in curious disbelief, everyone in the Tower knew how he was with his technology –

"Not anymore," he told her with a smile.

Dove tilted her head quizzically, but before she could inquire any further, Starfire bounced over and reaffirmed, "You are coming with us, yes?"

Dove shrugged. "Not saying it'll be the best day of my life, but… yeah. I think I need to get out of the tower, see something new and interesting…"

"Why would it be a bad day?" Robin asked.

Dove shrugged. "Last time I saw you guys in real combat, I couldn't stand it. I just don't like being around those vicious emotions… and you all know how I am about violence," she added. "If there really is someone you guys need to catch…"

"You can either stay on the sidelines or go home," Raven told her, meaning it as permission for Dove to leave if something did happen.

Dove nodded, her relief showing in her expression.

"So, everyone ready to go?" Cyborg asked, and a chorus of affirming replies erupted, and he nodded and led everyone to the garage. "I think I smell a tour coming on," he added, opening the door and proudly presenting what was probably his most prized possession.

Dove smiled. "It looks fancy," she said, hoping that counts as a compliment –

Judging by Cyborg's pleased reaction, it did. "She has all the latest and greatest technology installed, with the most sensitive and accurate sensors you'll ever find anywhere on the market!"

Dove nodded, not only relieved that she hadn't dampened his spirits by making her lack of knowledge of technology glaringly obvious, but she could sense how euphoric he was about the car. The joy was warming… Then she looked in again. "Only one problem… How am I going to fit in there…? There are only five seats."

Cyborg looked in himself. "Good question."

Robin thought for barely a moment before saying, "Beast Boy, can you be something less space-consuming?"

"He'd be less annoying as a cat," Raven offered.

"Yeah-yeah, but cats can't talk," Beast Boy rejected.

"And that's a _bad _thing?"

He shot her a slight glare of indignity, then he put his finger to his chin thoughtfully. "Hm… I know!" He snapped his fingers as he smiled triumphantly, then transformed into a parrot. "Mind if I sit here?" he squawked, fluttering onto Dove's other shoulder, the one Sieara wasn't occupying.

Dove raised an eyebrow. "I… guess not…"

"All aboard," Cyborg called, and everyone loaded into the car, Dove taking Beast Boy's usual spot next to Raven.

"You might want to put on your seatbelt," Raven advised as the garage door opened and the T-car rolled out.

"_Whoa - !" _Dove yelped, suddenly bracing her feet on the floor, her back against the seat, and her hands clasped around her knees. She was caught completely off-guard by the motion.

"Wait, what…?" She turned to her sister – who was watching her with an odd cross between sympathy and an expression that wondered why she was reacting so strongly. Dove's robe had shifted to startled brown. "Seatbelt…?" She blinked uncertainly, trying but unable to suppress her nervous expression as she glanced around the T-car.

"It is a device used for restraint, ensuring a safe journey in Earthly vehicles," Starfire explained, then she offered, "Are you in need of assistance?"

"I'm worse than that, I'm clueless," Dove replied. She lifted her arms, glanced over her shoulder, twisted around and looked behind her back, all in the effort to find where they hid those things…

Starfire pulled the strap and buckle out of the seat, and she handled Dove the buckle.

"Uhhh…" Dove simply blinked in confusion, her back involuntarily tensing for balance as the vehicle began picking up speed. This kind of motion was entirely new to her; she had never been in a car before.

"You simply locate the correct slotted piece, insert the metallic piece until you hear it snap into place, and you are secured!"

Dove watched quizzically as she demonstrated with her own seatbelt. Her hands shaking slightly – and realizing that she knew exactly why someone would need to be secured in here, she felt so unstable – she fumbled with the 'slotted piece' for a full thirty seconds.

Then Raven took the pieces from her hands and clicked them into place, all in the same millisecond. "Uh, thanks," Dove said, amazed at how simple she made it seem.

"You get used to it," Raven explained, turning back to the window. "Welcome to Jump City Bay."

Dove's expression snapped from confusion to alertness and her robe slipped back to its neutral white. Easing herself out of her tension, she leaned forward and glanced out Raven's window. And her glance suddenly became an eager hunger, her eyes taking in every little thing she could. The sparkling river the T-Car had just crossed, the pale yellow-white shores, the wooden dock off in the west, the couple walking the boardwalk and whispering words inaudible to each other, the seagulls soaring down and nipping things off the water… It was all so new to her, so vivid… Only once in her life had she been this close to city life, and at the time she was too anxious and homesick for Azarath to bother really seeing any of it… but now… Now she gazed at it all in absolute wonder. Even the strangest shape – the huge red circular object with all the intersecting lines within, towering over the people on the bay – was so amazing to her, so vivid and colorful and _new_… "Raven, it's _beautiful…_"

"Home sweet home," Cyborg said jovially, his words barely reaching Dove's ears.

"It's no wonder you guys work so hard to protect this city," Dove mused, her eyes sparkling as the T-car carried them into the gray mass of buildings. "It's-It's… wow…"

Robin smiled and nodded his agreement. "Yeah, we like it here too."

Dove tilted her head, her gaze following the tops of the buildings, her eyes betraying some sort of calculation… Then she laughed as a flock of pigeons scattered to avoid the leisurely-moving vehicle and regrouping in the T-car's wake.

"Azar, the buildings are so _tall_…"

Raven's reply was monotone. "I've seen taller. And… Haven't you?" She turned to her sister, her eyes a bit questioning. If Dove had really grown up in Azarath, she _had _to have seen at least a few of the monolith's towering structures…

Dove blinked, her eyes mostly thoughtful but with a small hint of remembered longing… "Raven, I wasn't allowed anywhere _near _the temple, remember?"

"How could I remember? You never said - "

"My mother and I lived on the outskirts, as far away from mainstream travel as possible…" She bowed her head, her robe taking on the slightest shade of gray, of remembered loneliness… "I never really got to see the heart of Azarath until I – until… until _that _day." She sighed softly, remembering so vividly how terrified and alone she felt, walking down the streets of Azarath, her ears filled with nothing but the screaming silence, her own footsteps seeming to haunt her… "And even then, I was too afraid to really look around… kinda like why all this is new to me, right here… I think I had to come down this same road when I was trying to get to Titans' Tower."

"'Trying'?" Robin asked, observant as always. "How were you _trying?_"

"Yeah, I seem to remember you finding the tower just fine," Cyborg elaborated.

Dove chuckled, wondering how she could make them understand what was going through her mind… "I said_ trying_ because I knew where I was _trying_ to go, but the city felt like a maze to me, there were so many twists and turns, too many dead-ends and alleyways… I just became more and more lost… walking was so confusing, that's why I tried levitating…"

"And ended up falling out of the sky onto a building?" Beast Boy screeched eagerly, remembering the story she had told when she first arrived at the tower.

Dove nodded. "Right. And as if that wasn't enough frustration for one day, it turned out that the tower was only a few blocks away." And then she yelped, nearly falling forward as the car slowed almost to a stop, and then turned.

Beast Boy, jostled by her sudden change in position, flapped his wings for balance and cried out in a parrot-voiced screech. He ended up fluttering onto the back of Robin's seat; Dove nearly slid sideways into Starfire.

It was a good thing that 'seatbelt' was on, it was the only thing keeping her where she was.

"Azar, that was unexpected," she muttered breathlessly, trying to regain her balance. A sudden airiness had fallen into her, and her senses of balance and direction were returning unnaturally sluggishly.

"Are you okay?" Raven asked, watching as Dove finally rightened herself and began rubbing her temples.

"Yeah, I think so," Dove replied, "just a little… disoriented." And she lifted her chin and set a smile on her face. Then she turned to the driver. "So, why is this road twice as big as the first one?" she asked, trying to keep her mind off the developing dizziness, trying to forget about losing her sense of stability with that last turn…

"This is the city's main road," Cyborg explained. "If we just keep following it, it would eventually take us all the way downtown."

"Downtown?"

"And then some," Robin added.

"We're not going all the way downtown, are we…?"

"We must," Starfire told her, and Cyborg tossed in, "We've gotta keep tabs on the whole city. It's part of the patrol."

"It's part of our _job,"_ Robin rephrased.

"Oh…" Dove's discomfort was starting to show through on her robe again… It was a faint , dull brown-gray. It would have been barely noticeable if the snow-white dove wasn't perched on her shoulder.

"What's wrong, you don't like downtown?" the green parrot squawked, scratching his head with his clawed foot.

Dove shrugged. "I think maybe I'm just a little overwhelmed…" An unfamiliar sensation was unsettling her stomach, giving her a headache… "I'm not really used to moving like this," she muttered.

Beast Boy tilted his head – then he fluttered back to her shoulder. "It can't bother you _that_ much – I mean, I've seen you training, and your flying or levitation or whatever isn't exactly smooth sailing."

"Don't rub it in…"

"Aw, c'mon Dove, cheer up - !"

"That's kinda hard with you screeching right in my ear…"

"Welcome to my world," Raven muttered.

"Dove, there's the city park you asked about," Robin interjected, nodding out the window.

Dove sighed and followed his gaze with eyes not so eager as they were a few minutes ago. "It looks nice," she said with a shrug.

Noticing her change in tone, the team leader turned to her and noted, "You seem… tense."

Dove blinked and hesitated to speak. "I don't like this," she admitted, her voice coming out tighter than she hoped it would.

"Dove, try to stay calm," Raven told her, noticing the vague darkening in her robe.

"I-I just - I feel unstable…" Her grip on the handle tightened as the car stopped, turned a corner. "…and dizzy…"

Dove's robe darkened seven shades as her anxiety deepened.

"She _does_ look a little pale," Robin noted.

"Chill out, Dove," Cyborg reassured her. "Nothing bad's gonna happen."

"Yeah, Cy's a good driver!" the parrot squawked.

Dove winced. "That's my _ear."_

Sieara heard the faint distress in her companion's voice and, being charmed, knew something was bothering her…. She nibbled on Dove's ear and pulled her bang affectionately.

Dove turned to the bird and sighed, closing her eyes in hopes of erasing the instability as she stroked her white feathers. "I know," Dove whispered, feeling Sieara's claws tighten uneasily as the T-Car pulled to a stop, and the dove nibbled her finger hopefully. "I really don't like this… Guys, my stomach's starting to feel…"

"Maybe you're nervous," Beast Boy squawked.

"Stop talking right in my ear!" Dove begged.

Her annoyance obvious, Sieara fluffed her feathers and stared at the other bird icily.

"Okay, okay. Geez, even her bird's telling me to go away." And he fluttered to Robin's seat once more. "Hey, I know what'll make you feel better! Wanna hear some jokes?"

"NO!" everyone, even Dove, replied.

Green light.

Dove had to brace her feet against the floor and her back against the seat again as the car resumed motion. "How much longer is this patrol?" Dove asked, blinking uneasily out the window.

"We're not even anywhere near half-way done yet," Cyborg replied.

"I don't think I'll be able to stand the rest of the ride… I really think I should get out, I'm starting to feel really sick…" She bit her lip, closed her eyes, and bowed her head in front of her, her hands crossing over her stomach.

"That might be a good idea," Raven voiced – being the empath she was, she could sense exactly _how_ sick Dove was getting.

"We can't go home," Robin said, and Starfire added, "We have a certain schedule we must keep, yes?"

"So we can't stop and let her cool off," Cyborg finished.

"But I need to get out – the nausea's really getting to me… I don't think I'll – " She moaned softly. "At least let me get out for a second," she begged softly, her voice almost breathless. "I feel like I'm gonna be sick…"

With that phrase, Cyborg pulled over and unlocked the doors.

Dove unclicked her seatbelt, opened the door, and she stumbled onto the tree lawn, collapsing to her knees almost immediately. She was far too dizzy, too disoriented to stay standing.

Sieara tilted her head, her eyes concerned.

"Dove, will you be okay here alone?" Robin asked.

Dove bit her lip, but she swallowed and nodded.

"Will you be able to keep yourself calm?" Raven asked; Dove's robe was fading, but it wasn't nearly the neutral color she had to maintain.

Dove nodded again, expelled a breath, then she said tightly, "I'll be fine…" She moaned again and put her head in her hands, trying to steady the world, everything seemed to be swaying…

"Are you certain you are not in need of assistance? You appear quite ill."

Dove nodded yet again. "You guys need to finish the patrol… Don't worry about me."

"Go back to the tower as soon as you feel better," Raven told her. The last thing the city needed was Dove losing control, with everything that had been happening lately…

"Okay…" And then she added, sensing their lingering concern, "We really didn't get that far, I can get home from here. I'll be okay." To reinforce the point, she smiled. Weakly, but she lifted her chin and managed to form her mouth to the right shape. "It's just a little motion-sickness."

"If you're sure – "

Dove nodded.

Beast Boy reverted to his human form and reclaimed his seat, closed the door, and they continued their patrol.

Once the T-Car turned a corner, Dove let her head drop down and wrapped her arms around her stomach – as grateful as she was to finally be on stable ground, her stomach felt unwilling to settle down. She sighed softly, moving across the sidewalk and sitting under the nearest tree with her back to the road. "Remind me to never do that again," she muttered miserably, and Sieara nodded her comprehension.

Suddenly Dove tensed as one of Raven's sharp reminders surfaced– she could still feel the remnants of anxiety lingering in her mind.

She sighed, took a few deep breaths, to calm the sickness _and _her nerves, and in the smallest, smoothest motions she could manage, she crossed her legs and put her head in her hands, resting her elbows on her knees. The constant speech of chanting would probably just irritate her stomach, so instead she closed her eyes and focused on breathing, pushing away the thoughts, the emotions, the unease… let herself slip away from the world…

She stopped only to reposition her back at more of an angle to the ground, but once she felt the discomfort ebbing, melting slowly away like a slow-burning candle, she let her mind fall into the peaceful, quiet emptiness of meditation.

* * *

Dove came out of the mild trance about twenty minutes later, and she realized that somewhere down the line, she had started chanting softly, out of nothing more than pure habit, and a small smile touched her lips. It seemed like maybe, _finally, _she really _could _meditate without Raven there to guide her through every step…

She let out one last, soothing chant, and then she stood, stretching a bit as she glanced around.

People. It was the first thing she noticed, many people in the big area of green that Robin had told her was the city park. It was only a few hundred feet away from her…

Reawakening her mind from the meditation, she found that what she sensed was… warm. It seemed every single one of them was emanating warmth, dulled a bit by the distance, but… Dove smiled. It was nice to sense so much… _joy. _The children were all laughing as they played, and the parents contented themselves with gossiping, every so often letting out a laugh that widened her smile.

Remembering what Raven had told her to do, though distantly (she was much more enthralled in what she was sensing from the others), Dove began making her way back the way she had come. She couldn't help letting down a bit of the mental guards that kept her so tense, letting her empathetic soul wallow in the joy. She liked it. She wanted to sense more.

But she did have to stay near the trees surrounding the park… The empathies were bordering overwhelming, getting any closer would be too much… Even as distanced as she was, she felt a dull ache from so many souls to sense… but the empathies were pleasant. It didn't bother her too badly… in fact, she sort of _enjoyed _it. Their happiness was warm and sweet against the cold anxiety she had been feeling for the past few days… warm and sweet and almost as soothing as meditation itself.

So she opened herself just a little bit more. She was smiling in a soft trance as she walked; the relaxed and eager and peaceful joys all coaxed her to take down even more of the barriers, feel it more, enjoy the sensation of the happiness caressing her soul like warm and welcome sunlight pouring over her mind. It felt nice, it felt _wonderful._

But… As she stepped on, she could only skirt the park, she couldn't get too close… The strength and vividness of the empathies was only part of it. There was also her own subconscious inhibition, her nervous fear of interaction with people that had been planted in her by a childhood of secrecy, living and only thriving in isolation… And yet, the joys erased all of that discomfort from her mind. She wasn't feeling her own fear. And it felt amazing. So she simply stayed on the boundaries, the last of her empathetic guards taken down, full-on wallowing in the sensations. She was so absorbed in those empathies that she barely noticed when she was out of the openness and stepping into the alleyways. Completely enveloped in the sensations… she was dreamily contentedly, it was so lovely, warming her soul… therapeutic, and she was barely aware of the…

A loud shout tore her from the trance, she sensed a sudden anger and it stabbed into her like a dagger, and she stumbled back, suddenly terrified. Her robe was a vivid brown as she felt the electric energy escape her, and three windows on each side of her shattered. She gasped, and she fled, running as fast as possible, not caring where she went, suddenly desperate to escape that searing empathy.

By the time she turned into a shadowy alleyway and allowed herself to collapse to her knees breathing heavily, the sharp pain had dulled to a faded burn - but it was still painful. She let out a breath of frustration - she had allowed herself to remain too open when she felt their happiness, and her reward was sensing fury too vividly, far too vividly.

She scolded herself, frustrated, she _knew_ better, she _should_, Raven had warned her so many times…

The energies were still crackling wildly around her. She was too exasperated to care, and she fell against the wall, her back against the brick and scraping painfully as she slid down to the concrete but she didn't _care. _Why did it have to be _anger?_

Her frustration doubled - she had felt so peaceful, so _blissful_, not just numb and unemotional for the first time in far too long, and it was taken away from her! Why wasn't _she_ allowed to be happy, why couldn't _she _enjoy the happiness of others for just ten minutes without something _interrupting?_

Forgotten and still nervous from the memories invoked of when Dove had lost control on Azarath, the dove sitting on her shoulder tightened her toes' grip uneasily. This was the first time she had ever seen Dove so upset so suddenly… Something had to be wrong, she knew it - a spell had charmed her with almost-human thoughts and consciousness, and she didn't like Dove's new expression… She was nervous for her companion…

Dove sighed her frustration in a tense breath as she realized that it wasn't really sensing the anger that had bothered her so much, but sensing it when she was so open and unable to process it. She cursed the fact that she was so sensitive, so _weak… _…failing to notice that her robe was almost… _red._

She felt something within her arising but ignored it. And she stood, growled to herself - an out-of-character desire to be stronger took hold of her, beckoning, and she responded to the call. She felt more powerful as she leaned in and embraced it - and she smiled, just as her robe turned scarlet. Her eyes grew hunting, intent, as she felt her typical consciousness slide into a predatorial lust. The smile stayed still, confident, ready, as she slipped through the quiet streets, not making a sound as she crept between buildings, keeping herself hidden in the shadows.

Her powers were pulsing inside her, eager to be used… She assured herself she would. She felt the power and craved the feeling of stability, the feeling of _strength. _She _wanted_ to use her power. This personal facet would let her do that, let her see how strong she was. It completely overshadowed her mind, her every layer of consciousness, permeating her with unknown strength. Guided by a deep-set instinct, Dove followed the path to an easy target. Sure, she could use her "power" on some random inanimate object, but what fun was that? No, people were much more… _interesting. _

Her senses amplified by the power she freed, Dove probed every person's mind within a five-block radius, tracking a weak mental guard, someplace quiet and alone where there would be no distraction and no one else to interrupt… Her steps were silent and sure as she felt herself closing in, nearing the perfect candidate.

_"Hello,"_ she called out telepathetically. She took the final step and placed herself in the shadows near a dead-end.

"Hello?" the man called out, looking around with confusion obvious in his voice.

Dove bit back her laughter. "No, no, over here," she said in a falsely amiable and syrupy-sweet voice as she drew him towards the dead-end alley. And he came easily - it seemed he was eager for companionship.

She carefully reached out and brushed his mind, reading his initial thoughts…

"It's pretty quiet today, _isn't _it."

The man nodded, his mind sparking with eagerness for conversation. "Oh yeah. Too quiet for my tastes."

Dove's grin widened just a bit on one side, barely noticeable. "I can help with that." And she stepped out of the shadows, smoothly - almost _glided. _

"Uhh… You can?"

He was interested.

Good.

Dove nodded. And then she held out her hand and called forth the energy, and a loud crack reverberated through the alley as she shattered a door near the end of the street in one full, strong burst of energy.

"WHOA - " The man jolted and turned backwards. "What was _that?" _he cried as the last splinter skittered to a stop. He was startled - but more importantly he was afraid.

Dove smiled at it. "That was just me warming up," she told him. Her voice had lost all of its friendly disguise, and she noticed it was no longer the timid, insecure voice of a frightened child - it was strong, it was confident, and she was glad. Slowly, savoring his growing fear as he saw that her eyes were glowing with incandescent red energy, she finally let her inner plan show; a cruel, anticipating smile grew across her face, and she chuckled as he stepped back involuntarily.

"Wh - Who _are_ you?"

He was now walking backwards, trying to be stealthy about it. His attempt was so pathetic Dove nearly burst out laughing. She waved her hand and a wall of dark energies formed behind him - he back right into it and yelped as he jumped around and stared at it in terror.

"You really need to work on your escape plan," Dove told him in a low, quiet voice, and he glanced back at her over his shoulder.

"Wh-what are you going to do?"

Dove shrugged. "I don't know yet. But I guarantee you aren't going to like it." Oh, his fear was so _delicious… _She took one more moment to savor it, and then she flung a small beam of energies towards him - not enough to cause any damage to his body, but enough to cause him to let out another cry.

Sieara's feathers pricked up at the flare, and the bolt of power lead her to fly off frantically. She landed on a far-off windowsill and watched, paralyzed - Dove felt so dark, so _cruel_… Her companion had never _done_ that before!

Dove was completely oblivious to Sieara's absence. And her robe darkened - this was fun and all, but couldn't she do something more… exhilarating? Enough teasing herself, it was time to cause some _real _terror.

She enveloped a shard of wood in the black electricity and brought it over the barrier, and barely planning her actions she shot it towards his hand. Pain erupted in her empathies, and Dove closed her eyes and nearly shivered with pleasure. She shattered a nearby window and held the larger pieces from hitting the ground, launching them at his hands, his arms, his legs, letting them pierce his skin though he tried desperately to dodge them and smiling, reveling, enjoying the electric feeling his pain sent cursing through her body -

"Stop - PLEASE- "

Dove laughed. "And why would I do that?" she asked in her darkest tone yet, enthralled in the excitement that he feared her - _he _feared _her! _All her life she had never felt like she had this kind of control, this kind of power… Oh it felt so _good_ to be strong!

_"Please,_ don't _do _this!" he pleaded as she sent another piece of glass to strike across his face, and he cried out in pain.

"I told you it wasn't going to be pleasant," she told him, her voice distant, so captivated by the pain rolling off him in energizing floods of fear and desperation. She enveloped him in her energies and slammed him against the empty building, and he collapsed to the pavement and struggled to sit up. It was impossible with arms bent at such unnatural angles, dislocated from the impact, it hurt so much and was too hard to _move_ - "I DON'T _WANT _TO DIE!" he called out, crying, his tears of pain burning as they fell onto the cuts on his cheeks -

Dove only smiled on, holding another spear of wood in place beside her - she was caught in the torrent-mixture of his pains and her strength - his pains gave her energy, made her feel alive - and her own powers amplified that feeling, made her feel like every single part of her existence was alive and sparking with life - her mind by not being weak, her body alive with his pain, her soul alive with his frantic emotions. For once in her life, she was satisfied by her own abilities.

"Please," he gasped.

She flung the wood at his stomach, and he let out a choked gasp of pain - to finish the job, Dove picked up a shard of glass and lodged it securely in his throat, and she watched in satisfaction as his blood pooled on the glass, dripped down slowly, thickly, landing on the concrete below -

His eyes were glazing. Dove was exhilarated. His mouth worked, moving for a moment as he tried to breathe, speak, something - Dove giggled as the energies became stronger yet more faded as his body and soul clung desperately to life. He was fading, fading… Dying.

Dove felt an overwhelming victory pouring into her. She didn't just have power over herself, she realized - she could have power to manipulate others' thoughts, others' emotions… She held power over others' _life_.

Dove stepped across the alleyway, watching as the blood seeped out of every single other cut on his body and gathered in a dark, red, glistening pool beneath him. She could vaguely see the red glow of her eyes reflecting in his blood. And she was caught in a daze of victory and energy, power and emotion. "That's it, fade away," she mumbled softly, chuckling as she felt his final grips on life slipping, losing hold… but… Her laughter slowly drifted off as breathing began feeling wrong, her eyes closed when energy faded away, she moaned softly as… the death drained her energy and left her… …it _hurt… _

Her robe faded to a mottled and dull white. She was feeling his fading moments, the final… his last breaths… She was silent for a moment… she didn't even have the strength to think… she _couldn't _think, time felt frozen, lost… her breaths were shallow, soft, wrong…

And then… then…

As the connection between body and soul severed, a wave of sharp and painful energies charged through her body.

Time was moving again.

She opened her eyes…

…saw the blood…

Dove gasped sharply, suddenly snapping to consciousness. With the empathetic shock from the death worn off, a deep and utterly confused fear set in. Disoriented, she didn't understand, she couldn't remember - what had - why was there _blood _at her feet?

"Oh no…"

She stepped back to avoid the widening pool, not wanting the blood to touch her… Slowly, slowly, energy and consciousness were returning -

…there was a lot of blood…

…but her memory was slow to come.

"Oh, Azar, _no…"_

She raised her eyes from the ground, saw the man - tried desperately to remember… "What did I - ? …I…" Sweat was pouring down her face, and she couldn't hold her eyes open any longer. It took all her strength to brush a piece of hair from her face… she felt so… so…...

Without the power she had encompassed herself in to blockade it any more, the empathetic pains set in, true _pain_ this time. She was… she panted… she felt feverish, weak, sick… She was desperately trying to regather herself, trying to understand why she felt so… so _horrible… _

She let her chin fall, too weak to hold it up any longer. Snapshot sensations of memory began surfacing, so faded, so frail, but she… she couldn't hold on - There was… she felt… so much pain, so much _blood… Too_ much -!

She suddenly felt her stomach jolt as she remembered exactly _how _much, and she stumbled against the wall and leaned over as she felt herself being sick, and she held one hand limply over her stomach, the other braced against the wall. She moaned, weakly, horribly, as the memories finally began to stay in her mind long enough for her to - … just long enough to wonder, _Why did I __**do**__ that...?_

…shivering violently, she had to lean every single ounce of her weight against the wall, she couldn't hold herself up…

…her legs collapsed from under her and she fell to the ground. Tears suddenly gathered in her eyes, and she couldn't find any strength to stop them.

_Why - I… I __**killed**__ him!_

A single, breathless, choking sob fought through her throat, and then all she could do was stay still, sobbing silently, shivering constantly as the memories all finally fell into place. And she wished she didn't have to remember.

* * *

It felt like a long, long time before she managed to stop herself from shaking and pulled her body out of the horrified and weak paralysis. She needed to get home, couldn't stay here… She closed her eyes to avoid a flare of the guilt she already felt settled embers of, and she convinced her feet to move. She couldn't use her powers yet, still too weak… but she managed to walk as far as she needed to, her mind trapped in a daze the whole way there.

By the time she reached the city's edge she was able to force up the last of her energy and barely managed to levitate across the river - holding up her body's weight was draining her energy quickly, and she nearly fell in four times on the way. And as soon as she was inside, she brewed a cup of the most soothing tea she could find; she desperately needed to relax, and figure this out - she then headed straight for her room, her mind reawakening from the trance and the haze lifting after she finished the tea. She was still incredibly uneasy. But at least her energy was returning, and she could think…

She held the mirror in her hand, watching her reflection, horrified and almost desolate, nervously thinking back… And then she realized the death-sensation, that electric burning, it felt familiar, and the lust for strength did as well…

…wait… The dream - or, what she _thought_ was a dream…

She realized that maybe what happened before _wasn't_ just a dream… it could have been a vision… or worse. It could have been _real_.

Her eyes widened, and she saw her reflection with a whole new horror and hesitancy - she was staring, blankly, still entirely confused about what had happened… she just couldn't understand…

"What's _happening_ to me…?"

Once, Dove was able to let herself feel free, once her soul was pure and unstained by guilt, but now… So much had _changed… _Now, she feels broken, both mentally within her guilt and physically within her soul, and she felt the darkness within her soul now, always struggling to break free… it just didn't feel right, so much was _wrong_… Problems with her powers, arguing with Raven, the killings…

Killings that had a worse effect on her than most people would know. The empathy of sensing the death was unnatural and painful on too many levels… Even the animals… Every creature has a life, regardless of how insignificant it may seem.

The pain of bearing that guilt was multiplied a thousandfold by her Azarathean philosophies… To an Azarathean, to kill is the absolute worst sin imaginable, and she had committed it willingly. She had robbed them of their life, stolen away the rest of their time, and for what? A moment of pleasure?

That thought poured a shiver through her body. She actually _enjoyed _it. She had _wanted _them to die, wanted to feel their death, wanted to taste the rare and painful sensations that followed that jolt of pain and separation… she wanted them to suffer.

"I don't want to be a murderer," she pleaded in a tense whisper, suddenly fighting back tears.

…and still she had a chilling suspicion that the worst was yet to come…

* * *

Dove spent most of her remaining alone time pacing her room anxiously and trying to convince herself she was okay - she didn't feel okay but she had to be, she _needed _to be, it couldn't have been incredibly serious if she was okay right now… She _was _okay. Her robe was… _mostly_ white; sure there was a gray overshade, but it wasn't _red_… She got out of it. She escaped it. It's only a phase, she always gets out of it, _always _escapes… All she needs to do is - is be careful. Not let herself fall back…

She nodded to herself, repeating to herself a handful of times, _It's only a phase, it's only a phase, it's only a phase. _Nothing serious, nothing deadly. All she has to do is keep herself from being that open again.

….well, and make sure the others don't find out… And make sure she was completely out of that 'phase' and looked normal to them. That was easy enough…

She nodded again, and she began pushing aside the nerves, the worry, the guilt. She needed to look okay to really _be _okay…

Dove was immensely relieved when the Titans didn't come home until past lunch time, it gave her plenty of time to calm down - well, compose herself enough to _pretend _she was calm.

* * *

Her legs were crossed, her room was quiet, and the sunset was beautiful. But her mind was all but calm.

Alone in her room, in the quiet light of the fading sun and away from all the others, Dove finally let her mind wander to that which was bothering her most.

The pain.

The suffering.

All because of her…

Dove couldn't stop herself from thinking back to how she _enjoyed_ all their torment. She just couldn't make herself forget it, no matter how hard she tried.

It just didn't seem right, it _wasn't _right, it wasn't _good…_ And she had done it, _all_ of it, of her own accord.

…did that mean…

She did bad things. Things that horrified her - it-it just seemed - she winced, but it seemed _evil…_

The horror at that thought sparked a nervous debate within her.

Was she…

Her heart sank, her expression fell, her robe became a deep gray. She blinked towards the window, almost depressed, questioning whether she was _good _or not… too deeply for her comfort… She knew that she was actually _enjoying _the pain… like… like HE would…

She shuddered and didn't even want to think about it, but wondered if it meant she was going to _become_ like him…?

Tears were burning at the back of her eyes, her robe became a deep, vivid brown. The color of _fear._

Becoming more and more uneasy and frayed with every thought, she began thinking, what if she was going to lose all of her good - or maybe she was _never_ good, what if it was all just a subconscious charade…? What if there were _always _those dark enjoyments, she just unwittingly shunned them…?

No, _no, _she shook her head, hard, she hated the thoughts and reminded herself that she _had_ to be good, she _knows_ that she really cares, why else would those torturings make her feel so guilty? If she didn't care, she wouldn't care about their suffering…

"I _am _good…"

She muttered it aloud to herself, softly, quietly, to be sure she knew it. To make sure she really, really KNEW it. …she still wasn't sure if she believed it anymore…

She lifted her eyes to blink out at the twilit sky, watching a cloud pass over it, thin and wispy, like a whisper of hope from desperate lips…

"But I always get out of it," she reminded herself, the brown fading to a relieved cross between yellow, pink, and blue – the colors were faint, faded, melded together and none unique in their place…

Dove realized how close her robe was to white, how close she was to peace, and a smile crossed her face as she crossed her legs and let her mind slip away with the sun, both entities being replaced by a velvety darkness and the sensation of touching quiet contentment.


	13. Overwhelmed

"I recognized those feelings…"

"It was real." Affirmation. The yellow-robed figure nodded as she spoke, her eyes distant and thoughtful behind the hood.

Dove herself blinked uneasily. After another exhausting training session, she came to her room for the quiet of solitude, had let down her neutral charade – and felt nervous confusion clouding her mind once more. The threat of fear and spark of shame threatened to ignite a raging flame of terror within her mind, and she was able to sidestep those threats, escape their effect, but she couldn't decipher her thoughts through the sense of confusion. She had come here with the hopes of making some sense from her tangled and faded memories. And now she was conversing with a reflection of herself, a manifestation of the logic and reasoning that remained within her and was therefore the most reliable way for her to reason through the uneasy memories. This facet, even though she was only an entity from her own mind, wasn't distracted by those things, that foggy filter of an emotion. She was the incarnation of pure logic.

The figure was relaying to her what she already knew, but wouldn't let herself believe, though her thoughts were much clearer than Dove's own: It had snuck up on her in her sleep and taken her, and the 'dream' was real.

Dove winced as her logical facet stated – too blatantly – that what had happened after the anger invaded her was therefore not the first time she had hurt someone.

"Have there been other times?" she asked, her voice timid, fearing the answer.

Her intellect's eyes grew distant and she systematically sifted memories, looking, analyzing, discarding… "Physically, no. At least, not recently. When our powers escaped in Azarath, and Alerina hadn't evaded the statues – "

"I remember," Dove cut in hurriedly; the _last_ memories she wanted to recall were those that involved hurting her own mother. Alerina's pain had been brief, but Dove's guilt and fear burned her to this day. "I need to know how to stop it from happening again."

The knowing eyes looked into Dove's hopeful, and fearful, gaze intently. "Even I cannot convince you to get the help you truly need."

Dove blinked. "I can't tell Raven. You don't need to be pure logic to know how coldly she'll react, and how disappointed she'll be, and… how…" Her eyes drifted off into prospect futures for only a moment… Then, "We both know that there's a way to prevent it without involving her," she stated finally in a firm voice. "She's distant enough as it is… and I don't want her to think I'm… not okay."

The reflection tilted her head just a bit, lowering her chin and her voice, bringing her gaze to a more direct angle and conveying seriousness with every feature of her body. "Matters of pride are not my dealing. But Raven _does_ at least _seem_ to know what to do. If we're not going to speak to her, then perhaps we should at least learn what we can from her. We already know how to reign in the emotions, or at least how to do so in certain ideal situations. We know that allowing any one of us to exist in your most conscious mind triggers the flow of powers that leads you to act cruelly."

Dove winced again.

"What we _don't _know is how to control it, prevent that facet from coming to consciousness. That would be a good place to begin the search for practical answers."

Dove nodded. "Is… Is there anything else I should… consider?"

"If you are asking my opinion, I can give you that, but it lies outside my mental territory to consider anything passionately: it would not be good to allow emotion to overtake your reason. And I'm sure I do not need to tell you that this is not just another nightmare, this is becoming very real. Do not forget that."

Dove exhaled a shaky breath, nodding her reluctant comprehension. "Right…"

They nodded their goodbyes.

The need to remain here gone from her mind, Dove closed her eyes and pulled her consciousness back to her body, and the cosmic space around her dissolved into the closed-in walls of her room with a crackle of living air.

Lifted eyelids, anchored consciousness, let out a sigh…

Dove couldn't suppress the shudder when she focused her gaze on the glass, on the wooden hand-mirror she held before her, and realized that holding it felt uneven – uneasy. It felt almost as if there was a current of energy pulsing just under the wood surface… as if there was something alive but unseen waiting just beyond her reflection.

* * *

Dove gasped, sharp but softly, and her eyes flipped open to be met with a flaring red –

The others rushed to the monitor behind her. She let out the breath and put a hand over her stumbling heart; it was only the alarm, that was all. The loud noise and vivid light had startled her out of meditation… She took a steadying breath. Then she stood, and crossed the living room, vaguely curious – she kept a bit of distance from the others grouped at the crime scanner. Interrupting their heroing duties wasn't on her agenda – besides, Robin's fierce determination, ebbing in her senses, was kind of intimidating.

He gave the Titans the mission details, and as he called for them to head out, Raven turned to Dove, noticing her attentiveness, and asked quickly, "Do you plan to join us?"

Dove shrugged hesitantly, her expression suddenly uneasy. "I can't. No, I won't go. I… I don't believe in it."

Raven nodded and took off, not at all surprised by Dove's decision, as pacifist a choice as ever.

Dove sighed once she knew she was alone, releasing the buried tension within her that had surged forth at Raven's question. She tried to ease her mind, but no matter how she grappled for self-certainty, she was still shaken from what had happened in the alleyway. Luckily she was covering well, able to keep herself from blatantly revealing her unease to the others – or at least able to keep herself from the memories. She wouldn't let herself _think_ about it. And she didn't want to risk going into the city again. Just to be safe, so she didn't fall under that vicious sway again. If she could avoid tempting it, it won't come back.

Right…?

But the more she tried to avoid it, the more she thought about it, and the more frightened she became. It seemed every hour around the others made it more difficult to escape the thoughts, and _cover_ them. It wasn't long before the fear began to slip from her stable hold.

Soon after, anxiety was sinking into Raven's empathetic senses, rousing her from her book. She blinked her eyes into focus, glanced across the room, ignored the loud sound of the TV as she turned towards the source…

Dove gripped her teacup in both hands and was holding it to her mouth absentmindedly. To anyone else she would have looked okay, but Raven had spent enough time with her to know that something was… off. Her face looked neutral enough, but… distanced… Her tired eyes were half-covered and her gaze was completely unfocused; she seemed to lean against the table as if she needed the support to stay upright…

Almost immediately the question formed in her mind: Why was Dove so upset? She observed her sister for a few moments more intently, wondering what had happened, what could be wrong…

Dove just held her tea, staring blankly out the window. The liquid in the cup remained undisturbed. It seemed as if she was so lost in thought she had forgotten it was there.

Mild concern surfaced in Raven's mind, evolving from the distant observances into active curiosity, and solution-seeking; why did Dove seem so uncomfortable?

Maybe letting her go into the city alone really _had_ been a bad idea… Raven knew from experience how empathetically shocking it was to suddenly be surrounded by the flood of the city's emotions… Dove _did_ seem frayed, tense… Maybe Dove still needed help learning about the empathy. Maybe a more controlled environment…

* * *

Beyond the glass, the typically sparkling view was dulled ever so slightly; light-gray but heavy clouds covered the sky and shrouded the sun. Thunder may have rumbled in the distance, but it was too far away and far too hollow for the Titans to hear it – this storm was still on the horizon, and even Dove hadn't noticed the overcast sky…

Then again, her mind was entirely occupied.

Dove and Raven were the only two not spending their time in the living room – for now anyways. That would change momentarily. But for now they were in the hall, Raven giving Dove instructions as they walked…

"…and I know how tempting it is, trust me. But you can't let what you're sensing from them become your own. If you do, you're surrendering your mind, and when you surrender your mind, you surrender your control."

Dove nodded. She had managed to put aside the memories, the thoughts, everything tied to the memory of… what she had done. Except..… The nerves. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't erase the nerves, send them away, ease herself out of them… she chose to ignore them, hide it, and distract herself - focus on the training. She was going to try something new, Raven said - she would _need_ her focus.

"The key is staying calm in all the chaos… If you can't do it the first time, be patient, it takes time to adjust, to build up resistance. But you need to be aware of what to do."

Dove nodded.

Dove _thought_ she did, but Raven knew that she still didn't understand. Dove thought she knew what to do, how to avoid becoming overwhelmed, but she had failed the test in the combat practice… She still didn't understand. She at least _tried _to resist the emotions, but she still gave in to them. And though nothing horrible had happened, next time they might not be so lucky.

They stopped at the door just before it opened. "Alright?" Raven didn't tell her, she couldn't explain it, but she had a feeling that this lesson was imperative for Dove right now… and besides the almost intuitive urges, Dove needed to know how to counter others' emotions if she wanted to safely use telepathy - or any of her abilities that deepened her connection with another.

Dove nodded again. She could already feel why Raven had chosen _now_ to put her through this trial run, she could feel the others behind the door… "Okay."

And with that, they stepped in.

It was like a power surge.

Ebbing, flowing, pushing and pulling, all the different receptions weren't at war with each other but each invoked its own feeling in her mind, it was so confusing, did chaos even _begin_ to - ?

Raven looked back, and Dove nodded, signaling she could go on, get closer, and Raven led them forward.

Dove felt instantly uneasy. Yeah, this was definitely new. All of the others were feeling – So many - so strong –

One at a time. One at a time. She had to focus on one at a time…

It felt like – almost like suffocating – Dove guessed that focusing, maybe, picking just one would make it – But she couldn't, no, it was nothing like – She couldn't choose, couldn't block the ones she – She could feel every single one of their emotions. She had no choice.

And yet, her consciousness seemed to latch on to certain emotions at a time, and in a desperate attempt to hold her mind together Dove homed in on it –

Beast Boy and Cyborg, playing their favorite fighting video game. Anger, competition… A pleasant tingle of anticipation shot through her, tasting violence –

Dove realized that her robe was flaring red and gasped and hurriedly tore her attention away… though a part of her longed to fully _relish_ it – She slammed the door shut on those thoughts.

Her senses immediately latched onto Starfire – worry, concern, a dull brown-purple lavender flowed into her cloak. The concern was strong, overpowering… Dove idly felt a bit of her own concern, and it was quickly washed away in the emotional flood of the Tamaranian.

But why was she - ?

Dove turned to question, investigate her senses – Suddenly Robin's emanations dominated her mind. He was mulling over a mess of papers on the counter with his hand strung through his hair in frustration. Logic, and such strong-willed determination saturated her empathies and left her almost breathless with his intensity. Her robe was a vivid yellow.

All of it was magnified – overwhelming, violent spasms of emotion, she could feel the energies within her soul latching onto those emotions and begging for release – Her own nerves from the power of those emotions led to only a stronger, more energetically-fueled reception – in both empathy _and_ telepathy.

Dove glanced nervously across the room – The heated temper between the two boys playing the video game soared past the point she was comfortable with – _far_ past.

All of her mental-emotional guards failing, and beginning to feel tension erupting within her body and her soul as she fought desperately to keep the energies contained, filter the emotions, Dove grit her teeth and closed her eyes tightly, her hands flying to her head as she huddled into herself, to her knees –

"Are you okay?" Raven asked, sensing the tension, sensing the ache – but Dove was too busy struggling to fight against everything pouring into her to hear. Robin reread the paragraph with his own commentary as he sifted information, and Dove heard his every mental word, her telepathy slipping from her grip, so far away yet so _loud_ –

" _- downtown, but that's too far away from their headquarters to be transported so stealthily.__"_

Dove winced, feeling confusion – no, _frustration_ flicker to life within him –

" – _no other leads!_"

– it doubled. And she picked up on that too.

"_Dove!_" Raven called out again, and she kneeled next to her, sensing the tension, Dove seemed ready to explode, she could feel the –

Energies began escaping in crackling bolts around her, and Dove doubled over and groaned tightly. _It's too much - !_

Then she screamed.

The energies broke free all at once and lashed out, striking across the room in huge streaks of blinding white lightning, charging the room with its icy static and sending shivers down everyone's spine.

Raven gasped and jumped up as soon as they manifested. She yelled out urgently, "Dove, stop - !"

The lights sparked, the television cracked, everyone yelped, and the room went dark. The only things visible were the few sparks falling from the lights – and Dove's body, huddled on the floor helplessly and glowing softly with an iridescence that somehow seemed to be every color at once.

"Whoa," Cyborg muttered.

The soft sound tore Dove from her trance as violently as if he had slapped her, and she began sobbing softly.

Robin, Starfire, and Beast Boy ducked behind the couch, warily watching the wild rays of white energy still slicing their way through the air, almost as if it could protect them from the chilling air suddenly surrounding them.

Raven walked over and knelt next to her… She hesitated before putting a hand on her back. "Dove," she called, her voice even but urgent.

Dove sat up and fell into her half-sister's body, huddled against her desperately for the calmness in her soul. She was shivering violently, and gooseflesh covered her skin, but she felt so hot, so HOT!, and the near lack of emotions – so cool to the fever… so cool… she couldn't, just couldn't stop it herself…

Raven tensed from the physical contact and blinked, and she almost missed the flash of red in Dove's radiating energies.

"Help me, Raven…" The plea was soft, afraid.

"Breathe, Dove – center yourself, you need to calm down."

Dove shook her head. She couldn't – "Save me…" It came out in a breathless gasp. She tried to erase it, force it all away, focus her empathy on Raven, the only safe –

A blaze of the white energies whiplashed into existence and shot towards the ceiling, then doubled over and flew towards –

Raven barely had the shield up before the energies slashed through them. The flash of white that erupted as the energies collided broke Dove into a new wave of sobs.

Raven tilted Dove's ear to her mouth; the electric sound of the energies made it almost impossible to hear. _"Dove, calm down,"_ she told her strictly, "you're going to hurt somebody."

Dove shook her head. "It's all gone, I can't, no, no, there has to be some - "

Raven stood up and reached down, and Dove was pulled off the floor. Her feet were apart as if supporting her weight and her knees were together and she was shivering uncontrollably, but at least she was standing.

Dove let Raven lift her limp body upwards. She couldn't feel anything, and yet everything hurt… The energies suddenly faded away, and Dove whimpered softly.

Raven sensed the numb pain and told her quietly, "You're draining your own energies."

Dove gulped and swayed, and nearly collapsed – Raven caught her and Robin came to help her stand up, the other three coming to stand behind him curiously…

Dove's legs wouldn't support her weight, wouldn't let her… She couldn't stand, so they held her up. Both noticed that her body was covered in a cold sweat as she exhaled and shivered, creating a strange airy noise. And Raven felt that Dove was weakly leaning most of her weight against her – most likely a desperate search for comfort, as usual… She looked to Robin with a slight nod, and he nodded in response and released his hold on Dove's body.

As soon as she felt all of Dove's weight pressing into her, Raven picked her up in her arms with the mild aid of her telekinesis; a small energy field beneath Dove's body supported what weight Raven couldn't manage, and she carried Dove into her room.

She set her on the bed gently. Dove put both hands on her head and shifted uncomfortably, her hands were the only thing steadying her and keeping her from swaying…

"You're overwhelmed," Raven told her, "the empathies were too much for you to handle…" She held back the sense of remorse; was it even safe for Dove to expose her to that kind of emotion…? "Even here, away from all the others, it doesn't seem to be helping…"

Dove shook her head weakly, barely moved it.

So the damage was already done. "You should probably get away from the tower, get yourself calm and get away from those people you're so used to sensing, distance yourself from humans as much as possible… The best way to heal from this kind of overexposure is to be as far away from any more emotion as you can."

Dove sobbed breathily, and then she collapsed forward, a searing fire of the empathies was still burning in her soul… and there was that fire – No, no, _no, __**no…**_

Despite the heat within her, she shivered.

Not expecting much else of a response, Raven crossed her legs for a moment of concentration, chanted the mantra, and the shadow-form of her soul-self manifested around her, spreading and enveloping both girls before it began traveling, carrying them with it in the astral stasis.

As it traveled across the city, gliding smoothly and too quickly for the city's people to gain much more than a glance, Raven could vividly sense Dove's fear the whole way. It made sense to her, in a sympathetic way; Dove harbored a lifelong fear of her powers, and she was _always_ terrified when she lost control… and Raven knew from her own experience how horrifying it is when the empathy became so overwhelming, so hard to fight… how horrifying, and painful, and exhausting…

But she forgot to remember how _dangerous_ it could be as well.

Once the final buildings were behind them and trees surrounded them in every direction, Raven's soul-self arced, stopped, and faded back into her physical body, releasing her and Dove to the ground, on their knees…

Dove tried to sit up, but almost immediately tottered over – Once again, Raven caught her, and then she helped Dove sit against a tree trunk, relaxing her weight against the strong wood.

Raven stayed with her, watching over her until the fire had burned down to embers, and only the faintest ghost of pain lingered… There was still discomfort, faint_,_ but… Dove's mind was numb, her eyes half-lidded and empty.

Raven told her quietly to meditate.

Dove nodded, wiped her eyes, and followed Raven's instructions. And Raven noted sympathetically that she was still shaking…. weak… "I should get back to the tower. The others need to know that you're going to need some distance…"

With the meditation, and through the pain and fear, a detached air had settled over Dove's mind; Raven's voice sounded so distant…

"Keep breathing," Raven told her, "deep and even," and Dove was barely listening, staying conscious seemed to sap all her strength…

Raven continued to hold her voice low. "Keep calm, and let yourself heal… Chant, if you can. It'll help."

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

Dove's voice was weak, wispy…

"Not too harsh, Dove – soothing, gentle, healing breaths…"

A flicker of an eyelid for acknowledgement.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

Her gaze was sharp, alert, watchful. As Raven offered another guiding word, she contemplated… She could sense a distance in Dove that felt incredibly uncharacteristic… as if she was purposely blockading parts of her mind, distracting herself from her own thoughts… and Raven couldn't help but wonder if she was driven to that point by the level of overwhelming empathies she received… She remembered her own first day on Earth, the first time she stepped from Azarath's emotionally deficient atmosphere and came into a world of wild, raging, uncontrolled emotions. She was overwhelmed; she was knocked unconscious when it had become too much. But over time she learned to build up a sort of empathetic shield, and she learned how to process the vivid shocks of emotion. But Dove… The only person Dove had ever really been around was her mother. And knowing the cold, uncompassionate nature of the Azaratheans, Raven suspected that Dove's mother never even allowed herself to be upset. Dove was probably never exposed to true, unbridled emotion before she came to Earth – maybe not even until she came to the tower. Dove had told so many stories of trying to avoid people throughout her entire time on Earth…

And if she was never exposed –

…Raven suddenly realized that Dove was probably not just overwhelmed, but in _shock. _She wondered, completely at a loss for what to do… Dove had proven it over and over again, that she had absolutely no empathetic barriers. She was so easily affected by others' emanations, it was probably_ painful. _Even when Dove tried with all of the little willpower she had to fight against it, she was completely defenseless.

But…

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

Raven blinked, watching Dove meditate (numbly, not peacefully, she noted) once again, drawing herself back into her thoughts a moment later. She had no idea what other exercise, which training technique could teach her the strength and will and proper ways to handle it…

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

Raven took one final scan of Dove's emanations – nothing had changed from a few moments ago. She felt an uncomfortable sense of need overcome her – if she couldn't train Dove correctly, couldn't teach her how to control her abilities… An expression, worry, crossed her face for a fraction of a moment, before she restrained it and regained her composure. She would just have to try a little harder, maybe she would be able to find a solution in one of the many books she had retained from her own training…

She sent up a silent prayer for guidance as she chanted the mantra and lifted off the ground, praying she would be able to help her gain control before everything she had grown to fear of her own abilities came true within Dove.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

* * *

Raven came back almost two hours later, gently probing her senses to find Dove leaning against a tree. "Dove? How do you feel?" As she approached, she kept her tone soft and quiet, not wanting to aggravate the tense discomforts she sensed.

Dove didn't move, didn't turn her mind from the meditation, but she took a few moments to gather her strength, gather her will, remember how to speak… Those few moments told Raven moment enough of how she was, but Dove still spoke in a voice tense, and raspy, and hardly present: "I… I feel weak… really, really weak… I still need to be away, any empathy feels… _bad…_"

Raven simply nodded, catching Dove's timid hint. 'Any empathy' included sensing her presence. She only lingered long enough to tell Dove, "Be careful," her voice soft and almost concerned, before she took off.

_Careful of __**what?**_ Dove asked herself tentatively once Raven's presence had left her senses.

Moments later, she had an answer.

That dull and burning fire that she had felt before was still there – it had been there the entire time. While meditating it felt… quieted. Distant. But back in awareness, she swallowed uneasily at how close it felt to her – how dangerously, frighteningly close…

Hoping to set it away, she tried to fall back into meditation – but she realized she _couldn't…_ Her mind wouldn't settle – Suddenly she felt the energy explode within her and gasped.

She felt the searing heat spread through her as the fire flared again, but this time it felt like something alive, clawing inside her through a blind rage.

She yelped and grit her teeth, suddenly terrified – "No, no, stop it, no, NO - " She gasped and cried out, huddling into herself and tried to force it back, fight it away – "NonoNO - " – she knew she should exert her will over it but she couldn't gather the strength, the fear was too strong, her mind was too slippery to grab hold – She was afraid, desperately terrified of what was happening, but she was still struggling –

It was a losing fight.

Suddenly she felt dark energy rearing in her soul, and she desperately cried out and huddled against the tree, trying to fight it back, desperately _trying_ to - …but she was so exhausted…

"No, no, please, no…"

She whimpered and forced what little strength she had left, trying to push it away… trying to… to…

The fire within her merely consumed every mental energy she tried to hold against it… and soon she didn't have any energy left.

She let out a soft moan, dropping the weak hold she had on her mind… and she closed her eyes, resigning herself to unconsciousness.

* * *

The fire revived her after a few moments' rest, possessing her, taking control, and turning her robe a deep, dark red as it brought a dark smile to her face. Somewhere within, deep down and buried by the darkness that had taken her, Dove was terrified. But her will to resist was smothered by thoughts of weakness, hopelessness… Soon, maybe, eventually, but now she can't… there's no strength left to fight… and despite the fears, despite the terror, Dove couldn't fight it any longer.

She let the heat take reign.

The dark silhouette melded into the shadows, moving eerily through the alley, gliding too smoothly to be natural as it homed in on its target. The only thing that could give away its location was the fact that it was formed by shadows so deep, so dark, the surrounding shadows actually seemed to give off light.

Few moments had passed before her darker self was exercising the extent of her known abilities, cloaking herself in darkness and already seeking its next exploit of human weakness.

She wanted to laugh. Laughter would feel good.

Power would feel ecstatic.

* * *

Dove laughed as the woman pleaded desperately for mercy. "Mercy? The word is _foreign_ to me."

The woman was trapped – Dove had knocked her on her back with a sudden ray of black energy, and she held the woman down with bonds of the same substance. With the darkness had arisen power and will – delight, and her desires were more solid than ever. Her will was iron, and so were the energies.

The crackling shadows burned the captive's wrists and ankles, but by now the emotional weight had far outbalanced that pain. _"Please,"_ she cried, tears streaming down her face, "my first son is graduating this year – I need to be there to see it!"

Dove only shrugged callously, half-lidded eyes disinterested as she idly picked her nail.

The mother was appalled at Dove's unconcern. "Don't you have a HEART?"

Dove lifted her eyes. "Oh, I have a heart..." She approached the woman, hunger growing in her eyes. "And it's beating far too slowly for my tastes." A cruel smile tilted her lips as she knelt next to the woman with eager anticipation. "I want it to quicken. I want to taste your fear, feel your pain. I want to be exhilarated." Her smile grew; her eyes focused, looked directly into the woman's eyes (making the connection so delectably deep), and she leaned in until her gaze was a half-inch from the woman's face. "_Stimulate_ me." Her voice was quiet but firm.

She took a moment to savor the woman's fear, anticipate her impending triumph – then she grabbed the other's wrist with an extra electric jolt to spread her hand flat (the sharp intake of air was so satisfying!), took the woman's fingers in her hand, and with a sudden vicious stroke of telekinesis ripped off the false nail.

The woman's yelp was strained – she tried to hold it back, be strong – Dove knew she was stronger. And she would show it. "Don't bother trying to hold back." The woman struggled to free her hand from Dove's grip – Dove chuckled at her pathetic hope. She slammed the next finger backwards. The small, sharp SNAP tickled her ears, the explosion of pain gave her pleasant shivers – the woman's screams were like music to her ears. The perfect soundtrack.

Dove stood. A life of avoiding screaming herself had taught her the best and worst places to receive an injury, what would feel most, what would _hurt_ most. And now she sorted that knowledge with blissful intoxication flooding her soul, eagerly bringing pain to the woman one sensation at a time. She recalled all she knew about telekinesis – she used it to lift a stack of decayed newspapers and drop it on the same injured hand.

The woman was now screaming openly, struggling wildly to free herself from the restraints, adding to Dove's morbid enjoyment. Oh good, the adrenaline was kicking in – but Dove wouldn't give the endorphins a chance to work. She lifted a fist-sized chunk of concrete, using her abilities to swiftly graze the underside of the upper arm, sensitive enough to burn and tingle ragingly as the flesh was torn open. A rusty nail down the side of her face.

There were more places she could exploit, more weakness, more painful, but those most sensitive parts also held the most vital blood, and why would she want her plaything to bleed to death? Spilling blood didn't worry her, but all the fun would fade with death. So she stayed away from the neck and chest and focused on injuries that would bleed little but arouse plenty of pain.

A light scraping across the heel, and shards of broken glass held into the wrist. Dove was absolutely enthralled by the sensations - with every flare of pain came a burst of sadistic exhilaration.

"Please," the woman choked out, seeming to finally find her voice, _"Please,_ make it STOP - "

"I _won't,"_ Dove cried, mocking, smiling madly. "I'm not stopping."

"Please, just let me go - "

"If I do, would you take me to your family?" An opportunity for emotional stimulation. Perfect.

The woman froze for a moment with only her shuddering breaths breaking silence. "No," the woman finally murmured, "No, I won't."

Dove grinned and shrugged with a disinterested flip of the wrist. "Fine by me." And she took another rusty nail and dragged it across her forehead, down her cheeks, carving out fine red lines of what seemed to be a series of glistening intricate tattoos.

The woman's screams and pleas held no meaning, only pleasure. Still she tried. "Please, please, please - " A yelp. "If you won't stop then just KILL ME NOW!"

"What, is the pain too terrible?" Dove taunted, "it hurts so much you want the sweet relief of death?" She laughed derisively. "Not a chance." Her energies covered a piece of wood at the windowsill and shattered it and Dove embedded the splinters in the soft and fragile flesh between the woman's fingers.

Her screams were from agony, but they were also rent from the depths of her losses.

The franticness sent Dove into a state of absolute euphoria. She enjoyed the desperate cries, actually laughing, LAUGHING!, as she sobbed.

For a moment she only wallowed, reveling in what she had done, proud of her power, thrilled by the helplessness and knowledge that it was her own work. And she savored every single deliciously vivid sense of pain she could feel. Signs of her triumph. Signs of her success. And Dove was more than satisfied.

She stood still, watching with smug and superior eyes as the woman's screams softened to weak whimpers... and then the blank oblivion of unconsciousness. A dull numbness overcame her - faded confusion; the sudden emptiness caught her by surprise - as an empath, she could feel what the woman felt... but now that the woman's awareness had fled, she wasn't feeling much, and neither could Dove.

It seemed the fun was over...

Still entranced, Dove bowed her head and closed her eyes. Her robe faded to an empty white, the red blaze over her eyes faded, she lowered her hood slowly and blinked into the dazzling light as the cruelest mindset released her from its thralls. At first, all she could feel was numb dazedness. She was feeling the same weakness she had felt before the darkness overcame her. Only... the fire was gone, and... a memory of the sensed pain was hovering in her body like a thick fog. She blinked, suddenly immensely weak, and looked around with a wavering gaze...

She gasped when she saw the woman, and a sudden horror jolted her to awareness. She locked her eyes shut tightly, feeling sick at the lines of blood, and she fumbled around blindly to find the woman's purse - her cell phone. The woman was hurt, so hurt, Dove knew there was no way she could heal her on her own. She could call the Titans, but – no. Her fingers shook madly as she pressed the keys for 9-1-1.

The signal sent.

Desperately choking back the nausea, she told herself that she needed to be able to speak so they can save her, if she was vomiting she couldn't speak, and it was only by sheer willpower that she managed to not be sick –

_Don't-get-sick-don't-get-sick-don't-get-sick…_ It was hard as all heck, but she swallowed back a retch.

The call was answered. "911, where are you and what's your emergency?"

Dove was still thralled in shock and wrestling her stomach – She opened her mouth, but she closed it and moaned sickly.

"Hello?"

_Speak. Speak. SPEAK._

She couldn't convince her throat to work but she had to, she _had_ to –

_For the love of all Azar's teachings, SPEAK! _Though it was an oxymoron to call on the pacifist leader when the whole cause was needless violence… She shuddered, and finally a sound came from her throat that formed words. "Help, she needs HELP -" And suddenly the words were pouring from her in a flood of horror and pure need – raspy and blurred together but at least they were words. "She's hurt so badly, and she-she needs and ambulance _now_ – oh Azar there's so much blood - " She clamped her mouth against another retch.

"M'am, I need you to calm down. Where are you?"

Deep breath. "I – I don't - "

Dove could only channel the frantic shaking to force her feet to move and stumble – run to the end of the intersection, "Uh, um, in – Harkens Road, and Applewood street, just past the intersection – She's on the street – on the ground at the end of the alley - " The need to breathe cut off the words, but she felt a flash of thanks that she had at least managed to learn how defined location worked in this world –

"I'm dispatching an ambulance now. We need you to stay on the line - "

But Dove had already dropped the phone and ran, her dizzy relief bowing to the pressure of guilt almost as soon as it came – and horror was choking her once more. Needing at least a stable location, she looked to the sky and screamed AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS, before veering off the ground and propelling her flight furiously with her terror.

She flew the entire way home in a huge rush, absolutely horrified. She knew that she was starting to lose ground in this drawn-out battle. The thought of what would happen if she ever fully surrendered sent fear charging through her.

But even the pure emotion couldn't power her weak levitation for long; as soon as she landed on the island, she had to stumble through a landing and typed the code on the keypad, and as soon as the huge doors opened she was off again. For now her only concern was getting to her room, being alone, and not letting anyone else know – She sensed a presence on the way there but only rushed herself more.

In the hall, Robin was startled when she shot past, but he had enough time and more than enough observational skills to notice her sweat, her immensely wide eyes, her brown robe – by now he had figured out that brown stood for fear, and he immediately asked, "What's wrong?"

Dove was already around the corner by the time he finished.

Not even slowing, she called back, "I'm fine! Just a little disoriented!" Her voice was almost too distant to hear on the last syllable.

And she ran into her room before the door was even fully opened. Pacing on the other side of her bed, she lingered by the window trembling furiously, her hands kneaded nervously - "Oh no, oh Azar, it's only getting worse…"

"Dove, you've been praying to Azar a lot lately."

Dove gasped and froze – her back was to the source of the voice, she hadn't heard the door open… There was no way Raven _didn't_ sense her wild anxiety, it's a wonder the energies hadn't gotten loose yet.…

"_What's_ getting worse?"

"The colors," Dove lied, a shiver running down the back of her neck, her spine… "I-It's only getting worse… and there's not much white anymore…" She turned to Raven and sat down on her bed, her expression only betraying worry but feeling completely paralyzed beneath it. Raven looked so intent, her gaze was so focused and unmoving… No, there was no way she would let Raven know what she had done, she wouldn't tell, _couldn't_ tell…

"Something's wrong," Raven noted, and with such frigid finality Dove knew it was useless to deny it. "I can sense it."

Dove still struggled to keep the level of her fear contained. "I'm not sure exactly what it is, I-I can't even guess…"

But it was obvious that she was more afraid than she wanted to show. Dove had never been a good liar; and Raven could sense weakness, she could feel the electric tension in the air that meant Dove was just barely managing to keep the energies reigned in… "What happened?"

Raven was inspecting her with her eyes yet again. "I lost my hold on myself," Dove told her meekly; she knew that lying was a bad idea, but that didn't mean she had to tell every horrible detail of the truth…

"It's getting out of control," Raven told her with calm seriousness, "I'm going to look… deeper."

"How?" That was new…

"I'm going to send my soul into yours, and look into your mind… You're going to have to let me see if you want to find out what's wrong."

Dove tensed, true fear just barely surfacing on her face before she masked it again. Besides the anxiety from Raven seeing what she'd done through her thoughts, she didn't want to end up _hurting_ Raven; what if the energies transferred through their souls or something and Raven felt what she did…? What if getting too close to her really affected her sister?

She told Raven in a voice that she tried to avoid but still laid her anxieties clear, she was still aching from the empathy incident, and "I don't want to hurt you through that connection."

…Dove's fear would only make it harder… Raven knew it from experience. Speaking in a comforting voice (to her standards), she reminded her, "I know how to combat pain, and even if it does hurt, it's worth knowing what's wrong."

Dove nodded. "Okay…" Her mind grappling frantically for a solution - She could let her in, let her see _some_thing, but Raven didn't have to see what she won't let her see, right…? Or at least she _hoped…_

Her posture had eased a bit, but Raven knew that Dove was still immensely nervous. "Relax," Raven told her calmly. "It only hurts if you resist."

And they sat down…

Raven began chanting, her consciousness already distant and her voice even further away. Dove closed her eyes and sensed the energies being raised and projected. She felt the temperature drop, the air laden with energy. The tension, the feeling of something detaching… then she could sense Raven's soul, and feel it soaring into her – enveloping her… The sensations were uneasy and chilling. Dove shivered.

Raven asked, "Are you ready?"

Dove nodded, trying to brush aside the discomforts.

The next words met her ears as the deepest sound of calm she had ever heard, more like shadows of a voice than anything. "I'm going to look now," Raven told her. "You need to let down any mental guards you have… and let me in."

Dove was touched by a distant wonder. Raven's voice held an almost mystical quality, detached, as if she was speaking through her soul rather than her mouth - and knowing Raven, she probably _was…_

"I'm going to open a connection between us - are you sure you're ready?"

"I am," Dove mumbled. She closed her eyes, focused on partitioning her memories, keeping them as far from Raven as possible; she felt a familiar connection opening, almost the same feeling that came with opening up to Raven's mind during telepathy training but so much deeper, so much fuller... so much harder to hide -

Before she even felt it, the flare of fear that came with that realization gave rise to a sudden whirlwind of energies springing to life within her and furiously building against Raven's -

There was contact, Raven set the connection, felt the flood of emotions - Collision.

Dove felt electrocuted and frantic the moment their souls met. She gasped sharply -

Raven yelped loudly and tensely and withdrew her ethereal form immediately; the momentum was so great she ended up on her back. She rebound her selves and sat up, her eyes wide and startled.

Both looked at each other uneasily, breathing heavily.

Dove bowed her head and exhaled a shuddering breath, suddenly almost in tears. Somehow, the thought of their souls being unable to touch frightened her deeply, almost deeper than the idea of Raven finding out…

Raven blinked uncertainly, that had never happened before…

Dove sobbed once quietly.

"What…?" Raven asked. But she had to stop there, she was still trying to catch her breath…

Dove put her hand over her mouth and shook her head. "Raven, that hurt…" She closed her eyes even tighter and shivered at the memory. "It actually _hurt…"_

Raven blinked at her quiet words, trying to piece it together and soothe her pains at the same time – and then she had to soothe her empathetic pains as well; since the contact, she could suddenly sense Dove so much more vividly than she could a few minutes ago… she could feel Dove's pain and fear - so vivid...

Dove let her hand fall to the ground and looked up at Raven with timid, nervous eyes, almost afraid to make eye-contact for fear that it would happen again. "I don't like this…"


	14. Balancing Act

_**Chapter 14: Balancing Act**_

It was so dark here… The blackness was thick. Suffocating. Alive. The emptiness was terrifying. Shadows were lost. Light deflected.

A single sound, whish of feathers – A dove coasted on tired wings, her feathers ashen from the touch of darkness – darker, darker, darker as she flew on. Struggled to lift her wings… She finally arced and landed; the black had somehow materialized, though invisible, and the bird rested. Gentle eyes, delicate curves, a beak that could only be used as harmless defense in the most desperate times. She seemed so serene… and she lifted off again, blinking her amber eyes against the harsh space. This wind felt heavy… strong… Approaching.

She flapped hurriedly – the dark already held her. She fled, her heart quickening. Feathers darkening, melding with the shadows, blending in and erasing edges until she was one with the blackness no matter how franticly she tried to evade, the invisible claws were already latched on.

And the bird herself changed. Full wings became ragged. Claws hooked the wingtips. Beak filled with knifepoint teeth, deadly, made to tear - lit by red fire of cruelty in her eyes. Feather became leather, roughhewn, scales. This bird was no longer an image of peace but an icon of evil. Peace to protection, serenity to strength as her lithe form slithered onward, onward, flexing new muscles as she glided towards a red light that was more like a bloodstain on the velvety black background.

The light seared as it fell upon her, but the sensation, the ability to feel, was so _exhilarating!_ The feeling - ability to feel - privilege awoke something strange; strong and excited. But a desperate fear arose just under the enjoyment – She pushed it away and embraced the thrill, the pain she felt from the red light.

The glow touched her steel feathers, liquid fire seeping into her flesh and being - the black began changing. A moment of no boundary. Then it was back, and cocooned itself in its long, broken, insubstantial wings - the edges melded into a smooth and heavy texture. Black darkened and became a menacing red. Enveloping its body, the wings shadowshifted to the cloak-like fabric. And the bird became an image of the side of herself she had always attempted to subdue.

Until now.

There was freedom, sweetness. The dark was bitter but so very satisfying!

The red-cloaked version of herself lifted its head and smiled, laughter emanating from its deepest existence, the four eyes glowing a scarlet born in the deepest depths of evil. Trigon's voice was so tightly braided in the red-self's laugh, it was impossible to discern.

And in the distance, a soft sob escaped a pair of muffled lips in a whimper, a whisper of guilt… Soft enough to be ignored.

But the sound came from her own lips.

Dove opened her eyes, moonlight wavered in her view, and she closed them again at the leaden misty feeling, the tears gathering under her eyes… the feelings that shook her very soul… and the pillow was wet.

Another tear added itself to the fabric, a small trickle that Dove felt all too vividly. "Azar help me," she muttered, softly, weakly, helplessly… and a shudder cascaded down her neck, shoulders, and back as she realized exactly what it just might have meant.

She didn't _want_ to give in…

* * *

Meditation the next day was difficult. Even after she had finally quieted the whispers of the dream still haunting her, the laughter still echoed off the walls of her memory and aroused the fears anew. She couldn't manage to quiet the emotions. Her consciousness was turned inward; she sat in the lotus position in the middle of neutral territory in her mind. It was usually so quiet here… but not today.

Her dark side wasn't present, at least not showing herself – but Dove could feel her looming somewhere in the background, smiling, laughing, mocking, her breath poisoning the wind and tainting the stars, the ground, the mist writhing around her… She refused to show herself, but her presence was felt in every thought of fear in Dove's mind.

Dove couldn't bury the awareness any longer. She knew the dark-self was taking her over, so subtly she could barely recognize when it crawled out of the shadows… Fear clawed at her heart whenever she thought about it, about how stealthy, how slippery it was; it terrified Dove to know that she could barely recognize when that was happening… How could she stop it if she couldn't recognize it?

But even more terrifying was what happened when that dark side reared and Dove became everything but herself, what she _did._ Heavy guilt settled over her mind palpable as lead. All those innocents, injured and dead… and the worst past of it was that it was for no other reason than to satisfy cravings, desires, what she herself wanted… It didn't matter what she'd do to the other person when that mindset came…

"SELFISH!" her mind screamed at her, frustration muffled by the whimpers of fear but vivid nonetheless.

No, no, it wasn't selfish – well it was but it wasn't _her – _It was only when her mind was eclipsed by that _shadow_ of her, when in control she _shuddered _at the idea of hurting people –

'_But you still killed them,'_ a voice resounded from the rocks, rising from the very depths of her being – which was _supposed _to be calm during meditation…

_Shhh, _she pleaded mentally –

'_You killed them.'_

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she chanted mechanically, trying to drown them out – A moment of silence and three more chants.

'_There's peace now, but won't it just come back?'_

_It doesn't have to,_ Dove convinced herself. "Azarath Metri -"

'_But there's no guarantee!'_

_STOP IT!_

…Deep breath.

_Please, stop, stay calm – focus, peace, peace, and quiet… calm…_

A sigh and a shudder.

'_This kind of fear doesn't just go away…'_

She countered with the halcyon words.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos…"

Let her consciousness slip away…

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos… Azarath Metrion Zinthos…"

…or at least _try _to.

Distant echoes of thunder cried, _'DON'T LET GO, SHE'LL TAKE CONTROL AGAIN!'_

She willed the faded voices to let her mind be silent but they just wouldn't stop… Even meditation couldn't silent her innermost voice. So she tried to ignore them, focus on emptiness and somehow stay centered, grounded…

'_Murder' _and guilt –

Ignore them.

'_Broken' _and_ 'slipping' – _

Ignore them.

Snatches of breath and catching a distant image and a woman's scream –

IGNORE it – !

Center, recenter, don't let it in –

She heard a small, timid whisper that was almost lost in the wind murmur, _'But there's no stability here anymore… It's all falling apart.'_

A shimmer of air for a nod and intellect spoke in a grave voice: _'These are dark days in Dove's world…'_

Dove involuntarily shivered before gathering her willpower and slapping a blank black image over her thoughts and holding it there with all her mental strength, forcing them to silence.

* * *

Training was soon; Dove knew she couldn't keep this nervous pacing. There was no point in worrying anyways – for now she was still okay… but she still shuddered at her thoughts – She had to stop that. She couldn't let Raven see what was happening – she didn't _want _to. It was probably only a phase, a nightmare-inducing, recurring phase… _It'll pass, _she told herself hurriedly, _it'll all be over soon…_

A deep breath and a sigh, keeping the whispers of fear within her mind at a distance. The guilt alone threatened to destroy what little calm she had gleaned from the meditation -

_I wasn't myself,_ Dove reminded herself hurriedly, _not conscious, not ME - It wasn't really __**me**__ doing those things... It was that __**part **__of me..._

She was desperate to believe that the guilt wasn't hers to bear. But even with such adamant denial, subliminal undercurrents of thought leaked into her mind - whoever or whatever did it, it happened, and it used her hands to accomplish all those appalling things.

Azar hold her, it already hurt deeply enough without lying to Raven...

And experiencing lifelong secrecy had taught her that the best way to tell a lie was to believe it was the truth. So, if she truly believed that it wasn't_ really_ her... It wasn't lying, and she wasn't deceiving her sister.

Still the nerves hadn't eased; what if it happened again, and she couldn't free herself...? But she had come out of it every other time in the past... it was nothing to give Raven any reason to wonder over. But she was still uneasy, future comforts didn't erase what had already happened, and she worried her expression would betray her. She knew she was inexperienced at keeping her thoughts off her face, and Raven knew how to read her expressions. Those facts were a formula for discovery…

Just a moment of thought and then she raised her hood up over her face, carefully adjusted… There. It would cast dark enough shadows over her brow to hide those thoughts from Raven. Others couldn't see any creases of worry. The darkness would make it harder to recognize the most subtle signs of emotion in her eyes. There was relief in knowing she could hide her face more easily, too; just angle her head a bit downward, or to the side, and the hook at the end would hide everything else...

Besides, it was comforting. She felt more contained, and less exposed, and safer.

By the time Raven entered the room, Dove's mind was eased. Her expression was calm.

At first Raven didn't seem to notice anything amiss. A brief lecture and verbal review - then she asked Dove if she planned to put her hood down. It was unusual to see it shielding her face; Dove rarely ever lifted it, it was usually only ever raised when seeking retreat, and Dove had told her from the beginning that the wider range of vision and greater alertness when it was down was reassuring.

But now Dove shook her head. "It helps me focus." It wasn't a lie; keeping the anxieties in control _would_ help her focus.

Raven, though apprehensive, didn't complain; usually Dove's experiments ended badly but lately there had been improvements in her ability to use her powers… The time spent on this ability felt like hours of toil, but the effort finally seemed to take effect.

After all the practice, all the training, Dove felt more comfortable with the telepathy than she knew possible. Reading thoughts had become almost too easy; opening the connection no longer took fifty tries – or even two. Training sessions were less of an item to dread. Raven had even wondered aloud how Dove hit such a sudden breakthrough. (Dove had an idea where the power came from but refused to answer; she shrugged.)

Today Raven stood in Dove's room, Dove sitting leisurely on the bed as she readied her mind. She set her eyes on Raven's (and ignored the typical chill), placed the bridge – a static feeling, and the pull she was so familiar with, then she could… _hear…_ Raven's thoughts came crisp, clean, and clear once they made eye-contact.

Confidence, timid but almost eager, sparked in Dove's mind as she realized exactly how easy it had become. Maybe dealing with her powers wouldn't be such hassle after all.

"_Can you hear me?"_

Dove wondered at the voice she heard in her mind and nodded, vaguely thrilled by its clarity. This was more than catching quick glimpses of thought, she could actually understand what Raven was saying. She thought to herself, _I've never done it so well before…_

"Was I supposed to hear that?"

Raven's voice startled her out of the connection. "Wha - ? No…"

"Guard your mind," Raven told her. "And stay centered."

Dove blinked. Her pale-mint cloak faded to a tinted white; maybe she _was_ a bit too enthusiastic…

"Set mental boundaries. If someone else has telepathetic abilities, it could be disastrous for you to not be aware of how far you open the mental gate. Just like with the energies, you should only use as much of your abilities as you need, and be careful to not let your thoughts out when you let others' in." Though she debated whether Dove really _needed_ this lesson - she was guarding her mind already, probably without being aware of it.

Dove thought with distant eyes for a moment, filing the information away and being sure she truly understood - she did. She nodded. And she noted that Raven seemed more... distanced lately. Usually she would have at least acknowledged Dove's success with the communication... but today she held a firm silence between them when the lectures were done. Dove was long accustomed to Raven's tepidity, but if it felt cold before, it was a biting frigidity now. She felt stricken. More than anything, she longed to be close to her sister... and with every mask she hid behind to avoid telling the truth, she felt she was falling farther from that hope. It hurt to know. But it was her own hand that dealt this situation... She knew she deserved it. She would just have to play what cards she had and hoped that she wouldn't lose herself in whatever twisted game her dark side was playing...

Her gaze had drifted off. "Dove," Raven called, for the third time.

Dove snapped back to the present. "Hm?"

"Do you understand?"

"Oh. Yeah." She blinked the remains of those thoughts back under the cover of neutrality. "I... Yeah, definitely. It seems a lot easier than before." A smile nudged the ends of her lips upward as she readily rushed her mind to the new subject; her robe was touched with emerald green.

Raven only nodded. Her expression was completely unreadable, a thick shield...

Dove wasn't sure how to interpret that. Even the empathy wasn't reliable; Raven held her thoughts and emotions tightly within herself and gave absolutely nothing away. Had she ever seen Raven close up so stiffly...? It made her nervous. As did the prospect of not knowing exactly what to do with the power. There was the promise of strength that fluttered tantalizingly behind every move her dark self made, that with the crimson adding itself to her mindscape spectrum she could have strength she had never even dreamed of, and stepping out of her own weakness was something she had longed to do for years... but was it possible to gain that triumph without any more people being injured along the way...?

Maybe Raven seemed to will thorned barriers between them, but Dove knew that Raven understood far more about their abilities than herself. Carefully framing her words, she asked hesitantly, "Why do you think my powers are so much… _stronger?"_

Raven's response was clipped and flat. "It could be from how chaotic your emotions have been lately. More emotion means more power released. And you've spent all of your life suppressing it. Until recently you didn't know you _had_ that kind of power, let alone how to use it."

Dove's robe shifted to yellow-green and her eyes lit up as she struggled to fight back an apprehensive smile. "So… do you think – maybe… Do you think there's _more?_ Some kind of-of untapped power that's just waiting to be awakened, and - ?"

Raven obviously didn't share her enthusiasm. Her expression instantly darkened, and her gaze became close and serious. "There is, but I doubt you can control it. _I_ don't even know how to use those powers without losing control."

Raven's ominous words doused what little chance of excitement Dove had. She decided she'd probably deny herself the tempting leap into a pool of power.

But deep down, somewhere in the depths of her mind, there was a part of her that churned eagerly at the notion of having all that power at her disposal… and it wasn't exclusively her dark side.

* * *

Dove was lost in thought and Raven was lost in a book when they passed each other in the hall, too close, and their fingers brushed –

Raven felt a shadow in the air, something dark and horrible - Her mind and eyesight were suddenly overcome with spasmodic images, psychic impulses - Flash of red, taste of blood, Trigon's voice echoing through the images - black, crimson, the scent of death and an overwhelming guilt - pain and a sob –

The vision finally let her free and she cried out through a strangled gasp.

Dove jumped at the sound and turned to Raven, immensely concerned as a thousand and one worried thoughts crossed her mind; with everything happening lately, had she hurt her – ? She hurriedly asked, "What's wrong?"

Raven's breaths were heavy, her heart quickened, but she didn't let it show, by habit. She immediately began trying to steady her breaths, calm herself, bring herself back to reality… She vaguely realized she had dropped her book.

She focused her eyes on Dove's with a calm expression and told her, "I… _think_ I'm fine…"

"Raven – " Dove was still tense; that answer wasn't satisfactory at all. Her robe was a deep gray-lavender – shaded concern… "Are you sure?"

Raven nodded. "You should calm yourself before you worry about me," she told her in a carefully controlled voice.

Dove nodded hesitantly and turned away obediently, and continued down the hall with her eyes closed and her fingers to her temples as she took in deep breaths and tried to let go of the emotion…

Raven's gaze followed her intently, and once Dove turned the corner, Raven allowed her expression to fall to what she was _truly_ feeling.

Suspicion.

Now it was nearly impossible to deny – both the strained empathy and the intuition forced her to realize that something was unsettling Dove, deeply. And whatever it was, she was fighting so desperately to keep it hidden… It was completely uncharacteristic; Dove was far from garrulous, but when approached, especially by Raven, she was always willing to at least admit that something was bothering her, and she was usually grateful for an open ear turned her way. But now… Dove had seemed to cower from the idea of sharing her mind with Raven, even for an instant… maybe… she was _guarding_ herself; that would explain the jolt and crash when Raven tried to connect to her, she was hiding something and didn't want Raven to see…

Just when she thought they were getting somewhere in their relationship, another block sprung up on the road. Go figure.

It was impossible to tell what Dove was hiding, she was so careful to hide her thoughts; and the vision had come far too quickly and suddenly for her to recall much more than the sharp discomfort lingering from each sensation. Whatever it was, it was taking its toll on Dove's mind… and it concerned her, and she wondered why Dove was so desperate to keep it hidden. Could she really hold a secret so dark, so terrible? Dove had always seemed so innocent, so weak but hopeful… What could take that _away_ from her? And in so little time…

Raven nearly convinced herself that it was some sudden realization regarding her abilities, or maybe Dove was just ashamed of her inability to restrain her emotions. She couldn't really believe it. But she also couldn't convince herself to pry; her life held more than its fair share of shadows, and she knew from experience that some secrets should stay secret. She couldn't ask Dove about it, she wouldn't. She wouldn't think of invading Dove's privacy. Especially with how uneasy she seemed lately; talking may only aggravate whatever wound was in her mind rather than soothe it… but Raven knew that something was wrong, _very_ wrong… and she hoped that whatever was lurking in the shadows of Dove's thoughts was something more easily contained.

* * *

Dove sighed. She had been successfully answering Raven's telepathetic questions for ten minutes, and patient as she was, the exercise was growing tedious. By now sending the thoughts to another's mind was effortless as blinking.

_"There were four. And... Raven, I think telepathy's mastered."_

Raven's eyes were guarded but her expression showed enough for Dove to know she was skeptical. "I think moving on is a bad idea." What she kept to herself was the reasoning: she couldn't know how stable Dove's mind was, or how - or _if_ - she'd be able to handle lessons that were any more distressing.

"Raven, it's no use practicing something I already have strong control over," Dove told her, dropping the connection and withdrawing her consciousness back to her own mind. "Shouldn't we be practicing something I _don't?"_

The steadiness stained her robe green, and a slight tactical yellow crept in alongside it. Dove was mildly startled by her own confidence despite the timid tone - it felt unnaturally brazen; any time ago she was _afraid_ of telling Raven her honest opinion, that she thought she was training her wrong. She didn't want Raven to be upset at her, she was intimidated, and above all she once trusted that Raven's judgement held far more weight than her own when it came to her abilities. But now that she was growing more comfortable and at ease with the training routine, she was also growing bolder, and less afraid to give Raven her own opinion. What was there to fear? And to be honest with herself, she was doubting Raven's techniques lately… She hated to admit it, but it was starting to feel like Raven was losing sight of the lines between their individual abilities again… Raven _herself _had admitted the technique could be better...

No longer could she blindly cling to Raven's thoughts for distrust of her own. When she was helplessly lost and confused in this new world, after her entire life had been turned inside out, she _needed_ that guidance. But now that she was regaining her roots, maybe it was time to branch out.

Still, Raven seemed to disagree. Dove pressed on. She mentioned, timidly (the embarrassment nullified the step towards bravery), that there are so many other abilities she fails miserably at containing; "Wouldn't it be better to get those to a point where it's safe around other people than to hone the telepathy any more than we need to?"

Raven may have been more confident in her judgement than her sister, but she was far from stubborn. She consented advancement with a nod. But where to go next? Dove made a good point; one of the first priorities had to be control around others. Keeping them safe. The energies were dangerous - but practicing their use was just as risky for Dove's mental state. Better to choose something less frustrating - Mental work. Dove was already confident with reading and projecting thoughts - but there were many more facets of the telepathy, of the astral connections... Dove had once tapped into her memories by accident, and fell into shock the moment she escaped the trance. Raven had planned to delay that more advanced and sensitive ability, Dove didn't seem ready to handle it fully - but maybe she could introduce her to the territory.

"Let's try... filtering."

"Not empathy?" Dove asked, slightly nervous -

"Not empathy," Raven affirmed. _Because last time we tried that, you nearly set the tower on fire._ She kept that thought to herself. "Filtering thoughts, memories, looking for specific things deeper than surfacing thoughts."

"So... It's more telepathy...?"

"More like searching their mind. It's more advanced than reading brief thoughts; this lesson would touch on using the connection on a deeper level, in the soul as well as the conscious mind. Emotions are intertwined with every memory a person gathers, whether we like it or not. I've told you before that emotions are deeper, purely astral triggered by thoughts but acting as catalysts for much deeper reactions..."

Dove nodded, remembering that lesson clearly. "Are you sure this isn't empathy?"

"I am. I won't put you in that situation again," she assured her, detecting the slight note of unease. "I'm going to show you those... less-fleeting things, and your goal is to filter them and find whatever matches what I tell you to search for."

Dove nodded and mentally repeated the instructions as Raven taught her to, and her robe showed a timid gray-green shade of anticipation.

Raven could keep her true thoughts sectioned off, protected - still she asked warily, "Can I trust you?"

Dove's expression grew slightly injured. "Yes, Raven, you _know_ I wouldn't invade your thoughts…"

Raven… hesitated.

Dove's shoulders fell. "Raven…"

Her mentor could have sighed - Dove was genuinely hurt... "Just don't look any deeper than I'm voluntarily letting you."

Dove nodded, hoping that Raven would see that her compliance was completely willing…

The chilled suspicion lodged inside her couldn't be shaken; was it safe to let Dove see any deeper than the carefully controlled surface? The threatening presence she felt lingering in the fringes of Dove's mind did nothing to ease her inhibitions. But she knew the strength of her own defense. As Raven gathered the thoughts, she reminded herself that if Dove tried anything invasive, she harbored the power to stop it. When it came to mental abilities, willpower was what mattered, and if she resisted Dove's attempt, she herself would win the battle. Dove's will was weak and timid and could hardly have 'power' attached to the end of it.

Dove recentered, nudging the wounded feelings of Raven's distrust to the shadows of her mind, and once she was calmer she opened the connection - not needing eye-contact for their minds to reflect, the connection to hold.

_Try to be optimistic, _Dove told herself in an echo of her mother's voice, careful to not let the thoughts escape the bounds of her own mind. _I can control this more now – that's a good thing…_

Before she began the search, she sent, _"What am I looking for?"_

Raven had already chosen which memories she would show Dove – something with enough emotional stimulation to help her practice blocking such things out, but nothing confidential in any way. _"Something… alien."_

"_Alien?"_

"_Alien."_

Dove blinked. _"Okay…" _Even her mindvoice was timid, small, resigned. It was request for clarification, a question in her thoughts when she repeated the word, but Raven's answer held a tone that foretold impatience, as if exactly what it meant was trivial and she shouldn't have asked… Dove was slightly confused but decided the confusion was better than annoying Raven any further and giving her one more reason to set them apart. Raven wouldn't give her an impossible objective; she began the search and decided she'd know it when she saw it.

Thoughts were easy, light, only first-level thinking. But memories required her to delve deeper, extend the reach of her powers, open herself just a little more… And – no wonder Raven was so wary – she needed to strengthen the connection, unite their minds more than even telepathy required.

Slipping between thoughts, wading through memories, Dove explored Raven's mind cautiously, to not disturb any more mental energies than absolutely necessary, like walking through a dark, forbidden hall and being careful the footsteps didn't echo. The foggy and shrouded atmosphere of Raven's mind loosed eager fascination within her. It was like stepping into a reflection of her own thoughts – or almost like it; Raven's were darker, tenser… More controlled. She could feel the chariness as Raven filtered each fragment so thoroughly, so automatically it led Dove to wonder if she ever had a stray thought.

Glancing across the flow of mentality – Suddenly she felt more than saw a black wall that drew her attention away from the memories, formed like solid shadows and cemented with will… Deep fascination took hold of her and she led her mind just a bit closer –

A pulse of defensive power erupted and pressed against her for a startled confusing moment –

She realized it must be a mental block and quickly turned away. Swam back into the memories, back to where Raven trusted her. Almost.

She could feel Raven's distrust, a presence just beneath the conscious flow of energy, the source of power feeding into the boundary, so exactly as if it was her own. With their minds so connected, Raven's few unguarded mind-currents became her own, and – She suddenly hoped she could form such substantial barriers.

And yet, even with how strong her defenses were, Raven seemed…. almost _afraid _of letting her see… Attempting to soothe her, Dove told her verbally, "Your mind's so guarded, even if I _wanted_ to I couldn't invade your thoughts…"

Raven noticed that speaking didn't cause her to lose focus to the point of dropping the connection; another advancement she hadn't seen coming… and Dove's words did nothing to ease her ill trust. Dove was too stealthy for comfort. Dove was nearing things she had always kept closed off from anyone but her closest friends, and Raven could barely feel where she was. Dove's motions through her mind were alarmingly smooth and undetectable enough to drive her to triple the already strict defenses around her deeper self.

"_Raven, I-I think I'm nervous."_

"_It's the empathy," _Raven told her, not bothering to hide the fact that she wasn't thrilled at having Dove sort through her mind._ "Fight it. Hold it back."_

And though Dove's mindscape was weakly shielded from view, Raven caught misty glimpses of chaos… Even with both empaths placing such uneasy guards, the connection was deep and the involuntary transfer between their minds was magnified by the closeness. Raven could vividly sense something stirring unease in Dove's mindscape – it was deep, buried, hidden… but it was definitely there, and it was _strong._

Raven was pulled from her wary thoughts before they could go any further – Dove had gone back to sifting the memories and was giggling hysterically for some reason. And her clothes were flooded with a painfully bright pink.

Though the shade hit a new degree of intensity, it was a color her cloak hadn't taken in awhile, the manifestation of happiness, a burst of joy against a recent background of timid grays and nervous earth-tones.

Raven wondered if she should be relieved for her.

Whether she should or not, Dove needed to calm down; the air was already growing crisp with electric energy. "Dove."

Her sister could have been deaf - her awareness was enveloped by the memory. When she found something that could match "alien," she had looked deeper into it - and fell into the depths until she lost herself in Raven's memory. Bright colors but faded light surrounded her; she could sense an thousand and one strange, small beings - awed fascination emanating from every one. They were surrounding her - Opening the memory just a bit more revealed that these... things... looked like a comical cross between a priest, an insect, and an egg.

Dove only vaguely knew she was laughing as Raven's memory-self tried to levitate away, and they grabbed her cloak to stop her before she was five feet from the ground.

"Don't - Go AWAY!" Raven threatened -

"Don't go away!" the priest-bug-eggs resounded eagerly, obviously not understanding, "Don't go away! Don't go away! SHALA!"

Dove was fizzing with full laughter - and white sparks of emotion.

"DOVE." She added a slicing blow to the connection, severing the bond.

Dove snapped out of the trance and the images vanished. "Huh - ? Yeah?" she asked, slightly dazed and a little more confused. But more giddy than anything.

"Your powers?"

Dove blinked with her head tilted for a moment - "OH!" She closed her eyes, forefingers to temples, breathed - "Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos..."

Slowly the lightless beams faded and the color of her cloak faded with them. Dove opened her eyes once the energies were in control. From her perspective.

Raven could still sense the energies riled within Dove's soul, the joy still rolling in her empathic senses. She raised an eyebrow.

Dove still smiled up at her, reveling in her own joy. Tasting the thrill of near-magic pulling at her mind, begging release, promising pleasure... and being able to really smile felt good. Honest happiness, like a beacon...

Coming back to the focus of the lesson and thinking that Dove should know better by now, Raven told her, "Next time you look into a memory, only _look._ Don't fall in."

Dove nodded. "Right. Don't fall in." Then her eyes brightened - _"SHALA!"_ she added gleefully, smiling wildly and putting a hand over her mouth to stifle the giggles.

"_Dove."_

Her tone was all the strict reminder Dove needed. Another smile, though sheepish, pricked up the ends of her lips as she lowered her hand. "Sorry, Raven, I couldn't help it."

"You_ need_ to help it."

Dove nodded, her overgiddy emotions crumbling at the sensation of Raven's annoyance finally breaking through. "Right..." Calmer, slightly resigned, she convinced her lips to fall and closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, adding the mantra a moment later. She was approaching neutrality and her robe was as faded as it would get.

"Keep your emotions under control," Raven reminded her. "Nothing good will happen if you don't."

Dove froze, her breath caught and heart paused. "Um... Right." She remembered how to breathe and forced herself to look neutral. Raven's words evoked memories of what happened when she overexerted, lost control of her mind and not her powers, felt the fury poison her thoughts... She swallowed, shivered. Washed the memories from her mind - as much as she could; icy nerves still chilled her thoughts... "So, are we trying again?"

"We are. But this time I'll only show you one memory. Try to look in, but keep your distance."

Dove nodded. She saw the duality of Raven's instruction, half training and half warning.

When Dove opened the connection and pressed past the living static of barrier, the memory was simple, familiar, Raven's own training. She cautiously fed the memory, opened herself and Raven's mind further, feeling shadow-sensations from the memory: gentle candleflames for sight and gossamer incense for clarity of mind. Raven's focus on Azar's words; the ignored sensation of being observed too closely by the priests. A demonstration - a mimicry... a lecture.

Dove, keeping highly conscious of her own being, noted with wonder that she now knew exactly the source of Raven's training method. She really _was_ training her the only way she knew...

As Dove watched the memory, timidly pressing slightly deeper with every moment until Raven reprimanded her, _"That's close enough"_ to stop the advance (Dove heeded and drew her soul a bit farther back but still Raven's shielding was the focus of her thoughts), Raven carefully inspected what she felt within Dove's Self. Though foggy between holding the memories and still concentrating on the mindbounds and distracted by monitoring Dove's presence in her mind, she wondered what it was. Maybe after this session she'd ask, or check Dove now -

Dove saw that thought and terror flashed through her - Raven wasn't the only one glancing into the other's mind. She gasped sharply, her shock tore her from the memory and the connection imploded, a feeling like whiplash slammed into her soul and she blinked herself back to the physical world and cleared her vision and desperately tried to catch her breath. A rope of energy jolted around her. She struggled to regain control - pull it back in - relieve the suffocating fear, before Raven guessed -

Raven was startled by the sudden pull away, but not at all surprised that Dove lost control. "Breathe deeper," she told her, regaining her full consciousness and easing herself out of the connective pressure smoothly - far more easily than Dove could. Apparently Dove wasn't as stable as she thought; she'd have to ask later. "Let go of the fear. It's startling, but that's all it was. You can recover." Her thoughts shifted focus to guiding Dove back to control, back to emotional safety. "_Breathe, _Dove. Take control of your breath and you'll be more able to control your emotions, the energies." And she was more wary of Dove than ever when she realized exactly which moment it was that Dove lost control.


	15. Sins of the Father

_I thought I had broken myself of the Author's Note habit. But this absolutely needs to be explained. In the scenes between Dove and Trigon speaking through the manifestation of his influence in Dove's mind, I alternate between female and male pronoun forms. That's because in astral forms, the distinction between male and female energies doesn't exist unless you purposefully will it to. Dove hasn't willed it to. For the sake of that scene I used 'she' to mean it was a moment driven moreso by Dove's OWN darkness, and I used 'he' to refer to things that were more influenced by Trigon himself than his influence over Dove's soul._

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_**Chapter 15: Sins of the Father**_

Dove didn't like how easily she understood why Raven was staying so detached; she knew she was suspicious. And concerned… Raven was right to worry. There was so much weakness… so much uncertainty, even now, when she was supposed to be so calm…

_What if I can't find a way to stop it next time?_

Dove was meditating in the fractured mindscape, faceted voices sounding around her – held off, slightly distant, but Dove couldn't hold them back completely. Thoughts echoed through her mind with emotion entwined in each voice, their sources all collected in the empty space…

Bored apathy. "Does it really matter if we _do_ give in?"

"It's inevitable," a soft, desolate voice added.

"NO," a confident and strong voice called, "there HAS to be a way!"

"We just need to find it." The calm and logical facet blinked thoughtfully.

Her physical form tensed immediately; she sensed –

"But why would you _want_ to?" the voice spoke, her own and yet not – calm and… and _alluring_…

Dove struggled weakly to push the facet back, put it away –

"I have power that you cannot even hope to attain without my assistance."

Dove's will stilled. Despite herself, she was… _curious._ Power sounded… good. Okay. And she had been searching desperately for a way to shed her own weakness for so long now… She hesitantly let the facet present its thoughts. The smile on its face was strange, unnerving, but also promising. The smooth, seductive voice of the red-clad manifestation went on, "You know there's _more…_ Raven is treading so much more _carefully_ than seems necessary with your training. We all know Raven is limiting you for some reason, not letting you exercise your full potential…"

A flicker of strong, stable, black and substantial energy laced itself around her, and Dove shivered with pleasure. The moment felt alive, full of promise – then suddenly it vanished, leaving her with only her weaker white streams. Weaker, and almost stagnant. She realized she desired that stability…

"Need I remind you how great it felt to be strong, and capable?"

Dove's thoughts were torn. No, she didn't. But… all those people… well, that newest personality was only mentioning power, not cruelty… maybe… but what if –? She swallowed. "But… what if it grows to be more than I can handle…?"

The figure was still, unbothered, her smile still tilted as ever but somehow undisturbed by the words. "Don't you remember? There is no stress on the subject of control when you are in my state."

Dove's physical expression still showed phantoms of anxiety as she weighed every option. And what would Raven think…?

"Raven should not _rule_ you." Her shadowed eyes suddenly showed mild disgust. "Why should she be your reference? Do you not have your own thoughts? Your own _powers?_ Are they hers to command, or _yours?"_ The mindwords were no longer even and eerily calm, but sharp and abrasive and saturated with harsh judgment.

Dove swallowed. "I… I trust her."

"But she does not trust _you."_

"Anymore," Dove reminded her, feeling the last of her neutrality fade off with the defense, "and with good reason. If it weren't for you – "

A dismissive flick of the hand. "Trust is hardly important. Even our own _mother,_ whom you trusted so much more deeply, was never so controlling of you."

Dove's shoulders fell slightly at the cold realization.

And her dark side was now thoughtful, emanating calculation and power as always, but fierce determination showed on her face. "Raven does not have to _know…"_

The planning in her gaze triggered so many other feelings – and each side of her personality voiced their thoughts.

"But how can she not know if she senses everything – ?"

"A little distance won't hurt."

"The city is far enough away to escape her senses."

"Oh, and I can explore if we go there – !"

"But what if it gets too overwhelming, like last time…?"

"Raven's been focusing on empathy lately – just use whatever she said and go from there."

Convincing them had been laughably simple; with the rest of Dove's mind weakening, her other sides were swayed easily. Amidst the internal debate, the red-cloaked facet grinned, unseen, and let herself fade back into the shadows of Dove's mind.

"And it would give me a good excuse to get away from the others, too – "

A timid nod. "All their attention makes me worried…"

"And I could escape Raven's too-watchful gaze for awhile…"

Even _imagining_ the chance to be away from Raven came with relief. She was decided.

Dove brought her awareness back to the outside world, eased herself from the meditation, then stretched and left the room. Her cloak was lightly colored yellow faded over pink, hesitant eagerness and curiosity showing on her clothes and mirrored in her eyes.

Sneaking out of the tower was the easy part – it was the chance of _hurting_ someone out there that was difficult to handle… She swallowed the thought.

Her mind came back to her task. She stepped soundlessly through the halls, her eyes alert, aware of the empathy; she did it without thinking. This was an old habit and she had a naturally light gait, and she had her lifetime's worth of practice. She couldn't count how many times she had snuck out of her own home on Azarath… It was easy for her. A part of life.

She paused at the corner, glanced around the wall with her fingers laying on the metal vertex lightly and she checked her senses – No one.

She continued on. Her padded feet were soft on the stairs. Breathe, step-step release, step, step, breathe –

She felt a presence the moment she reached the landing.

_Don't panic_, she glanced at the halls and bolted around a corner, another, away from the presence, even running her footfalls gave the smallest taps of sound. Pressed against the wall a couple feet back, Dove held completely still, listen, feel, wait... _Don't let yourself be afraid, _her powers slipping would attract attention immediately. _Please don't turn here, please..._

The steps (Starfire's, she guessed; it almost felt like embers) passed the stairs and turned – they were coming.

Dove looked down the hall - dead end. Mind racing for solutions, a way out, if she hid in that room - the door would open, too loud – Starfire was too close to turning for comfort.

Dove pressed against the wall as close as possible, dreading what Raven would think if she found out and mincing together an excuse –

Another presence ran in.

Dove started, froze, hyperalert – The door opened and sprinting footsteps, heavy, ran in, and Starfire stopped. They exchanged words, some kind of apology, Dove sensed indignation and more words, the sense of urgency –

Dove blinked, straining to hear their words past the rushing sound of her own heartbeat. A question, hurried reply, and then – She checked her ears. Yes, they had turned and ran down the hall the other way, away from her. She was safe.

She stayed still and counted to 30, patiently waiting for assurance that they wouldn't cross paths again, or even come close, before she checked her involuntary radar and walked on.

The rest of the way through the tower was uneventful, and when she cracked the main doors and walked out her mind was bubbling with images of what to do in the city… but the most wonderful thing about it was that it was so unlike her mental world.

Warm sunlight spilled into the lobby when she opened the door, and a lively breeze almost immediately caught her cloak and tugged it gently, pulling at her shoulders, almost as if bidding her to step out. She couldn't help the smile on her face as she closed the door, looking out over the river as she listened to the clicking behind her. Locking. Prison was behind her.

Her robe shifted to a forest green of excitement. _Freedom! _The sunlight was surprisingly bright but pleasant on her underexposed skin; the winds blowing here were sure but gentle motions, promising movement but never forcing it. The glittering river was _beautiful. _This outside world felt so alive, there was so much movement and promise from the horizon to the sky… Seagulls soaring on the air, chattering unhindered to each other and the smallest clouds hanging softly in the sky… She wasn't trapped behind the walls of 'home' as she had been most of her life. Raven wasn't there to suffocate her with strict control – or dampen her spirits. And absolute delight was glowing on her face as she chanted "Azarath Metrion Zinthos" and imagined, projected, lifted herself into the air, then shot across the river as swiftly as she could and still release safe amounts of energy – this was the final stretch of escape, and so long as no Titan happened to glance out the window and see her, she was still safe. And she could avoid a lecture and an extra level of suspicion –

She blinked those thoughts away and arced, nearly fell as she landed too roughly but regained her balance and let out a breath of relief. And then she hurried to dart behind the nearest building with her cloak spreading behind her a bit in a stream of faded grey. Didn't want to attract too much attention to herself… There were people a couple of miles down the river, but apparently they hadn't seen her. Relief – green clothes. Now that she was in the city, and stable (as much as she had been lately), she could _explore!_

…though there was something else to be aware of... She held it from running rampant in her mind, but _it _was still there so strongly… and could surface – A sudden shiver met her and she reminded herself that she needed this chance to relax; all the stress and tension and fear she felt around the tower only made it harder to hold on. So she took a breath, quickly decided the emptiest street to follow, and she began meandering the streets of Jump City.

Distant presences, and sparse, met her senses… but not too many, and not overwhelmingly emotional. It was all going well so far...

Dove still walked close to the wall, close to safety – it would be easier to avoid bumping into anyone and drawing extra attention to herself when she had to walk among the city's people.

That thought simultaneously excited her and _terrified _her – experiencing normal human life was something she had longed to do all her life, and the thought of being able to touch on the life and emotions of so many different people sent a giddy anticipation through her. Maybe it _would _get to be too much, but as long as she guarded herself against the sudden whiplashes like what had happened last time she wandered these streets (she shoved the memories from her thoughts before they could affect her), nothing too terrible would – she at least had a chance to prevent anything too sudden or terrible.

But – She tried to avoid the thoughts but her recent mindset wouldn't allow it – what if she _did _slip down that path again…?

Her cloak blazed green as she forcefully told herself, _NO, I'm NOT going to let that HAPPEN!_ Though she was a bit uneasy as she felt the red-cloaked figure laugh, somewhere deep beneath the surface…

Just to be safe, she took the edge off her spikes of joy and doubled the guard she held around that furious and slippery part of her mind, doubled her determination to hold it back.

_You're not going to take me over, _Dove insisted. Even though she couldn't entirely believe it anymore… but she wouldn't show her moment of weakness.

The darkness only chuckled, then seemed to lean back leisurely. Almost as if she was watching her… _taunting _her… showing her that she would leap whenever she felt like it. So confident…

Dove caught herself _envying _that ease – She swallowed and turned her mind from within itself, dousing the fear with curiosity and refueling her eagerness to learn about real _life _here. There were people to see, routes to experiment with – empathies to explore. That latter thought brought the former sparkle back to her eyes.

Her mind wandered freely and lightly as she meandered the close-to-empty alleys. She'd never experienced such _real empathy _before. Even around the team it was still so new to her, intriguing, and she wanted to experience more. She couldn't even guess what it was like… Raven was only teaching her how to _control _her abilities. But she wanted to _understand _them as well – not just know _how _to use the empathy but what to use it _for. _She wanted to know what else there was in the realm of possibilities, what she had _missed _all her life – it seemed so _exciting!_ After such homesickness and suffocating fear of interaction she had harbored in the past year and a half (which still sent nervous chills through her when another pedestrian even glanced at her), the thought of understanding this world was a welcome, though confusing, endeavor. She hid behind buildings, avoided eye-contact and any street with more than five people there at the same time, but she was timidly reaching out with her senses, brushing the vaguest emotions and thoughts in their mind. Seeking to understand. Eye-contact was no longer needed since she advanced with telepathy.

The shade on her robe shifted slightly with each moment – a pink-cloaked smile for a child laughing at a story, a tone of grey for the woman who had misplaced something important, light-shaded lavender at the couple murmuring promises and words of affection in tender voices. She tried to keep her mind grounded in stable neutrality, but there was just too much to see, or feel, or _learn._ Yes, the emotions made her feel slightly dizzy with confusion, her mind pulled in so many directions – but she was only vaguely aware of that discomfort. These feelings, such human sensations… So alive and filled with energy – she came to understand why it always felt like something was missing from Azarath. And why her grandmother had been exiled, and how such passion could disagree with their… she didn't want to think of the magnificent fallen world as cold and distant, but compared to these _emotions, _that was so much what it seemed…

The empathy warned her of steady rising fury a few blocks forward and she rushed to turn down another street. It wasn't going to happen again. Maybe her grip was slipping (and her dark side deflated her confidence every time she thought about it), but she wouldn't let it happen again. She had always shunned her father's influence and maybe it really _was _hopeless, but she wasn't going to surrender now –

Dove suddenly froze; amidst all the energy there was one source that made the others feel neutral; she sensed pain. A sharp, distinct, unrestrained emotional pain. It felt so unconscious, so pure – Concern laid a loose veil over her mind. She was wary of the city and hesitant to find what could have caused it, but she couldn't bring herself to not care… So she braced herself and followed it.

After a little mild searching by her empathies as a guide and dodging any other person she could, she finally found the source. Two children, one boy and one girl. It looked like the girl was older…

They were crying. It felt terrible to feel such strong pain but she didn't want to leave them here, so alone and helpless and small in the big city… She walked over to them hesitantly – She had to step out of the protection of the buildings and into the street, but the only cars were blocks away, and that unease wasn't nearly as strong as the distant instinct to protect them.

"Hello." Her voice was quiet, and her usual introvertedness made the situation so awkward, but her expression was gentle and concerned. They leaned together so closely as if afraid to lose their sibling, she felt like she was intruding; they were watching her with both fear and longing… She hesitated, but she brushed aside the worries and kneeled so her face was at their level, not wanting to frighten them, and she placed a hand on the girl's back comfortingly. It startled her when the girl threw her arms around her neck and nestled her head against Dove's shoulder and she let out a little whimper, but the small hands were so desperate, so pleading… Dove readjusted her arm and opened the other to the boy; he came in so willingly, she was amazed.

"Are you two okay?" She held her voice gentle, reassuring, not wanting them to somehow know she was almost as afraid of this as they seemed… but the only responses were small noises and the girl shook her head. Dove blinked, confused, worry for them blanketing her thoughts… "But… You don't seem hurt…"

It didn't seem to help. Whatever left them so sad was purely emotional… She brought her arms around them just a little closer, not even worrying about her own emotional stability any longer – these two seemed to need someone to watch over them far more than she needed to watch herself. "It's okay," she reassured them, and she closed her eyes and cuddled them in almost the same way her mother had cuddled her when she was their age, her robe fading to a warm lavender. "Shh, it's okay… It's all going to be fine."

The strength of their emotions almost frightened her; touching them tripled what her empathetic senses picked up, and she found it a bit harder to breathe, almost as if their fear and whatever was the cause for their tears was pressing against her, straining to overwhelm her – but she wouldn't let the children go, wouldn't push them away, wouldn't punish them for something so natural as feeling… She wanted to help. And it was difficult at first, but she kept her voice calm, comforting, and once or twice she muttered for them to take a breath and calm down; she couldn't help them if they were crying and couldn't tell her what happened…

The little girl sniffed, and, her sobs subsided, Dove let her arms fall from around her, letting the boy hold on for just a moment more (he seemed so unwilling to separate) as the girl stepped back and looked at Dove with vague hopes glistening just behind the tears…

"Okay, that's better." She gave them a gentle smile, glad that they weren't so afraid anymore. "So, what happened?"

"We can't find Mommy." The boy played with his hands and his voice wobbled on the brink of crying all over again.

"We're lost," the girl clarified.

"No wonder you're so scared… Can you tell me where you live?"

The girl shook her head and the boy only said, "Jump City."

Dove sighed. That wasn't too helpful. "It's a big city though," Dove told him, feeling concern flaring brightly in her mind – and trying to dull it, but the desperate longing to help was too great. She wanted to help them so badly, the compassionate pain almost brought tears to her own eyes. But if – wait. She could – she knew how to… "Okay… It might feel a little weird, maybe a little cold," she warned them gently, "but I'm going to look at your memories and see if I can find out where you live. Okay? That way I can take you home."

The children nodded, the girl said "okay;" they seemed confused but their innocence allowed them to trust her in a way few other people could, and even more powerful than that was the desire to be back home.

"You need to keep your eyes open, just for a few seconds." They did so, and Dove made eye-contact with the boy first and then the girl, connecting her mind with theirs, and then gently opening the connection. Their mind opened to her so much more readily than Raven's ever had…

While sorting their memories, she accidentally found some other things – their names, memories of the boy singing the alphabet for a talent show, the girl's little rabbit, the family's golden retriever puppy jumping out of a metallic-green box… And finally she found that they don't live too far away from the park; it was within walking distance.

Smiling warmly, Dove told them, "Okay, you can close your eyes now."

They blinked and the girl rubbed her eyes.

Dove felt the affection ambient in her mind, and her robe's shade deepened even further.

"So you're Melissa… and your name's Andrew."

They nodded; Dove smiled. She could sense their boundless delight, so amazed! And so warm and refreshing after only being able to sense the Titans' feelings, which were almost always guarded in one way or another…

"You both were so brave, and so _good_ at holding your eyes open!"

The girl was now giggling, and the boy was beaming proudly.

"How did you know our names?" Melissa asked as Dove began shepherding them towards the alleys that would lead to the heart of the city with one child's hand in each of hers. "Are you magic?"

"That's a secret," Dove chuckled.

"Awww." The boy pouted for a moment. "I don't like secrets."

Dove blinked at him, confusion in her gaze, unsure how to react… His expression showed something like indignation but what she sensed from him was still mostly positive.

The girl pulled lightly on her cloak, and Dove turned to her. "Who are you?"

Dove was smiling softly again, wondering if the girl knew that with those words she asked for more than a name –

She glanced down the alley and the other intersecting it, checking her senses for the people around them and their emotional states – still safe. Answering Melissa's question. "My name's Dove, I'm kinda new here… so I don't know the city very well. But I know a way to find the park…"

"Mommy takes us to the park a lot," Andrew told her.

Dove nodded, the smile gone and replaced by an expression of thought. "I'm sure." Dove stopped them and glanced around, checked her empathy – she could only feel three people near enough to the street to see, and two of those were in the building… "Can you two keep a secret?" A bit of the casualness faded from her tone.

The children were still eager as they nodded.

"I'd really like it – You can't tell _anyone, _but I have powers…"

"Like a superhero?" Andrew asked, and at the same time Melissa asked something about magic; Dove could hardly hear it but she nodded. "Something like that. You two need to stay here, I'll be back in a moment…" She set the image in her mind and chanted and lifted off, and she heard their quiet gasping and held the sensed excitement at bay – she had to be especially careful when levitating, so much focus… She stayed in the air just long enough to find the park, map out a way through the alleys, and double-check her route to be sure they wouldn't pass too many people and then she landed.

The moment she was on the ground, Andrew asked, "Can you take me up?" and Melissa jumped excitedly and voiced her agreement. "It'd be like a way funner piggyback!"

Dove let down the momentary guard and their joy met her mind, bringing her smile back with it. She chuckled. "No, I can hardly keep _myself _up there. I wouldn't want to drop you, or fall down and have you guys getting hurt." She gave them a sad smile, hoping they understood the protective reasons…

"I'll hold on tight, promise!"

"I can't, Andrew. I'm sorry. Now come on, I found a way to your home."

And so they began walking again, Dove still checking her senses at every turn but instead of the wary alertness there was a smile on her face. The compassion only grew within her, and the childrens' company let her feel more relaxed than she remembered feeling in a long, long time. It was interesting how greatly their open-mindedness and innocence eased her mind so much, especially compared to Raven's cold suspicions… It was so reassuring that they trusted her…

Reassuring… and… almost funny. These children were so naïve, they could never guess what she could –

NO – no. Dove felt herself tense as she recognized that feeling, closed her eyes and stopped and suddenly focused all her thoughts on pushing it back.

The children were asking questions in the background but Dove couldn't hear them, turned herself to her mindspace and had lost nearly all awareness of the outside world – She knew it was wrong – it was _more_ than wrong! – but it was so tempting, and – _NO!_

That single violent burst of power and will was all it needed. The waiting predator within her mind sprang.

Fear threatened to draw back whatever willpower she had, but Dove still exerted all her thoughts on the darkest side – I'm strong enough to stop you, you won't take me over – the violet in her robe intensified; she would _not _allow it to come and cause harm to anyone – to the _children - ! _She only let herself think of the pure need and the battle, the need to _win - _

For a moment, everything in her mind went deathly silent, and Dove let out a mental sigh, no longer feeling the cruel and furious side pressing for release, fighting her for freedom… She took in a deep, soft breath, realizing that her heart was quickened, her breaths shaky, she was shivering with exertion… her skin was tingling with the static chill of the emotions livening the energies, and she swallowed. But her evil side was quiet… Victory seemed attainable. Vaguely…

"Dove?"

She turned to the girl and blinked, her head tilted to show she was listening; she wasn't sure if her voice would be steady enough to speak yet… Melissa was watching her, confused, almost concerned…

"Why'd we stop?" Andrew asked.

Dove closed her eyes, rechecking her mind – still silent… but not the peaceful silent. More like… tense. Frightening. Dead… "I…" At least she could speak. "I just… had to think of something…" Though her voice was airy, breathless… Deep breaths. Deep, soft, calming breaths…

"Were you on TV?" Andrew cut off her thoughts.

"Hm – ? TV?"

"Yeah," Melissa added, catching his thoughts. "You know that thing you said? Right before you flew?"

A nod.

"You say that on TV," Andrew told her.

Dove was utterly confused. She had never even been on camera. "No, I don't think so…"

"But you look like a hero."

Dove suddenly felt a rush of affection mingled in joy. "I-I do? Really?"

"You look different on TV," Melissa said with an exaggerated shrug.

"Oh." Dove shook her head. "No, no – That wasn't me." She decided against telling them that it was probably her sister they had seen. It would be so hard to explain – too hard… She had to focus on – Had to get them home before something happened… "We should hurry," she told them, raising her hood to hide the unease in her expression –

Then everything she thought she fought back rushed on her in a tidal wave, and for an instant her robe became a panicky brown. But in almost the same instant, the cruelty washed over everything in her mind, drowning out her attempts at resistance and leaving her consciousness feeling trapped, overwhelmed and terrified as she seemed to watch her possessed body begin what she knew could only end badly.

Her cloak became a scarlet red, her posture changed, her very atmosphere was flooded with evil energies. Hungry anticipation shined in her eyes; her chin was lifted in confidence and her shoulders held back. Dove, now entranced by her darkest self, took just a moment to savor the power coursing through her as she cut the last of the restraints, she felt the ability arcing between her mind and her body, begging to be released… And she smiled with that dark humor.

Her reverie was cut short by the voice of childish innocence. The little girl asked, "Dove? Why's your clothes turning red?"

Dove chuckled at her naivety. "You'll see."

They didn't like that. Or maybe it was the metallic spark of anticipation in her gaze. Maybe they could feel her power already grasping at their souls. They were ill at ease. And Dove was well at home. She felt the tingle of fear as amusing, pleasurable – the merest beginnings of anxiety titillated her senses and whetted her desire for more. The empathy spanned a far more accurate field of readings now that it was given time to coalesce with the newfound summons. And the incense thoughts rising from the mix gripped her mind and drove it on with primal and intellectual rapture.

The power held her in a crystalline daze of fascination and triggered a flood of curiosity. The possibilities! The _strength. _She eagerly lapped at every single bit of power she could find, harvesting every sign.

And weeding out every sign of inversion. She cast away the cloak. That changed. It was susceptible. And it showed a side that was weak.

Her conscious claimed and corrupted, Dove shifted the gate between her astral and physical existences and blurred the edges she had willed into place for so long, allowing her desires to form her physical cast to something more fitting – shifting reality, a feat to make even the most convincing and elaborate glamour look like a parlor trick.

The blond hair reflected her mother's influence, so she completely reworked it when she fell into Trigon's power. Longer, wilder. Tendrils of pure _black_ – whips like darkness embodied crawling down her back and shifting with an absent wind – lifted by the forces she willed into herself.

Her usually frail body structure was weak. But this is the side with the power. And she wanted something that was _not_ a weak body. She exchanged the half-mature lankiness for full and womanly sleekness, with a confident stance to double her appearance of control. Certainty and this elegant yet deadly new form granted her a suddenly-coveted physical strength a well.

She allowed the currents to snake down her arms, her torso, her legs, dark energies were her eager servants ready to strike at her slightest whim. She allowed them to escape into the air, and she savored their cold embrace as she took inventory of her newfound strengths, commanded with mock experience controlled by demon instinct. Her eyes glowed a lurid red; she summoned the long-suppressed power from the most restricted chaos of her mind, banked energies glowing readily behind her eyes, greedily, reflecting lazy confidence the color of bloodfire.

Dove's pulse was quick. Heavy. More than curiosity - not just lust to bring pain but a fevered _need_ filled her as the maelstrom of forces crashed through her. She was no longer riding a high but actively _pursuing_ that mesmerizing sensation!

A slicing finger-gesture was all it took to whip the boy with a strike of energy and knock him to the ground. The KNOCK of contact, a jolt of surprise -

The boy was crying and his sister was watching him in anxious confusion. "Mo- Dove?"

Dove was grinning; caught in the moment when she realized the girl had involuntarily stepped away from her. Fear was climbing in her soul, sweet as ambrosia.

"Dove? Dove, why don't you do something?"

Dove simply grinned and went on. Oh, she was only warming up.

Whips of shadow given shape lashed out from her extended fingers, meeting with the boy's body. He cried out with each stroke, his body cried out in pain of the burn, and soon his eyes were crying as well, and he clambered across the ground for some kind of refuge -

Dove gathered strength (so easy in this state!) and the black streaks followed her will's command in the space between two moments: recoiled, regathered, and hurled itself at the wall above the boy, just slightly to the side. The blast freed decades-old cinderblock from its niche - The debri had barely missed his head. He cowered, a shrill scream of fear and unfamiliarity fled his throat.

Melissa squealed at the sound. Her brother was hurt, and if Dove wouldn't protect him, she had to. She tried to run to him, to protect him, so young but the instinct of an older sibling so _strong_ -

Dove cast a wall of solid darkness to halt her with an annoyed flick of the wrist. The girl cried out against it, trying to break through, but was powerless and wasting her time. At least her struggle was momentarily amusing.

Dove refocused her attention on the other with one side of her already crooked smile hitching upward as he untangled himself from fetal position only to stumble on an uneven break in the ground and topple to his stomach. His sobs were mildly satisfying, but there wasn't any entertainment in watching him lay there. Another bolt of energy fixed that problem and he jumped up to run yet again.

Dove toyed with him, a predatorial game of cat and mouse, chasing his fear and savoring his injuries - until his foot met a loose brick, he fell, and when his head slammed the ground he didn't open his eyes.

Now _that _was entertaining! Laughter frothed up from Dove's sardonic pleasure. She had yet to employ any intricate plans with her quarry before it eradicated itself from the game!

His sister, however - utter fear mingled with Dove's thoughts of enjoyment, and her eyes slipped a scowl to the girl; who was tugging her cloak, tears dripping down her face, frantically telling her, "We need to find Mommy!"

Dove only laughed again, "Mommy can't help you now!"

It was too late. He was unconscious. And no awareness meant no stimulation.

Dove sliced a black-matter blade to his throat. Ear-to-ear, far deeper than necessary to make sure he was out of the way. His spine and Dove's disinterest were all that kept her from decapitating him completely. The dark lifeblood spilled out disappointingly fast, and after a fit of spasms his soul fled the body with a wrenching blow to reality.

Dove's face only showed a calculating frown. He was worth nothing now. But the girl…

She turned to the child cowering behind her with a savage hunger darkening her eyes. She wanted _more._

Arms raised and moving through a dance of power, Dove forged the telekinetic connection and her unspoken command to the barbed wire became reality; it unwound itself from the fence and its metallic thorns struck the girl to her back like a boa constrictor, wrapping over her body and sealing her in its vise grip.

The little wight tried to roll away - stopped and screeched.

Her action only sank the teeth deeper into her skin. Dove also felt new pains on the cuts; gritty abrasions where the invisible pebbles were caught in the skin and where shredded skin became caught in the concrete.

Mmm. Small injuries were good; Dove played the manipulation carefully to keep her on the cusp of loss -

Annoyance spiked; she sensed curious presences nearing. Her will lashed out and struck them comatose. She didn't want an audience.

Back to the game. Pain was interesting but growing repetitive - she craved emotional stimulation. No, not only stimulation - the joy she could derive from bringing pain.

It took only a thought to open the girl's mind; Raven had unwittingly strengthened that ability by teaching Dove's mind to wade through _her _fortified thoughts. The guard over the girl's mind was no stronger than rice paper. Breaking in was easy. Sorting the cascade of thoughts was even easier; a simple search for the fear that a young child feels every day.

But a moment of absolute terror beaconed her attention and excited her sadistic élan. This was a chance to be _creative. _

The child was already panicking. Dove saw no reason to stop there. Why not push her to her frail human limits? And beyond? Why not play with the toys her abilities had given her, even those she had shunted her entire life?

The girl had once been attacked by a cat. It had traumatized her. And Dove could exploit it.

Flexing her new mind-warping muscles, she crossed the bridge to the child's mind and extended it past the mere knowledge of what was there - extended her reach, took control. Altered the child's perceptions…

…and the girl's eyes widened immensely. In reality she faced solid stone wall. But with her mind in Dove's control, she saw a tunnel that led into swirling darkness, and charging through that tunnel was a large, lithe, evil creature that seemed to have been burned alive by lakes of eternal fire, its stripes scathe-marks from the fingernails of the damned, its claws sharpened on the solidity of their hopelessness. It was four times Dove's size, brandished knife-sized claws -

Fright finally took over; her terror in this vision whispered to remnant trauma from the past and they joined. Melissa scrambled to her feet - tripped, lost balance, fell and let out shrill note of pure panic.

Dove closed her eyes and licked her lips, the pain locking her into a state of giddy hypnosis. A quiet chuckle tricked forth. In her playground, the child's mind, she saw so many other things to explore… including one of the most basic bonds: mother to child. She used it for leverage in this mind game. She projected the remembered image of the forebearer. Between the child and the cat. Something that… _looked _protective… And a sickeningly sweet ray of hope sparked as the child saw her mother, pleading for help…

The camble of focus in Dove's lips inverted. So gullible - she believed her mother would _save_ her?

The sound of a sharp intake of air and a wild horror rose from Dove's captive. And then another level of emotion broke the child's heart as Dove forced her to 'watch' her mother attempt to defend her from the beast… and be reduced to ribbons in a matter of seconds. Helplessness and deep, jolting spasms of loss fell from the child's eyes, tears blazing trails through the city dust on her face.

The child wasn't putting up much of a fight, but Dove was having fun. And that's all that matters, right? Everyone knew that.

Heaving gasps of sobbing breath were peppered with desperate words, futile denial…

Dove's chuckle tangled with her cries as they echoed off the walls.

But the sensed pang of emotions was fading; now a dull ache; soon an empty sadness… Dove's thoughts twitched agitation.

Schorls of energy through the eyes. The pain was intense, the delight more vivid.

Dove cocked her head with a delirious smile on her face. The crimson rivers flowing from this prey's eyesockets were a source of fascination.

But soon the girl lay sprawled, too weak to do much besides twitch and whimper… Dying – she was silent, still, but her life faded slowly, slowly away.

Oh, it was so _delicious…_

The slipping away met her soul like honey on her tongue. Sweet, syrupy, and decadent…

Moments of pleasure faded into minutes, and the exact moment of death was blurred. But once the soul fled, there was emptiness – Morbid triumph rose to take its place.

Dove closed her eyes to caress the feelings that now saturated her soul.

Emptiness.

Death.

Pain…

Her triumph didn't last long. The more she touched them, held her thoughts on them… the more aware she grew of… the _ache._ It hurt… all the pain she had caused… It had excited her when they were alive, when they could feel. But now…

Her triumph faded, her smile fell. It didn't vanish. The ache only deepened… and the pain suddenly broke through the walls of her trance and reignited her awareness. She knew what was happening.

She tried to fight it back, couldn't-couldn't find purchase in her mind –

_Let… me… GO! _She grit her teeth, solidified her determination and gathered her will, and wrenched her mind out of the control –

Started but satisfied, the sadistic facet was gone. And with it, all of her strength.

Dove moaned, dizzy – gave in to her exhaustion and collapsed. A moment to regather - a few to remember… She struggled to stand, shivering so hard it was almost impossible to move… But she _had_ to. Her entire body felt like leaden weight, her mind was frozen, her emotions were gone and thought itself came so slowly even as the buildings wavered madly in her sight… She had to get away, had to get away from the – the _blood…_ She moaned, weakly, waves of squeamish nausea rushing into – she leaned over and felt herself being sick. A moan, terrified, frantic, fear building and growing in her mind exponentially –

The hair falling across her face was still _black _– her body was changed – She waded through her swampy thoughts, tried to will herself back to normal but couldn't find the strength. Her mind was in the same state as her body: verging on collapse.

She stumbled the few steps to her cloak and draped it over her shoulders, lifted the hood with the little control she had over arms, wavering with seizures of weakness –

A taunting hint of the presence resurfaced and Dove cried out, adrenaline suddenly screaming through her body.

She ran the entire way home in a horrified, desperate trance, and her path as she levitated across the river was wavering. Erratic.

It was slipping, her grip, her control over her mind, losing it to everything she had ever wanted to avoid, succumbing to her nightmares.

Dove came home with wide eyes, her hand over her mouth and choking back sobs…

She entered her room stuttering and tripping over desperate prayers. "N-no, no, oh, Azar please, NO!"

And she went straight into meditation, tranced herself, oblivious to the wild crackling energy around her.

Her silent room faded to chaotic mindscape; Dove stood.

Sharp winds whipped her hair in every direction, and snagged her cloak and jerked it out behind her, wild typhoons only seeming more determined to cast her away with every breath.

"I need your help, your guidance - " The words tumbled from her mouth unhindered and unfiltered as Dove involuntarily recalled the prayers her mother had spoken so many times. Choking on a sob, breathe - "Azar, please, Goddess, BE AT MY SIDE!" She searched the stars through the tears building in her eyes, voice tense with her fears and horror.

Nothing.

Her head raised as she cried out into the space, her voice had taken on a wild tone of desperation. "Azar, can you even HEAR me?" she cried, the tears flooding out as she turned and called out again. "Mother, can YOU hear me?" Her arms were angled in a gesture of absolute helplessness.

"Mother, Azar, MAGENA, if I ever needed your help, your PROTECTION, it's _NOW!"_

A sob cut off her voice as she collapsed to her knees, sobbing freely. She leaned forward, dropping her fists to the ground in frustration, she desperately needed help from _some_one, and Raven seemed to only make it worse.

She couldn't stop it herself, she didn't know how, and even if she did she wouldn't be able – she just wasn't _strong_ enough…

She let her emotions go, too terrified of what she had done to worry about the energies building within her.

Frantic shaking overtook her, she didn't want to give in… Another sob choked her at the very thought.

And her pleas suddenly grew soft, afraid. "Don't leave me…"

She sobbed again, desperately trying to reach her mind through the cosmos, cross the dimensions, connect with someone she knew…

_"They do not hear you."_ The voice echoed in the darkness, calm, quiet, sinister. _"And they will not help."_

Dove could only sob.

He was right. She was hopeless. And he knew it.

The voice faded, leaving echoes of tension and shattered hopes to resound across the empty skies. But the source was gone.

Or Dove silently pleaded, thoughts murmuring:_ Just a figment… not real –_

The crimson glow in the sky announced another presence and Dove jolted to her feet as she sensed the energy manifesting, felt the static mirroring every bit of chaos she felt within herself – She knew she was afraid but she needed to be brave but it was too hard, her fear was a stormy ocean within her mind, completely uncontrollable – !

A towering figure formed from the red mist, stricken by lightning that left the body cracking with energy and solidity – yet somehow formless – and its face staring hungrily into Dove's eyes. Dove stood paralyzed by the hungry desire in the four red eyes beneath that deep red hood, the expression that so easily stated she wanted to consume every single one of Dove's other sides, absorb them, _become_ them - and then take Dove for herself.

The dark Dove spoke with a slippery, strong, confident voice - and echoed in her words were Trigon's own, Trigon's influence speaking through the side; dissonant voices, her own and his at the same time, deriding her with every word. "You think you're afraid. You would know; being afraid is the _only_ thing you know."

Dove gasped as the energy-flow suddenly became sharp and intense and directed, frantically tried to exert her power over it and send it away but the resistance was too strong; the figure melded into shadow energies that shifted, changed, and shaped themselves into something much smaller, Dove's size but taller with her stance of confidence, and Dove gasped as she was suddenly looking at a reflection of herself with eyes glowing and red. Fangs smiled down on her, and the crimson skin was mottled by black scrawls of energy. It didn't feel like insubstance that a manifestation should be - this one felt _real._ And so did the threat in her smile.

"But I suppose even _fear_ has its uses…" Humorless laughter. "It was your fear that allowed me to defeat you."

Dove clung to wild defiance, her high tone making her fear obvious no matter how deeply she tried to bury it – "I'm not defeated yet!"

"But how much longer is it, really? You're so weak, it's pathetic…" The manifestation chuckled, a sound that felt like falling face-first into gravel – but its next words were sweet, carrying that silky promise in the words like sugared venom. "You know that you enjoy that rare power. You know you like to feel… in control."

Dove sobbed.

"Honestly, wasn't that the only time you could ever do anything useful with your powers? When you are under my influence, you can execute my strength, and use that power to your advantage. However you choose! You could do anything you wanted with your powers, and you know you want to taste that freedom once again. To release your potential, release your emotions, release your _power_ and not have to keep everything you are locked inside a prison you've forged yourself…" He smiled, noticing Dove's head bowing lower, her sobs becoming heavier, he was definitely affecting her. "All you have to do for this freedom from yourself is embrace the part of you that is ME!"

Dove choked on a sob, flickers of cold white energy crackling around her, burning with tension as she tried to suppress them - underscoring his point, and she huddled into herself and sobbed more heavily than ever, her mind desperately grasping for a way around his words, a way to avoid the-the - not the truth -

"Did you not enjoy the feeling of - ?"

"I DON'T LIKE WHAT I _DID!"_ Dove cried suddenly, her voice choked and horrified but that only magnified the volume and sent a flurry of thicker, more painful releases of energy storming around her. "I don't _enjoy_ the feeling of knowing what I've _done!_ And because of what you've done to me, I don't even think I like _myself!"_ She coughed, choked, sobbed and chewed into the next words, desperately trying to make the right sounds past her tear-strangled throat. "I hate what you made me do…" Her voice was lost to the sobs.

The demon's tone was suddenly cold, mocking, disapproving. "You cannot hate. You are too _weak."_

Dove shivered. _Weak._ She knew…

"But what _I_ did?" the demon spoke, relishing her reaction to the next few words. "No, daughter, it was not my hand that guided you to murder those people. I simply gave you the power. What you did with it was entirely _your choice."_

Dove's eyes jolted wide and the sobs quieted all too quickly as she lifted her head in shock. "No… No… no, your anger - your rage - it - you _infected_ me…"

"I influenced you. And you embraced that influence, each time of your own will."

Dove's mouth was hanging open uselessly as she breathed in each shuddering breath. "No… no, no… I tried to _stop _it – That wasn't me, it WASN'T _ME!"_ She sobbed yet again and threw her head in her hands, begging herself to believe her own words.

"It _was,"_ Trigon's shade told her with a cruel smile, "And you _enjoyed_ it."

Exactly as he intended, Dove nearly exploded with energies, suddenly moaning and gritting her teeth against the pain as she still struggled to control the wild streaks of pure astral energy tearing across the space.

The demonform only smiled slyly, knowing that each time they met, her will was drained more and more, what little confidence and foolish defiance she retained was sapped from her mind, and with every gasping breath, she became weaker, and weaker, and weaker when it came to her resistance against him. She was still desperately railing against his influence, but with little other ground than "I don't want to be evil." The final threads clinging to her determination could easily be cut; it required but a bit more manipulating, exploiting more her deepest guilt, and some well-placed comments to send her mind spiraling down its own path and letting her tear herself apart. He grinned at the ease of it; Dove was weak-hearted as it was, low enough on her own confidence for it to be almost too easy to find one of those cracks and drop a seed of self-doubt into her, and Dove would harvest it with hardly any help from him.

She was weak. Apparently she wanted to stay that way. And it would be her own downfall.

But until that time, why not toy with the rest of Dove's mind? Enjoy herself as she tore apart what little hope and certainty Dove had left?

The corpse-pale claw of a hand reached out -

It was eroding away, but her will to resist was still intact.

Dove ripped herself from the meditation, shattering the bounds of her reality for just a moment before she sat up gasping in her physical consciousness. She was vaguely dizzy from jolting her mind away so suddenly, but at least she had managed to escape before something… _bad_ happened; and she stood, swiftly crossed the room, held the mirror.

As soon as it was in her hands, a faded laughter lingered in her mind for just one tense, horrible moment - and it wasn't his. It was… her _own._

* * *

Dove fell asleep that night with her cloak still on, too exhausted to take it off, and hoping against all reason that her dreams would give her some relief from the horrors she felt dwelling within herself, ready to spring at the slightest chance.

Instead, what she found was much more terrible and gave her fears a whole new meaning.

There was that feeling of being in a forced reality. The mindscape was ravaged. She couldn't suppress the yelp as the crashing thunder tore through the skies, induced by the thick black streaks of energy manifesting every moment, so many more and so much closer than they had ever been before -

She grabbed her cloak and bit her lip, watching the sky with fear clear on her face. Completely unnerved by the constant thunder triggering her phobia every moment and almost more afraid of how terrifyingly close they felt to STRIKING her. The winds were blowing fiercely against her body, seeming determined to knock her over, changing direction in their unpredictable pattern and carrying a chill that Dove felt all the way in her soul. And yet somehow the thick and transparent mists at her feet and waist remained entirely unaffected, shifting and swirling and swallowing itself up of its own accord. And then...

Dove watched confused and afraid as the fog around her began losing its color, the bloodred tint falling into the mists around it and leaving her surrounded by a cloudy white - the final crack of thunder sounded and suddenly the world was silent. The winds died off, even the mist faded a bit and stilled... The white fog moved away from her and she watched it regroup closer to the edge of the rocky strip, shifting and changing, forming a figure and almost losing its transparency to a grey-pearl sheen...

Dove's eyes widened as the mist finally seemed to solidify and she gasped. The being's back was to her, her body draped in a loose robe and the hood pulled up and she was at least a hundred feet away from her but the woman was looking over her shoulder and Dove knew the face: she would have known the identity even _without_ seeing her face. It was the woman who had given her what little humanity she had left.

"Mother?" she called wildly, running towards the figure and saying, "Thank Azar you're here, I-I - " But she froze the moment she saw the figure's expression. The face was Alerina's, but her eyes were empty, uncaring...

"Mother...?" She suddenly felt a wave of fear flooding into her, and she stepped nervously closer, almost overcome with disappointment as she saw that her mother's gaze wasn't on her - looking towards her, but the eyes held absolutely no focus, and even less emotion... "Mother, please," she begged, her expression already hopeless but she still tried -

Alerina's eyes suddenly focused but showed no recognition, let alone understanding -

"PLEASE!" Dove cried frantically, suddenly realizing what this manifestation meant - _"Please,_ tell me you - !" And then she gasped sharply and jolted back and collapsed to her knees as a bolt of red-lined energy charged from the sky and struck the white-pearl figure, reducing it to a pile of formless ashes.

"NO!" Dove cried out, desperately trying to will the form back into existence -

A wind blew suddenly from behind her, carrying the ashes away - and Dove stood and watched in horror as the wind arced and reversed, carrying the dust to a void of black and red energies that was suddenly emanating laughter; deep, dark, and excited.

"No..."

Dove felt the fear charging through her as the clawed hand extended from it, catching the ashes in a neat pile before folding into a fist and opening in the same instant to reveal that absolutely nothing remained of her mother's influence.

"No, no, no..."

Dove backed away, knowing she should control the fear but unable to stop ANY of it, she was helpless, caught in the stream of emotion and trembling uncontrollably in every inch of her body -

The evil influence manifested as Dove's edited reflection. Visual impact wasn't necessary, a voice and a few choice words was enough to incite plenty of intimidation - but this was more than a testing of limits and Dove's weakness. No, this was a _demonstration. _A reminder to Dove that it was a part of her, and she was failing miserably at containing it.

"You have no strength left," the voice crooned with sardonic curiosity. "Why bother resisting?"

"I may not be strong enough to _stop _you," she replied, voice every bit as weak as she felt and the tears she held in check finally broke through as she was forced to realize the truth of her words - she had already lost many nights of sleep fretting it, "but I'm not going to lie down and surrender!"

"We'll see," the red self smirked.

"I've already seen what you are - what you've _done,_ and I don't want to _become _that!"

"Done what, murdering just for the pleasure? Simply because I _can? _But oh, _Yonah, _haven't you _already _done that?"

_"Don't _call me that!" Dove cried - lifted her head in an attempt to show defiance but was forced to close her eyes against the wind so strong it blew the tears from her face - "Yonah" was a special name her mother used only in the sweetest moments, only when they were closest, and hearing the word in _his _voice was total mockery, acid in her ears.

The voice, smooth as silk but crafted with much more strength, went on: "You cannot deny what you have done, all those people you've killed; you cannot deny that you felt pleasure while carrying out my commands!"

"Maybe you've taken me before but I'm not going to surrender to you, I'm going to fight with everything I can, even if it isn't enough - I'll never willingly give myself to you!" Tears streamed from her eyes, making the wind feel like blades against her skin - she knew she had been slipping closer, closer to it, away from herself, and though she tried so desperately, using every single grain of will within her, it never seemed to be enough… But she refused to let it show, she could still try - her mother had always taught her that there was no chance to win if she gave up but even the slightest possiblity of victory was worth holding onto - maybe just _maybe_ the last attempt -

The darkness was born of her own mind, and no matter how she wished otherwise, she couldn't hide her deepest, truest, most sensitive thoughts from another part of herself. The cruel side could see the weakness. And she took joy in exploiting it. "Your valiant struggle is comedic. Do you know why you were able to manifest your soul-self? Not because of your own strength, not because of what meager ability you've learned, but because you were so afraid. You built it on fear. And that is what makes you so vulnerable. So _weak." _The tactic here: exponentiate the fear and Dove's will to resist would dissolve. Soon she would be too weak to hold any ground in his mental battle… "I am your strength. I am the side of you that fosters your will and your passion. By denying me you are denying your own strength and embracing weakness. You do not see, that… by fighting against me, rather than allowing me my rightful territory in this… crumbling excuse for a mind, you deny your own power. And then all you leave in your thoughts are fears and pacifist superstition. In fighting against me, you are sacrificing your own ability to fight, and inevitably sacrificing yourself to what I am."

The cyclic logic of it left Dove frustratingly confused. If she surrendered, she would fall sway - but if she continued to fight it, she wouldn't be able to fight and would surrender? But Raven herself had once told her that bound with a timid mother and against the Azarathean background, the only explanation for their fighting wills had to be their father's influence. For Raven, that will to resist was what ended in his ultimate demise. Her purification. But for Dove…

"You know better than that," her enemy chided. "You cannot be blind enough to see triumph in choosing to resist." The sentence ended with an upward inflection, almost an offer.

A mental tug-of-war began in Dove's thoughts - her mother's wisdom versus this manipulative logic.

Snatching for hope, Dove sided with her mother. Her thoughts were still tangled in her attempt to unravel its logic, but she was still painfully aware of how much cruelty this side could inflict on the world, and she didn't want to let it hurt anyone.

Knowing the energies had long left her control and an attempt to use them would be as successful as pouring water into a bottomless bucket, Dove called forth the very essence of this world, her astral being, and shrouded her awareness in her soul-self, then a delirious attempt to flee this nightmare -

"THERE IS NO ESCAPE!"

Black streams cascaded over the empty energies. Surrounded her. Formed a hand -

It grabbed her, grabbed her _soul, _and the touch seared into her like hellfire, rending a squeal of pain from Dove's throat. But the pain was nothing compare to what happened next.

The claw peeled back a layer of the fragile entity, the pain of torn reality erupted, and before Dove could scream she was lashed from the protective cocoon and smacked _hard_ to the ground; her back hit one of the stone structures and a jolt of electric heat charged through her body. She yelped from the impact, her voice died to a whimper as she tried to move, just barely clinging to consciousness, dizzy and trying to resist but terrified into inaction - couldn't think, couldn't move -

And the claws of sharpest-black lightning still cut into her soul.

And sliced it open.

Dove screamed more fervently than she had ever screamed in her entire life. Never before had she cried out from so deep in her body, from so much fear, so much _pain!_

He began manipulating the sensitive energies, laughing, knowing that victory was within his grasp even as her soul struggled for life - white and colorless, it was being overtaken by the red and black essence of Trigon, its presence burning into her ether and smoothing out the energies, changing its form, and every single bit of astral pain resonated so _deeply_ within her physical body - !

And so did the transformation, she realized with horror - She felt the heat spreading across her skin, she screamed, the red energies sprung from her eyes, grouped, and reshaped itself into the four red masses, the wild terror within her was unbearable, she forced her eyes open with a sudden thought and was horrified to see her entire outfit was being manipulated and not just her cloak's color -

"No longer can you resist my influence, daughter!" he cried, madly overjoyed at the nearing triumph and the sure power that would come with it. "YOU _ARE __**MINE!"**_

"NO, _NO, __**NO, **__**NOOO**__**!"**_

Dove screamed, jolting up in her bed and shivering uncontrollably with cold sweat moistening every single inch of her skin and pouring off her fear-paled face and forcing locks of hair to stick to it, her arms spread palm-down on the bed and shaking immensely under her weight - She groaned loudly, feeling a sudden release of static energy - The emotions, her _powers_ -

"Azar!" she cried, the searing volts slashing wildly through the air on every panting, desperate breath. The energies surrounded her entire _body! _And not white but _shadow_ -

Her eyes, widened with the nightmare (if that's all it was) and unwilling to close, jerked around the room, and Dove was terrified to see that - the entire _room_ was destroyed - ! Every inch of the space had been torn apart by the energies. One of the shelves had fallen - cracked. Books spine-up on the floor halfway across the room. Papers strewn all over. A bottle of something liquid had tipped over and was spilling to the floor right next to what she guessed was an overturned seed bowl - the bedside table was splintered into five or more pieces and strewn across the room; there were deep scratches on the wall - she vaguely wondered how it had hit the titanium wall and the sound hadn't woken her, she shivered and realized _he_ was probably holding her in the trance and wouldn't let her escape - her body was still thickly covered in bolts of shadow electricity. Evidence of her loss of control was _everywhere -_

She gasped, suddenly throwing her hands to her face and feeling her eyes - She grabbed the mirror on her bedside table even though it was crackling insanely with black energies, not wanting to believe the dream-scene, and she looked into the glass with the weight of dread making it almost impossible to do. And the entire wave of panic crashed over her anew. Four incarnadine eyes smiled back at her from the glass. "Ohnononono-Azar-help-me," she pleaded, almost sobbing, shakily getting off the bed with the mirror still in her hand and she began pacing the room, desperately trying to calm down but the fear, it was too deep, too strong, too _real!_

She held her free hand over her mouth as she tried, tried, and failed to regulate her breathing, force the fear away, _reign in the energies! _Her entire body was alive with the emotional forces, tense and filled with energy, too much energy, _far_ too much to handle, reign in, there was so much escaping her hold -

She choked on a sob and forced herself to find some kind of peace, force away the fear, calm down, for the love of _all things __**good**__- !_

A groan of frustration fought its way from her lips. There was just too much fear and it ran far too deeply to even _consider_ finding peace! She bowed her head, suddenly taking the approach her mother always had (and nearly sobbing at the too-sudden memories from the dream), and she promised herself, told herself it was okay, she was fine, reminded herself she could recover and he was gone from sight.

She could feel the energies roiling inside her, so _strong!_, but she had to put it away, couldn't lose whatever control she had left - couldn't resign herself to _give in_... She tightened her eyes and forced herself to focus, repeated over and over and over again in her mind that she's okay, he's gone, calm down. Avoid the helpless thoughts and focus on calming down, recovering, fight to regain rather than dwell on loss...

She finally managed to distract herself enough to bring her breathing under control. Ease her steps into a smoother rhythm than the frantic pacing she commanded before... and finally the energies were settling down. They still struck the air and she could still feel each and every bolt's release in both her body and her soul, but at least there was less to charge them, less strength in each flare... Her heart still pounding but not feeling ready to burst from her chest, Dove lifted the mirror and nervously looked at her reflection. The fear threatened to rush back but she closed her eyes, breathed in, and exhaled softly as she looked again.

The image on the glass was still as terrible as she had last seen herself in the dream. Except... the reflection was... _smiling_ at her.

Dove swallowed, and she turned in her pacing before she took her fingers and gently, fearfully, trying to control the shaking, felt around her eyes... and she was helplessly confused when she realized that she _felt_ normal, she could only touch two eyes, and… She halted, realizing that her reflection showed absolutely no loss of control. It looked... dark, ready, almost plotting... and there was absolutely no wild energy anywhere on the glass, or fear in her eyes or sweat or pallor on the face.

Dove blinked uneasily, reminding herself to keep calm as she felt her mind reaching for logic... but there _was_ none. She was entirely puzzled - and afraid of what it could mean. And the only way to find out was - NO. She took a breath and shook her head at her thoughts. No, no way for all the torture in Aziamoth would she tell Raven about this. She'd have to solve it herself - and... suddenly she shuddered, realizing that... no matter what she did, her reflection stayed the same. Even when she angled the glass away from her face; if anyone saw it, saw the look on that Dove's face, it would be a dead giveaway. She'd have to hide the mirror, keep it a secret. The drawer beneath the bedside table's surface, that could work... Dove's eyes couldn't linger on the surface anymore, it felt too wrong, too horrible to see herself like that, and she looked away quickly. She could hardly even bring herself to _believe_ it... but seeing it was ten times as frightening.

She took in a shaky breath, closed her eyes... tried to wipe away and push back as many of the night's images as she could... She had to calm down. She sighed, opening her eyes for just long enough to hide the mirror and sit on the bed before she closed them once again and began consciously struggling with the fears that simply wouldn't leave.

But she barely had two seconds of that focus before she gasped to alertness and a stray bolt of energy whiplashed the air; she sensed -

The door to her room unlocked, slammed open, and Raven was through the threshold before it was fully opened, the others rushing to the doorway a few moments behind her.

Everyone's voice overlapped; confusing, "Dove?" "What happened?" "We heard you scream - "

Dove could only blink, entirely startled and praying they hadn't heard anything about _why_ she screamed. And she barely managed to keep herself from wincing when she glimpsed Raven's expression. "I had a nightmare," she told them looking from face to concerned face as her tone betrayed every bit of startledness. And she suddenly felt embarrassed; they were unwillingly watching her in a moment of immense weakness, her shame and loss of control... but at least she had managed to get the mirror out of sight...

"Must've been one heck of a nightmare," Cyborg noted.

Dove nodded. "There was... a lot of thunder." Again, she wasn't exactly lying - oh, she wished so desperately to retreat behind her hood right now... She looked at Raven, her expression apologetic. "I-I couldn't control the fear. I tried to... but..."

"We heard you scream halfway across the tower," Robin told her, his expression making it obvious he was concerned. And Beast Boy told her, "Dude, you woke me out of a dead sleep."

Dove shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry... I... the dream - when the energies got out, it hurt..." She hoped that would keep Raven from asking about the burn she was still feeling echoes of... well, maybe it kept her from asking, but Dove could sense the suspicions and distrust lurking in Raven's mind. "I'm sorry," she told them again quietly. "I'm okay, don't worry..."

"You don't look okay to me," Raven told her, her eyes watching Dove's face far too closely for comfort.

Dove shrugged helplessly. "The dream was vivid... and I was afraid – _terrified._ Losing control like that didn't help..." She nearly winced, not knowing if Raven would interpret 'losing control' as just her powers, or her entire mind...?

Her half-sister stayed silent, and Dove could only blink, not wanting to say anything for fear that it would give her away. The energies still hadn't completely vanished yet...

"Well, if she's okay, I'm going back to bed," Beast Boy said, letting out a yawn and a stretch before he turned in the hall. The others watched him go. And Robin asked, "Are you sure you're okay? You've had nightmares before, but... You've never screamed like _that."_

Dove nodded. "I'm sure." Her voice was soft, quiet... She suddenly felt exhausted again. Sensing their concern was... it _should_ have been a comfort, but... it really only deepened the guilt she felt... "I'm sorry for making you guys worry," she said, with every bit of sincerity in her heart. At least she had told _one _truth tonight…

Robin nodded. "Alright... Goodnight."

"And may your dreams be pleasant for the remainder of the night," Starfire wished, sleepily but still as good-willed as ever.

Dove could only force a smile and murmur "Thanks" at the unlikeliness of that coming true - it would be a miracle if she even managed to _sleep_ anymore tonight... "Goodnight."

The others turned, all heading back to their rooms - and Raven lingered for just a moment more, once again arousing the tension in what Dove felt between them. She knew Raven didn't trust her. Raven probably didn't believe her about the dream not being important, either...

The silent moment was too long, but Dove breathed a note of relief when Raven finally exited the room. The tension still lingered, as always, making her uneasy - she began wondering if Raven did that on purpose.

She closed her eyes, took a breath, and fought off what discomforts she could, and she lay down and closed her eyes, not even bothering with the cover. Not likely she would sleep anymore tonight anyways... She began the deep, soft breathing and once more began working against the fear... doing the best she could to ignore the darkness she felt threatening to overcome her the minute she let her guard down.


	16. Cat and Mouse

_**Chapter 16: Cat and Mouse  
**_

It could happen any time now. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. Her dark persona had proven it with the past two murd– INCIDENTS – the women and the children, proven that when that cruelty wanted out, Dove could no longer contain it, no matter how hard she fought…

Dove squirmed against her own thoughts; children – why did it have to be CHILDREN? They were helpless, innocent to the world, young enough to not understand what had happened to them – DOVE barely even understood, her dark self had forced her waking conscious down with the rest of her humanity.

The memories reignited against her will, and the whole vivid, revolting scene replayed itself in her mind. Over and over. And it made her feel sick with guilt and disgust. It hurt; her stomach still ached from the vomiting…

She shifted again miserably. She wished the pain would leave her. She wished the _darkness_ would leave her… But her dark self had told her, last night, "Why would you want that? Without my presence, you would be more pathetic than you already are."

Dove stayed in bed the next day… too weak to get up… and it hurt enough for her eyes to want nothing more than to close and send her into the dream world, but her mind wouldn't let her leave.

And just like any other day, Raven came in for training, but with that new depth of concern. Dove's discomfort was plain to her, clamorous in her senses and impossible to ignore.

"Dove, what happened?"

Dove opened her eyes and blinked outside, out at the water, and the city, and the life… "I wish I knew," she whispered, noticing a lock of hair over her eyes but not caring. The shrouded view was some kind of comfort… She could see so many people out there… Which one of them would she end up hurting next?

"Dove. _What happened._" It was stricter and far more insistent, subtly but clearly demanding Dove to answer. Honestly.

Dove's voice was weak, and she hesitated on every word as she told the least she could, filtering out any and every detail that could give her away. "I-I was… curious… I experimented, and… overexerted myself yesterday…"

If only the truth was so simple.

Raven was silent for a moment. Then: "Here."

Dove hesitated, not sure if she wanted to know...

She rolled over and lifted herself up. Dizziness flared, but it settled quickly, and Dove brought her eyes to Raven's outstretched hand. And she blinked up at her sister in weak confusion.

Raven was offering her a communicator.

"But..." Raven would know more than anyone why she couldn't...

As if she already knew what Dove would think, Raven told her, "I spoke to Robin, and you don't have to come on missions, but if you ever need to tell me anything - " and she thought, _Or need my help,_ "it's the fastest way to contact me." Dove was guarding her mind, probably a measure to protect her secret... Raven couldn't sense her as clearly, as the empathic sensations were garbled and confused - there was no way she could know if Dove was caught in a bad situation. No way she could help. This was her only other option - and even this depended on Dove having the courage to admit something was wrong.

Dove opened her mouth uncertainly, then timidly took the circular yellow and black weight. It felt... awkward in her hands. All it symbolized... Did it really belong with _her_...?

"Keep it somewhere safe," Raven advised.

And Dove nodded. She set it on her bedside table - forced her mind to take a detour when it wandered to the mirror hidden - Training. Raven probably wanted to train now. "So..."

"Use it when you need to. Do you feel up to training today?"

Dove gratefully accepted the change in subject. "Probably low-level telepathy - except... I kind of have a headache..."

"Forging a connection might help. It's simple for you, so it shouldn't be stressful, and focusing on another's thoughts can ease the pain in your own awareness..."

The session began, and Dove already felt relieved. Still immensely guilty, but relieved. And she was careful to watch her end of the connection and keep her deeper thoughts hidden, only let Raven skim the surface, treading lightly through Raven's mind to keep her presence discreet and her thoughts more distant. It felt like an instinct by now...

She had spent so much time lately practicing this form of control. Her darkest side posed an ever-present threat, constantly reminding her that it could surface at any time… and Dove realized that maybe she couldn't change what she would be forced to do, maybe she couldn't spare herself the soul-deep suffering - but that didn't mean she had to drag everyone else down the same horrifying path. And so she fought against its current especially hard around the team. She absolutely _refused _to let it hurt them - today she struggled so hard to prevent Raven from even seeing it that in the end she exhausted herself. Yet the unfamiliar levels of power persisted, and she was shocked to realize that, once she had tried casting energies at Raven's command, it didn't burn, or exhaust her any further. That dangerous feeling of freedom welled in her mind; she felt the power permeating her soul. Drawing it forth was unnaturally easy.

She should have viewed the sudden strength with diffidence.

It was a side effect of the hostile mindscape takeover. The energies manifested willingly but refused to obey her will. They slipped past her command, the strength in their beams almost rallying her confidence before it reminded her just how little control she had over this new strength. The stubbornness to comply mocked her helplessness, and she felt more defeated than ever.

The frustration was evident on her face and even moreso in the empathy. Raven advised, "Maybe a focused meditation would stabilize your abilities."

Dove's expression changed from the typical unease to… almost _fear_. "Raven…" Her voice wavered. "What if… when you meditate, all you see is bad things?"

Raven's gaze sharpened.

"And you don't really get any calm from it…"

That would explain why she was so anxious – Raven wondered if it was the ONLY reason. If Dove never had any respite from the visions… She knew how deeply unsettling it could be, from the constant wave of dark prophetic dreams that plagued her mind every time she fell asleep after Azar died, or the vision-messages that she had received whenever she cleared her mind and more when that prophecy was coming true. Sympathy touched her tone. "Dove, that's not a good sign."

"I know..."

Raven waited, hoping Dove would finally acknowledge what was wrong... No such luck; Dove held her eyes low and kneaded her hands distractedly. Without the details, all Raven could offer was advice and the wisdom of her own experience: "Don't let what you see dictate what you do. Stay strong."

Dove nodded. Raven's confidence fortified her own, and she took a soft breath as she crossed her legs and began mumbling quietly, silently recounting her sister's words as she muttered the monotone chant.

And with no reason to linger, Raven left her in silence.

* * *

_"Raven was right. It IS an ill omen."_

Light rain pattered against the window, drowning out the subtle whir of the air conditioner. Its cadence granted Dove a point of focus - steady, reassuring, a gentle lullaby without thunder and without lightning. Her mind was soothed by the sound... but only temporarily.

Her thoughts had slipped into uneasy emptiness, and that emptiness beckoned the aspiring tyrant. And now the game was on.

Wickedness incarnate grabbed her mind, forbidding a moment of rest and firing a volley of streamlined evil, ray after ray of searing electric heat plagued her mind, surfaced as black lightning slicing across her body -

A groaning cry ripped from her throat. The beams traced the fault lines in her mind, ran the length of her emotional causeways, tore down the thresholds and ripped open every mental scar in reach - their conductor yelped in protest and pain. An aura of furious thrashing energies engulfed her, the evil's guerilla ambush seizing her body, and its source, sprung from the source of all darkness, began clambering to break her, pull her apart at the seams, destroy the only part of her that stopped the evil from overtaking her: her will. Her GOOD.

The darkest influence had already met its goal: eradicating Hope. But even when that last strand of resistance was stolen, and Dove fought on blindly, without goal and somehow without hope, some outer influence continued to… That was it.

The fracturing torrent subsided, and Dove gasped in deep breaths of pain. Tears had gathered during the attack… The sting still echoed in her skin - but the inner demon executed control, holding her still. Forcing her to watch as it materialized from the air, smiling, triumphant.

Dove struggled to keep her awareness frozen, but the vacuum force of her mindscape subsumed.

_"What was that?"_

She could see it, the illusion of physicality - the causeway, the rock path, the storm… and every failing side of her stood in the forum ground. She shivered as she realized it meant the boundaries between her sides were falling apart - yet another sign that she was losing control.

Their voices played around her in haunted tones, faded, muddled, barely…

Apathy suddenly lifted her head and blinked dazedly.

Everyone looked -

The others gasped, Shyness stepped back, the lavender-clad Compassion felt a need to protect the world from the likes of _her_ flare within. Intellectual's eyes focused and she watched sharply with her facet-mind racing for solutions. Fearful shrieked and screamed, "IT'S HER!" She ducked behind Dove's Bravery.

"What are YOU doing here?" the confident voice asked.

Fearful whimpered.

"All we want is to be left alone," the gray-cloaked self added in a fragile voice.

"If you insist." A snide grin tilted her unhooded face, and a flick of her wrist banished the other facets to their own crumbling territories.

Dove felt wretched when she saw how easily the remnant of bravery was routed.

With those polychrome distractions gone, the enemy eidolon got right to business. "I know your secret weapon. You cling to reminders from the outside world…" All four of the sinister eyes were set on Dove's – she stood frozen and unable to counter the knowing gaze… "Raven is what is keeping you from me." It stepped closer, spoke quieter. "We'll just have to FIX that."

As its intentions clarified, so did the visage. The cloak was abandoned. The newest outfit rejected the starlight's offer of gleam, reflecting instead the confidence and power seething from the facet that had once been consigned to the smallest corner of this place. And it was a blunt statement of rebellion and mockery, parading its triumph and evasion of Dove's control.

Dove shivered on her feet, still unsteady with shock and ache, but she managed a weak challenge: "I… I won't let you."

The wraith quirked an eyebrow.

"I'll cut you off – put you away…"

Dismissive laughter. "And what will you do when I rise again? For now it's subdued, but oh, I'll be back before long…" A fierce and eager smile revealed her slippery tongue and the teeth that upheld its threats. "You can't stop me from surfacing whenever I will!"

"Maybe not alone, but I-I'll get help- "

This time the laughter scathed. "From WHERE?"

"I'll ask Raven-" Her muffled groan was tinged by frustration at her own cowardice. So many chances missed because she was afraid… "She already offered - "

"Don't be so naïve. She's not offering to help you, she's trying to INTERROGATE you! You're only a responsibility, a burden thrust upon her by Azar's own negligence, and she only TRAINS you because it is her obligation."

Dove's thoughts were frantic and caught in her throat before she could retort; there was truth - No. No, she couldn't give up now - even if that evil facet was right. maybe she couldn't stop her... but she... She didn't know what to do... _Raven,_ she forced herself to think. _What would RAVEN do?_ Her sister had accomplished so many amazing things, and she always kept fighting... _She would stay strong. Stand her ground._ Dove straightened with pseudo-confidence. _And she'd say something like..._ "I'll find a way."

Her dark-clad reflection only laughed derisively. "You've already tried that approach, little bird. And how did that work out for you?" She weeded Dove's thoughts with memories of the killings, the constant struggle, the triumph of Darkness -

Dove stumbled back at the mental assault, her hands to her head, a strangled cry escaping her control. "No, PLEASE - !"

The chuckle was almost giddy as the images faded away. "You can't even PRETEND you're strong enough to defeat me! Why bother trying?"

Dove looked up, her hands falling to her side, and she answered quietly but realized she was more sure of the need than she knew: "Because I have to do everything I can to protect those around me..."

Eyebrows high, her dark self remained untouched. "Another one of Raven's lessons, I suppose."

Dove tensed. Well, so what if she _did_ need to draw inspiration from her sister to stay strong? Raven-taught or not, she wanted to stop her dark self from taking over and wanted to stop all the terrible things from happening. She genuinely cared... Raven just lent her strength. Reminded her that there _was_ hope for victory... Even though she wasn't standing there beside her, Raven was helping Dove fight.

A mock-pitying laugh. "You poor misled little creature!"

"Misled - ?" Dove's dark side began pacing, a slow, predatorial circle around her hostess. Dove's eyes followed her, confused but still clinging to determination.

"Yes, MISLED. You think that giving in would be worse for _everybody_..."

Dove's brow furrowed warily. "What do you mean?"

An eyebrow raised, the "manifestation" paused to glanced around them. "All this chaos, and pain, and pointless destruction can end, if only you'd let it..."

"How?"

"Give in." Her gaze was unnervingly sudden. "All that needless... _death_..."

Dove's bravado was dissolving yet again. "I... don't understand..."

The voice was smooth and casual, with an undercurrent of sympathy that Dove knew was fabricated, but it relentlessly echoed her own desperate sympathies, reprised her guilt...

The dark side was circling her again - slow... thoughtful... "Your mindscape is only suffering because you _struggle_. If I were to take control with your permission... well... It would be such a... smooth transition... This _battle_ is tearing you apart."

Dove blinked - she swallowed. "Go on...?"

"Don't pretend you don't understand. You know as well as I do that your pacifist superstitions are a highly integral part of your life... and the turbulent violence here is taking its toll."

"That doesn't explain - How - If I let you take control, it might save _me_, but everyone else - "

She held up a finger and Dove froze. "Continue to resist me, and I will continue to strike the most vulnerable. The killing is my MESSAGE to you, _Yona_ - " Dove flinched - "You cannot stop me from taking what I want; inevitably, you _will fail._ But why prolong the pain? Why sacrifice your own MIND to your cause? Why let me continue to maim and kill all those_ innocent_ people...?"

The guilt came over her in a rush; she couldn't fight it. And the horror struck her deeply. "Are you saying that if I _do_... surrender..." She closed her eyes, still desperately disgusted at the thought. She met the facet's gaze. "If I surrender, you'll stop killing people?"

The facet folded her hands and angled her head higher, eyes still locked on Dove as she continued her rounds. "More or less. Think about it: If you cease suppressing me, and allow my power free reign, the... CRAVINGS would not be so strong. I would not have to kill to be satisfied."

"But you'd still want to _hurt_ people."

"And I would."

Dove's attempt to stay strong was no more substantial than midnight mist. Her voice was wavering. "You're not helping your case..."

"Continuing to FIGHT for you is a gamble. Give in to me, and of course I will still be what I am. YOU will still be what I am. But until then, all you are causing is death and destruction, betraying your own mindscape and lifelong ideals for some desperate fight you know you cannot win." The astravisual manifestation held still with a smug grin on her face, and she let her visage dissolve back into the torrential currents of the mindscape.

Dove was left alone with slightly wide eyes and worry in her brow. Could it be true...? What if... what if it was_ right_... But she didn't want to sacrifice her humanity to her demonic heritage... but was it true that the people in the city had been needlessly sacrificed to her struggle...?

Weak with confusion, Dove sank to the ground, her legs crossed and one hand supporting her head. Giving in was usually out of question, doubtlessly the most horrible thing she could do... but what if that evil part of her would stop the killing...

_"Stay strong…"_

Wait.

That was the facet born of desire and cultivated by manipulation; lying would come naturally. Or twisting the truth. The form never said anything binding about sparing _lives_...

Slowly, slowly, certainty came into her. Yes, it was probably a lie. Blackmail was just another tactic to convince her to surrender. Besides, she knew how terrible that part of her could be - letting it consume her would be fifty times worse for the world than killings!

She wasn't sure she could win this war of attrition. But she at least had to _try_... to remember who she could save... remember all she had been taught by her mother, her sister, her friends... It hurt to imagine; if her dark self had spoken any truth, it was that the battle _was_ taking a toll on her. But it was worth it - for the slightest chance of success, and to stop whatever tragedies she could, it was worth a try...

* * *

The shadow spreading its influence over her soul hid deep in the whirlwind of chaos, deeper than the fear, deeper than her hostess knew how to look. She bore a considering frown; the thoughts crossing her mind were black as obsidian, and every bit as reflective. Smooth. And sharp. With how frail the creator of this mindscape had been, it was amazing that she had survived the battle this long. She could taste the fear, feel Dove longing for this war to end – pathetic pacifist thoughts, surprise surprise. But it wasn't truly _Dove_ holding her ground and grounding her will. _Was_ it… No, it was Dove's thoughts of that witch, Raven, the maximum-security prison guard against Trigon's power whenever it broke free. The adamantine bond she had with her sister was all that stood in her way…

A smooth smile slithered its way across her face. Plans and strategy fell right into her as she pieced together Dove's remembered thoughts, and feelings, her deepest memories… Perhaps she couldn't break their bond herself. Perhaps it was stronger than her. But there was no doubt that she could manipulate Dove's actions… and Raven could sever the bond herself.

She rose from her little pocket of blackness and reached into Dove's mind… Not far enough for Dove to see and suppress her. But just far enough to enter Dove's subconscious, and begin the subtle manipulations…

* * *

Sleep was becoming harder and harder to endure. When she didn't wake up panting and drenched in sweat, she woke with her pillow doused in tears and her entire body shivering relentlessly.

Dreaming was dangerous. Spastic images plagued her thoughts, an endless reel of nightmare images projected by the restless evil within her, onto the screen of her mind that felt more like crumpled paper than the rock and star she had carved out of her life's astrawill.

The ache behind her eyes begged her to go back to sleep - but... No. If she let her mind slide into the dreamworld, her own corrupted mindscape would filter everything she felt there, and her dark side would mold each moment into a cryptic message and turn the whole time of 'rest' into a prophetic nightmare.

And even when she lay awake, the nightmares never left her. The images hovered in her minds, phantom reminders of every ill-provoked conversation, and she was helpless against these thoughts. She knew she was losing the battle…

Their hostess and enemy rivalry had become that of the venatic and the game.

* * *

Raven could feel the turmoil before she reached the hall and walked through the threshold with the book held closed at her waist.

Dove sensed her watching and glanced - Instinctive defense flared. She felt terrible for lying, indirect as it was, but she looked right back to her book as if nothing was wrong. The moment Raven had entered the room, Dove's dark self fought to surface, and Dove fought to keep it back.

It was inevitable. Raven asked, "Trouble sleeping?" She kept her emotional distance but still allowed a hint of concern to show -

Dove's cloak flashed red. "I'm FINE," she nearly growled. The color faded as quickly as it had come, back to a dull grey. She shuddered, her hand on her mouth, felt the boiling rage just beneath the surface, and she hurried out before it could break through. As terrible as the situation was, it would be so much worse if Raven saw her dark side... She had heard what it wanted to _do_ to her... That red-cloaked persona wanted Raven out of her life, for good.

So now Dove was fleeing. But from _what?_ Dove refused to tell her anything, and Raven realized that if they wanted any hope of fixing this, she either had to force it out of her - risk crippling Dove's mind, and there was no way she wanted to do that - or find out herself.

* * *

That night, Raven passed through the empty hall, void of windows and the lights long blacked out, with the nocturnal silence magnifying the quiet sound of her footsteps. The darkness, thick and deep, swallowed up the hallway and withheld all but the faintest silhouettes from her eyes (they seemed to glow faintly and reflect some undetectable light as she walked on) - she turned and her steps became hushed but urgent. Silence was imperative for this to work; it was best if Dove was asleep.

She paused in the hall, alert, and then (aware that the opening door would wake her) Raven turned to phase past the wall, stepping into a conjured void of black energy and emerging inside Dove's room. And she stood still for a moment, silent, probing…

Dove lay with the blanket ruffled and messily folded to her shoulders, huddled close into herself; unease was running rampant and what Raven guessed were her dreams held her still and unaware. Her mind was dormant.

Raven walked soundlessly bedside, stood near Dove's head, her eyes alert for any sign of waking and her mind reaching out - finding Dove's - tapping the connection, and ready to search -

Dove felt the cold presence and shot up with a startled gasp. Her instincts sliced the connection, spurned the intruder, forced away - "Raven -? What are you -?" She had been laying awake with her mind lost deep in thought until she felt and recoiled from - "Why are you here?" she breathed, panting softly and blinking her startled face back to the transparent guise of neutrality.

When their eyes met she still strained a smile but reflexively glanced into Raven's mind, too briefly to notice, and used what she had taught herself in training: looking in, and discreetly.

There was so much suspicion, suffocatingly determined…

"Dove, I only want to help," Raven told her, and frustration fringed with compassion, though Raven's more distanced brand, weighted her words.

Dove felt a rush of guilt - but mercifully yawned before she could dwell.

"I might be able to help you fix whatever's wrong with you, but I can't do anything if you won't _let_ me."

Dove recoiled, just barely - she wouldn't show it, but Raven's frustration was so close to anger, it frightened her... She insisted, "Raven, there's nothing wrong."

Raven shook her head and turned away from her sister.

Dove shivered as Raven walked to the threshold - then turned, and Dove froze. Over her shoulder, quiet and sincere, Raven muttered, "I hope you're right."

And the door shut her from view.

Dove was held in a tense trance... She knew Raven wanted to help, and it hurt her for Dove to refuse - knowing she was hurting Raven pierced her deeply, it almost hurt as much as the reason she had to lie: the possibility of Raven shunning her because of everything she had done...

She dropped her head in her hands and sighed. She would just have to deal with this herself, and be sure she didn't slip up…

* * *

She huddled on her bed only a few hours later, arms around her knees and head laying where her wrists crossed, with the memories rising to meet the remorse. It was the coldest loneliness she had ever felt.

She longed for comfort. For human companionship. She wanted to feel her mother's arms around her, holding her close and reminding her that no matter how timid she was, she was loved; she wanted to see Srentha's smile and feel his fingertips brushing hers in his own gesture of reassurance, someone who let her keep her privacy but still knew to comfort her… She wanted someone to know, someone to hold her, someone to touch and let that comfort linger and smile and promise and help her know that everything was okay... but now Raven wouldn't even let her near her, and Dove was afraid to touch the others. They would probably want to help, but the thought of feeling how strong and full their emotions were terrified her, and what if she HURT them? What if her powers slipped and she couldn't regain control, what if… What if that side surfaced and she did something cruel, sickeningly cruel… She closed her eyes and shivered at the thought. They were the ones she wanted to protect more than anyone… those she loved…

Even Sieara's presence in her room aroused concern. The dove wanted to follow her human companion loyally, but Dove had ceased granting her access to the mindscape. It had become a danger zone, with unpredictable storms of energy razing everything in sight, and a bitter frailty that threatened even her own sanity… She worried during training sessions, despite Raven's vigilance; she didn't want any fulgurations of control to hurt the little bird. Despite Dove's sudden distance, the bird was anxious anyway, watching her from the shelf in loyal confusion. She more than anyone could feel the unfamiliar energies pulsing just behind the frail shields of her companion's mind…

Even Raven's small tokens of affection seemed lost to Dove; they lived so briefly, but those moments were treasures… Bowing to the pressures and depressed by the mere _thought_ of mourning a lost relationship with her sister, she let herself think, _I should tell her, I can't handle this on my own - _

"_NO!"_

Dove was so thoroughly startled, a whiplash of black lightning toppled the bedside table. The gasp became terror.

_But I desperately NEED her help -_

She couldn't hide her thoughts from her own mind. _"I refuse to allow you to involve that sorceress – Don't even THINK about it, vessel. "_

Dove shuddered violently at the new title. _Please - _

"_The moment you open your mouth to her, I will consume every layer of your existence and you will forfeit every chance of ever feeling human again."_

Thoughts that Dove could barely decipher laced her mind –

"_Do. Not. Tell. Raven. I will take hold."_ The threat came as a hiss. _"You KNOW you cannot stop me."_

Dove whimpered resignation.

* * *

Everyone in the living room turned curiously when Beast boy ran in carrying a basket overflowing with what they assumed to be clothes – and _hoped_ it was clothes; he was only covered by a towel and his hair was damp and wild. A pink sock fell out as he rushed to the center wailing, "Why are all my underwear _pink?"_

All reacted appropriately. At least, to their definition. Cyborg was laughing; Starfire was confused. Robin lifted an eyebrow; Raven bowed and shook her head; her eyes revealed half-lidded annoyance. And Dove looked on with startled uncertainty. Then a memory of two hours ago fell into place. "Uh, that… might have been me."

"_What?"_ He turned to her, obviously distressed that his manly glow-in-the-dark underpants were now a girly pink hue.

"Uh…" Dove's head dipped but she maintained eye-contact; her face blushed pink and her robe shaded grey. "Um, I was doing my laundry, and I moved my clothes to the dryer, and your basket was next in line, so I thought I could put them in the washer and help… But I used it as a chance to practice with telekinesis because it smelled _dangerous,_ and I didn't want to touch it."

Cyborg burst into a fresh bout of laughter and Robin nodded in total sympathy.

"So," she went on, "to cut out the hour of struggle and sorting, basically I tried to move them, and my control collapsed and the pile exploded in the air, and my shock led to a bunch of energies sending everyone else's clothes everywhere, and it was all mixed up and pretty much everywhere in the room by the time I calmed down. And… I guess I missed something and it was washed with your load. I tried to sort it out without using my powers, but… …uh…" She stopped, uncertain, noticing that he had collapsed to his knees in miserable defeat.

"How could you _do_ that?"

"I showered afterwards –"

"I mean how could you let this happen to my favorite pair?"

"Uhhh… Sorry?"

He sniffed. "Now I'll never be able to use that awesome line about Dr. Light's underwear again…"

"We're all mourning," was Raven's sarcastic reply. She went back to her book.

Beast Boy shot her a look of general indignity. Then his face lit up and he turned to Dove mischievously. "It's alright, Dove. I'll just get you back when you least expect it, and we'll call it even." He stood, picked up his basket, and sauntered out, already sorting plans of prankster revenge.

Dove was still confused. "Get me back…?"

"Don't worry," Robin told her. "Knowing him, it'll probably go awry somehow and he'll either get himself, or one of us. So everyone but Dove," he announced: "Watch for trip wires."

* * *

Yet again her dreams were fevered. But this time she couldn't escape the relentless torment. Choking on promises. Drowning in a sea of blood. Crying tears of acid and watching through the shattered filter of pain as every one of her friends, family, vital parts of her world were torn away from under her. Falling, darker, darker, colder, burning, branding pain, screaming into nothingness and bound stiff by her fears… never any escape, never hope… never was…

* * *

The next day, her powers flooded forth, strong but erratic.

It was obvious Dove was distracted, her mind elsewhere. But Raven didn't bring it up. She chose discuss a more worrisome topic: "The energies are black. They've been since the night you woke up screaming."

Dove kept head turned to the rope, knowing the reason but feeling too ashamed to meet Raven's eyes. "Maybe it's because I'm stronger now. Before, my powers never had any substance..."

_"Or maybe it's because __**I'm**__ stronger now,"_ that sinister voice in her mind taunted.

Dove chose to ignore it.

Raven remained unconvinced. "That's… possible, but there would have been a transition as you gained strength. Come to think of it, there _has_ been a sudden change in your powers..."

Dove blinked, her robe deepening its anxious shade. The lightning in her control (her _lessening _control) faltered as her fear heightened. "Mmm- uh, yeah?"

"It's unusual how fast you're advancing, especially with how difficult this was for you not a month ago..."

The energies went ballistic. Both ducked. Dove bit her lip, willing the streams to vanish, but they seemed to have a mind of their own - It wasn't until Raven chanted "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" and threw out a shield, surrounded the rampant streams in her own rays of darkness, and wrestled the will from their existence that the electric storm relented.

Dove had a distinct feeling that Raven was trying to prompt her to reveal what she knew about the sudden change... Dove blinked, still not meeting Raven's gaze - grappled for an excuse, something to curb the suspicion - "Maybe it's... the... focus, and... confidence. From getting so much better with my telepathetic abilities."

_"And learning how much power you __**really**__ have, thanks to me - "_

_I'm not listening to you,_ Dove bluffed clumsily.

Raven watches Dove struggle to regather herself... She had grown more and more uneasy with every observation.

After a stretch of silence, she threw it out in the open.

"Dove, I know what's happening."

Dove froze and the energies snapped away - a glass crashed to the floor. Too late to hide her fear. "A-Are you sure?"

"I saw your dreams last night."

Dove struggled to shield her shock, but her eyes still grew wide and terrified. "H - HOW?" A heart-piercing thought of Raven turning on their sacred understanding -

"It was an accident," Raven told her with chill strictness, "but it was clear. You're lying to us. You're not okay. And I don't know what memories are behind that thick shield of desperation, but I know it's tearing you apart from the inside out."

"B-b-but - HOW...?"

"The empathy. It isn't limited to emotion and pain."

Dove swallowed as she felt the evil churning, scowling -

"My offer still stands. I can help you."

The temptation was so sweet and so blissful and this was her chance -

She opened her mouth to accept the offer, but portent flooded her mind, _"I will consume your soul,"_ restrained her will to contend, with its threatening scowl written in every word.

"No," Dove forced out. The desolation's ache deepened threefold; so did her sister's disappointment.

From then on, Raven watched her through narrowed eyes. She became cold and indifferent towards her. It was her natural reaction to suspicion, but to Dove it felt like a branding punishment. She lived all her life spent with her mother's ardent love, then thrust into Raven's cold care - it was shocking, Dove isolated all over again.

And with that escape route closed, Dove's frantic thoughts deemed sleeping an unnecessary risk. She strived to cut dreaming from her life; it was just another chance for the evil to void what was left of her strength…

And the situation careened out of control.


	17. On the Edge

_**Chapter 17: On the Edge**_

That last nightmare must have shaken her more than she was willing to admit. Next time he saw her reading in the living room (and noticed that she hadn't turned the page in ten minutes), Robin turned from the TiVoed news report to investigate something a little more immediate. "Dove, are you okay? You don't look so great."

Dove jolted and gasped – exhaled shakily, blinking her eyes back into focus. "Oh, right…" She sighed. "Yes, Robin - just… having trouble with my powers… I-I'm under a lot of stress right now…"

And she wasn't sure if that was the truth or not. Even her powers had been infected by the touch of her unholy assailant…

"Stress? What's wrong?"

She breathed "I just haven't meditated today" and hurried to leave, took the first step -

The concern in his tone arrested her before she could escape. "That's always your excuse."

Dove submerged what sentiment she could, tucking it away from his scrutiny. "That's because when I'm meditating, I'm calm - the emotions are gone, and it's the only time when things can be - " She paused, caught herself and rushed to finish. "Be okay..." She hesitated; swallowed and left.

Raven was right. Dove harbored an evasive fear of _something... _But what it was, even the Boy Wonder couldn't begin to guess.

And her anxiety only grew worse. It was clear in her ever-haunted eyes. Her body was changing, growing thin and frail and sensitive to touch; she once flinched, yelped, and jumped away when Starfire - the one to fear LEAST in the tower! - put a hand on her shoulder.

They wanted her to talk, but she wouldn't even open her mouth. Her lips stayed locked together, her gaze stayed distant, the few words she DID speak were ghostly whispers. She sometimes shuddered, then leapt up and fled the room. There was never any expression on her face besides a weakly veiled terror. And she distanced herself from the others, physically as well as emotionally; she strived to cover her face to hide her expression. She wouldn't pass the others, grounding herself in the corner of the room and not stepping away except to leave.

Robin asked why she distanced herself so thoroughly; she simply answered, "My powers."

"But don't they cross distances?"

Her response was solemn. "Being around you guys forces me to remember why I have to keep them in control."

Robin was the first to notice these things, but the others soon picked up the cue...

She stood near the couch; Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire conversed, someone called her name to draw her into it -

Dove answered by whirling on them with such violent fury, they feared for their lives - and only after she sobbed and abruptly stepped away, hands over her face, did they feel the shock of such a once-gentle pacifist threatening violence.

This wasn't an isolated incident. Turbulent changes in her personality grew more and more evident. Even when it bore the most white, her robe's color was shadowed. She was always anxious, becoming highly jumpy, often lost in thought… and she seemed determined to keep disappearing, wandering off to random rooms that nobody used and later refusing to tell what she did there, she would only shrug… But not because she didn't know why she was doing it, but because she didn't know how she could explain it without the menace acting on its threats of hostile takeover. ...well, more hostile than it already was. She was very consciously retreating to the abandoned rooms because she felt so desperate to avoid repeats of the incidents in the city, she avoided all human contact when she felt her guards weakening exponentially. Which was becoming far too often.

Dove stood against the wall of a window in the living room. Her head was turned away, as if looking out the window – her hands clutched her shoulders uneasily. She could feel them, _all_ of them – The boys eager and competitive, Raven's cold receptive focus, and Starfire's unsure but passionate zeal pounded within – all so torrid, twisting – Painfully dangerous, WRITHING –

She suddenly shivered and left the room, biting her lip and a tiny whimper escaping for just a moment before the door closed behind her.

The others watched her go yet again, uncertainty permeating the air.

"I'm going to talk to her," Robin told them as he stood, the first to take action as always –

"No." Raven gripped his shoulder, a gesture subtle and succinct. He paused and turned, startled – not so much by the fact that she was making contact, but that _she_ was making contact. "She doesn't want to talk."

"There's obviously something wrong with her- "

"I know. But she refuses to admit it. She refuses to talk about it, and she won't let us help her."

Robin could see the veiled frustration on her face as she spoke; he guessed she had already exhausted her arsenal of aid, and Dove had shot down every attempt. He nodded. "Will she be alright?"

Despite Raven's expression remaining still, stoic, her quiet tone told everyone in the room that she was at least slightly unsettled by the next truth: "I doubt it. But if something bad happens, it's her own fault."

* * *

As if Dove needed any more distraction...

Raven could sense the building tension – and feel the staticky feedback in the room that was too well insulated to attribute it to the storm building outside. Clouds hid the sun from the already light-deprived room, and Dove's eyes flickered to their heavy masses every time the wind blew. Pelting rain covered the window. And her eyes had already sparked ominously. Raven knew all too well what it meant. Dove's fear – her _phobia_ – would delay training yet again.

"Breathe." Her voice was instructive and firm; irritated as she was, she sighed away the frustration for Dove's sake. The untrained empath's fragility showed itself vividly in every wave of shivers... "Dove, calm down. Breathe – deeper, Dove – and master the fear. Trust me, I know what it's like to be terrified - " Dove had closed her eyes helplessly - "but you can't let it control you."

A note of thunder – Dove's whimper echoed. And the sharp sounds of escape announced the black shadows' presence. They were only localized crackles. But Dove's fear was beginning its wild trademark spiral. Her breaths were audible (so was their shaking) – good, that meant she was trying. But it wasn't nearly enough. "Focus – _control_ it. Remember that if you don't conquer this fear, people will be HURT!"

Dove's lungs clutched frantically for breath – but her heart was galloping, her hands shivering – She tugged her hood farther down like she was trying to pull it over her face, pulled her cloak tight around her like a child wrapping herself in her security blanket.

Lightning.

"FIGHT it - "

Thunder.

"Dove - "

Dove grit her teeth and could only pray the energies roiling inside her wouldn't hurt Raven.

Raven spoke but Dove was oblivious; her fear subsumed her mind and her breaths refused to steady, her eyes stung with tears and she couldn't calm down –

A crash and a flash and a moment of fighting – Dove shrieked and bit her lip and could only fight it a moment more. Then her powers sparked raging insanity and her panic fanned it to a blaze. Huge shadow-bolts spiderwebbed off her body, first tasting only the air but sweeping a cacophony of destruction across the room as soon as they reached the walls, whipping books from their shelves and Sieara's startled chittering as she dodged desperately and they scattered her seeds in a second round of rain -

"STOP - " Raven cut off to duck under the rays flying her way.

Dove knew what she meant but could only sob helplessly – she was _trying_, but by now her powers terrified her every bit as much as the thunder. Their escape was too slick with strength and fright for her to grab hold -

Icy black seized her mind and she yelped. The explosion of powers shattered the nearby headboard and visions of the faintest and most horrifying memories, losing control charged through her mind -

Then she felt herself – her actual _body_ being lifted, and sobbing relief flooded into her when she recognized Raven's presence and felt the weightless temporal displacement she had only felt once in her life – Raven's soul-self had enveloped her, and she opened her eyes to empty echoes, its infinite black cold and pressing into her own empathies but its tightly-reigned control and chaos corralled was like a wash of stability over her wavering mind.

As Raven traveled wherever it was they were traveling, Dove coughed on her sobs a couple times, gasped a few inhales, and latched onto Raven's calm (though impatient) emanations just enough to free herself from the emotions and let the energies fade into oblivion. She could still feel them itching...

The black world pulled back like a curtain gathering at Raven's body, and when she felt ground beneath her Dove blinked her eyes open. They were in the basement, with hundreds of feet of concrete separating them from the sky and where the worst thing Dove could break was a box of forgotten items that had broken years ago anyways. She caught the tail end of Raven resorbing the ebon. And once the distant intent glow faded from her eyes, she turned to face Dove with a gaze so censuring and serious, it held the latter frozen.

"Dove, you can't keep doing this – _I _can't keep doing this!"

Dove winced; Raven's voice was so sharp it was almost threatening, and her convoluted worry was suffocating. She felt guilt; Raven had to have felt her mind, just as she felt Raven's... She knew it couldn't have felt good to her sister.

"I can't carry you away every time something goes wrong! Projecting my astral self takes a _lot_ of energy, and I can't afford to be exhausted - and you can't afford to rely on me to _protect_ you every time something like this happens."

Dove winced again, tensing into herself and biting her lip. She only held Raven's gaze out of pure respect – but Raven sounded so upset with her… "Sorry, Raven, I'm sorry," she murmured, her voice as inept and helpless as she felt.

And when Raven voiced the truth, she collapsed to her knees and sobbed, just once; it was all she had the strength to do: "Sorry isn't enough." She kneeled next to her and sighed, the frustration still radiating from her soul in deep, vivid waves. "Dove, you _need _to _be in control -_ there's more to it than not letting it show. You're controlling _Trigon,_ not just some frivolous child's intention. It's real, it's deadly, and it will take control of you the moment you let your guard down."

Dove shuddered; the emotions in Raven's soul were so dim yet so sharp and distinct – she was s_hattered _by how angry Raven sounded… She knew how much rested on her control and was fighting desperately to regain it, but it was all just slipping through her fingers… _There's so much to do, it's __**nothing **__like Mother's lessons!_

"You're right," Raven said, her gaze piercing into Dove's soul like a dagger, and her tone twisting it in the wound.

Dove let another sob escape, a hopeless desolation welling inside of her. Raven's voice was so cold… She knew she had let her telepathy slip away from her control and Raven had heard her thoughts… Even under such desperate circumstances, she couldn't keep herself in control… Yet again, she began wondering if it was hopeless.

And it wasn't even wondering anymore - she was already considering surrender. She had lost that frantic, anticipating will to resist – every single second of every single minute of _every single day _had gone into desperately trying to prevent the inevitable, and yet all that painful, exhausting mental torment has accomplished absolutely _nothing_…

_What's the point? _she wondered miserably. _I might as well just let go – _

"Don't!" Raven cried, suddenly more urgent than anything. "Dove, if you just let go, you could – Azar knows what will happen when you set it free! And what about what's going to happen to _you?"_

"Since when do _you _care?" Dove growled icily. "All you've ever cared about is control, control, control. What about _me, _Raven? Isn't there anything _else _you care about, like oh, I don't know, my _sanity?" _An unfamiliar glare found its way onto her face.

The source of that rage ducked back into its shrouded corner of Dove's mind and watched smugly. The purpose: taunt Raven, and do it unexpectedly to incite Dove's fear. It knew Dove doesn't want Raven to see that side, but Dove couldn't stop it from happening, so it rose up anyways, and relished the result.

Dove felt the sudden absence, dazed for half a moment -

And then she gasped and clapped both hands over her mouth, her expression wide-eyed fear.

Both girls stared for a few tense moments, neither knowing what to say.

"Raven!" she whimpered tightly in an incredibly small voice. "I didn't mean – I couldn't stop it, it just – Raven, what's _happening _to me…?"

Raven sighed, a bit of frustration radiating from her soul. "This is exactly what he wants to happen," she told Dove, her voice low but her words' meaning resounding in Dove's mind.

"No…" Dove put her head in her hands and collapsed to her knees. "Raven, I…" She shuddered, almost sobbed. "No…" Her voice was broken, soft, afraid. "I can feel it… Azar help me, Raven, I can _feel _it…"

"And that's _new_ to you?" If she weren't so absorbed in checking herself, Dove would have felt the pity in Raven's voice. "It's _always_ there, Dove. That's why it's so important to stay in control. To keep fighting."

Her tone had become a wary shadow of that understanding wisdom she always used to rally and support. But Dove felt no trace of reassurance. She felt _terrible_, because she didn't feel she _could_ keep fighting – she felt it was already too late...

* * *

After a night of laying supine, fitful, on her bed... (It couldn't be called restful, as it was everything but; hopeless, exhausted sleep was beginning to force its way back into her nights, with the inherent night-terrors in tow…)

Dove stood in the corner absentmindedly. She stood there, distant, fragile-looking, her head bowed to shield her eyes from the blinding sun.

Her robe was such shadowed color it bordered black.

"Your cloak..."

Dove didn't seem to hear her. But Raven sensed the faint stir of emotion. Dove knew. _"Why?"_ Her voice was insistent – Dove's current state demanded attention and she would have been worried for her sister if she wasn't so suspicious.

Dove didn't turn to meet her penetrating gaze. But she told Raven, "There's a reason all the colors combined make a grayish-brown – the color of pure, hopeless terror…" Her voice was soft, wispy. She was listless on the outside, but her mind was a battlefield... and Dove was on the losing side.

She shivered and left the room...

That raised the red flag.

* * *

Raven halted her silent steps before she reached the door. She scanned the sensations emanating from the room to be sure she was asleep – not awake, not meditating, not tranced, _asleep._

She was.

It felt… hazy, wrong… but it was sleep.

She entered. Dove lay with the blanket only covering half her body, one hand holding it weakly against her face; her pulse was slightly quickened, and her sleeping expression was a vague echo of unease. Even sleeping she was afraid. Not a good sign.

Raven placed herself near the head of the bed and settled with her legs crossed, closed her eyes and opened her mind. The distorted emanations came into her more vividly – she focused on them and on their source, Dove's mind, and began to feel herself a part of them… connecting with Dove's mind… and uniting their souls… She held a silent conversation with Dove's astral being, subtly convincing – met – then plagued by the maelstrom of chaos and fear and promise and intimidation, and felt like a trap – Instability shook her soul.

A flurry of shadow-black energies suddenly blurred everything she felt, and she found herself in front of a panicked echo of Dove, both caught in the whirlwind of energies with the static wall between them.

"Why are you HERE?" Her voice was hysterical fear.

"_I'm here to help."_

"You shouldn't – You need to LEAVE!" The thought-sensation was fevered with desperation.

"_I'm not leaving until you give me some answers."_

"Are you INSANE? _**I'M**_ not even safe here – " Her shudder seemed to quake the air between them, and she began pushing her will in frantic pleading against Raven's.

Raven held her ground with a will far more stable than hers. _"Dove, something's WRONG with you. It's dangerous, and if you can't fix it yourself - "_

"_**RAVEN!"**_

Dove screamed warning –

The air ignited with a blinding red and Raven closed her eyes against it – but she couldn't turn away, something held her frozen in an iron grip, held her power as she struggled to use it, barely left her freedom to think –

"_You're in the way."_

Waves of searing, aching pains spread through her, energies lapping at her soul hungrily and tasting her weakness with delight –

She grit her teeth and gathered her will but even the strongest exertion of magic did nothing to free her.

"Consider this your warning," a confident voice hissed, the only hint of stability in this entire mindscape – and suddenly she was slammed back to her own mind.

The awareness was like the first breath of air after nearly drowning – suffocating and shocking but absolute relief and need and taking in as much as possible – She lifted herself from her back and glanced –

Dove was sitting up and shivering violently, her hands to her face and her knees huddled to her chest. Flares of dark electricity sparked around her and the room was sharp with her emotion. And she felt Raven's eyes and looked up, surrendering her gaze and her shielding hands.

She was still quivering. Fear, anxiety, loss… Empathic sensations Raven wasn't sure what to make of. So at odds with the furious power that had binded her…

"I'm sorry," Dove whispered, her desolate eyes brimming with tears.

Raven could only look back with half-glaring uncertainty, her breaths still labored. Dove didn't want her to look. Dove didn't want her to help. And judging by what just happened, Dove didn't even want her around. She said she was sorry, but Raven's body was still aching distantly. She hurt her, she threatened her, and she had spurned Raven's concern one time too many.

Her eyes closed with an expression of burning disappointment, Raven stood and shook her head, and she left Dove alone with whatever tumult was ripping her apart.

Dove's heart dropped as the door clicked shut, cutting Raven from her view and severing the last bond she had to hope. She blinked, trying to gather words, apologies, explanations, trying to get up and run to her sister and tell her why it happened, promise that she never, never, NEVER wants to hurt her and beg her forgiveness… but every time she tried to move, the second consciousness held her still, using her power over Dove to command her body to stay.

Dove whimpered, her eyes closed, and she felt a sob escape her throat.

"_Why did you __**hurt **__her?"_

"_She needed to know that I could,"_ the second part of her replied smugly. _"There's a reason demonstration beings with DEMON."_

"_You wouldn't let me WARN her - "_

"_Because she would be able to counterstrike."_

Dove huddled more deeply into herself as thoughts swam through her mind, tangling together as she fumbled for words, fighting for control over her body –

The darkness only smiled and forced her to lay down. _"You have no power over me. You barely have power over yourself."_

_You took Raven away from me…_

Dove's mind was still rebounding those thoughts. Her only true protection, her only true hope, the only person she had been able to trust in this entire dimension…

"_I simply used what distance YOU put there and nudged her past the borderline."_

Guilt. Dove knew it was a weakness… knew the shadow of herself was exploiting it to weaken her control… but she couldn't bring herself to care. The tears finally spilled from their confines behind her eyes, and she shivered as she felt the pain etching deep scars into her mind, and…

Silently, the dark self smiled, and hours later, as Dove's hopelessness fermented and grew bitter, sharp, she laughed as Dove finally learned the lesson she had been trying to teach her all this time.

Dove was learning to hate.


	18. Countdown

_**Chapter 18: Countdown**_

Movie night.

Raven thought it was a bad idea for Dove to join them, with how erratic her emotions had been lately, and said exactly as much.

"It's just a movie," Dove muttered in a quiet monotone. "It can't be that dangerous..." Her cloak had adopted an unusual color, a faded orange, like dying embers just before they were totally extinguished...

Raven supposed it signaled apathy.

They turned on the TV, set up the movie, and everyone settled into their place. The Titans lounged on the couch while Dove huddled on the floor by Beast Boy's feet – he was surprised to see her away from Raven's side, but was quickly distracted by the opening screen and easily forgot about her.

The first hour was uneventful.

Dove didn't know what to think; she had been phasing in and out of awareness through the entire show. But she was shocked to alertness when the main character screamed – and his panicking voice related unbearable heat and suffocating power.

Her memories flashed through her experience with the stuff of nightmares, when terror became reality – the first true vision, the moment she realized how quickly a life could shatter, how easily an entire world of life could burn to nothing more than death and decay...

It didn't help at all that this scene was meant to portray the man's future and his fate.

The memory brought with it the threat of panic, and she felt those emotions mounting already and cloistered further into her cloak, biting her lip.

Beast Boy's hand reached down hypnotically to offer her the bowl of popcorn - but Dove was oblivious. He jostled it a bit, making noise - She turned her head and shook a timid "No."

He whispered, "What's so wrong with you that you don't even want _popcorn?_ And when we're watching a MOVIE?"

Dove had turned back to the screen; she could only shrug weakly. She wasn't just on edge; she was so close to falling past it she felt dizzy and sick. Everything in her mind blurred – faded – changed – it was impossible to separate past from present; why couldn't she think - ?

This was giving the darkness ideas.

And then: _"You need to get out of here," he told her, trying to scream her to consciousness but she was trapped, too far - _

The inferno rampaged across the screen. Memories rampaged across her mind.

And she tried to fight it back, but it was like using paper to stop a hurricane.

"_I couldn't save you..."_

She watched her own mother die, and was helpless in her tranced consciousness to stop it.

She tried to barricade but still every vivid, horrible detail crashed over her mind and blotted out reality. She began shivering violently and her breaths became sharp and irregular – the flame, all over, pain and sulfur saturating the air – as if every single breath of life had been suffocated from the place by the grasp of evil. Living through a thousand deaths – Those memories surged to life.

The onslaught of Dove's powers turned the laid-back living room to a chaotic warzone; and the walls and furniture fought to hold their ground against the violent rampage of energies assaulting every surface.

"WHOA - "

"Hey - !"

" - Dove - "

"What's WRONG with her?"

Raven alone stayed silent.

Everyone ducked for cover – even Dove.

After watching Dove struggle and dodging half a dozen whip-strikes, Raven ran to her and grabbed her shoulders for attention. "DOVE." Her voice was flat but stern enough to intimidate more than a yell. "Dove, you – "

"No, no, no…" Dove's voice was so choked it was barely audible, and tears were streaming down her face.

"DOVE!" This time her voice _was _a yell.

"Raven - " Shaky, barely audible, but still response – Dove opened her eyes and blinked. "Raven…" Conscious awareness wavered – eluded. She shut her eyes again. "A-Azar…" And then she fell back, a lost and tortured expression on her face as she let Raven take her weight and began blindly grappling for control, struggling with her emotions – but it wasn't Dove fighting her emotions, it was her emotions fighting each other… Anger raged against compassion, power wrestling vengeance, hatred smothering loss… It seemed all peace and happiness had vanished, abandoned her soul and left hope in the dust, completely evanesced and fled to the darkest corners of her mind where even fleeting epiphanies couldn't shed the shadows – as if lost, forever. Her own consciousness was only gasping thoughts through the sea of emotions.

Raven acted immediately when she felt Dove's mind go to pieces. She dove into her mind, jerked Dove from the tense trap it closed on her – her soul clenched onto Dove's, icy and dispassionate. She tapped in, froze the emotions and shut down the memories. And Dove came back gasping.

The tears in her eyes now fell for the broken bond she once had with her sister – but by now that pain was numbed, so dull, so distant; it was _nothing_ compared to the torrent she had just been rescued from – It was so dark, so _frightening_ – and it was a message, she realized with a sudden choking sob, a message from within her mind, smiling cruelly on success and forcing Dove to realize that she had lost all control over it. The floodgates of her emotions were now in the hands of her darkest side. And if Raven hadn't stepped in, Dove's whole mind would have drowned in the surge.

Dove wanted to thank her but knew it was meaningless; Raven wouldn't believe she truly appreciated it, and Dove was too numb to feel the appreciation anyways…

Everyone was too quiet. Their wild, confused concern tore into her empathies and she wanted to rest, panting, her powers had taken so much energy, but the second consciousness forced her up and out, bellowing laughter; Dove's breath hitched on a silent sob as it forced her to retreat to her room. To pick up the mirror. And close her eyes until her consciousness jolted to the astral-mindstorms raging like an endless Arctic tornado.

A sharp chill pierced her lungs on every breath. Barriers between her emotions were faded, reduced from stone walls to fragile veils.

She first traveled to where happiness once ruled – All grey – thick grey clouds not only in the sky, but everywhere around her, choking breathability from the air and making clarity seem nonexistent.

Between facets: Dove moved with as much strength as the wind from a butterfly's wingbeat. Even her reserves were drained and depleted.

Then compassion (misty; weakly holding on – fear for others permeated the air) –

Everything spun around her, dizzying, uncertain - She struggled to stand. Didn't remember falling... then intellect – overgrown with weeds fed by the emotion, impossible to navigate – fog from the fear was taking over the air; impossible to not inhale it –

Dove tripped through a labyrinth of deceptive truths and honest lies, twisting memories so convoluted she felt they had never happened, walls of emotion torn down by the builder and liquid glass cutting into her thoughts before she knew it was there...

Left [fled] to bravery; dwindling, rising mountains and cliffs reduced to mounds barely rising above ground level, crumbling monuments of the past. In the distance she could feel the rage growing stronger – the most stable part of her mind, FLOURISHING while the rest of her world dies – felt the heat emanating from its fiery depths –

The entire world tottered on the edge of existence, wavering like a desert mirage with belief that was only gossamer-thin.

_Peace,_ she pleaded to the world, _PEACE._

And then she landed where peace once ruled.

Thunder clamored for her attention. Lightning twitched like fingers waiting to grab her and twist her fear until her soul shattered under the pressure. The ground beneath her was already fractured by the tectonic shifts, and dust rose in miasmic clouds as the structures around them crumbled in the lurid twilit glow of the horizon. Black lightning sliced the sky – streamlined flames tore the world apart from the emptiness beyond.

The tears gathered in her eyes reflected their black-fire glow, and she looked around desolately at what had become of her mind…

Pandemonium.

Mindquakes split the world and its strike shattered the entire ground before her, opening a starving chasm that threatened to devour her whole. And in the detritus dust, figures formed – foggy, unclear in the smoke, the eyes opened and blazed with a glare that was blindingly bright and Dove choked on a terrified sob before she bolted the other way.

"_Why bother running?"_

Dove's eyes widened tremendously. The voice was laced into her thoughts yet she heard it raining down from the sky, and she slowed in hopes of focusing, shutting it out –

Red lightning lashed the stars into a fanged and menacing smile. It grinned upon her fear – Its sadistic chuckle echoed all around her, over, THROUGH her – Dove realized with a sharp flicker of disgust that this was _exactly_ why she hated herself when that cruelest facet took over. It was manipulative, it liked playing with people and amused itself by – It was chasing her just to _entertain_ itself!

That evanesced.

She gasped and tottered as the world whirled around her and she backed into a stone spire that had somehow escaped the thunder's wrath, her eyes flicking everywhere with panicked need.

"Let me tell you a story, little bird." The nickname came with bitter sarcasm. "Before the emptiness knew it was empty, there was no good, no evil, only neutrality. And with nothing to cast light or shadows, all was pure BLACKNESS. Darkness is the universe's default, little bird. And soon it will be yours, too."

Claws and power struck out in a red-laced bolt of black lightning from behind the stone, and met ground terrifyingly close to Dove - she could feel the electric tingle and heated space. She found herself writhing with denial; "No - NOO. You're just a _figment_ - You're only a_ part_ of me! You can't take me over, you _can't!"_

"Now you're being ridiculous. Did you learn NOTHING from my past exploits? You _will _give in - it is inevitable."

"Stop - !"

"All your cries do is foment my enjoyment!"

All her charade exhausted, Dove asked, "Why won't you just go back into hiding?"

"Because it is time you acknowledge your heritage. You spent all your childhood denying me, ignorant of my existence; you did not succumb only because you didn't know it was possible. But now that you do, it is time you finally acknowledge the fantastically dark truth and GIVE IN!"

Dove bolted and fled, ran from the lies, terrified of the truth –

The cruel-self slid in front of her in one fast, smooth motion. Dove cringed; she veered left and turned four corners at once. And she slammed right into the demon and fell over backwards. She tried to stand and scramble away but it threw ropes of black lightning around her ankles and wrists, binding her limbs to the ground. Dove's tears were falling fast at this point, lying there stark helpless and lost in her own world, confused beyond recognition… The black tangles bit into her skin, sparked a fit of shivers - and called to her own power - to use it - but it was so _wrong_ -

"You feel that power coursing through you, BEGGING to be unleashed. Stop fighting it! Don't deny those energies that right to freedom - don't deny YOURSELF that right! Let yourself be absorbed in the power. Find strength in what you once saw as a weakness. Give yourself over to my influence and not only will your life of struggle end, but an entirely new life of power and strength will begin!"

The bindings vanished – but Dove was suddenly locked in a prison far worse, rigid with horror as she stumbled into a vision of herself smiling wildly as people fled, destruction and death seeping through her senses like darkest blood – Every bit as sickening, she watched them flee, a ghost in her own future (it _can't _be!) and a thousand killings met her eyes at once, precognitive flashes of fury and power and pain – and drowned in DEATH and –

And that horrible voice echoed, "You don't need their lives to fulfill your purpose, the whole reason you were born… Bloodlust grows in you; you CRAVE the delicious sensations. The drive to kill drives you mad like an itch that won't be sated even with a dagger run through the point. You can't deny your heritage. Or the fact that you truly enjoyed torturing those pathetic beings you bothered to remember. They aren't worth an iota of your attention. Stop _caring._"

Dove faltered, but all the persuasive maneuvers couldn't charge home just yet; Dove could still enlist her conscious mind, called up thoughts of the Titans against it, to protect her friends, struggling to _stop_ this –

The demonself toppled that barricade with "Next time I will go after Raven and – "

"NO!" Dove yelped. "Leave her alone!"

"You can't STOP yourself from letting it out." The false world (that felt soul-shatteringly _real!_) shifted to show images of two demi-demons locked in battle – Dove whirled away from them.

"How engaging of a new task it would be to challenge her and – "

"STOP! I won't let you- " "US!" "- hurt her!"

"But why not? Lately she has only been cold and indifferent and disgusted, as if she sees... _nothing_ in you. You're nothing important to her."

Dove's thoughts came panicking and helpless – struggled to ask herself, _What would Raven say - ?_

"Raven, _Raven, RAVEN_," it mocked, chipping away at her once stone-solid support. "Is that all you can do, rely on _Raven?__"_ Disgusted exasperation tainted its tone. "You're so helpless it's pathetic. Why not _change_ that? You can use the farthest extent of your abilities with ease – isn't that what you WANT?"

"I do want to know how, but I want to use my powers to _help_ people, not _hurt_ them!" Dove exclaimed, feverishly taking a frail stance of defiance.

"Your judgment is impaired by loyalty."

"There's nothing impaired by _caring_ about people!" In fact, she knew it was the only thing tethering her to sanity.

"Oh?" A tap into her fears (Dove fled but couldn't escape its reach), and a familiar voice forced her to ease her eyes open.

"Dove, where are you going?"

Dove turned to see the visage of her friend in aching disbelief. Wild hair and bright blue eyes that spoke of more confidence than she had ever felt - "Srentha?"

"Why did you never tell me the _truth?"_

Disbelief, torn between wanting it to be real and wanting it to vanish, left her standing horrified and helpless with her mouth agape.

"That was the only reason I kept you company, _wasn't_ it…. but why did you never TELL me? You knew it would be too terrible for me to handle?"

"He never asked!" She had longed to see his face for so long - but just as she had longed to hear her mother calling her name - She forced herself to remember that her mindscape, and powers, and perceptions were molded and shattered at the evil's will, and though the truth of its words seared - she never _did _tell him who her father was –

"Because if he knew, he would have left you long ago, abandoned your side and dragged you to the Council."

Would he - ?

"Just like your mother would have done if she wasn't so weak."

Disorientation slammed into her, and when she saw straight her wide eyes were looking straight into those of Alerina.

A gasp of "Mother - "

But the image was faint.

"Alerina never truly CARED for you. She kept you a secret to save her own skin - but she was too weak to tell you the TRUTH. She was AFRAID of what you could do and wouldn't risk tempting your power!"

It was twisted but the truth; Alerina _was_ afraid of Dove... But Dove refused to consider her mother a coward. Her next move was retaliation with thoughts of Alerina's love, how it conquered the fear and how the mother's concern wouldn't allow her to surrender to the intimidation of Dove's heritage.

But this time the mind-manipulating phrases came straight from her own mother's mouth.

"If I loved you so deeply, why did I let you leave me? Why did I not FOLLOW you out of Azarath so that I may know what you would manage to achieve in life? So we would be TOGETHER?"

Dove stood silent, floundering for purchase to her truth while her dark side manipulated that very foothold - "Because - you - The Azaratheans..."

The demon shifted form while it still has the upper hand, while Dove's weakness was easily exploited and she could deepen the pain with ease. This was the final step in her ploy to destroy the rest of Dove's mind: Dove needed to depend on another person to survive - so the key was to break that intrapersonal link and thus _break Dove down_.

Another sickening sweep and the surroundings mimicked Dove's room and the body became that of Raven's. And this vision came directly from her memory.

Raven's head was bowed as she turned away from her, with her infamous cold stance and indifference – it shredded Dove's heart, the vision of her sister turning her back on her played relentlessly in her eyes... It was soon blurred by tears as Raven left the room and abandoned her yet again.

The image faded and she realized she was pleading already. "Stop, stop, stop, _please_..."

Raven's voice enveloped the mindscape, scolding her, she needed to be stronger, somehow glaring –

Dove closed her eyes and clapped her hands over her ears. "PLEASE!"

The darkness laughed and released the hold, back in her own form and seething dark power that flowed into Dove like ice. "Everyone abandons you, despises you - you're just a useless wretch not worth holding onto."

Dove, burned by her own low self-esteem, collapsed into an electric watery heap, begging, _imploring_ it to stop – "No more, stop, PLEASE, stop, stop..."

It only manipulated the energies to flay her deeper, with a bitter reminder that "Your lack of control is disgusting. The moment the truth is set before you, you collapse like a helpless toddler."

Dove, hiccupping: "That's not-not the truth - "

"It is. Are you too weak to so much as ACCEPT that?" A frustrated snarl. "You're PATHETIC! No wonder Raven has given up on you." At those words, Dove stopped fighting and the demon's glaring eyes narrowed; the flow of power ceased and her hand fell to her side. "Having you for a host in an embarrassment. Every single grain of power in this entire universe will not amount to HALF of what you can attain! But you're too afraid, hindered by humanity to embrace the privilege – "

Dove gasped, struggling to form the words, "It's no _privilege_ to do something so HORRIBLE - "

Her rage screamed laughter – but through the scathing disgust it showed a moment of wavering pride. "It is only horrible if you let conscience intercede. But for once you are correct. It is not a privilege - it is your BIRTHRIGHT. You are the daughter of Trigon the Terrible, Conqueror of All Worlds - "

"...not... THIS one..."

The demon waived her gasping intercession. "Perhaps not. But you are his legacy - you are his HEIR!" The hands grabbed Dove's temples and it forced its way into Dove's thoughts. "Your human resistance can not deny the call of your demon blood... Even now you feel the power in my touch, and it EXCITES you... Give in, little bird."

Tears of helpless exertion streamed down Dove's face as she struggled fiercely against her instincts to do exactly that.

A sharp, quiet laugh severed the connection, and the rebellious desires settled back against the frail filaments of Dove's soul. "Resistance bears no fruit. Even RAVEN could not relinquish the mantle of destruction - even in her resisting plight, she brought an entire world to its knees. She led him to Azarath."

The words faded even as they rung in Dove's ears, and melded into images, feelings, scent - Dove choked on the ashes and opened her eyes to the scene of her most grief-stricken nightmares. The transdimensional monolith had been razed from glory to the ground in a matter of seconds. A flash of incomprehensible power, and every terror-ridden, peace-seeking pacifist soul was freed, routed from the mortal plane as the body it inhabited was instantly vaporized. The flavors of burning gold, sulphur, and blood filled her agape mouth and stung her eyes to tears - they fell because of her pain.

"Please - STOP!" she choked, falling to the ground as the searingly familiar wound reopened and she sensed all of their pain, so deep, the fear, suffocatingly strong!, the heat of this inferno blazing into the depths of her soul. "Please..."

The phantom menace stood still beside her, laconic, with her hair lifted by the Hellish gales, her crazed ebony locks dancing with delight at the power demonstrated here - She licked her lips with relish. "You grovel." A cinder lighted on her shoulder and she brushed it away. "That does not gain my favor."

"PLEASE!" Dove shouted - her voice raspy and strangled and muffled by the ashes she lay on; the cry was made strong with desperation as the burn-fever reached a delirious pitch. Her words blurred as if the fire had soldered them together. "Please pleasepleasepleaseI can'tstandthis- ithurtsithurts Idon'twantit tohurtanymore..." A sharp intake of air brought with it whitehot ashes and she fell into a violent coughing fit.

Mildly amused but not planning to suffocate her hostess, Trigon's Essence flipped its wrist and the illusion disappeared, ashes and all.

Dove was now on her knees, hand to throat, gasping and choking on her own breath, trying futilely to wipe the tears from her face. They wouldn't stop falling. Azar, it still hurt...

The hostess was too exhausted to listen and her awareness wavered on the brink of total unconsciousness... Why not bring it back to life?

The mindscape's grip on her remitted, so slowly – slowly – slowly… but just when Dove could feel the stability of the physical world, she jolted back to the swerving madness that was her own mind.

She let out a silent sob as the darkform mock-scolded her for not surrendering yet; "If anyone else is hurt, it's your own fault for not giving in. Until the moment of your surrender, I will go on with the destruction; I will rip apart this place until I am all that survives. I will burn your world to a cinder. I will salt the earth of your mind, RAZE YOUR HUMANITY!"

Maniacal laughter flooded forth in its voice – and Dove gasped sharply as the other threw a shock of electricity her way and she barely managed to dodge.

There was no time for words as the air became saturated with numbing energy, electric currents writhing and hurdling across the non-space, Dove weakly gathering the few stray bolts she could control and forming a shield – The other shattered it with a streak of red-lined lightning and Dove cried out in pain. The evil energies _hurt, _her entire body sparked with the ripping sting and a fresh wave of tears pricked her eyes -

She whimpered as round after round of the penetrating pain seared into her, and all she could do was defend.

The demon took a moment to gather for another barrage and Dove ran in with hands charged to slice - it was clumsy (how could a pacifist battle?), and the demon knocked her aside and countered easily.

The strafes came and Dove rolled away, her eyes wide and terrified as she threw up shield after flimsy shield to block the searing fire, and time after time her protection collapsed.

"_HELP!" _she thought deliriously, desperately trying to push past her dark side's barriers, telepathically cry out to anyone who'd listen -

No success and a bolt from the sky slammed her to the ground.

"You are WEAK," its sender spat, advancing quickly, "Your powers, your body, your cowardice…"

Dove stood, tottered, and whirled – but her arms were locked behind her and trapped in a submission hold before she could gasp – her eyes screwed tight with pain and fruitless resistance as her dark-self forced her to her knees.

She strained against the grip (but oh Azar, it was so strong, it hurt!) - despite the bruising pain at her wrists, she tossed what little weight she had against the hands – squirming desperately, frantic and terrified of what could happen next -

"You can't defeat me," her captor scoffed, sending down a streak of whitehot power through Dove's body, and she froze, paralyzed, half groaning and half squealing and entirely at her other self's mercy. "All these years you have smothered my power, refused to look into me, afraid to look into my eyes... But a lifetime of being locked within your being has always forced me to look upon _you._ I know your strength, your weaknesses, your many limitations. There is nothing you could do to surprise me." Another jolt and Dove screeched. "I know you, _Yonah._ But you know _nothing_ about _me_."

And it released her roughly, nearly throwing her to the ground and she stumbled - collapsed to her hands and knees; and when she coughed on her own breath, blood spattered her lips.

Suffocating, sobbing, and barely conscious, Dove breathed, "Why won't you just _leave?__"_

"I do not flee. I do not surrender. Because unlike you, I am not a coward."

And Dove found herself alone in the quaking storms, with only the strength to shield her face from the raking winds and the faculties to do little more than sob as the storm raged around her, mocking her. DESTROYING her. The mindscape once obeyed her wishes, so long ago... but now its commander had become its victim, and there was nothing she could do to change it.

* * *

Her dreams were frighteningly silent. Her appetite gone. There was only the strength to meditate... and even then her thoughts were faint and unsure.

_It feels so numb..._

Was that a good thing? No, nothing was ever good anymore... But she wasn't hurt, and she couldn't feel afraid -

"_That means you're barely you," _the mindscape whispered, only the faintest, thinnest ghost of what her inner voice had once been.

And then she saw it grinning smugly, aware.

"_I am all you have left."_

Those words... That voice was chilling. But she couldn't remember how to feel fear.

Its imminent threat was a danger, and a weak glimmer of guilt managed to touch her thoughts for just a moment. But she couldn't fight it, couldn't hold it back. Not this time.

It came over her smoothly, stealthy and seductive. She didn't have the will to fight it - what was will? Strength was never real, a daydream. Hope was a long abandoned illusion. The only fact: Dove was ready for surrender.

It sprang over her mind before Dove could resist, before she could remember that resistance was possible, and the hunger for pain overcame her – refueling – anger picking up the slack and reminding her what it meant to be alive.

Poisoned, her mind awoke with a driving lust to sense the pain, feel that exhilaration - she _wanted_ to feel alive. She wanted to exercise her birthright, and above all: rise to power.

And the mindform leapt into her, possessing. The weeks of constant struggle and fear had eroded her energy and stolen her will. She couldn't have fought if she had the heart to. And so her entire being fell sway, tottering weakly for a moment before settling with the stability of its strength and newfound conviction to kill.

She left her mind, left her room – looked out into the halls to be sure no one would know before she slipped through the tower, gliding silent as a shadow and swift as a hawk.

The deep red in her cloak was the perfect complement to the dark smile on her face.

* * *

Raven's expression showed only an intent frown as she strode onwards, her cloak fluttering slightly with the swiftness of her gait. A flicker of disturbingly sudden energy had run through her senses, and she didn't need that nagging intuition to tell her it had something to do with Dove.

She turned, finally found the threshold she needed. The door was ajar, highly unusual for Dove's room...

She entered the threshold, searched the darkness. Everything seemed to be in place – except...

The mirror angled haphazardly against a pile of books on Dove's bedside table nearly emanated a sinister red aura - no, seemed to be _gathering _it.

And Dove was nowhere in sight.

After a quick empathic scan of the tower with no results, Raven called the energies and formed a path, stepping into the darkness of her makeshift portal and emerging before Robin in the living room.

"Dove's gone and we need to find her, _now_. She shouldn't be alone."

He nodded, the urgency in her tone erasing all thoughts of further details before he flipped open the communicator, calling the Titans to attention, and already organizing the search.

They gathered.

And they quickly discovered one very important thing: Dove had forgotten that all Titans communicators, honorary or otherwise, came with a built-in location system. Finding her was simple.

But Raven's expression showed no relief. They only knew where she was, not what she was doing. She didn't tell them because she wasn't entirely sure... but she had a feeling that Dove could be as much of a danger to the city's people as she was to herself, and as much danger to the team if they didn't handle this carefully.

* * *

Dove tightened the flickering energies around his neck, bringing him closer to the edge of the building (a threshold stood there, abandoned and shattered with shrapnel from the long-gone steel door still clinging to its hinges). Her eyes were closed; she yawned as the man screamed, and called from the shadows cloaking her from sight that "You're boring me, and if - "

Suddenly she paused; her eyes eased open and she felt the distant pulses of pain – the sympathetic vibrations pulsing within her, at first it was amusing but after a time, with her mindscape nearly destroyed and most of her empathic barriers gone, it hurt – it aroused her _own_ sympathy… and subsequently her compassion. That single spark of emotion resuscitated Dove's main consciousness, and need and instinct and horror fueled her desperate struggle.

She tried pushing the dark Dove out of her mind, not quite determined but too afraid to sit back –

The hold on the man's neck vanished.

"_Haven't you learned by now that you're too weak for this?" _it taunted laughingly. _"MY influence is the side with the power."_

But Dove was still frantically pushing, reigning all her fading mental energy, and she tried, TRIED –

"_You are __**blind!**__ I __**promise**__, little bird, you will not feel better when I am gone!"_ The words crossing her mindscape were absolutely infuriated. _"Do you not remember EVERY TIME IN THE PAST when I left you to your own weak mind? Do you not remember that pleasure becoming PAIN? Do you truly wish to gamble away what living strength you have LEFT?"_

"_Being hurt is better than being evil."_

A series of nine chirping notes snapped Dove's already-unstable consciousness to the living world and she gasped – The evil, disgusted, released its hold so suddenly Dove felt her mind reeling for a moment before she grabbed control.

And she was only aware of the sound for a second, long enough to vaguely recognize but then she felt the victim's fear so sharply and vividly that it terrified her – it was far too strong to handle! – and that jolt sent a spear of lightning whiplashing across the building. The stripped support beams bent under its force and the sharp squeals of metal bending over metal echoed through the alley.

Dove yelped and darted out from hiding, hoping to fix it with some weak blasts going the other way but her fear sent the energies spiraling out of control and the stray bolts struck the exposed support beams –

The groaning screech of metal collapsing only proved that she hadn't helped, not at all.

Levitation wasn't an option and she couldn't run in this state – Dove threw every jolting energy she could into a semi-spherical shield, bracing herself hard against the weight she knew was coming as she cocooned herself and the stranger in the shield of black energies, her teeth grit, awareness focused only on protecting the man and praying she could, and her fingers twitching with the burn of the energies as she struggled to project…

The wild cacophony raged around them, metal collapsing, mortar tumbling into glass windows that erupted with the unmistakable shattering CRASH, steel scraping the beams of a neighboring building and the resulting sounds grating their ears, cries of exertion, and Dove was terrified they'd both be crushed as the steel collapsed against the barrier, desperation her only strength – The eruption was so much like thunder, she felt her soul exploding as the energy arced through every outlet, her fingers, her shield, even her closed eyes crackled with their black static.

Roaring and quaking consumed the world.

And the moment the last _WREEE _died, the shadow-shield vanished. A stray beam held against the shield landed at their feet as the haze of dust and detritus began settling around them.

Dove barely managed to stay standing, panting hard and skin still tingling with energy and fear. It took all her strength to hold up that shield for as long as she did, and it exhausted her; ironically, the power given to her by the evil was the only reason she was able to endure such exertion and constrain its ultimate goal… Had she not been so recently possessed, she could have been killed by the energy-drain alone.

She shuddered to imagine how easily that building would have broken through… how strong her powers had become; the building was still only half-finished, but _steel… _networked for strength, stability…

"Did that really just happen?"

Dove blinked at the voice; she had been so focused on holding the shield she had nearly forgotten why she cast it. She glanced back – the man was standing, just unfurling from his tornado-drill huddle and his senses still struggling to make sense of the shock.

She didn't have the strength to nod.

"That was definitely real," he said, now sounding almost excited. "Oh, god – oh my _god! _Wait until I tell them – Aw man, thank you – _Thank_ you! You just saved my life!"

Dove flinched at those words – she was the reason he almost died, she didn't _save _him at all. And even his excitement was overwhelming.

She took off, awareness lost to abject horror, stumbling into a run for a moment before she stepped across the rubble and fled, cloak grasped tight at her chest and tearing on a corner as she bolted past.

And she could only thank Azar that her hood had been up to hide her face.

The city flew past her in a monochrome blur of promise and impossibility - once a place of hope had now become a nightmare, because all she could see anymore was the next potential victim. A new ground to add to her own personal hell.

She was completely and totally _helpless_ here; she was a slave to her dark-self's desires. She didn't like it at all - she _wanted_ to fight it, but by now she was too far gone. She had no hope; she had no strength.

And she was almost grateful when her legs let her collapse in an empty alleyway, regathering her strength and too exhausted to think - and her mind fell to a chaotic BLANK.

But that trance only lasted a few restful minutes; she came out of it too soon. And just as soon realized that she only escaped because the demon let her – but, she had still escaped. She still managed to get away… she's still okay… right - ?

_It's gone…_

…but for how long…?

She stood and turned for home – before a voice echoed in her mind, too deep and threatening to be her own.

**It's **_**never**_** gone.**

Dove gasped so frightfully, a nearby window shatters with her fear - the dark-side self was channeling Trigon's words. She landed and backed into an alley, utterly terrified – "Why are you here _now?" _she pleaded desperately.

**I am within you - I'm **_**always **_**here.**

Dove choked – "No!" A box shoots into the air and her robe darkened to the color of sooted umber.

She tried to get a grip on her fear, but it amplified her emotions, clawing its way into her mind and making it impossible to touch calm – it was impossible to even _imagine_ calm –

"What are you _doing_ to me?" Dove cried suddenly, realizing that if he was still in her mind, he would have access-

She yelped and collapsed to her knees, and huddled and crawled and crumpled into herself with an agonized groan escaping her lips as her hands clutched her hair at the intense pressure and pounding _pain_ – _"GO AWAY!"_ she screeched desperately - No more, she didn't want anyone else to die! - the fear mounting, frustration forming, and all the emotions began to _hurt_ –

**I can **_**never**_** go away. I am a part of you, and if I leave you will become nothing more than a shell. I am the only thing holding you together. I am keeping you ALIVE.**

"No…" Dove shuddered, huddling against herself, desperately trying to fight the surge of power raging through her body –

**Without me, you are **_**nothing.**_

"That's not true!" Dove screamed, knowing that Raven had cleansed herself, had been purified from the demon's power and was alive as ever – but there was that other half of her mind, the half that was _believing _him…

**But it is.**

She couldn't contain it! The emotional energies were escaping her hold, whipping loose newspapers across the alley and sending plastic bottles and scattered debris twenty feet in the air – ravaging sensations seething within her, destroying without - _"Stop, PLEASE!"_

**I will not stop until you have learned your place. **

Dove let out a strangled cry as the emotions deepened, the energies intensified, her entire body felt shattered and singed with her desperation; the harder she fought to restrain it the more it hurt, perspiring and dizzy and nauseous and weak –

**You have no power over me -**

"Leave me ALONE!"

**- and you cannot control me.**

A choking sob. "But I don't want you to control _me."_

_**YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! **_the voice boomed, and electric tension charged through her, the hellish energies seized her mind, blazes of blackness crackled wildly around her –

She let out a groan as she vested every ounce of her strength into one final try at resistance, the energies crashed over her and a black stream laced with red energies engulfed her eyes, her very soul burned with the presence… and she went comatose. Awareness lost to oblivion for a few glorious moments…

And then, when she stood, her mouth was twisted into a dark, malicious smile, her shredded cloak dark red and her entire appearance changed to befit its demonic preferences, and her eyes were alive and lurid with writhing crimson energies – all four of them.

Trigon had taken control.

Her worry, her fear, her desperation and guilt were utterly obliterated as an unnatural calm settled over her soul. The presence was gone - no longer within her, but BECAME her - and that insatiable greed and lust for sadistic satisfaction rose in its place.

There was no question of what she could do now. Nor doubt it would happen.

She wanted to be in power. She wanted to subjugate and conquer those pathetic beings, she wanted them to scream her name and beg for mercy she would never allow, wasting their final breaths on fear and pathetic human suffering.

So she allowed herself a smile and pulled her lips into a crooked, tooth-bearing grin, it widened, and even her deepest self gave sway to the dark excitements; she eagerly embraced what was happening.

"It's good to be back."

* * *

First matter of business: get rid of that annoying beeping.

She encased the communicator in a field of black energies, sending their tendrils through every circuit she could find, every wire, every inch... and then she tore the device in a thousand directions at once, letting the pieces fall into an unrecognizable pile of brightly-colored scrap.

"Nice try," she grinned, only affording the team one more moment of attention before she sauntered off, vanishing into the shadows and her eyes narrowed with that predatory grin.

* * *

"The signal's gone. Just like that..."

Everyone stopped at Cyborg's declaration.

Robin was already piecing together another plan and Beast Boy took the form of a hounding dog. "If we can't locate her - "

"I can."

And their attention settled on Raven. She ignored their presences for now, drawing from every energy within herself to power such a widespread psychic search as she took a hovering meditation position and closed her eyes, chanted, head bowed with focus and her mind trained intently on the act.

Her first instinct was to follow their connection, but that was immediately blocked... She expected something like that. So instead she glanced through every soul in the city. It was difficult for an empath, like wading through quicksand – every citizen's mind was another pitfall, she had to sort through all the emotions and presences in the entire sprawling city... To call it difficult was a vast understatement. But luckily the astral plane she scanned existed outside the laws of physics, with space and time irrelevant to this particular search.

And when she found something that _felt_ like Dove, she was confused - it was Dove and yet not, the emanations were so unlike anything she had ever sensed radiating from Dove's soul... but she explored the distant sensation and realized that though it felt dark, powerful, strong-willed, and perverse, it was definitely from Dove's body.

She stood and affirmed, "I found her," before she took off in levitation and called, "This way."

It felt strange to be leading the team through the streets instead of following Robin's lead - but adhering to habit was currently her last priority. Her need to find Dove had flared anew as soon as she detected the twisted sensations... and so did her suspicion. It would have been easy to carry the team through a portal, and faster, she knew that, but she also couldn't trust that a sudden arrival wouldn't be greeted with injury.

The others seemed to pick up on her wariness. Nobody objected.

* * *

A cruel smile tilted her lips as she glided on foot through the shadows, becoming one of them, becoming their master.

How would she indulge herself this time?

And instantly the answer came to her, so easy in this twisted mind; the best pain to inflict was one on a freshly opened wound.

Her charged senses lashed out, fetching information as she sought her next victim, someone healing from something _deep._ More pain meant more to play with.

While going to him, she looked upon her new visage with pride. No longer did she only _feel_ powerful - she WAS powerful. Energies coursed through her uninhibited; she had finally ridded herself of that weak shell and conscious that held them back - there was that form and substance in her body, allowing her to command her steps with pride, and control the power granted by the embrace of her demon heritage.

And there he was.

This time she wasted no time on introductions; though uncertainty was amusing, it was laughable compared to the pain she sought today.

Chaos was far more satisfying.

Her powers leapt to sort his memories and piece them together in maddening and bizarre concoctions, recreating his world in ways that warped his mind and shattered his perception of reality.

Such invasion couldn't go undetected, of course. And that was the best part! He felt the icy fingers sliding across his mind, slicing through his memories and distorting them like the mirrors in a fun house, prying and discarding, freezing and sending shivers down his spine, leaving a sharp pang of guilt and soul-searing pain on every thought she touched…

Even connecting with Dove's mind in her weakest state would be unpleasant; Raven never noticed it for more than a second during their training sessions and was able to fight it, counter the discomforts – but not this one. He had never been directly exposed to another mind, another soul, and the virgin memories, untouched secrets, every thought Dove slid her astral claw through was so exposed, so weak and so… lively. Such emotion, and such _energy!_

"What if I could save you from this madness?"

He reached out to her, desperate, pleading, his mind so distorted and confused that the sentence carried the only sanity he knew anymore -

"On second thought, no thanks." He was devastated. She let loose a cackle that could only come from a woman who knew her power - knew it was limitless! Her savage mind moved to mercilessly salt the wounds left open and bleeding in his mind; pure malevolence shined in her eyes as she sought the deepest personal torments she could, reveling in his pain by some perverse sense of pleasure that proved Dove could be far more evil than she ever wanted to admit.

And then she struck the quick. Memories supplied her with facts: "Your son travels so often - he is currently in Hawaii. Do you have any idea how many active volcanoes there are in Hawaii?" And her empathic abilities gave her powers over perception, forcing him to feel the agonizing sensation of being burned alive.

His mind was too easy to tamper with; these humans offered so little resistance! One stroke of fear and it all fell apart. Oh, she knew the power of fear _well. _It was what had led to Dove's demise, after all. Fear and compassion. Both of which let her tamper with the stability and certainty of his mind. Adding her own and detracting what he knew to be true, planting insanity in his mind… Locking down his mind so he could only think what she let him. Which was all lies and broken reality.

With _juuust_ enough truth sprinkled in to keep him from derailing completely.

He divorced his wife - she took the daughter. That was the recent and powerful pain she sensed - that was something to play with. "Why haven't you heard from her? From _either_ of them?" She didn't need specifics for his mind to catch her drift. He already knew the answer, but Dove also knew that the embedded human reflex, to answer a proposed question, would force him to think about it. Try as he might to cling to his last shreds of sanity. It was a painful effort - the demon Dove found it amusing, he was hurting _himself!_

But the moment he thought it, it was caught in her telepathic trap.

They had recently died in an earthquake - this _was_ California, after all, and that was the source of his heart-rending grief. But Dove's powers of the mind allowed her to fly straight in the face of his truth. She narrated, while forcing him to watch fabricated memories of the event: "Your daughter escaped, and couldn't find her mother…" She flashed an excited grin. "But I found HER." And her mind promised that filthy lie was true as she superimposed images of all the depraved things she had done to that child, Melissa - but she showed those things happening to his own beloved daughter.

He was shocked, furious - pain that made her laugh out loud; she was tapping his nightmares here, that he couldn't protect his family. Nothing could be done against nature - and even less against a force of pure evil.

He gathered just enough of himself to spit: "You're a monster."

"Tell me something I _don't_ know," she purred, a mockery of flattery. And then she grabbed his head, forcing him to look into her eyes so she could break down every mental barrier – destabilizing his mind, driving him MAD!- she threw him away. Watched him struggle out of the corner of her eyes, back turned… She realized her hands were wet and, salt-scented? She licked the wetness from them, and then let out a mad cackle of pleasure as she finally tasted his tears. The most satisfying feeling of all.

How ironic - wasn't water supposed to be the ultimate cleansing? Being submerged? This man's soul was definitely submerged in his tears by now - and her empathic senses bathed in his pain, his captor baptizing his soul with sadism.

Good. Physical pain truly disinterested her anyway. Her power was not physical. She could change and control DOVE'S body, that was simple – but only because Dove belonged to her. She could warp emotions and sense the depths of a soul thanks to empathy. But above all, she was a telepath. Her greatest realm of power was in the mind. Thoughts, memories, insanity – they were all hers to enjoy.

Chaos was her power, instability set her free.

She was, in all senses, a _demon._

And she was laughing hysterically as she finished the job.

He wailed.

Death was nothing like they showed it in drama. It was a lot more dramatic. Messier. Louder. More frantic. The body knew it was dying and it wanted to stop. It probably HURT to die.

But here there was no hero to glorify. Only the demon and her prey.

And as she laughed maniacally, feeling that unnatural, delicious pleasure, his body grew frantic with spasms and energy, railing against all this senselessness and pain, unnatural sensations as she forced him to experience worlds of torment at a time just to overwhelm his mind to the point of collapse. And with no will to endure it any longer, the mind shut itself off. Betrayed by its own senses, the body gave up on its own. It was the ultimate show of weakness.

And he had put on quite a spectacle. His ears bled, as well as the many places he had run himself into the walls, thrashed too hard and cut himself on the fences, the ground, clawed at his eyes to blind himself to the potent wrongness of the world. His death was far from quick but it ignited vivid sensations within her, so energetic, so alive, that Dove laughed, wallowing in his pain and stepping in the widening pool once it was done - there was plenty of blood here…

She didn't even realize what she was doing when she dipped her finger so delicately into the warm, sticky blood, her usual squeamishness completely gone with the mental surrender. She licked her fingertip and closes her eyes with pleasure, triumph, greed, savoring the taste. For the first time in her life, the salty-metallic taste didn't send her stomach roiling. In fact, there was something… _satisfying_ in it. She eyed the small, shrinking piece of concrete visible from where she dipped her hand in, and the smallest idea arose from somewhere deep within her mind… and something else entirely prompted it forward. The corners of her mouth still tilted in that sinister grin, she leaned forward, and plunged all five of her fingertips into the pool, tracing something almost ancient and unconscious, symbols and letters, all being guided by that… _presence… _She scraped her fingertips on the concrete, but that was okay. The pain was brief - the pain was Dove's. And this body's blood was of no concern.

(S)He surveyed the work, licking her fingertips clean. Swallowed the blood on her hands - no room for guilt.

Even the second mind that had forced its way into her smiled in satisfaction once the deed was done, and he left Dove alone, to soak it all in.

Weakness slammed into her the moment she felt the emptiness and grabbed control of her mind. Without the overpowering lust for pain, she suddenly felt her own – the lightning-strike headache, aching arms, a sharp spear of pain ripped through her back, even the _aftermath_ of the incident brought excruciating agony… She couldn't breathe.

But the instability was worst, deeper than the misery and more terrible than the pain. Lost like she was falling apart, torn asunder, breathless and terrified and only an echo of her own identity...

She choked on a whimpering moan, barely letting the noise escape but unable to help herself, and leaned against the wall, her legs wavering beneath her, feverish, breathless. The exhaustion that she was too familiar with came back… She groaned and put a hand to her head, messaging her temples in a feeble and optimistic attempt to ease the pain. She wanted so desperately to close her eyes, to sleep, to lock out the light and take the world away with it… Every time this happened, it was worse and worse, and this time, she actually… she fully… she _turned…_

Her consciousness rising, the memories returned.

It was done, tucked away, but the evil still mocked her by forcing her to awareness, forcing her crippled consciousness to survey the results of her weakness.

She glanced up at the man involuntarily –

It was a mistake.

Not only did seeing the results of her weakness cause an immensely fierce rush of guilt to arise, but without the – the _strength_ the evil gave, her usual squeamishness returned, and the horrible scene before her sent her hands flying over her mouth in a desperate attempt to sooth her stomach – It didn't work, and her stomach jolted, and she tried to close her mouth against it - she still leaned over and vomited onto the concrete.

At least the blood was out - That thought was enough to make her retch again.

She moaned feebly, her head spun; it hurt to stand straight, hurt to open her eyes… but she did, and then she saw something worse. _Much_ worse.

She swallowed and tripped backwards one step, away another as she shook her head in frantic denial. "No, no, _no…_"

It was a message. There was absolutely no mistaking it… or its meaning.

"I won't give in," she muttered, her voice suddenly cracking and her eyes filling with tears. "No… It's just a phase, it's just a phase, it's just a phase…" She muttered the words, but so hopelessly… she didn't even believe it herself anymore. She couldn't believe in anything resembling _hope._

Dove didn't have the energy to levitate, could barely keep herself standing… but an icy flood of realization hit her when she remembered the communicator's beeping, just minutes ago - That was the sound from the locator signal. The Titans were trying to _find_ her!

The little adrenaline her body could afford shot through her, and suddenly she had the energy to escape this scene of death. She ran from the alleyway, not letting her mind sift memories, only letting herself think about how desperately she needed to be away from - from _that_ if and when the others found her.

But even as desperate as that need was, she was soon rendered completely exhausted, on all levels: physical, mental - she couldn't think, emotionally she just felt numb weakness, and oddly detached _fear,_ and all of her astral energies felt hollow and distant. She had just barely crossed six empty intersections and turned four times before she couldn't run anymore, couldn't stand - her legs melted beneath her and she collapsed. The tears building behind her eyes finally spilled, and, too weak to hold them back, she resigned herself to the terror and let her silent sobs shake her body, praying that there was some way she could make it all end...

She could feel her dark self laughing at her.

* * *

There wasn't enough strength to cry for long, and she had stopped by the time Raven's sharp voice called out her name. She would have flinched but couldn't; she only had the strength to hold her eyes low as Raven arced and landed beside her, the others turned into the street.

Raven noticed that Dove's emanations felt like herself again as she watched her stand, noticed her gripping her cloak shut tightly around her.

Dove was given no relief by their presence; it offered little more than questions she couldn't yet answer… and a way back home. Safely. Supervised.

As Raven carried her, Dove desperately kept herself wound up inside and out, so Raven couldn't pick up on anything more than the vaguest sense. She didn't think she could survive her sister's disappointment if she found out, not now…

And Dove collapsed onto her bed in tears, sobbing… She has her cloak wrapped around tightly, overlapping, and her hood raised, her head bowed… She could still feel it simmering just below the surface…

And that evening, she found herself still fidgeting with the cloak. She kept her hood up all this time, with her cloak wrapped loosely but securely around herself… The hood hid the changes from the sixth murder... Because, before, the visage had always faded to her normal unassuming self the moment her dark side was done with her, but now it refused to relinquish its hold.

She changed her dress – but the fabric still became a shadow of color once it touched her skin.

She wondered how long it would be until she gave in – until it took her and decided it was done playing games, toying with her with sadistic glee… and she realized that she came so close, so horribly, dangerously _close…_ and she only got out of it because he wanted her to. He wanted her to feel the pain, the guilt – wanted her to suffer.

Dove jolted; she sensed... Raven was coming!

She would have panicked if she had the strength, but all she could do was force herself to stop thinking about it - force her thoughts to a halt, in case the telepathy slipped, and cut off as much of the emotion as possible... she can't let Raven know -

The door SWISHed open.

The suffocating fear was impossible not to feel - Raven sensed Dove's weakness and pain. Vividly.

Dove recognized the look in Raven's eyes and sighed. "I... I used my powers... overextended myself again..."

Raven remained unconvinced but played along, almost sarcastically. "You shouldn't try using your powers without guidance. You aren't nearly experienced enough and you'll end up losing control - You should _know_ that by now."

Dove winced and nodded, catching her hint. "I know..."

"You aren't strong enough for training today... We'll have to wait for tomorrow. Get some rest."

Dove's chin dipped acceptance. Or resignation...

"Try to meditate. It should help…"

Dove's gaze faded - that never helped anything, her peace had already been destroyed… but so had her will, so she crossed her legs anyways.

"Maybe we'll pick up tomorrow."

All Dove could offer was desolate nod.

* * *

Raven brought her breakfast the next day. Dove hadn't come out of her room for lunch yesterday, then spent the next few hours resting and hadn't come down for dinner. And now she missed breakfast, too... "You need to eat. I know you're weak and hurt, I can sense it, but you're not going to heal by starving herself."

Dove blinked, looked at the food - her voice was quiet and strained. "I don't really have an appetite..."

"At least try to eat _something_."

Dove shrugged, barely lifting her shoulders, and picked up the toast before she began eating numbly - her cloak was overcome with a faded orange.

It was an unfamiliar color to Raven; she hadn't seen it in Dove's cloak until recently... She asked her, warily, "Are you ready to train?"

Dove looked away. "Raven... it really hurts... I... I don't think we can do training today..." It was the first time she had ever asked to skip training in her life...

Unusual, yes, but not exactly surprising. Raven just maintained the role of silent observer until Dove finished, sipping the water hesitantly but ignoring the egg.

She gathered the dishes, turned to leave, and stole a glance back - Dove was just staring up at the ceiling with her gaze completely unfocused...

She seemed unbearably uncomfortable with - with SOMETHING... _Exactly how badly did she lose control yesterday...?_

Raven wanted to learn, to reach out, to help, to uproot and remove whatever held her in a constant state of distress. But Dove absolutely refused to let her, even actively resisted, and forcing "help" upon anyone, even one's sister, rarely resulted in anything good.

* * *

It wanted her again.

"Wait," she pleaded breathlessly; she would flee to someplace isolated, with no one to harm. She bolted for the door - then suddenly froze, whirled and ran and grabbed the mirror from the drawer, and fled from the tower before she lost all control. Otherwise it would just beacon Raven's attention. The evil didn't rise, thank all of Azar's grace, but it wanted her, and Dove couldn't resist – had no _strength_ to resist, no illusions of resistance, and less hope than ever.

She skirted the city. Clung to alleys. And she was already deep in the forest before she felt the call, the summoning, the evil within her forcing her to a trance.

The mirror felt hot, abrasive as she pulled it from her cloak, her head hung low with resignation and even the forest seeming to quiet fearfully at its evil presence. She stood for a moment, delirious with hope that bringing herself as a souvenir from physical reality would finally give her control over her mindscape – the cold, tactile world was so much more stable, so much stronger than the malleable thought-forms – If her dark self, an astral reflection, could reach out from her mind and control her body, maybe Dove's body could reach in and control her mind.

It insisted, threatened.

Dove apologized to the world. And then she closed her eyes, waiting for the portal take her in – body and all.

When she transported, she regretted it more than she had ever regretted anything in her life.

The entire reality was crumbling into sand-fine grains and regressing into chaos. Wind with a voice like rusted metal clawed at her body and every single nerve-ending was on fire. Cold, glacial fire.

The pasty grass was chained to the ground, rocks screamed out against the sky as gravity tried to pull them up, and the moment Dove's feet touched the ground she was falling, twisting through instability – She landed on the back of a shattered hope and its shards bit into her skin. She was standing, but the ground was at her back.

All consuming flames licked at the edges of her wavering vision, taunting her eyes as she tried to follow them but viewed only the apocalyptic mindstorm yet again.

As Dove ran forward, frantically trying to take hold of something, ANYTHING, her feet hit the ground one in front of the other but the world corkscrewed around her, sickeningly dizzy, the wrongness grated at her, devoured what was left of her sense, and she felt terror taking its place in the pit of her stomach like the feelings that rose before being violently sick – Moments later she _was_, and the particles of whatever was in her stomach scattered without the confines of her body's physicality to hold them together.

A front of hatred, a front of terror collided in the skies and Dove felt the thunderstorm echoing in her skull and the pressure between the emotional maelstroms felt ready to split her apart. She collapsed to the ground with her head in her hands, trying to block the cacophony from touching the delicate flesh of her eardrums but still the torrentuous winds whipped past her and told her body exactly what was happening.

And the voice of derisive laughter crashed over her. "Oh, you stupid, oblivious FOOL!"

Violent seizures of horror quaked Dove's body from head to toe as she felt the paralyzingly strong flare of triumph explode from her dark self's tier of this hell.

"The only thing saving you from my total consumption was the sensation of your pathetic human shell – but now even THAT level of your existence is MINE TO CONTROL!"

But it wasn't only her dark side.

Dove wanted to run - TRIED to run, but her mindscape wouldn't let her escape. Her feet were running but scenery shifted and space distorted, overcoming her body's will to move. She knew it'd be useless. She was only a marionette in this twisted play of chaos. Her mindscape was the theatre. And her dark self held the strings.

**"Give it UP already!"**

With nowhere else to run, nothing else to try, Dove, finally, obeyed. She gave up.

Dove was lost, Dove was helpless. The demon used that for ammunition. A cruel reminder: **"If I didn't want you to escape yesterday, you'd still be held in my thralls. And you know it."**

Dove knew it.

**"You knew it was hopeless; it always was."**

Dove knew that, too.

**"And yet, you wasted such energy on resistance…"**

She did…

**"Did you really think Raven would protect you, when you couldn't even scrape up the will to admit it to yourself? How could you expect someone help you if you deny the problem?"**

She did that, too…

**"Not that it would have mattered; you were always weaker, always more susceptible, always easier to manipulate…"**

Guilty as charged…

**"But she wouldn't have helped you anyway."**

Dove let her head drop, her eyes lingering at the insubstantial form just long enough to see the four pockets of bastardized starlight emerge.

**"Even Raven knows you are hopeless."**

And Dove closed her eyes against a new wave of tears; that point struck a wellspring of pain so deep within her, even the numbing exhaustion and pain saturating the mindscape couldn't stop her from feeling it.

And she felt a soul-deep, overwhelming terror as the reigning shadows coalesced and the demon's form solidified around the hellfire eyes. Trigon had subsumed what Dove now knew was as much a part of her as it was him… He may not have been alive _out there, _but he was still very alive within her.

**"Why do you fear? You know that accepting this offer will bring you relief."**

Dove asked, "How is it possible to feel relief when your evil destroys everything I am?"

"**It isn't possible. It is a **_**promise**_**."** Predatory eyes fixed upon her. **"I will make that part of the deal. If you are... prepared to **_**embrace**_** me…"**

Dove, shivering violently, managed to choke "I'm ready" past the strangling sobs.

"**Is that your final answer,"** he asked, like the host of some perverse gameshow. Except in this game, there was really no question.

She nodded miserably.

"And I…" And with two words, she condemned herself.

"I surrender."


	19. Demise

_**Chapter 19: Demise**_

_"I surrender."_

For a moment this mental world was shocked into silence. Disbelief.

It was done.

It was just so hard to accept that it was over so soon.

But it was so fitting that her white cloak fluttered out behind her, like a white flag of despair… and it was so fitting that her name denoted a bird of white feathers. She'd heard it said that a white feather was a sure sign of weakness; the creatures she loved most, her namesake, were white in every inch of their plumage, and except for the thin silk strap across her waist, every inch of her was covered in that same color of demise. How could she have ever imagined victory?

The demon suddenly enveloped them in a dome of shadow, pure-black tainted even further by its veins of bloodred power - a sphere of stability, isolation, just empty enough to silence the winds and more than enough to mercilessly tantalize Dove with its sanity.

Beyond, thunder clamored in the sky and lightning reached to strike and destroy. The calamitous wind remained, a half-hearted echo of its former chaos - everything here was near its end, and they knew it. Dove's Trigon kept it alive because it gave him something to control. But here all mindscape sensations were reduced, now only flickers of thunder and whispers of lightning on the fringes of human perception.

And it brought Trigon's sliver of her soul into terrifying focus. His eyes - his smile - his triumph. His words as he reminded Dove with mocking clarity: "You surrender."

Dove nodded - gathered the last of her conviction… and had to force herself to remember everything she cared about. Every_one. _"Only… if…" Her entire body quaked with a shudder; it was nearly impossible to hold her mind together when it was under the evil's control… "You can't… harm… Raven."

…she collapsed to the ground, too weak to stay standing…

"You have to leave my friends alone."

"Fine."

Could it really be that easy - ?

"But I have conditions as well."

- Of course not.

"You are NOT going to tell Raven. You are not going to gain her assistance. You may have lost your sisterhood with her, but she still feels the need to protect any worthless creature you may harm."

Dove closed her eyes in miserable resignation, her head pounding from the pressure and misty with palpable desolation, barely even able to comprehend what the words meant, let alone their meaning - her thoughts were miry and comprehension came only in slow and painful spasms.

The evil continued with the low, hissing threat of a cobra's flared hood, "And if you DO tell her – well. Then I will just have to break our little treaty and make. Her. SUFFER." She licked her lips in a flicker of motion that paraded each and every one of her mercilessly sharp teeth. It was clear she savored the idea. Like a wolf savoring the kill. "And the fact that you serve as my physical vessel will not free you from punishment." The glow of cruelty intensified in her eyes, that predator now starving and ready to devour its prey. "I will not show you mercy. I will NOT let your consciousness drowse while I fulfill this promise. You will find no sanction in trance; every level of your awareness will be slave to my desires. I will hold your mind hostage. I will let you feel her pain. I will force you to realize your guilt. And you will NOT escape."

Strict finality - Dove was given no chance to respond before she was hurled out of the mirror.

Right back into disorientation - she rolled through the forest shrubs and brambles, scratched, scraped, and stung by every thorn along the way, until she finally stilled on her stomach, bruised and bleeding, and she trembled and sobbed into the ground, deeply, uselessly, hopelessly, until there was nothing left to give.

Had the situation been any different, even a week earlier, her powers would have destroyed the forest from city to coastline. But now Trigon held the reigns. Her powers were locked down. And the lack of destruction here didn't balance the utter destruction of pain and sorrow and guilt ravaging her heart…

* * *

It was six nights before the Demon-Dove finished preparing her for possession.

Night 1.

"You will sleep. Well. I want your body to be in the best condition." And the sleep was dreamless. Black, merciful oblivion replaced her nightly torment.

Dove thought, it was holding onto their deal so far - she got her relief... Now will her dark side uphold the rest?

The day after.

The energies were manifesting, Dove could feel it - just before her captor took the newfound control over Dove's body and forced her to stand.

Dove didn't resist. But she wondered why she bothered -

Her captor told her she's near-starved; she needs to eat.

Dove still didn't resist, despite her total lack of appetite. Her meals were small and tasteless. Toast and plain cereal. Bananas and steamed cauliflower. Even her tea had to be weak - bland, flavorless food her body could benefit from that her stomach wouldn't reject.

Small mercy, she was only made to go when everyone else was either occupied elsewhere or on a mission, and no one had to see the evil energies flickering around her body. They were as wild as ever, more solid, more DETERMINED than ever. They only flickered close to her skin, powerful and eager but under control.

The realization ached... but Dove couldn't deny it: her dark side was right. This surrender, this takeover - it gave Dove more control than she ever knew possible.

And that terrified her. Part of her delighted in it. She was born for this. It was in her blood. It meant fulfillment - and strength and power and FREEDOM! It should be EUPHORIC! But to all the rest of her, it meant fear, and resignment, and all her nightmares coming true. She never wanted this. And her mindscape turned the potential pleasure into excruciating pain.

Day 3.

"You are _still_ too weak." Another lash left Dove whimpering helplessly - "But maybe we can find SOME use for you." (S)He locked eye-contact and a whirling sensation disoriented Dove's every sense, of balance, space, existence - "You may not be a portal," gratingly dissonant voiced hissed through her thoughts, "but you do channel BEAUTIFULLY."

Dove's groan rose to a yell as she slapped her hands to her head and locked her eyes shut, envisioning iron barricades between them, pulling away, fighting to regain her mind -

Dark Dove laughed, let her struggle a moment more… and then pulled away so suddenly Dove collapsed to her knees, sickeningly dizzy.

Up till that point, the testing had gone well; apparently her hostess was far more resilient than she seemed. But perhaps less wise than she wanted to show…

Laughter frothed forth at the futile and obviously last-ditch attempt at rebellion. "You cannot win by defying the very reason you HAVE strength right now. Remember, it can so easily be revoked…"

Dove, desperately and painfully gulping in air, breathed, "When's it coming?"

"Soon enough. I am savoring the power, and preparing you for the final transformation."

"Transfor...?"

At first all she responded with was a quiet chuckle. "Even YOU can't be ignorant enough to not know what it means."

And on the 5th day of surrender, Dove finally felt it rising to swallow her soul and choked on a near-sob, prayed a quiet funeral chant, and isolated herself completely. She had already surrendered and knew her dark side was coming, and what hope did she have left? Except to not let it hurt her friends. They struck a deal but she didn't trust her dark self to keep its promise... It was her last conscious hope of protecting them.

She may have given up on herself. But she wasn't going to surrender her friends.

* * *

A knock. No response. Raven wasn't surprised, and with the faint touch of her telekinesis, she carefully opened the door.

Raven came into Dove's room meaningfully, expectantly – but of what, she wasn't sure. Precognition had already warned her that something terrible was coming… and even without the intuitive and empathic powers screaming cautions and warnings as she neared the room, she knew immediately that something was very wrong.

The room was dark, with no natural light (so odd; it was midday and Dove usually kept her curtains all the way open - but now the window was covered by a thick, black cloth). Sight was provided by only a single small candle flickering to the left of the threshold, casting foreboding shadows across the room, and drowning Dove's back in darkness. Her hood was raised, shadows covering her face. And her head was bowed - most of her body was hidden beneath the cloak, so dark a color it blended into the murky depths. Worst of all, an aura of chilling power emanated from her as she meditated on the bed. And a short distance in front of her, the mirror lay precariously on the bedside table, seeping a calm but sinister black energy. The edges of its aura melded with the shadows - the same impenetrable darkness that had nearly swallowed Dove whole.

Dove didn't move when Raven entered, didn't even look up. She held still. Unnaturally still...

"Dove," Raven called.

"Raven..." Still she made no motion.

"Dove, I know what's happening." Raven held her place at the threshold, and she kept her voice low, though suspicion and vague urgency seeped into her tone.

"Raven, please..." Her voice was slow, and breathless, and resigned... "Raven, I can't tell - I can't _speak_ of it..."

"Why not?"

"She'll_ take_ me... and then..."

Raven couldn't be sure, but had Dove's voice sounded more broken than usual? Almost... tearstained.

She would speak but Dove spoke again, her voice hardly anything more than a whisper, distant and so empty - yet sure of her words. "I... I can't tell... I can't let myself - no, not right now, I can't come out… Please, Raven, please try to understand, but… I need to meditate. More than anything, I need this solitude, this calm..." She let out a near-silent breath, and was still.

Raven stood, quietly, watching as Dove slipped back into the empty - and uneasy - chasm of consciousness she barely seemed to have left. Knowing the importance of meditation, especially when their minds were so unstable, she turned and left... but her thoughts lingered on that brief conversation. Who was "she," and how - and why - would she "take" Dove? Perhaps there was more to this dilemma – or was Dove truly losing all control over her mind?

She vowed to speak to her again, as soon as Dove finished. She was concerned. She cared for her sister. Until recently, she had trusted her. But she also couldn't trust that Dove was okay. She couldn't trust that something terrible wouldn't happen if Dove lost herself in this mental battle. And she couldn't _not_ feel her instincts warning: Something was definitely going to happen. Something terrible. And it was approaching far too soon.

* * *

Throughout the rest of the night, Dove refused to come out of her room, she had locked her door, resisted offers of visits, turned down dinner for lack of an appetite. Raven once noticed vivid fear emanating from the room – but once confronted, Dove spoke only flustered words of vague helplessness, and fled back into meditation, back to security. Something was _definitely_ wrong.

Raven only prayed they could find out what it was, and _fix_ it, before something terrible happened, to Dove or anyone else...

Now if only Dove would LET her!

* * *

Dove's hope to relax, and calm herself, before she was forced to face the others, was completely _dashed_ when Robin's voice echoed over the PA system, calling everyone to a team meeting in fifteen minutes. This was urgent.

All in the tower rushed to finish what occupied them. Raven was meditating, just barely heard the announcement – she stood up, stretched, and left the room, the candles extinguishing at the swish of her cloak. Dove roused herself from her thoughts and lifted her hood before heading to the main room anxiously (she only heeded the call because it was entirely possible that her dark side had stricken her friends and forbidden her to remember), and Beast Boy looked up from the animal encyclopedia and tossed it onto the floor and left. Cyborg grinned at his reflection in the newly-polished T-car for just a moment more and Starfire hurriedly put the zorkaberry pie in the fridge.

Dove was the last one to enter, and Raven watched her out of the corner of her eyes as she joined the others at the computer. Her cloak was white - but not with the shining silvery light it held before. Now it was empty, colorless - her hood shadowed her lowered face and she held the cloak so closely, only her ankles and her feet showed any sign of the Dove she had once known.

Robin began the moment she arrived. "Team, we have a mystery on our hands."

The power behind Dove's eye-sparks crackled with relief as she listened eagerly, her robe an intellectual yellow met with a hopeful flush of rose – she was more than willing to help out if there was no physical violence involved. She would give anything to distract her mind… and she would do anything to give the world one last good thing before she became completely evil.

The leader's voice rang out, with his eyes intent and determination in his voice, "It happened too quickly and too quietly for the police to respond. It's gotten out of hand, the incidents are numbered, and no one can tell if they're all linked, or if it's even one person doing this or a group," he broke off as he typed, "and be warned – it's not pretty."

He pulled up the first picture. A crime scene, an alley, a body - obviously lifeless, with his neck snapped at an unnatural angle and his expression locked in glassy-eyed, endless terror.

The Titans all gasped; "X'hal!"

"Whoa…"

Raven asked, "Murder?"

Only Dove was silent. Her eyes widened greatly and the enthusiasm fled the moment she registered the image – she was horrified to realize she _recognized_ that face.

…the experiment… the _dream_… No, she forced herself to remember that the dream was-was… it had been REAL…

"Nothing was stolen. Nothing but innocent lives." Robin loaded the second picture. It was another corpse, with a wild and chaotic array of small lesions everywhere on the skin and splintered wood and shattered glass strewn around the body, the exsiccated red stain of blood spread across the concrete…

_Oh, Azar… _Dove was already feeling sick with nerves

And Raven could sense her mental discomfort… She glanced her way, her expression mainly concerned… but also with growing suspicion.

Robin pulled up the third – this one showed a hospital bed instead of the crime scene. The amount of medical tape on her body could have wallpapered the entire Titans Tower.

"A survivor?"

Robin nodded. "Someone called an ambulance, but left before the medics could arrive…"

"Isn't that just a little weird?" Beast Boy asked. "Why would someone call an AMBULANCE, and then just leave?"

"That's what we're here to find out."

Cyborg asked if the police had gotten to the scenes yet, and Robin replied, "The culprit left no trace whatsoever." Of course, the confidence in his voice hinted that he would prove the police statements wrong.

Dove only felt worse and worse and infinitely worse as the team spoke – she felt her stomach churn unmercifully as she remembered what it had been like to feel their deaths, regardless of her attempts to swallow the feeling and leave it all behind. And Robin's word choice didn't help any.

The fourth image was pulled up – the children… dead, desensitized, and driven mad before they were brutally murdered. So much blood smeared the little girl's face that it would be impossible to tell where its sources actually were. If it wasn't for the gaping black and gore-spattered sockets left empty and unseeing.

Even Robin had little to say here - their horror left them speechless, infuriated, driven, disbelieving - how could anyone do that to an innocent _child…?_

"Everyone within a three-block radius was found unconscious but unharmed."

Dove gulped and leaned over, resting her hands on the table and keeping her eyes closed, trying to breathe away the nausea… Memories flooded her mind; she kept thinking back to the sensations, she couldn't hold them back, how she had wallowed in the pain, stricken them comatose, the fear she had sensed and delighted in, the moments of death she found so energizing – all remembered feelings that only weakened her now… _No, no, no, don't… _She tried telling herself not to let herself be so weak, she knew that Raven would know that pictures alone couldn't make her so sick, what if the others knew as well and they could guess that the problem was deeper than squeamishness? She had to get out, had to leave before they had the chance – No, then they'd know for sure that something was wrong – they were already suspicious of her, and if she ran out then they'd know for sure… They would ask, and she couldn't lie, they would know, and her dark side would strike… No, _no, NO,_ she couldn't stay here but she couldn't leave, what could she _do‽_

Dove felt a droplet of sweat trickle down her face as he clicked to show the final picture, and she blinked, frozen, looked up - and gasped sharply.

The face was a contorted scream, flesh and blood caked under the fingernails; vicious marks, small and severely deep cuts coexisted on the body, and the body lay mangled in the center of a deep-red pool, blackened concrete parting the blood to reveal symbols, shapes - the script was sharp, severe, and sinister.

Raven's eyes widened immediately. Robin, Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy all glanced at her uncertainly; that style of writing was burned into their memories, and they remembered it from the books they had borrowed right before The End of the World.

Starfire asked, "Raven…?"

"What does it say?"

Raven's eyes narrowed, displaying near disbelief as she translated the morbid canvas. "You cannot stop me."

Dove choked back gasp of pain at those three portent words – she remembered all too vividly exactly how that had happened… _I didn't do that, __**it wasn't me! **_She tried convincing herself frantically as the memories came flooding back – _He was taking over, I didn't do it - ! _The images flared in her mind too vividly, no matter how hard she tried to stop it she was trapped in the pains as if they were happening all over again –

It was too much. Dove felt her stomach heave, and she ran to the sink before being sick. She whimpered, closed her eyes tightly - and then she was overtaken by a fit of silent sobs. She couldn't hold that back, either. Frenzied shocks of invisible power flickered wildly around the room, maddened by her emotion and crazed with his delirious, evil triumph.

It knew she couldn't hold out for long.

"Hey - "

"What -?"

The others turned to her, startled by her sudden movement and the redhot sensations burning through the room, like lightning on fire.

And Raven watched her intently, suspicion burning in her eyes. "Dove," she called, her tone strict and commanding.

Dove moaned, and she began shakily rinsing her mouth, catching her breath, completely unable to keep the tears from streaming down her face. "It was me…" she whispered under her breath. Then, louder, tearfully, she raised her voice so the team could hear. "It's not a mystery, it was all _me."_ Her mind was still desperately denying it, but she couldn't keep them from the truth any longer. The secret was out.

"Wait, _what?"_

"I don't believe it."

"How -?"

For a moment, Raven couldn't believe what she had heard. She didn't _want _to believe it. But distantly sifting her memories, of Dove's fear, constantly distracted, absolute _terror, _she felt her suspicions fall into place. And that dark and horrible thing she had sensed… So _this_ was why Dove had been acting so suspicious lately, so secretive… She had become a murderer.

No wonder she had trouble focusing on her lessons.

Too many pieces of the puzzle had fallen into place for Raven, and the need to understand _why _only pressed her harder than ever. The others, however, were utterly confused.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Cyborg said, shaking his head and then staring at Dove with an expression of total bemusement. "You're saying, you, Dove, the one who _cries _when you see fighting – "

"And is unable to be around arguing without great discomfort," Starfire added.

Beast Boy finished, "…did all _that?" _

"Aren't you a pacifist?" Robin asked, and Raven told him, "She is, and _killing _would be the worst form of violence she could inflict on _anyone._"

Raven's words pierced her like a flaming sword, her tone twisted it in the wound, and Dove choked on a sob before wheeling to face the others, her eyes pleading, desperate - devastated. "I _know! _That's why I _hate _myself right now!" Her voice was loud, choked, high and tense with the tears still cascading down her face. "I've hurt, and tortured, and killed all those innocent – I took away their _lives…_" That thought cut off her voice, and she sobbed again as she covered her mouth with her hand, her head bowed and her eyes locked closed.

"Why would you _do _that?" Robin asked, trying to make sense of it as he realized that this had to have been going on for awhile now; he remembered her bolting through the halls, her expression absolutely terrified…

"I didn't know what I was doing!" Dove cried helplessly. "I-I lost control - the _evil -_ !" And her voice gave way to violent, body-racking sobs.

"Why didn't you _tell _me?" Raven demanded, her frustration obvious.

"I-I didn't - I was too-too afraid – "

"Of _what?_ If you had told me what was going on, none of this would have happened."

Dove couldn't do anything but sob helplessly, huddling into herself and placing her other hand over the first. The deal – She couldn't have told her – but she felt absolutely _horrible _for lying to Raven, she had since the lies began, and Raven's tone right now – she was so upset with her… She thought she had nothing to lose by telling them, but now everything she feared was crashing down around her.

Raven's eyes were narrow as she spoke, her words still slicing right to the heart of Dove's guilt. "We could have stopped it. I could have _helped _you. You obviously can't help _yourself._"

"I'm _sorry!" _Dove cried, her eyes tightening as she buried her hands in her hair. "I'm so, so sorry – I-I _wanted _to tell you, but – but – it just seemed – Every time I thought about talking to you, I just grew so _afraid,_ and something inside me screamed NO…" She shook her head, letting out a sob before she spoke again. "He wouldn't _let _me. I didn't think it would be this _bad! _I really thought I could gain control, Raven!"

The other Titans sans Robin stepped back discreetly at her tone – the two were really getting tense, and none of them wanted to be the one to interrupt.

"Why did you lie to us? You said you were going to be fine."

Raven's voice was a blade of ice, tearing Dove apart with every word, and her expression matched in arctic disappointment.

"We're your friends, Dove. Don't you trust us?"

"I'm _sorry!" _Her voice was drowned in her sobs.

"How did you not know you were -?"

"It came and went… I really thought everything was - !"

"Obviously you were wrong."

Black shocks of energy began flickering into existence, wrapping themselves around Dove's body and forcing the air to become something palpable, cold and alive. Electric tension poured into every bit of Dove's body, Raven's frigid tone turned it to ice, so horrible, so piercing, she _hated_ the feeling - ! She was so helpless, and frustration added itself to the emotions - began mounting, why wouldn't Raven _listen, _she knew what she did was wrong and now they knew, it wasn't her choice, why was Raven suddenly so _angry _at her - ‽

A bolt of energy tore through the air, knocking the faucet from the sink and leaving Dove with a searing fear as she realized how terrifyingly wild her emotions had grown, _all _of them - !

She was completely oblivious to the water jetting into the air where her energy had stricken – too terrified that she told them the truth, broke the deal - now she knew why the evil waited to take her over, because she couldn't keep the secret forever. And now her terms were nullified -

_"NO!"_

Dove let out a cry as she realized exactly what was rising in her mind, and she did the only thing she knew how. She fled.

* * *

As long as she stood there, her friends and the last member of her family were in immediate danger. She took refuge in - gave the world refuge from her with - the mirror. She knew it was chaos, shattered, _evil _- but at least here she couldn't hurt anyone but herself.

And that was when she felt it.

_**DAUGHTER!**_

She was summoned. Her soul's reaper was calling. And she couldn't resist if she had the strength. Its voice was a command, a pull, its source an inavoidable instinct…

The black lightning fizzled out to smallest streaks of chill power as she heeded the evil clarion call.

Transporting.

The world corkscrewed around her in a sickening rush of brokenness before, tottering, she was released in the heart of her soul.

Slowly her half-lidded vision cleared, slowly, slowly, slowly, mind-numbingly slow… Everything in the mindscape was wilted, lifeless - resigned.

Everything but the evil.

The evil influence within her had taken the visage of Trigon - and when it spoke, it was in his voice. Her own, even her own evil shadow, had become less than an echo.

"It is time."

Dove bowed her head; she couldn't look into those sadistic, merciless eyes… didn't want to see the smile as the essence of evil gathered fourfold and struck out.

_But oh Azar, she FELT it!_

She braced herself - there had been searing heat and murderous pain whenever he took her before - but nothing could have prepared her for the insidious agony of total transformation.

And she now knew why the demon needed her to be strong. If she were frail now, the pain alone would have killed her!

This time Trigon didn't just strike her – he struck her, forced away her protective layers, sliced her open, and joined himself at the rift in her astral being, melting into her physical body with the heat of stone-liquefying magma and burning her mercilessly as the total transformation took over, a maelstrom of power tearing through her, twisting her, using her, manipulating her, raping her soul and tearing her body apart – pain so deep, being alive felt WRONG, like a molestation of reality – unraveling the fabric of her existence thread by thread and staining her body and soul with his blood.

And then the wave of physical pain crashed.

She screamed wretchedly the whole time, a wail voicing her absolute agony as pain and corruption became everything she knew – Compared to this, the tormenting death sensations were blissful, resplendent paradise.

It all started as an abysmal ache in her chest where the energies entered – it spread through her veins and they itched maddeningly, as if Dove was able to endure any more insanity as they lengthened and the biochemicals shifted to carry the power in the demon's ichorant blood – electric fire burned under her skin as that power stampeded through her body, faster and harder with every heartbeat – It seeped across her neck and her screams became strangled gasps. Healing facets become weapons of destruction – it streaked down her arms, and fingers with a touch once so timid and gentle grew nails that could cut through steel; it raced up her neck and her mouth becomes an arsenal of serrated blades. Power pooled above her eyes, burning through her skull, her flesh, until she felt the energies bursting through to form the demon's fourfold scarlet eyes. Even her innocent human skin was stretching, hardening to malleable armor in this hypersped mockery of evolution.

She bled all through the torture but it healed quickly as the magickal and demonic energies entwined within her – still it scarred her with deep lashes of smooth, whitened flesh… On her chest, four strange wavering marks erupted where he struck her and split her skin – and it burned into her back as a line of scarflesh charging down from between her shoulder blades to just a few inches above her tailbone. A total split, separating everything she was from everything the demon brought her to be.

And it was marring her unscarred body – she had always been careful and gentle in the past, protected by a thick web of her mother's spells and her own supernatural instincts – though she only despised it now, she had always denied it, that her demonic heritage gave rise to acute senses, sight, sound, smell, reflexes even the best-trained human couldn't match when the demon's acrid equivalent of adrenaline shot through her veins. To deny her heritage further she had always locked that gate closed with an iron chain, cutting the flow of power and instinct from herself whenever possible – but in moments of exhilaration and fear it would leak into her mind and supply her with the extradimensional strengths that kept scars from her flesh. Even before her mind began its collapse, especially after hitting puberty and her powers began to mature far too quickly for her to keep reign of, those moments of both excitement and panic had marked her mind.

Now that power rammed the gate open – empathy flared to a blazing furnace within her – sight sharpened so she could see the currents of astral energy around her – she could smell the oxygen, the carbon, the nitrogen in the air, and she could taste how faint those shadows were of reality. She heard the fire burning on the stars, felt the blood streaming through her – experience sharpened to a level that would drive any human straight over the edge of insanity – and she reveled in her power.

But hatred also welled within her, from that part of her that was still good and still disgusted by her choice; it didn't last long, but she felt the heat, the blaze of raging fury seething into whatever was left of her soul.

Her dark side smiled in Trigon's image – then fostered that hatred and fanned the flame, until even what used to be fear was poisoned by the evil energy and was wrung to absolute fury. The ferocity of emotion opened the gate to her powers, laying the causeway for her father's influence to rise above her own being.

Entirely.

…or, almost.

After Dove's conception, Alerina fled to Azarath to escape Trigon's reach. He followed. But her mother Magena intercepted him. Damn the woman, Dove's grandmother had protected some remnant spark of humanity too strongly with her foolish "noble sacrifice", with her _life. _The evil rammed at the wall with all its force - but even its pure hellspawn abilities couldn't shatter the barrier of humanity Alerina had so carefully protected with a lifetime of spell and affection. Dove had never been trained in breaking spells, cutting the flow of Azar's power wasn't in her arsenal. Yet. And she couldn't free herself completely of her human bounds.

No matter.

Dove's resistance was neutralized – Dove was no longer Dove. And totally consumed by the essence of her own inner evil, Dove was utterly and irrevocably lost.


End file.
